Having to go to church: Should I stand?

Rory McNicholas · 21-11-2012 12:22am #1

I recently attended an anniversary mass for my grandfather. Being an atheist, I quietly sat in the same row as my family, staying seated while the congregation stood. My parents respect that I am an atheist, but think it was rude and disrespectful of me to not stand. Are they right? Should I stand when everyone else does? I personally don't think I have to do that to pay my respects.

GLaDOS · 21-11-2012 12:24am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

Personally I don't mind the standing, it's the kneeling that grates.

That said, do what you like tbh. It's not your religion, you're only there out of love for your grandfather, no reason for you to follow customs that mean nothing to you.

Rory McNicholas · 21-11-2012 12:25am

I stand, but don't kneel.

ScienceNerd wrote: »

Personally I don't mind the standing, it's the kneeling that grates.

But do you stand up?

pontia · 21-11-2012 12:25am

would it have killed you to stand,seems you wanted to make a point

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 21-11-2012 12:25am

I stand and kneel, mainly because I don't want the bastard behind me looking down on my dandruff or sticking his face into the back of my head

GLaDOS · 21-11-2012 12:26am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

Rory McNicholas wrote: »

But do you stand up?

I'd usually stand yeah, usually skip the kneeling.

superblu · 21-11-2012 12:32am

For the sake of 3 quarters of an hour could u not have just done whatever needed to be done.

Rory McNicholas · 21-11-2012 12:34am

I stand, but don't kneel.

pontia wrote: »

would it have killed you to stand,seems you wanted to make a point

Well, I'm not Catholic, therefore I don't partake in their ceremonies. I know it's just a small thing, but small things add up. I have to go to the church with my religion class and waste time sitting at the back while they pray when I could be in school studying ('Insurance issues' they said...) and all those trips add up to a lot of time not well spent. If I had it my way I'd do something like meet up with my family and talk about the person in question, not listen to a priest and stand when he tells me to. I'm not a sheep, therefore I do not follow the herd.

Rory McNicholas · 21-11-2012 12:35am

I stand, but don't kneel.

superblu wrote: »

For the sake of 3 quarters of an hour could u not have just done whatever needed to be done.

Why does it need to be done? If your a Catholic maybe, but I'm not. Why should I have to stand just because they do? I wouldn't do something just because the majority are.

paudgenator · 21-11-2012 12:37am

Rory McNicholas wrote: »

I recently attended an anniversary mass for my grandfather. Being an atheist, I quietly sat in the same row as my family, staying seated while the congregation stood. My parents respect that I am an atheist, but think it was rude and disrespectful of me to not stand. Are they right? Should I stand when everyone else does? I personally don't think I have to do that to pay my respects.

The way I look at it is if you are going to the effort of attending the mass (I assume for the sake of your family, and to pay your respect to your grandfather's memory) why not just follow the congregation's actions for the sake of them too? Otherwise why go at all? No need to attract attention, especially if your parents respect you being an atheist - they already know you are doing this gesture for your grandfather. Why cause them stress on the day...

aaakev · 21-11-2012 12:38am

I stand, but don't kneel.

I havent stood, kneeled or taken comunion at any mass in years, its inly the weddings, funerals, comunions or christenings i go to.

StillWaters · 21-11-2012 12:44am

I do the whole shebang... standing, kneeling, praying, communion etc...

Rory McNicholas wrote: »

I recently attended an anniversary mass for my grandfather. Being an atheist, I quietly sat in the same row as my family, staying seated while the congregation stood. My parents respect that I am an atheist, but think it was rude and disrespectful of me to not stand. Are they right? Should I stand when everyone else does? I personally don't think I have to do that to pay my respects.

Of course you stand! I have been privileged to be invited to a Hindu wedding, CoI ceremonies, Humanist funeral, and Greek Orthodox Baptism. In all cases I accepted graciously and followed the lead if what was expected re standing, kneeling, singing, dancing etc.

I think it would be incredibly rude of me to remain sitting just because I am not a Hindu / Protestant etc.

You have been invited as a guest to attend this ritual which is of great importance to your host. either decline the invitation if your principles are so strong, or accept and do so graciously.

What point were you making OP?

J0hnick · 21-11-2012 12:45am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

I'm OK with standing, its kneeling I wont do. I had a similar incident at the last family funeral I attended, I sat for the whole thing and didn't care what anyone else thought, my immediate family know I'm an atheist and my dad even joked about it after.

Unfortunately I cant say the same for the last wedding I attended, it was my girlfriends cousins wedding so none of my family was there, and only my girlfriend and her parents knew I was an atheist. When the priest asked everyone to kneel I stayed seated, hoping I wasn't the only person to stay seated, until I looked around and realized the whole place was staring at me and the misses was giving me daggers, so begrudgingly and to avoid confrontation, I knelt

.

What they couldn't stop me from doing though was kneeling in the most unenthusiastic way, throwing my eyes up to heaven, muttering stuff quietly to myself, and shaking my head whenever the priest would quote scripture and claim that it was all gods work that the couple had met and fallen in love ... followed by a hymn about how great god is ... and me face palming (literally) during the readings when they told the story about Eve being a rib lady.

My girlfriend even said to me afterwards "did you even know you were doing that inside ?", she was a little embarrassed and even a little angry at me, but I couldn't help it.

TheChizler · 21-11-2012 12:47am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

Standing and sitting but no kneeling is a reasonable compromise. Always at a similar level so you don't stand out too much.

pontia · 21-11-2012 12:47am

you still in school ? for the sake of a few minutes i would stuggle on to stand when rest did,

Max Q · 21-11-2012 12:48am

paudgenator wrote: »

The way I look at it is if you are going to the effort of attending the mass (I assume for the sake of your family, and to pay your respect to your grandfather's memory) why not just follow the congregation's actions for the sake of them too? Otherwise why go at all? No need to attract attention, especially if your parents respect you being an atheist - they already know you are doing this gesture for your grandfather. Why cause them stress on the day...

Agreed. If you were just going out of respect for your grandfather then I don't see any problem in following the congregations actions for the sake of the occasion.

I occasionally accompany my family to mass on Christmas Eve, more out of respect for my parents and their wishes to go to mass as a family at Christmas. They know I'm a committed atheist and that I disagree with the Catholic church on virtually everything. However, if I'm making the effort to go as a gesture I will go through the motions rather than attempt to stage a mini-protest during the ceremony. Just my 2c.

J0hnick · 21-11-2012 12:52am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

pontia wrote: »

you still in school ?

No, I'm 34.

pontia · 21-11-2012 12:53am

J0hnick wrote: »

I'm OK with standing, its kneeling I wont do. I had a similar incident at the last family funeral I attended, I sat for the whole thing and didn't care what anyone else thought, my immediate family know I'm an atheist and my dad even joked about it after.

Unfortunately I cant say the same for the last wedding I attended, it was my girlfriends cousins wedding so none of my family was there, and only my girlfriend and her parents knew I was an atheist. When the priest asked everyone to kneel I stayed seated, hoping I wasn't the only person to stay seated, until I looked around and realized the whole place was staring at me and the misses was giving me daggers, so begrudgingly and to avoid confrontation, I knelt .

What they couldn't stop me from doing though was kneeling in the most unenthusiastic way, throwing my eyes up to heaven, muttering stuff quietly to myself, and shaking my head whenever the priest would quote scripture and claim that it was all gods work that the couple had met and fallen in love ... followed by a hymn about how great god is ... and me face palming (literally) during the readings when they told the story about Eve being a rib lady.

My girlfriend even said to me afterwards "did you even know you were doing that inside ?", she was a little embarrassed and even a little angry at me, but I couldn't help it.

if it was that much of an issue maybe you should have stayed at home,sounds like you had little respect for girlfriend or bride and groom

ShooterSF · 21-11-2012 12:56am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

Ill stand but mostly because my knees hurt sitting. I dont pray so i dont kneel. Dont mind people complaining, Ive had catholics ask why i didnt bless myself and on explanation instead of offering their acceptance or even apology for assuming I wad one, they tut. You meet ignorant people. Thats life.

StillWaters · 21-11-2012 12:58am

I do the whole shebang... standing, kneeling, praying, communion etc...

J0hnick wrote: »

My girlfriend even said to me afterwards "did you even know you were doing that inside ?", she was a little embarrassed and even a little angry at me, but I couldn't help it.

Really? You're going to have to work on the self control a bit. That was very rude as a guest at the wedding. Would you have done the same any other organised religious ceremony, muslim, Jewish etc. It is SO disrepectful.

matrim · 21-11-2012 1:02am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

Same as a few others here I'll stand but don't bother kneeling.

The standing is partly to avoid being at ass level with everyone around me and partly so it's easier to people watch to stop myself getting bored. There have been a few times where I haven't bothered but that was mainly because I'd sore legs from football.

feelgoodinc27 · 21-11-2012 1:02am

Rory McNicholas wrote: »

Well, I'm not Catholic, therefore I don't partake in their ceremonies. I know it's just a small thing, but small things add up. I have to go to the church with my religion class and waste time sitting at the back while they pray when I could be in school studying ('Insurance issues' they said...) and all those trips add up to a lot of time not well spent. If I had it my way I'd do something like meet up with my family and talk about the person in question, not listen to a priest and stand when he tells me to. I'm not a sheep, therefore I do not follow the herd.

You could argue that going to mass is following the herd, but partaking in the ceremony of mass would hardly make you a sheep. Personally if I saw someone at mass who didn't kneel or stand I would assume you had an injury or some other medical condition. Once you're not interfering with other peoples participation its hardly an issue.

Would the school not let you bring your schoolbooks to church with you?

Zombrex · 21-11-2012 1:08am

Rory McNicholas wrote: »

I recently attended an anniversary mass for my grandfather. Being an atheist, I quietly sat in the same row as my family, staying seated while the congregation stood. My parents respect that I am an atheist, but think it was rude and disrespectful of me to not stand. Are they right? Should I stand when everyone else does? I personally don't think I have to do that to pay my respects.

I stand but I don't kneel. Standing is generally considered a social respect thing, not just in church but in general (ie you stand when the Queen enters, you stand when the bride enters the church etc), so I'm happy to respect that action.

Kneeling in a church is part of the act of praying, and since I'm not praying I don't kneel, that would seem dishonest.

J0hnick · 21-11-2012 1:13am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

pontia wrote: »

if it was that much of an issue maybe you should have stayed at home

It was a weekender in another part of the country so that wasn't an option, I knew once that part was over the rest would be fine, which is was.

pontia wrote: »

sounds like you had little respect for girlfriend

Far from it, been together nearly 5 years and love each other to bits.

pontia wrote: »

or bride and groom

Never met either till that weekend so, whatever, but they turned out to be lovely people and had great craic with them the whole weekend.

Edit - I did shake hands during the sign of peace, nothing wrong with shaking someones hand and saying peace be with you, that was me at my most enthusiastic.

kylith · 21-11-2012 1:16am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

I too will stand, but not kneel. I mentally renovate the church into a house to pass the time.

grindle · 21-11-2012 1:19am

I stand, but don't kneel.

Ignore everybody that told you to stand or kneel.
I regularly sit through this kind of ceremony, and my parents know better than to start with the claptrap (although my father still wonders why I won't throw a few bob to the church - what, so I can pay for the new parish car? Hide a few more stray paedophiles? Corrupt more people in poor countries with infantile fantasies? Yay! The status quo! Let's keep that going! :rolleyes:)

Do what you want to do. Pay respect how you want to pay respect.
If somebody has a problem, it's exactly that - their problem. View it as such.

ShooterSF · 21-11-2012 1:22am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

feelgoodinc27 wrote: »

You could argue that going to mass is following the herd, but partaking in the ceremony of mass would hardly make you a sheep. Personally if I saw someone at mass who didn't kneel or stand I would assume you had an injury or some other medical condition. Once you're not interfering with other peoples participation its hardly an issue.

But kneeling is done to pray. Should the OP clasp their hands together and pretend to murmur something as well? Isn't communion part of mass?

The OP attended out of respect to his/her family and probably to think about his/her loss, to expect them to carry out all the extras seems silly. His/her standing and kneeling is not going to affect those that actually believe they are talking to god and I'd argue playing along belittles the beliefs of those that are there as actual christians. If it was a funeral of an atheist's direct family would you expect them to play along to the congression's beliefs just to not upset them?

pontia · 21-11-2012 1:25am

you could have got all the chips on your shoulders and provided the meal for the reception.seems to be making things arkward for the sake of it,been at enough crappy weddings,didint act the child on someone elses big day

grindle · 21-11-2012 1:28am

I stand, but don't kneel.

It's not "acting the child", it's "not doing a stupid thing for no reason".

feelgoodinc27 · 21-11-2012 1:32am

ShooterSF wrote: »

But kneeling is done to pray. Should the OP clasp their hands together and pretend to murmur something as well? Isn't communion part of mass?

The OP attended out of respect to his/her family and probably to think about his/her loss, to expect them to carry out all the extras seems silly. His/her standing and kneeling is not going to affect those that actually believe they are talking to god and I'd argue playing along belittles the beliefs of those that are there as actual christians. If it was a funeral of an atheist's direct family would you expect them to play along to the congression's beliefs just to not upset them?

The part of my post you have an issue with isn't really directed at the OP more their assertion that by partaking in mass that people were mindlessly following the herd. My point is that the vast majority of people attending mass are believers thus the point in coming to mass is to take part in it.

Havermeyer · 21-11-2012 1:34am

I stand and kneel along with everyone else.

The last time I was in a church was for a funeral.

I stood up for the simple reason that I didn't want to be staring at an arse while they did their standy bit, but when it came to kneeling, I just sat forward so the person behind me wasn't poking me in the back with their nose.

I'm not too bothered about what other people think about my not taking part. I gave up religion a long time ago.

I'm there out of respect for the deceased. Not out of respect for their beliefs.

Having to go to church: Should I stand?

As a non-believer, how do you behave during wedding/funeral/other mass situations? 195 votes

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