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The most stupid thing you heard in school?

1246789

Comments

  • #152
    Rosedale6
    Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭Rosedale6


    Have safe sex use condoms.


  • #153
    naasface
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭naasface


    in a first year science class
    teacher: "all living things are organisms"
    student: "but miss what is an orgasm?"

    thing is nobody laughed because nobody knew!
    Fair play to the teacher for keeping a straight face. I'd say the staff room had a great laugh bout that one.

    music
    "Laura take off those chandeliers we're not at a cocktail party"
    after a school trip 2 National concert hall in town at bout 11
    "Do you wanna go for a drink?.......of tea?"

    Student: "Miss you've been picking on me like all day"
    Teacher "ooh somebody's a bit touchy,*does impression of student* 'oh my god like i'm so upset like wow'.......Get out of my class."

    male teacher (in his 70's)- "Back in my day to get a girl back to your car you'd ask her did she want a look of your big stick"

    loads more but ive the memory of goldfish.


  • #154
    towel401
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,917 ✭✭✭towel401


    Pride Fighter wrote: »
    One of my teachers asked a bloke in my class what language they speak in Holland. The answer he got in return was Hollish.

    I remember this chick who thought a polder was a person who climbs poles


  • #155
    Bobalicious93
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,552 ✭✭✭Bobalicious93


    Had a free class a couple of weeks ago and everybody was talking so the teacher that was covering got pissed off.
    She told us all to do an essay on our favourite movie or something. the guy sitting in front of me (absolute idiot) turns around to me and asks "whats the word for when you cant read or write?"

    He was trying to say Dyslexia but I wouldn't let him off that easy, so I said "Nymphomania", not thinking he would be so stupid to think I was serious.......

    WRONG!!! He shouts to the teacher "Miss, I can't do the essay 'cause I'm a nymphomaniac" :D The only thing that annoyed me was nobody else got it. :(


  • #156
    Local-womanizer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    Guy in my science class argueing with the teacher,adament that men had overies!

    Irish teacher telling us not to pee in the artic as the pee will freeze all the way inside you and you'll have to dip your bits into boiling water to fix it......

    Discussion about vegans,teacher asked what shoes do vegans wear,lad shouted up pure serious "Wellies"


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  • #157
    board om
    Closed Accounts Posts: 643 ✭✭✭board om


    one of the funniest things i remember was some guy from my class eagerly telling us about this amazing development scientists had made. apparently they had managed to get Dinosaur DNA from some Mosquito they had found preserved in ice. and from this Dinosaur DNA they had managed to recreate real live dinosaurs. he was very excited about this and he went to great lengths to try and convince us, but it just didnt seem quite right.

    a few months later Jurassic Park was released in the cinemas.............


  • #158
    Stones85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Stones85


    punchestown wrote: »
    Garda College, Templemore.

    Chief comes in to lecture theatre to welcome new recruits. 'Have we any Dubs with us?' etc repeated for each major county in Ireland and a couple of backwater towns that the chief knew well. Then he asks 'Have we any friends from the north with us?' Cue one hand being raised. 'And what part of the six counties are you from?' he asks the girl with the hand raised sitting not two rows away from him. 'Donegal' she replies!:eek:


    You can't get any further north than Donegal dummy. The girl obviously thought as anyone from Donegal would that he was talking about the north of the island/country.

    All this post shows is your and your other classmates stupidity, no wonder you became a garda.


  • #159
    AlmightyCushion
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,100 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Stones85 wrote: »
    You can't get any further north than Donegal dummy. The girl obviously thought as anyone from Donegal would that he was talking about the north of the island/country.

    All this post shows is your and your other classmates stupidity, no wonder you became a garda.
    Watch it.


  • #160
    HouseHippo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,332 ✭✭✭HouseHippo


    Someone once told me to put anti-semetic on my leg....


  • #161
    javaboy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,094 ✭✭✭✭javaboy


    HouseHippo wrote: »
    Someone once told me to put anti-semetic on my leg....

    My accountancy teacher gave us gold stars when we did well. :confused:


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  • #162
    HouseHippo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,332 ✭✭✭HouseHippo


    javaboy wrote: »
    My accountancy teacher gave us gold stars when we did well. :confused:
    Lmao


  • #163
    HouseHippo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,332 ✭✭✭HouseHippo


    AFC_1903 wrote: »
    Drugs are bad - if you smoke cannabis you'll never make anything of yourself!

    :eek:
    Damn It I smoke loads of cannabis and I..........

    Oh yeah,nevermind


  • #164
    HouseHippo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,332 ✭✭✭HouseHippo


    kateos2 wrote: »
    in religion one day this year

    "like i'm not racist, i like black people"
    O.k This is the icing on the cake og ignorance.....We are playing football out in the field during P.E.There is a big garbage pile near us full of flies.One flies on the the African girl in our class.
    One girl from the team says....ah we will be ok all the flys will go over to her ya know the way black people attract them like you see in those ads and all.......with the starvin babies and all....Someone neglected to tell her it's over 25 Degrees out there and they are too weak to wipe the files off their faces cause they are starving to death!!


  • #165
    HouseHippo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,332 ✭✭✭HouseHippo


    Oh and.....

    You are bisexual.....does that mean you have sex with the girls aswell as kiss them eww....

    No I sit down and eat fcuking cake with them!!!! Duuh!


  • #166
    schween
    Registered Users Posts: 444 ✭✭schween


    Being told for 2 years that I was going to fail LC maths because I didn't understand it and then being told not to bother applying for college. Muwha haha They were so wrong.


  • #167
    McSeamus ORiley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 33 ✭McSeamus ORiley


    Don't touch the daddy-longlegs, they'll sting your hand and it'll swell up to the size of a football. :pac:


  • #168
    nobodythere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,349 ✭✭✭nobodythere


    It's amazing the amount of people who have been told by teachers they'll never amount to anything...


  • #169
    kraggy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,414 ✭✭✭kraggy


    metaoblivia wrote: »
    A girl in my marine biology class when looking at a map of the world: Oh my God! All the oceans of the world are connected!

    Same girl, same class. We were taking a true or false test and numer 19 was a freeie - it said, "The answer to this question is false."
    Girl: I don't understand number 19
    Teacher (incredulous): Um... why?
    Girl: I don't know if it's true or false.
    Teacher: What does the question say?
    Girl: Well, it says the answer is false, but if it's true that it's false, shouldn't we put true?

    Still not sure if that was stupid or Shakespearian.

    That's brilliant. And so is she for looking at it that way.

    The best I heard at school was my highly strung French teacher get flustered one day and ask my classmate:

    "What's your name Kevin?"


  • #170
    inpornitrust
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21 ✭inpornitrust


    RichTea wrote: »
    There were tonnes of them. Most of them in car crashes I seem to remember.


    Daftest one was Johnny Knoxville dying after jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

    Steve-O from Jackass was meant to have died as well.

    What was the story with all of these rumours?

    we can only hope


  • #171
    watna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,367 ✭✭✭✭watna


    The funniest thing I remember about school involved my junior cert French teacher. Any ladies of a particular age might remember the game dream phone. The picture of the phone is below. You used a giant pink plastic phone and you "rang" boys on a list and they told you a clue to find out who liked you. It was hilarous!

    DreamPhone1991.jpg


    Anyway, I did a clear out of my room and found the game in my wardrobe so brought it to school as I was staying in my friends house that night and we were going to play it for old times sake. She took the giant pink phone out in French class and pretended to ring people on it for the laugh.

    She got a detention from the teacher for using her mobile in class! He thought it was real :)

    EDIT: Wtf, why are the image tags not working? Grrrrr!


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  • #172
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85,137 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    shenanigans1982 wrote: »
    Always remember one guy in my class being convinced that you had to urinate inside a girl to get her pregnant.


    One of my friends was a bit warped because he could get scrambled porn on the tv in his bedroom, and was convinced a woman gets pregnant from drinking pee.


  • #173
    Sam Vimes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,611 ✭✭✭✭Sam Vimes


    HouseHippo wrote: »
    Oh and.....

    You are bisexual.....does that mean you have sex with the girls aswell as kiss them eww....

    No I sit down and eat fcuking cake with them!!!! Duuh!

    mmmm, fcuking cake. the best kind of cake
    watna wrote: »

    EDIT: Wtf, why are the image tags not working? Grrrrr!

    they don't work in AH. can you imagine what would happen if they did :eek:


  • #174
    Riddle101
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,441 ✭✭✭Riddle101


    McSeamus ORiley wrote: »
    Don't touch the daddy-longlegs, they'll sting your hand and it'll swell up to the size of a football. :pac:

    TBH that would happen if they had teeth, daddy-longlegs have the most deadly venom in the world but can't administer it due to having no teeth. Quoted from Ricky Gervais


  • #175
    sillysasauge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 166 ✭✭sillysasauge


    Another guy, I'm definitely hetrosexual
    Me to everyone, ewww he just said his hetrosexual, the big gay lord


  • #176
    TPD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,814 ✭✭✭TPD


    Riddle101 wrote: »
    TBH that would happen if they had teeth, daddy-longlegs have the most deadly venom in the world but can't administer it due to having no teeth. Quoted from Ricky Gervais

    Nope, they have fangs which can pierce human skin, but they have f-all venom so do pretty much nothing to you.

    Ricky lied to us all!


  • #177
    sillysasauge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 166 ✭✭sillysasauge


    TPD wrote: »
    Nope, they have fangs which can pierce human skin, but they have f-all venom so do pretty much nothing to you.

    Ricky lied to us all!

    ROFL TO THE EXTREME!!!!


  • #178
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    Nolanger wrote: »
    Most teachers are conservative idiots incapable of questioning the world around them.
    Those who can do - those who can't ...

    Most teachers are like most other people, except they are constrained by the curiculum and by the ethos of the school in which they teach. They aren't supposed to give too personal an opinion or follow personal agenda's.

    For example, an atheist teaching in a Catholic school would be very brave to mention his/her lack of belief. It would be equally unpopular, I would imagine, to promote Evolution as opposed to Creationism in a Muslim school.


  • #179
    sillysasauge
    Closed Accounts Posts: 166 ✭✭sillysasauge


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    Most teachers are like most other people, except they are constrained by the curiculum and by the ethos of the school in which they teach. They aren't supposed to give too personal an opinion or follow personal agenda's.

    For example, an atheist teaching in a Catholic school would be very brave to mention his/her lack of belief. It would be equally unpopular, I would imagine, to promote Evolution as opposed to Creationism in a Muslim school.

    Fair point to be honest, I enjoy your work :)


  • #180
    Terry
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    sillysasauge wrote: »
    Fair point to be honest, I enjoy your work :)
    I think you'll have more fun here.


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  • #181
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    metaoblivia wrote: »
    A girl in my marine biology class when looking at a map of the world: Oh my God! All the oceans of the world are connected!

    Same girl, same class. We were taking a true or false test and numer 19 was a freeie - it said, "The answer to this question is false."
    Girl: I don't understand number 19
    Teacher (incredulous): Um... why?
    Girl: I don't know if it's true or false.
    Teacher: What does the question say?
    Girl: Well, it says the answer is false, but if it's true that it's false, shouldn't we put true?

    Still not sure if that was stupid or Shakespearian.

    eh...but that girl is right!

    "The answer to this question is false".

    If that statement is false than your answer is true.

    If that statement is true then your answer is true.

    As to the guard who said the girl was stupid for answering donegal when she was asked 'Where in the north are you from', it is the guard that is quite stupid there.

    If i was from donegal and some-one said to me 'is there anyone from the north here' i would put my hand up. I hate when people pick at the idea of 'the north and northern ireland'. ~donegal is in the north.

    yes she's not from the six counties, but where is she gonna say she's from: the south of Ireland? Wise up


  • #182
    komodosp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,657 ✭✭✭komodosp


    I remember walking to primary school I picked the head off a certain plant... A girl from an older class told me I was going to die as that was the devil's plant!
    I know kids are naive but I still wonder how she came about that little nugget...

    In the Irish Oral (one of the lads telling us about his own stupidity!)
    "Cad is ainm duit?"
    "Seacht bliana déag d'aois!"

    And I hate to say it (a little off topic as not really school) but a grown adult told me that an earwig digs into your ear, burrows through your brain and comes out the other ear... Why isn't Mary Harney doing something about earwig-related deaths?


  • #183
    p1akuw47h5r3it
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,001 ✭✭✭p1akuw47h5r3it


    javaboy wrote: »
    "I don't care how soon the Leaving Cert is. Religion is just as important a subject as Accounting. Now put away those books and pay attention."

    That's the dumbest thing I can remember at the moment.

    I've a religon teacher jus like thats and it's real pissing off.

    Every1 wants do there own work but she doesn't let us so the class just decends into chaos as we jus argue with her or throw paper aeroplanes around etc.


  • #184
    p1akuw47h5r3it
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,001 ✭✭✭p1akuw47h5r3it


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    That X is equal to minus b plus or minus the square root of of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a.
    That crap is about as useful as a hot ass on a cheeseburger.


    Ah yeah the -B formula... waste...of...time


  • #185
    eve
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 427 ✭✭eve


    Not heard in school but the person was a primary school teacher and was being asked the question by their own kid

    Son: What time is it in America?
    Mother: (thinks for a second) Well, they are the other side of the world from us so there has to be a 12 hour difference. And they are America so they have to be ahead of us.

    This woman's lack of general knowledge was actually quite scary. Another time she said to me:
    'I've heard that you should only have one drink an hour. But sometimes I'm so thirsty I have to have 2 glasses of water only a few minutes apart. Is that really bad?'


  • #186
    boring_job_guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 89 ✭✭boring_job_guy


    <3BeingIN6th wrote: »
    I think you'll have more fun here.

    I don't think he will. TCN doesn't add to your post count. And it's also mostly games and the like. There's no real discussion in that forum. If you want to discuss things in a joking manner, here is the only place to do it.


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  • #187
    p1akuw47h5r3it
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,001 ✭✭✭p1akuw47h5r3it


    Varkov wrote: »
    Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


    >"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

    >"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

    >"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

    >"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

    >"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

    >"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

    >On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

    >"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

    >on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

    >"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

    >"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

    >Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

    >"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

    >"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

    >"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

    >to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

    >"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

    >"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

    >"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

    >"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

    >"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

    >on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

    >"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

    >from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

    >"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"


    That's the funniest thing I've ever read on boards


  • #188
    echter
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭echter


    strongr wrote: »
    1 of the lads strolls in about 15 mins late one day after lunch.

    Teacher says where have you been?

    aww miss ****ing dragon on pearse road couldn't get passed him.

    Teacher : sit down you dope.

    2 mins another guy strolls in

    again teacher where have you been?

    ****in dragon on pearse road

    she just shakes her head and tells in to sit down.

    From that day everyone used that anytime they were late for her class she left a few months later when she had an inspector in (think she was still doing the dip) one of the lads go up to her and says today miss is the day we ruin your career and for the whole class everyone kept shouting out stuff and every time she went to the board everyone changed seats, inspector just sitting there looking shocked.


    That's just mean


  • #189
    Donny5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,827 ✭✭✭Donny5


    echter wrote: »
    That's just mean

    Honestly, sounds like she was better off leaving that profession. I'd say awful teachers staying in their job far too long is a big problem, or, at least, I noticed it during my education.

    edit: Not to stray off-topic, I was told that deagóir was a direct translation of teenager, so an eleven-year-old is not a deagóir, even though he's aon mbliana déag d'aois.


  • #190
    blahblahblah.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 67 ✭✭blahblahblah.


    English teacher, talking about macbeth

    "its a bit like ghandi v hitler"


  • #191
    Zadkiel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 687 ✭✭✭Zadkiel


    15 in Secondary school one of the lads asked the Religion Teacher if he would die if a girl blew into his cock while giving him a bj.
    Religion teacher told him to try it.
    He'd get lucky one way and everyone else would get lucky the other!


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  • #192
    DazMarz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    Our science teacher for the Junior Cert was an absolute legend. An utter headcase (the mad scientist bit was going strong) but a legend all the same. He was usually frighteningly graphic in his description of things The subject was human reproduction:

    Teacher: And some men would like to know what childbirth feels like... The fools, I'd say it is akin to being circumcised with a chainsaw.

    Cue lots of pained noises and pained expressions and leg-crossing from all the lads in the class.....

    Another time, in the same science class, we had a test on the circulatory system. About 2 people out of 20 or so passed. He began reading out some of the answers he had gotten.

    Teacher: Apparently one of you geniuses thinks that blood is pumped by the bladder....

    This teacher also had a habit of striking his desk very hard with a meter stick if he felt we were falling asleep. This backfired dramatically one day when the thing snapped in two bits and nearly hit him. I was, unfortunately, sitting right at the front. Couldn't help myself but start giggling uncontrollably. Got thrown out of the class for that one.


  • #193
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    We were learning about atoms and the like in first or second year of secondary school. The teacher explained that atoms couldn't be broken down into anything smaller, and one chap shouted out, "What if you use scissors?"


  • #194
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    In history class in Leaving Cert we were doing about the moon-landing and there was a diagram of the rocket thingie in the book. One of my friends noticed that most of the rocket was taken up with the fuel storage space and the space where the astronauts lived was very small in comparison. So he asked the teacher why they got such a small living space, she looked at the picture in the book thoughtfully for a second and replied "Well, I suppose it'd be a lot bigger in real life" :eek:


  • #195
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    strongr wrote: »
    1 of the lads strolls in about 15 mins late one day after lunch.

    Teacher says where have you been?

    aww miss ****ing dragon on pearse road couldn't get passed him.

    Teacher : sit down you dope.

    2 mins another guy strolls in

    again teacher where have you been?

    ****in dragon on pearse road

    she just shakes her head and tells in to sit down.

    From that day everyone used that anytime they were late for her class she left a few months later when she had an inspector in (think she was still doing the dip) one of the lads go up to her and says today miss is the day we ruin your career and for the whole class everyone kept shouting out stuff and every time she went to the board everyone changed seats, inspector just sitting there looking shocked.

    While I'm sure this was great craic for 'the lads', they might well have ruined that teacher's career (or made it very difficult for her to get another job.) She probably spend a lot of time and effort trying to get that teaching job. Just because they were jumped-up little d1ckheads by the sounds of things it doesn't necessarily mean she was a bad teacher.

    That's one of the things that annoyed me about school: idiots trying to make themselves look like Big Men at the expense of the teacher's nerves and everyone else's education.


  • #196
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    metaoblivia wrote: »
    A girl in my marine biology class when looking at a map of the world: Oh my God! All the oceans of the world are connected!

    Same girl, same class. We were taking a true or false test and numer 19 was a freeie - it said, "The answer to this question is false."
    Girl: I don't understand number 19
    Teacher (incredulous): Um... why?
    Girl: I don't know if it's true or false.
    Teacher: What does the question say?
    Girl: Well, it says the answer is false, but if it's true that it's false, shouldn't we put true?

    Still not sure if that was stupid or Shakespearian.
    she did have a pint in all fairness. Then again though it was a question . Which means any answer could suffice. Lol


  • #197
    yurmothrintites
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 705 ✭✭✭yurmothrintites


    I was told Santa's not real. Stupid or what?!


  • #198
    Busi_Girl08
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,097 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    Teacher-"I told you to put away that phone!! That's it...I'm calling the police."


  • #199
    RossFixxxed
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭RossFixxxed


    2 younger kids in the playground having a big scrap, punching the beejaysus out of each other, one puts his hands out and shouts HADOUKEN!! And then looked shocked when nothing happened.

    Needless to say he was crying for his mammy 2 minutes later!


  • #200
    consultech
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,956 ✭✭✭consultech


    ... the Irish language.


  • #201
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    You shouldnt watch the life of brian


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