LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

dyer · 12-07-2012 4:12am

i can't help but keep reading over this thread every so often and it breaks my heart to see so many people in pain.. i wouldn't really consider myself depressed any more but having suffered from the age of about 12 to 28 (im now 31) it's a stark reminder of how i used to feel so i can certainly relate. not to say i still don't have my bad days but i have grown stronger than whatever it was inside me that used to dictate my life.

i wish there was some advice i could give that could help people that need it, but it's so hard to know where to start, everyone is so different, everyone has their time and place and it's next to impossible to know how to communicate with someone over the internet without feeling their presence as a human being and really knowing who they are and where they're coming from. i suppose in certain terms, i don't think you can truly relate with anyone unless you know yourself in the first place..and depression robs you of that, especially if you're hiding it so well.

i do think one of the most important things is to get to know yourself again, create whatever space it is that you need in your life to achieve that.. whether it's an hour a day.. or a 6month break in some other country away from everything.

having come out the other side.. i carry a sense of guilt, i guess, for being so self absorbed over the years (of course wasn't intentional), but at the same time i feel silly for being so short sighted considering how much i value and love the people in my life and how they must have felt having to deal with me, and watch me go through all of that and not knowing what to do or how to help..and my frustration of not being able to be something positive in their lives.

everyone has a different path to follow.. and i don't mean that in some kind of hippy way.. just as in, we are who we are, i think once you start to understand that and just be comfortable with yourself (faults and all), is when you start to rediscover yourself and begin to heal and move forward.

i would also like to add that meditation is incredibly powerful.. i wouldn't recommend anything but the basic techniques to people with depression but simple breathing exercises and mindfulness etc can go such a long way to stopping your mind from running amok. even if you spent just 10mins a day practicing these techniques you will start to see a difference. what's 10mins a day.. when it might change your life?

thankfully i'm still here, i can handle my thoughts and emotions and can begin to explore the deeper sides of meditation and my consciousness, whatever that is

and each step i take is more amazing than the one before. i've seen the darkest side of life, from which i'm very very lucky to have survived, but being where i am right now, i'd like to say to others, imagine how dark it is right now.. now imagine the opposite of that.. because it does exist. in my own life, it boiled down to a choice of life or death.. and then to living life while being dead. i didn't want to have that life.. so i made my decision to fight through it and to hell with all the anxiety and fears i had.

i don't know if i'm completely rambling but i'm hoping it might help someone out there.. preferably the latter.. if it makes sense to at least one person then i'm more than happy with that.

oiche mhaith

SharpshooterTom · 13-07-2012 5:42pm

Ok all, I've posted originally about my lack girlfriend issues in the past, my social isolation, sense of hoplessness causing me the feel incredibley depressed at the age of 25 (26 next month) etc etc.

Everyone who has seen my threads knows my story.

Basically now the problem I'm worried about now is that I'm concerned I'm not getting enough counselling, or social support at this time. My timeline goes:

- Attempted suicide on the 25th april
- Registered to have counselling at Queens Unversity Belfast, had my first session on the 8th of may (I think)
- So far these have been weekly sessions, 1 hour each, and I have had a total of 8 so far.

- I have also been to see a GP on the 16th of may, and been prescribed anti depressants (20mg Citalopram).

- 4th June, was refered to see a mental health practioner in Strabane, had to describe my whole story again, took information down, went on for 90 minutes etc etc. No advice given.

- 12th June, made complaints of feeling suicidal (actually moaned about it on here!), then some boards members said I should immediately call for GP, I did, one came round at 5pm in an emergancy. On this day my Citalopram was then doubled from 20mg to 40mg. To this date I don't think they've had much of an affect on me at all.

- 2nd July, second appointment at Strabane mental health unit, this time with a psychiatrist who frustratingly was asking me the same stuff as the mental health practioner ("how many brothers and sisters do you have", "do you drink or take drugs" etc - I thought they knew all this from last time??

). Then the mental health practioner came back in and told me the bad news that I wont be seeing a psychologist for another 6 months.

In the mean time, I will get an "update" every week or fortnight as the CBT has to come AFTER my psycologist, so that cannot begin until that is done. My next "update" will be on the 17th of july.

Also in addition my Queens University counselling sessions have to finish shortly, they can offer 6 maximum, but gave me 10 as I was in need of more. My counsellor is on holiday at the moment for 2 weeks, last saw her on the 4th of july, and wont be seeing her again till the 25th of july. I go on holiday to Spain on the 31st July-15th August and will seeing her one final time after that. Thats it.

So this month I've had,

2nd July - Psychiatrist assessment in Strabane, no advice/counselling given
4th July - 1 hour counselling session in Belfast
17th July - Update on how I am in Strabane
25th July - 1 hour counselling session in Belfast
31st July - Fly to Spain
15th August - Fly back to Ireland
16th August - Update on how I am in Strabane
17th August - FINAL 1 hour counselling session in Belfast

Thats it, what do I do after that?? Thats me and my next two months effectively, I just don't think its enough, perhaps I'm being too greedy?? All that crap about girlfriends, and friends in general I end up thinking about too much bring a sense of hopelessness which can bring be down if I am isolated/not attended for long periods. This is the problem.

Now my counsellor in Belfast suggest registering with Praxis and getting counselling there, problem is I was told by my mental health practitioner not to get CBT done by two different therapists as it can be confusing. So I'm really not sure what to do after my Queens sessions are done, sit around and wait for Strabane (who have only done assessments so far and no counselling) or register to get more counselling?

I think I really might need it, I don't want to mope about. This is all still quite new to me, (I only attempted suicide less than 3 months ago and had my first counselling session ever in my life two months ago!) but I don't want the momentum to stop now and need to keep it going and talk to people.

So like I say I have two more counselling sessions at Queens which will finish up shortly, and have to wait 6 months for a psycologist appointment, cant do anything about it till then as the CBT has to be done AFTER the psycologist is finished (apparantly). I can go through the "mind over mood" CBT self taught exercises and some of the stuff people have given me but it can be very very lonely if I have little or no therapy from actual people.

Mucky.Bucky · 13-07-2012 10:28pm

So I made it to Galway last week and stayed on a friends couch for the week. Galway had the volvo last week. My friend was working for most of it but I got into town everyday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The atmosphere, the crowds, the food, the drinks, the hot sailers, the lovely boats, the music, the rides - I mean the funfair rides, Galway lit up at nighttime.........

It was a wonderful week and I'd say last week would have done more than any meds any doctor could have given me. It was so positive and uplifting.

Unfortunately, very slowly the issue that brought me down is returning to my mind and I am returning back to the negative thinking surrounding that issue :-(

BUBBLE WRAP · 14-07-2012 1:43am

First time posting here. The op was a great post might I add. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I might need help. I'm unemployed and I feel that played a big part with my mental health. I'm going to take a week of boards and to go out and try to enjoy myself and see how that goes. I find it a big help to know that you not alone in this. Best of luck to everyone.

1ZRed · 14-07-2012 2:12am

BUBBLE WRAP wrote: »

First time posting here. The op was a great post might I add. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I might need help. I'm unemployed and I feel that played a big part with my mental health. I'm going to take a week of boards and to go out and try to enjoy myself and see how that goes. I find it a big help to know that you not alone in this. Best of luck to everyone.

Yeah I felt the same the first time I posted here. Found it difficult to do it but I'm glad I opened up a bit, even if it was over the Internet it really seemed to put things into perspective for me. Basically I was in a rut but the people who post here are brilliant so it's great to admit things aren't 100% and get some support and also deal with something other people are dealing with too so as too not feel like the only one.

I know I was ashamed at first to post here (looking back, it was a very stupid mentality) but I'm glad I did because I was only hurting myself by ignoring what was going on.

I'm feeling much better now and going out and enjoying myself is helping that too. Yeah I don't have a job right now and it dented my spirits but something will come up I'm sure and the same will for you. Until then, I won't let it bother me too much.

Best of luck to you anyway man:)

BUBBLE WRAP · 14-07-2012 2:22am

1ZRed wrote: »

Yeah I felt the same the first time I posted here. Found it difficult to do it but I'm glad I opened up a bit, even if it was over the Internet it really seemed to put things into perspective for me. Basically I was in a rut but the people who post here are brilliant so it's great to admit things aren't 100% and get some support and also deal with something other people are dealing with too so as too not feel like the only one.

I know I was ashamed at first to post here (looking back, it was a very stupid mentality) but I'm glad I did because I was only hurting myself by ignoring what was going on.

I'm feeling much better now and going out and enjoying myself is helping that too. Yeah I don't have a job right now and it dented my spirits but something will come up I'm sure and the same will for you. Until then, I won't let it bother me too much.

Best of luck to you anyway man:)

Nice post cheers.

Talking is key in this situation.

dyer · 14-07-2012 2:59am

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

So I made it to Galway last week and stayed on a friends couch for the week. Galway had the volvo last week. My friend was working for most of it but I got into town everyday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The atmosphere, the crowds, the food, the drinks, the hot sailers, the lovely boats, the music, the rides - I mean the funfair rides, Galway lit up at nighttime.........

It was a wonderful week and I'd say last week would have done more than any meds any doctor could have given me. It was so positive and uplifting.

Unfortunately, very slowly the issue that brought me down is returning to my mind and I am returning back to the negative thinking surrounding that issue :-(

maybe you should move to galway :P

dyer · 14-07-2012 3:09am

ThomasFlynn

that's terrible, especially after what you've been through.

if you wanna have a chat with someone i'd be glad to, i've been through similiar circumstances in the past.. just pm me if you're interested and i'll give you my number.

BUBBLE WRAP

you're doing the best thing possible, stand outside and look at the world from a different perspective, keep hunting for those jobs, educate yourself with all the free time you have, nothing is ever really a waste of time unless you sit on your ass and make it so

zenno · 14-07-2012 5:19am

I just looked back over this thread from 2011 and every ones pain here and my own post as well on page 36 #534 and i really feel saddened that I personally got to a stage where i could have ended it because of the depression of my alcohol abuse, but for the last few months now i have moderated my intake of alcohol and have not touched spirits and i don't have the strong depressed feelings i once had in 2011.

I decided not to take my doctors instructions of drugs and pain-killers in 2011 as i felt i had to cut down and try to get my functionality back on track without drugs and to be honest i have a better understanding now of the past year. I am strict on the alcohol now and when i want one. and i only drink beer now but i was offered spirits a few times before and i declined but i sure wanted to get stuck into a nice glass of whiskey but i made a deal with myself never to drink spirits again as i will go downhill again fast so it's a strict religion of beer only and i will admit very rarely a cannabis joint to relax me.

Basically last year i was a mess and close to topping myself because of the feeling of dread depression and pain coming off very heavy drinking day in day out and looking back on this all it feels like a bad dream but i have managed to control my drinking now because i know what the consequences will be if i go back, also since i cut down dramatically from the drink i decided to get back into the classical guitar and i have to say the guitar is great and relaxing so that's my release and feel-good factor now. I will admit it was sore with the shakes and tremors and all the other nasty feelings coming down but I will say though, looking back and comparing now, today, compared to 2011 i feel better and see better. So the key is to ween yourself off spirits and go through the hell and pain of withdrawal for a while as you are dramatically cutting down but drink a beer or 3 if you really feel like death and then ween yourself down to a lower level of beer intake and bit by bit you will feel better and function better over time.

You have to be able to stop spirit drinking altogether permanently , no buts about it though Easier said than done but it is actually easier this way as you are not cutting something out completely, you are just substituting a dangerous bottle of spirits for a few beers and bring your intake down accordingly with the beer. Anyway i wish everyone here the best of luck . As was said in many previous posts here you are not alone because there will always be someone there for you to talk to.

Well that's my waffle about myself over with. And the physics of my personal dealing with alcohol now can never be changed, it's set in stone and on a limit that can never be changed because if i fall back off my plan i will never recover so it's a strict method i force onto myself and it is working in my favour. best wishes folks and be well.

BeautyFromPain · 14-07-2012 1:22pm

<SNIP>
Mod: Banned.

neemish · 14-07-2012 4:42pm

Love the blog - would love to discuss one or two entries with you especially about the OD. Maybe one of the mods would let me know if it's ok to talk about here?

rebel without a clue · 14-07-2012 9:27pm

jesus i thought bank holidays were bad. now its regular weekends too. i have no friends to do anything with. im watching tv since i got up this morning at 10.30. i think ill just get into bed now altogether.
i get up and decide to wear nice clothes and nice make-up, but whats the point when you have nothing to do or anybody to meet. i do try to do stuff and meet people but its getting harder and harder especially when money is tight.

PC CDROM · 14-07-2012 9:32pm

I do laugh at some people with "depression"

Give up the drink you spanners!

Depression is one thing but stupidity is another.

gcgirl · 14-07-2012 9:33pm

PC CDROM wrote: »

I do laugh at some people with "depression"

Give up the drink you spanners!

Depression is one thing but stupidity is another.

Reported

jammstarr · 14-07-2012 9:35pm

rebel without a clue wrote: »

jesus i thought bank holidays were bad. now its regular weekends too. i have no friends to do anything with. im watching tv since i got up this morning at 10.30. i think ill just get into bed now altogether.
i get up and decide to wear nice clothes and nice make-up, but whats the point when you have nothing to do or anybody to meet. i do try to do stuff and meet people but its getting harder and harder especially when money is tight.

I don't think you're alone feeling that way. I can definitely relate anyway.

PC CDROM · 14-07-2012 9:38pm

gcgirl wrote: »

Reported

huh? Why?

Micky Dolenz · 14-07-2012 9:40pm

PC CDROM wrote: »

I do laugh at some people with "depression"

Give up the drink you spanners!

Depression is one thing but stupidity is another.

Mod

You obviously haven't even read the thread.

Please don't post here again.

Crann na Beatha · 14-07-2012 9:41pm

This post has been deleted.

dd972 · 14-07-2012 9:48pm

rebel without a clue wrote: »

jesus i thought bank holidays were bad. now its regular weekends too. i have no friends to do anything with. im watching tv since i got up this morning at 10.30. i think ill just get into bed now altogether.
i get up and decide to wear nice clothes and nice make-up, but whats the point when you have nothing to do or anybody to meet. i do try to do stuff and meet people but its getting harder and harder especially when money is tight.

whilst not depressed ( though I do get periodic spells that pass, thank god ), I know how you feel, it seems like the rest of humanity has 600 Facebook friends, get inundated with cards every birthday and a phone that never stop ringing at the weekend, I'm bored out of my mind, I do have a couple of mates I see periodically but nothing like the social contact or social life that I'd like to have. If I can be of any help, don't stay in the house all day habitually, get out and about even for a walk even though it's not easy seeing everyone else in couples or groups seemingly having a ball

rebel without a clue · 14-07-2012 9:52pm

jammstarr wrote: »

I don't think you're alone feeling that way. I can definitely relate anyway.

i dont know anymore. im a decent person, friendly and reliable. yet for the last 4/5 years i have lost friends/former workmates. they are all either married/attached etc. like i know that people move on with their lives and things happen but i always seem to be left behind. im constantly making the effort to keep in touch with friends but they're always off doing something more exciting. im not a leech either, i dont bombard them with phone calls/texts/emails as i know they are entitled to do their own thing too. iv started to look up volunteer jobs- i like helping out but if im being honest, its also so i can meet people/other volunteers and maybe make a friend. god is that selfish, pathetic or what.

shuridunno · 15-07-2012 10:24am

Thank you for this thread Devore, there are many other places you can post but I think there is better real life advice here. Not mollycoddling advice but true get out of bed and go for a walk advice admistered with the right amount of empathy.

Back on the meds which I hate, feeling much better already and tidying the house a bit. Feel like actually going out for a walk today.

Is it possible that I just have to accept I need meds to get by.

Can your brain chemistry be that messed up either genuinely nuerologically or is it all just learned behaviour.

I know learned behaviour can be unlearned but it's like trying to unbrainwash someone, and how do you do that yourself.

Do I just admit to myself and accept that I'm that messed up from the early years of mental torture growing up that I can't escape who I have become and just get on with things, meds included. It would be easier wouldn't it

But, if so, why do I feel like such a failure for having to take meds to be 'normal'.

I force myself to see all the positives in my life, so logically I know I should be happy.

Today I am happy as the weight has lifted and I know I'm a nice person, but I can't shake off the imprinted code that I'm the useless, fat, good for nothing heap of ****, an ugly freak that would never amount to anything and no matter what I do, it's never good enough.

While this was beaten into me for far too long. It is the past, it is untrue, it is the ramblings of bullies and deranged parenting, so why do I still believe it.

Snowie · 15-07-2012 11:07am

Could it possible that you really need to retrain your brain and to the way you think ?

Have you tried it?
What a lot of people seem to do is give up but i think 90% of depression, is cognitive, as in how you think.

Take me Im my own worst enemy I knock my self down i judge my self I question my self and drive my self to the point of disspair some times.. At the moment I'm in CBT My method elastic bands on booth wrists, and basically when I have a negative thought or question my self I pull that elastic band as far as it will go, and let go...

Ive been doing it nearly a week and it works, its training your brain not to think in a negative manor..

Its worth a try?

So past few weeks I've been pretty quiet because things haven't been to bad... My therapist thinks i need to go twice a month which is good and I am doing well and getting better. Which I am proud of my self.

He thinks I suffer from Low Frustration Tolerance which makes a lot of sense so
at the moment. I'm trying to stay cool and not secum to my demons..
I haven't really been two angry this week or allowed my self to be angry... Im also using my elastic bands for situations where i might get fasutrating its difficult to remember.. Other then that all good take every day as it comes... Have to give up smoking again soon :eek:

SerialComplaint · 15-07-2012 11:37am

rebel without a clue wrote: »

i dont know anymore. im a decent person, friendly and reliable. yet for the last 4/5 years i have lost friends/former workmates. they are all either married/attached etc. like i know that people move on with their lives and things happen but i always seem to be left behind. im constantly making the effort to keep in touch with friends but they're always off doing something more exciting. im not a leech either, i dont bombard them with phone calls/texts/emails as i know they are entitled to do their own thing too. iv started to look up volunteer jobs- i like helping out but if im being honest, its also so i can meet people/other volunteers and maybe make a friend. god is that selfish, pathetic or what.

Volunteering is a great idea, and hoping to build some relationships out of it is perfectly normal - not selfish or pathetic at all. I met my wife through a voluntary organisation, and there are many, many couples within the organisation. There are even some second and third generation families within the organisation. Many organisations have a bit of a social scene involved, particularly those that attract younger people.

So find something local to you, that you can get involved in at little expense. Check out Macra Na Feirme or a political party or Simon Community or whatever floats your boat. You will feel much better if you are out meeting people and doing something productive.

Mucky.Bucky · 15-07-2012 12:49pm

My mood crashed so very hard last night. Was up all night - restless and crying. Am in bed now, so very tired but unable to sleep.

It will be wednesday before I get around to making an appointment with a counsellor for hopefully a.s.a.p. I need it urgently. Just to trash everything out and hopefully it will help and I'll get some sort of an insight/help/advice/something.

This little sh1t of a demon is still sitting on my brain stamping up and down on it.

guitarzero · 16-07-2012 7:31am

On the topic of counsellors, has anyone ever found them any use? I've been to about 6 and they've been pretty bad. They didn't seem to have a clue what to do but were ever so willing to have you keep coming back dispensing with 70euro a pop.

I don't say all councelors are rubbish or the profession is a joke but the last 2 I went to I had to pull them up on the fact that they kept on going in circles and asking same questions, humming and hawing, and the worst one, the silence. 90 percent of the time it was me talking, which isn necessarily a bad thing but they never had any solution, ever. Their level of interaction was at best, dithery and pretentious. These were similar problems I had to the previous ones.

As I say, I'm sure theres substance in the profession but I haven't encountered in the 6 I've met. Would like to hear some good outcomes from psychotherapy.

Mucky.Bucky · 16-07-2012 1:08pm

guitarzero wrote: »

On the topic of counsellors, has anyone ever found them any use? I've been to about 6 and they've been pretty bad. They didn't seem to have a clue what to do but were ever so willing to have you keep coming back dispensing with 70euro a pop.

I don't say all councelors are rubbish or the profession is a joke but the last 2 I went to I had to pull them up on the fact that they kept on going in circles and asking same questions, humming and hawing, and the worst one, the silence. 90 percent of the time it was me talking, which isn necessarily a bad thing but they never had any solution, ever. Their level of interaction was at best, dithery and pretentious. These were similar problems I had to the previous ones.

As I say, I'm sure theres substance in the profession but I haven't encountered in the 6 I've met. Would like to hear some good outcomes from psychotherapy.

I'm glad you asked this because I was going to ask something similiar last night. For anyone who has tried counselling, how was it.

Would it help me in my case to gain closure and move on?

Strawberry Fields · 16-07-2012 1:15pm

I found counselors a waste of time, it's only 100 to see my Psychiatrist and they can really help you resolve your issues, after two inpatient stays 3 years back I see mine every 6 months and it's taken that amount of time working with mine to resolve my head to a happy place. Obviously with meds.

Cheeky_gal · 16-07-2012 1:27pm

I think councillors are a waste of time. They'll continue to charge you €80 every fortnight or so, and they'll continue to do it until you're eventually broke.

They should set a limit on the amount of sessions and if you haven't improved then they should advise you to go and talk to someone else. That's my opinion anyways.

At the end of the day all you want really is to talk to someone who'll listen... You should be able to do that for free

Mucky.Bucky · 16-07-2012 1:40pm

I know I've only received two opinions there, but from reading the other thread on boards about depression and I think it was mentioned here earlier that counselling can be hit and miss.

I don't think a counsellor is for me if he/she sits there and listen. I need someone to help me work through my issues..

I don't think I'm bad enough for meds. I am having my good days and bad days and bad times are few. Sometimes dropping softly other times hard. It's stemming from being mistreated with what I think are lies. No closure, like. Things were left so open.

Raven_Melody · 16-07-2012 2:15pm

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

I think councillors are a waste of time. They'll continue to charge you €80 every fortnight or so, and they'll continue to do it until you're eventually broke.

They should set a limit on the amount of sessions and if you haven't improved then they should advise you to go and talk to someone else. That's my opinion anyways.

At the end of the day all you want really is to talk to someone who'll listen... You should be able to do that for free

I think more people need to realise that there's a world of difference between a '6 month cert' counsellor and a fully qualified experienced counselling psychologist.

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Comments