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secret wedding/marriage

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  • 21-12-2014 9:38pm
    #1
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭


    Myself and my partner are together 11 yrs . Living together 8 yrs and have 2 kids.
    basically we do not like the attention organisation or anything really to do with a wedding but on the other hand we want our relationship legalised.
    He is not a legal gaurdian to our kids. We are not each others next of kin .
    So we have decided to get married in a registry office and tell no one. Our parents are constanlty annoying us about it too.
    we have told my sister and niece and they are going to be our witnesses .
    has anyone done this before.
    also what do we wear. Might sound like a stupid question but it hadnt really crossed my mind yet.


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    #2
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    You wear what you like.

    Full wedding garb (wedding dress, wedding suit) if you wish.
    Smart suit and dress if you prefer.
    Jeans and tshirt.

    Whatever you want! Enjoy the day.


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    #3
    braddun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,221 ✭✭✭braddun


    a suit and formal dress,its over in about 10 minutes,then go to some hotel for a meal

    bring cameras to take photos,or you will regret it for years to come


    bring immediate family


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    #4
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    If you want to go for a meal afterwards then go for meal. If you want to go straight home go straight home.

    Or a drink might be nice.

    But do get some photos :)


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    #5
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    braddun wrote: »
    a suit and formal dress,its over in about 10 minutes,then go to some hotel for a meal

    bring cameras to take photos,or you will regret it for years to come


    bring immediate family

    See we dont want to bring family. Both sets of parents will try organise everything a meal/party and a major fuss.
    we dont want that nor can we afford it.
    We just want to be married but not have a wedding if that makes sense. We really dont like the fuss or attention. We plan on bringing both sets of parents out for a meal a few weeks after and telling them then .


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    #6
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    We were kind of thinking suit and an evening dress.
    Hadnt really decided on a meal but we were kind of thinking of organising a lil family photoshoot on the day. So just us and our kids.

    Then a few weeks later ask both sets of parents for dinner and tell them all together.


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    #7
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,648 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Suucee wrote: »
    we dont want that nor can we afford it.
    We just want to be married but not have a wedding if that makes sense. We really dont like the fuss or attention. We plan on bringing both sets of parents out for a meal a few weeks after and telling them then .

    Sounds great!


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    #8
    Millem
    Registered Users Posts: 7,729 ✭✭✭Millem


    Suucee wrote: »
    Myself and my partner are together 11 yrs . Living together 8 yrs and have 2 kids.
    basically we do not like the attention organisation or anything really to do with a wedding but on the other hand we want our relationship legalised.
    He is not a legal gaurdian to our kids. We are not each others next of kin .
    So we have decided to get married in a registry office and tell no one. Our parents are constanlty annoying us about it too.
    we have told my sister and niece and they are going to be our witnesses .
    has anyone done this before.
    also what do we wear. Might sound like a stupid question but it hadnt really crossed my mind yet.

    Suucee this sounds like my dream wedding ;) best of luck. If I was doing it I would wear something like the Reiss dress kate Middleton wore for engagement pics article-1355144-0D091975000005DC-139_468x616.jpg


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    #9
    lovelystuff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 364 ✭✭lovelystuff


    I think this sounds lovely, I'd say buy a beautiful dress, and get makeup done at one of the counters in boots or somewhere,and go for a meal somewhere special to you as a couple. Have a brilliant day!


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    #10
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    I love a good secret wedding! Is your niece over 18? She needs to be 18 to be your witness.

    Wishing you all the best of luck x


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    #11
    braddun
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,221 ✭✭✭braddun


    both parents will be disappointed ,if you cant afford to go out

    get friends to cook at home,


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    #12
    Gatica
    Registered Users Posts: 3,299 ✭✭✭Gatica


    You don't need parents there if you don't want them there. It's a celebration and cementing of your relationship, not theirs. It's nice to involve parents if you can or want, but certainly not necessary. Some parents may get very offended, so it's up to you and only you know your exact situation. If you just want to be married, then do that and whatever makes it special to your and your OH, whether weekend away, dinner out or just a drink out right after.


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    #13
    seventeen sheep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 776 ✭✭✭seventeen sheep


    This is exactly what I'd want to do if we got married!

    For the ceremony itself, we'd probably wear jeans. No photos. Sign the legal stuff.

    Bit of a party few weeks later with close family and friends. Maybe a bbq. Tell them we're married now. No fuss, no presents, no stress.


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    #14
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    January wrote: »
    I love a good secret wedding! Is your niece over 18? She needs to be 18 to be your witness.

    Wishing you all the best of luck x

    Yep she is.


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    #15
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    We dont want to tell the parents as they would make a huge fuss .
    we dont want that at all .
    We just want our relationship legalised. To be each others next of kin, for him to have proper gaurdianship over our kids

    A few weeks after we will tell the parents . Maybe have some sort of party with a few friends and family but thats a big maybe.

    I have a nice long dress i wore to a wedding recently i might wear that. I do love it and know ill never get to wear it again.


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    #16
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    Make sure you get the forms for reregistering the births on the day you give your notice.


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    #17
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    We didn't have a secret wedding, but there were only 4 of us plus priest! We had a get together in a pub a week beforehand for my family and another the week after for his family in his hometown, as he's not Irish. He and best man wore their best suits and myself and bridesmaid wore plain dresses with flowers in our hair. We had a meal in a hotel after and are still happily married 28 years later.


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    #18
    Toto Wolfcastle
    Registered Users Posts: 25,005 ✭✭✭✭Toto Wolfcastle


    I know that you don't want the parents there, but if they are likely to be upset that they weren't there and the only reason is that you don't want them to make a fuss then maybe consider telling them the night before so that they can come and don't have time to make a fuss. Just an option to consider, but obviously you should do what's right for you and your partner. Best of luck with it and enjoy it!


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    #19
    tayto lover
    Registered Users Posts: 51,591 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    My son had a wedding like that and it was great.
    Just the two families, about 30 people and a lovely quiet meal afterwards.
    Not an expensive day but a very enjoyable one for all concerned.

    Make sure you involve your parents though, it's only fair.


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    #20
    unclebill98
    Registered Users Posts: 3,816 ✭✭✭unclebill98


    I had a secret wedding.

    Invited 24 close family members to a engagement party. When our parents arrived we brought them up to the hotel room and told them with the photographer there for pics/reaction. When the rest arrived I handed them the mass booklet. No suits, no hassle etc etc. Went back for a meal, then the bar and had a few drinks and then bed and the honeymoon the next day. Not that our parents would meddle in anything but just did not want the usual wedding as I work in the industry etc.

    Only the priest and our best man/bridesmaid knew and of course the hotel.

    Its a great alternative if you aint into it and for sure get photos taken and enjoy the day.


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    #21
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    January wrote: »
    Make sure you get the forms for reregistering the births on the day you give your notice.

    Whats this now. He is on their birth cert as their father. They are not double barrell surname. They just have his.


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    #22
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    Suucee wrote: »
    Whats this now. He is on their birth cert as their father. They are not double barrell surname. They just have his.

    Doesn't matter the births still need to be reregistered to reflect that you are married and he now has rights over the kids. My kids are the same, all have his surnane and he is on all the Certs but we still need to sign forms after we marry so he can gain his legal rights as a father.


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    #23
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    January wrote: »
    Doesn't matter the births still need to be reregistered to reflect that you are married and he now has rights over the kids. My kids are the same, all have his surnane and he is on all the Certs but we still need to sign forms after we marry so he can gain his legal rights as a father.

    Eh what is this now? You've just given me a fright :eek:

    I got married to my children's father but we never did anything like this? I always was led to believe a father who married the mother of his children became guardian automatically. It doesn't really matter now because mine is almost 18 and the other was born after we married but do you mean to say all this time he wasn't legally her guardian? :eek:


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    #24
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    eviltwin wrote: »
    Eh what is this now? You've just given me a fright :eek:

    I got married to my children's father but we never did anything like this? I always was led to believe a father who married the mother of his children became guardian automatically. It doesn't really matter now because mine is almost 18 and the other was born after we married but do you mean to say all this time he wasn't legally her guardian? :eek:

    All I know is that when we went to register our intent to marry the girl asked us if we had any children and when I said 'yes it doesn't matter though because they already have his name and he is on their birth Certs' she handed me 4 forms and said that their births would need to be re registered once we were married.


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    #25
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    January wrote: »
    Doesn't matter the births still need to be reregistered to reflect that you are married and he now has rights over the kids. My kids are the same, all have his surnane and he is on all the Certs but we still need to sign forms after we marry so he can gain his legal rights as a father.

    I would well believe some paperwork is necessary. Married couples cannot offer their children for adoption in Ireland so it stands to reason the changed legal status of the parents relationship which would affect the children would need some sort of record.


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    #26
    NamelessPhil
    Registered Users Posts: 1,098 ✭✭✭NamelessPhil


    According to the birth registration page on the HSE website, if the father's name is already on the birth certificate there is no need to reregister.http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/1/bdm/registerabirth/


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    #27
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    Hmm wonder why I was given different info... Will have to follow this up.


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    #28
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    i didnt read all that link but i found this

    Marriage after the child is born
    If the parents of a child marry each other after the birth, then the father automatically becomes a joint guardian of the child. There is therefore no need to apply for guardianship rights nor is there any need for the father to adopt the child.

    Where the father is joint guardian and the mother subsequently marries another man or enters into a civil partnership, the father will remain the joint guardian of his child. If the mother and her husband wish to adopt the child, they must seek consent from the child's father. If the child's father consents to the adoption, then he gives up his right to guardianship of his child.

    from here http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/legal_guardianship_and_unmarried_couples.html


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    #29
    Suucee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,816 ✭✭✭Suucee


    tayto lover wrote: »
    My son had a wedding like that and it was great.
    Just the two families, about 30 people and a lovely quiet meal afterwards.
    Not an expensive day but a very enjoyable one for all concerned.

    Make sure you involve your parents though, it's only fair.


    Why do you think its fair. Its not about them its about us.

    After we are married we will tell them and maybe deicide to have some sort of party or something but that will be decided down the line.

    Just to highlight we all get on very well. I have a very good relationship with all the in laws as does my OH with my family. Our families have met and birthdays, christenings etc and both our mothers get on great.
    Not including them is purly because we dont want a fuss. we may decide to tell them a day or before but mmm maybe not.


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    #30
    Dubl07
    Registered Users Posts: 1,801 ✭✭✭Dubl07


    Suucee wrote: »
    Why do you think its fair. Its not about them its about us.

    After we are married we will tell them and maybe deicide to have some sort of party or something but that will be decided down the line.

    Just to highlight we all get on very well. I have a very good relationship with all the in laws as does my OH with my family. Our families have met and birthdays, christenings etc and both our mothers get on great.
    Not including them is purly because we dont want a fuss. we may decide to tell them a day or before but mmm maybe not.

    Your parents invested a lot of time, energy and love into rearing you. To exclude them from such a very special day might feel okay now but when your own children reach an age where they might do something similar, you'd have a different opinion. Be kind to your parents - they won't be around forever. Tell them the night before or tell them it's some other ceremony but have them present. Good luck in your marriage; hopefully it's a one-time thing and you'll have many anniversaries on which to think back together about a wonderful day.


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    #31
    Sofiztikated
    Registered Users Posts: 6,995 ✭✭✭Sofiztikated


    If you want to get married quietly, do so. Basically all you need is the registry office, a couple of witnesses, and to meet the marriage criteria. Everything apart from that is just frippery and whistles.

    I'd tell the parents, simply because it would be rude to spring it on them just before it, but state that this your thing, and you are going to do it your way. Then registry office, go for a wee drink, have lunch or something in a nice restaurant, and the day is done. The mess and fuss of a big session, inviting 100's of people you don't like, feeding them @ €40+ a head, dresses, makeup, wedding favours (completely unnecessary in ALL cases), bands, DJ's and the like really is a expensive business, and I work in the game.

    Do it your way, lay down the law, but I wouldn't exclude them, unless they are toxic, and you don't want to have anything to do with them. Then **** em.


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