Ring problem

smares · 08-09-2008 10:24pm #1

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings. Last night I tried my ring on his finger and he freaked out. After that he said that if we ever got married he would not wear a wedding ring on his finger ever but would wear it on a chain.
I would like my husband to wear his ring on his finger, does anyone else think it is a little bit strange?

Piste · 08-09-2008 10:29pm

I don't like rings on guys, I don't think they look nice on big man fingers, so I wouldn't care.

I'm aaaaaaall about the aesthetics

Kotick · 08-09-2008 10:30pm

I dunno. Maybe it feels annoying, like something stuck in between your toes.

As long as the ring doesn't get lost and he's not lying about why he doesn't want to wear the ring then wearing it around his neck would be fine with me. You could also suggest that he get a tattoo of the ring on his finger. Mwa ha ha haha!

coffee_cake · 08-09-2008 10:38pm

Maybe he just finds it uncomfortable. I personally cannot stand wearing rings (or watches for that matter).
as long as it's not "hiding" it, i think you should relax, no point forcing someone to wear something uncomfortable (let alone 24/7)

Stheno · 08-09-2008 10:39pm

smares wrote: »

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings. Last night I tried my ring on his finger and he freaked out. After that he said that if we ever got married he would not wear a wedding ring on his finger ever but would wear it on a chain.
I would like my husband to wear his ring on his finger, does anyone else think it is a little bit strange?

I know a fair few blokes who don't wear a wedding ring and never have ever since they got married.

ChewChew · 08-09-2008 10:43pm

Awe man!! I thought you had a problem with your 'ring'. . you know you what I mean!! :rolleyes: very disappointed now. :mad:

Anyways. . I know a few guys who dont wear wedding rings. My Dad didn't wear his, only for a bout a year is all I recall. And I know another guy who doesn't like them either so got a wee tattoo on his wedding finger.

randylonghorn · 08-09-2008 11:02pm

smares wrote: »

My boyfriend seems to have a phobia of wearing rings.

So do I.

When I was about four or five for some reason best known to my childish self I put a copper ring (something to do with plumbing, don't ask me it's exact purpose) on my finger.

It was tight going on, the day was hot, by the time I decided to take it off a few hours later my finger had swollen around it. Even parental help / soap / engine oil had no effect.

My father then decided that the only choice was a hacksaw!

The damn thing was easily a quarter inch wide, and quite thick ... even my father admits it took ages to saw through, especially as naturally he was trying not to saw my finger off too! To me at that age it felt like an eternity, it was bloody painful and I was scared rigid.

To this day, I have never put a ring of any description on my finger ... nor will I be doing so.

It's perfectly possible that something similar, if probably less public / memorable, happened to your boyfriend, and there is a sub-conscious reaction kicking in that he's not even aware of.

08-09-2008 11:06pm

I like the look of a simple wedding band on big man fingers.

I hate the look of chains on men though, unless they are slinky and girly.

Silly thing to be worrying about at this stage tbh.

Madame Razz · 09-09-2008 7:44am

A lot of men dont wear their wedding band, cos they dont like it, cos of the work they do, lots of reasons.

Some wear it everywhere doing everything.

My father nearly drowned cos of his wedding ring. It got caught in the rigging of a windsurfer during a capsize, and essentially held him under the water. After a bit of a struggle he managed to bend it out of shape and free himself. He still has the very bent wedding ring at home, and at the time refused point blank to get it fixed or to wear it again....can't say I blame him really!

I wouldn't hold it against a guy. Its a preference thing. Anyway they say these lecherous woman types find a man witha wedding ring more appealing, so its probably a good thing if your man doesn't wear his, makes him less of a target;)

Black Swan · 09-09-2008 7:47am

How about a ring in his nose, like they do with some bulls? Might discourage him from eating the greener grass on the other side of the fence?

Curvy Vixen · 09-09-2008 7:56am

I actually think that the most important thing about this post isn't the reason why your OH won't wear a ring, but actually why you think it's an issue that he doesn't??

Why do you think that he should? That's the bit that I find strange tbh...

krankykitty · 09-09-2008 8:19am

Why shouldn't she want him to wear it? Would he want her to wear an engagement/wedding ring?

Incidentally, all the married men I've ever known who wouldn't wear their wedding ring (for reasons such as work/uncomfortable etc) were complete dirtbirds. :eek:

Generalisations ahoy!

Compushed · 09-09-2008 8:51am

A lot of people who work with high voltage electricity (electricians etc) will avoid wearing rings or metal watches for fear of arc welding it to themselves.

All it takes is for the ring to short two contacts, the rest I'll leave to your imagination.

Silverfish · 09-09-2008 9:00am

Compushed wrote: »

A lot of people who work with high voltage electricity (electricians etc) will avoid wearing rings or metal watches for fear of arc welding it to themselves.

All it takes is for the ring to short two contacts, the rest I'll leave to your imagination.

My dad's an electrician, and he wears his all the time, and when he's doing his electricianny thing, he puts it onto his keyring.

I asked him about it before, and he said pretty much the same as krankykitty... the lads he knows that don't wear it at all due to work (which they only do 8 hours a day) were complete dirtbirds.

Its just an excuse. You could be even more injured by the ring on a chain around your neck than on your finger.

watna · 09-09-2008 9:10am

My dad doesn't wear a wedding ring. He caught his finger on a wire fence while running for a train soon after they were married. He hasn't worn one since.

I asked my OH about this and he said he'd wear one because he likes jewellery. I wouldn't mind if he didn't, I'd understand. A lot of men don't wear wedding rings.

Nevyn · 09-09-2008 9:11am

Some people just dont like wearing rings.
I don't.
I think that if you are considering ending a relationship that you though had long term martial possiblities over this you need to have a good think and figure out why this is such an issue for you.

Hagar · 09-09-2008 9:15am

Don't worry about you OH not wanting to wear a ring. Most women like shiny things, lots of men don't, unless it's electronic of course. On a personal note, before we got married I made it clear to the missus that I would not be wearing a ring. I agreed to wear it for the ceremony etc to keep her happy but afterwards it went into a drawer somewhere. I'm sure she knows exactly where.

A ring does not make a marriage. It doesn't stop husbands from straying. It doesn't stop other women making advances on married men, if anything it attracts them, some women see them as a challenge.

If I were you I wouldn't make a big deal about it. Do you really want a man you can force into doing things?

View Profile · 09-09-2008 9:22am

I'm sure a loving husband would have no problem wearing a ring if it made his wife happy. It's a symbol of their union.

I don't like rings myself but i think for the sake of "marriage" i'd make an exception.

It might be uncomfortable a first but you'll get used to it. I don't think it's much of a sacrifice for a husband to wear a ring.

Hagar · 09-09-2008 9:30am

View Profile wrote: »

I'm sure a loving husband would have no problem wearing a ring if it made his wife happy. It's a symbol of their union.

I don't like rings myself but i think for the sake of "marriage" i'd make an exception.

It might be uncomfortable a first but you'll get used to it. I don't think it's much of a sacrifice for a husband to wear a ring.

There you go. Pressureing a man to do something he doesn't want to do right from the start. A recipe for future trouble. I love my wife, wearing a ring won't strengthen that love. Being forced to wear a ring may well cause hidden resentment which will surface eventually.

09-09-2008 9:33am

krankykitty wrote: »

Incidentally, all the married men I've ever known who wouldn't wear their wedding ring (for reasons such as work/uncomfortable etc) were complete dirtbirds. :eek:

Generalisations ahoy!

My Dad hasn't worn his ring in 20 years. He wore it away working. It would be long since gone if he had keep it on his hand.
So he has in a case for sentimental reasons.

View Profile · 09-09-2008 9:35am

I'm not saying force him to wear the ring. He should on his own merit know that wearing a ring is important to you, unless you said it isn't.

Relationships are about making sacrifices for your other half. If you go into a relationship with the attitiude of "im only doing what i want to do, you can't tell me what to do", then it ain't going to work out.

Of course there is a happy medium. You don't want a battleaxe of a wife either.

Hagar · 09-09-2008 9:50am

View Profile wrote: »

Relationships are about making sacrifices for your other half. If you go into a relationship with the attitiude of "im only doing what i want to do, you can't tell me what to do", then it ain't going to work out.

There's plenty of scope for sacrifices in marriage you don't have to go around making them up.

It is said that men marry their ideal woman and women marry a man and say "I'll change him".

Do women really want men who they can tell what to do? A puppy would be a better choice maybe.

Obviously I can only speak based on my own limited experience of marriage so what's true for me may be totally irrelevent for others.

Iago · 09-09-2008 10:06am

I wasn't sure whether or not I'd wear a band once I got married, I'm really not a jewellery person at all. My wife has expressed her surprise that I have chosen to wear the ring, she thinks it's "nice" that I do, but wouldn't have been bothered if I chose not to.

That kind of thing is the reason I married her.

Silverfish · 09-09-2008 10:12am

Hagar wrote: »

There you go. Pressureing a man to do something he doesn't want to do right from the start. A recipe for future trouble. Being forced to wear a ring may well cause hidden resentment which will surface eventually.

What about being forced to accept your husband won't wear his wedding ring?

I'd like if I got married, that we would both wear our rings, I wouldn't like my husband forcing me to accept something I'd be unhappy or uncomfortable with, especially if he used the 'You women, you're all the same' excuse thats so frequently trotted out by men, when they have nothing else to use.

Crumble Froo · 09-09-2008 10:20am

Kotick wrote: »

I dunno. Maybe it feels annoying, like something stuck in between your toes.

As long as the ring doesn't get lost and he's not lying about why he doesn't want to wear the ring then wearing it around his neck would be fine with me. You could also suggest that he get a tattoo of the ring on his finger. Mwa ha ha haha!

i've known a few people who did the tattoo ring, or a tattoo somewhere obvious instead of a wedding ring... one of those couples broke up after she was sleeping around, and god, it is not easy for the dude to handle having to see that ink on him so often.

i know marriage itself isnt a situation to take lightly, but ink related to marriage is even less so.

Hagar · 09-09-2008 10:22am

Silverfish wrote: »

What about being forced to accept your husband won't wear his a wedding ring?

Fixed that for you.

What about him being forced to wear it? Two sides to the same coin.

We have to acknowledge that a couple is a partnership of two equal individuals neither of whom should be pressured into complying with the other's wishes.

If you can't agree on wedding rings before the wedding don't have a wedding.

Silverfish · 09-09-2008 10:53am

Hagar wrote: »

Fixed that for you.

What about him being forced to wear it? Two sides to the same coin.

We have to acknowledge that a couple is a partnership of two equal individuals neither of whom should be pressured into complying with the other's wishes.

If you can't agree on wedding rings before the wedding don't have a wedding.

It didn't need to be fixed, I said what I meant and I meant what I said.

Your original point was 'There you go, typical women trying to change men :rolleyes:'

My point is, if she's forcing him, he's resisting, and therefore also forcing HER to accept HIS point of view.

If its 'just a ring' then you shouldn't have a problem with her telling people she's single either, after all, that's just a word, like a ring is just a ring.

I know if my (fictional) husband wouldn't wear his wedding ring, I'd tell anyone who asked I was single. Like for like.

Hagar · 09-09-2008 11:07am

Silverfish wrote:

My point is, if she's forcing him, he's resisting, and therefore also forcing HER to accept HIS point of view.

So you admit that she is forcing and he is resisting, don't we all resist being forced into doing something we don't want to? The second part of the sentence actually means she must accept her inability to force the issue.

You're assuming, I think, that men don't want to wear rings so that they can pretend to be single. Did I say anything like that? Did I even imply anything like that? Some men just don't like rings. Simple. For your part you seem to be threatening your future husband that you will sleep around if he doesn't wear a ring.

Silverfish · 09-09-2008 11:15am

Hagar wrote: »

So you admit that she is forcing and he is resisting, don't we all resist being forced into doing something we don't want to? The second part of the sentence actually means she must accept her inability to force the issue.

You're assuming, I think, that men don't want to wear rings so that they can pretend to be single. Did I say anything like that? Did I even imply anything like that? Some men just don't like rings. Simple. For your part you seem to be threatening your future husband that you will sleep around if he doesn't wear a ring.

No, I was using YOUR terminology of 'forcing'.

And secondly, implying that my saying I'm single will mean I'm threatening my husband with sleeping around? That's quite a leap. What exactly are you saying? That being single i.e unmarried means I'm a slut?

You've a very disturbing view of women.

Hagar · 09-09-2008 11:16am

Forget me taking a leap, single means available for courtship. Am I right?

You've a very disturbing view of women.

I wouldn't say that, put me down as a long time observer.

fits · 09-09-2008 11:18am

I think its a matter of preference. It wouldnt really bother me if he didnt but I'd like it if he did.

Personally I like wearing rings, but rings and horses really do not mix. They get caught in things too easily and I've heard of many losing fingers that way.

Ring problem

Comments