Skinny Shaming

Da Shins Kelly · 05-09-2014 2:02am #1

Two friends of mine were having a discussion about "skinny shaming" and whether it's really a valid problem to be placed alongside fat shaming. Points were made that slogans like "real women have curves" are just making naturally slim women feel bad about their bodies, which were countered by the argument that skinny shaming can be likened to reverse racism.

To me, I think they're two sides of the same coin really that seeks to just pit women against each other.

Just wondering if anyone here has experienced skinny shaming or do you think it's as bad as some people would have you believe?

(btw, the conversation arose out of Nicki Minaj's new music video in which she says "fcuk you skinny bitches" or words to that effect).

Das Kitty · 05-09-2014 8:05am

I think it's disgusting to judge or shame anyone over how their body looks.

To me it says much more about the commenter and where they place value than anything else.

Neyite · 05-09-2014 12:08pm

There would be uproar if Nicky Minaj was singing "Fcuk you fat bitches" so there is an absolute double standard there. I would never dream of calling someone, anyone a fat bitch, even in jest, yet its acceptable to call me a skinny one as a joke, or sometimes not even a joke?

People are very quick to label anyone thin with an eating disorder - I remember threads here about the thigh-gap and dip between hipbones and a poster making a cyberdiagnois that the woman in the picture 'obviously has an eating disorder'.

I dont buy many magazines but I abhor the ones that 'weight-watch' celebs - one day theres a fabricated article on Angelina Jolie being unhealthily skinny then the next week there is a papped shot of her cellulite /wobbly belly.

And I hate the 'real woman have curves' sh!te. Like us skinny ones are not real because we dont have curves? Jesus, there is enough people putting down our gender without us doing it to each other too!

eviltwin · 05-09-2014 12:58pm

I would support the idea of making bigger women feel better about themselves and their bodies but it shouldn't be done at the expense of another person who is slim. As a big woman I don't need to make myself feel better by putting another woman down which is what it is. Its not the fault of the slim girls that I love cake

All bodies are beautiful, none is perfect, the sooner we can accept that real women come in all sorts of packages the better.

DeltaWhite · 05-09-2014 3:06pm

Skinny shaming seriously boils my blood. I've been called every name under the sun, (whippet, scallion, stick, twig, anorexic etc. etc. etc.) and it's gone on for so long that when someone even mentions my weight my reaction is enough to stop them mentioning it again. :pac:

Here's the thing, I would never walk up to a curvy or overweight girl and say "jaysis, you've some weight on ya!" like the way women walk up to me almost daily and say "god, do you even eat?"

It's the SAME thing, it's offensive, it's insulting, and it's not something I want to hear from women (it's never men, how strange :rolleyes: )

I used to be on Facebook and HATED those stupid pictures, with Marilyn Monroe - Real Women have Curves.... what does that even mean? Seriously?

I was a lot more wimpy years ago, but I have a sharp tongue for women now that speak to me like that. Am I a bit defensive and cranky? Yes, but from putting up with these kind of comments over 12 years now, I wouldn't blame any woman who felt how I do still.

Honestly wish we could all just love ourselves for who we are, and keep out of others lives regarding image. It's hard to love yourself for the way you are, and how you look when you have these women dragging your size/image through the mud and making you feel about 2 inches tall.

As they say though, that's life. Toughen up and deal with it was the only option I had!

Have to add, I have also been questioned and interrogated about whether or not I have an eating disorder for years now and to me, that is an insult to any person who actually IS suffering with an eating disorder. It got to me so much that everytime I looked in the mirror, I believed there was something wrong with me. Thankfully, I developed SENSE and realised I'm not the one with the problem.

Wibbs · 05-09-2014 3:19pm

The joke's on the facebook types as Marilyn Monroe was tiny for most of her adult life. No way was she a "curvy woman".

Dolbert · 05-09-2014 3:26pm

Wibbs wrote: »

The joke's on the facebook types as Marilyn Monroe was tiny for most of her adult life. No way was she a "curvy woman".

She was curvy in the true sense of the word though, tiny waist with boobs and a butt, but still no bigger than a size 10.

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

(btw, the conversation arose out of Nicki Minaj's new music video in which she says "fcuk you skinny bitches" or words to that effect).

This, along with the Dove 'real women' crap just screams of pandering tbh. I've been anything from a size 12 to a 20 in my adult life and it never occurred to me that it'd effect my realness as a woman

Neyite · 05-09-2014 3:29pm

Wibbs wrote: »

The joke's on the facebook types as Marilyn Monroe was tiny for most of her adult life. No way was she a "curvy woman".

Indeed. She was a 16 in clothes, but clothing sizes back then were vastly different to now. For instance, dressmaking uses the old measurements so though I'd be a size 8 in most retail shops, I can be a 16 in something I'd measure and cut out at home. Similarly for wedding dresses in shops - they use old sizing too, many a potential bride has had a bit of a shock when they see an 18 label when they have never been more than a 12.

baby and crumble · 05-09-2014 3:41pm

My mother was never bigger than a 10 all her life- typically she was an 8.

I, on the other hand, am much larger.

People used to comment a lot about how I "didn't look like your mother, anyway! Hahaha!!" We both knew exactly what they meant. And I remember once she was really upset because some random woman in our town walked right up to her and asked if she was "one of those anorexics". Like, right to her face! What are you meant to say to that???

People think it's a compliment to tell someone they're skinny. And they think it's an insult to say that they're fat. It's weird. I know I'm a lot bigger than many women, it doesn't make me better or worse. It just is what it is, like my mother was smaller than a lot of women. She hated it, but that was just her natural state.

I have no idea why people are so antagonistic towards each other. Fat, skinny, gay, whatever. How on earth it relates to you I do not know.

TL; DR- people should stop being so pass remarkable about everyone.

Stepping Stone · 05-09-2014 4:06pm

Truthfully, I don't see that kind of thing on Facebook but it could be a case of me regularly culling the annoying people.

In real life, the worst case of this that I have come across is from a woman who has serious body image issues and a suspected eating disorder (or at least a very unhealthy relationship with food).

One of my friends is tall and about a size 6-8. She is slim but she actually has a tiny frame and a good covering of flesh (sounds horrible but you get the picture). She eats like a horse, is in good enough health, apart from having high cholesterol, which she doesn't get from starving herself. All of her family are built the same but you wouldn't look at any of them and think too skinny (if that makes sense). They are just perfectly propotioned in their own way. She is extremely self conscious though. Super skinny jeans can be a bit baggy in areas, lots of clothes swim around her.

We have an acquaintance who is painfully thin (mentioned above). She is tall and big boned but she is constantly exercising, really has a thing about food and generally looks unwell. We have known her for years and as a teenager she also had issues with food and her body. She eats one meal a day on average and that certainly isn't a big one. Anyway, she is positively vicious about how disgusting my friend's body is. How it is tiny, withered and starved. Honestly, horrible stuff. I honestly don't know if it jealously or what but it is horrible.

I think that if you remember that real women have curves, but they also have big frames/ tiny frames/ slender arms/ tiny waists/ short legs/ big bums/ tiny bums/ bony knees/ ill defined ankles...everyone has a curvy skull if nothing else.

People are fast to judge and comment unfortunately about everything from appearance to the person that you love enough to want to be with for the rest of your life (or not).

Da Shins Kelly · 05-09-2014 4:36pm

Wibbs wrote: »

The joke's on the facebook types as Marilyn Monroe was tiny for most of her adult life. No way was she a "curvy woman".

The same is often said about Beyonce. I've seen her in the flesh and while she looks completely amazing and healthy and everything is in its right place, she is tiny. I'd be willing to bet she wears a smaller dress size than me, and I'm pretty small.

In terms of it being acceptable to skinny shame and not fat shame, I don't know that that's entirely true. The world is a much kinder place to slim people, I think that much can't be denied. Pretty much all forms of media feed us the perfectly slim body as part of the "ideal". Slim people can see people who represent them all around them all the time in film and pop music etc. The fashion industry still treats bigger women differently. Being slim is part of the accepted standard of beauty, at least in western cultures.

meeeeh · 05-09-2014 5:13pm

The reason nobody (or at least not fiends) would go to someone who is overweight and call them fat bitch or whatever is because you don't kick someone who is already down. I'm not denying that skinny people can get the wrong end of the stick but this is a bit like "what about men" argument. The skinny people in general have it nowhere near as hard as overweight people. In fact in most research that I know they come on top in social situations in comparison to overweight people. So skinny shaming is wrong and insulting but those who are overweight have it much worse.

Btw I hate the real women argument. In fact real women in those adds are real but also overweight.

meeeeh · 05-09-2014 5:22pm

Btw you know you are on top of the social ladder when it is not politically incorrect to make jokes or comments about your appearance.

Lyaiera · 05-09-2014 7:46pm

I don't like the way body image pride is being used as a way to compete for the right body. I'm over weight, I know I am and I'm still proud of myself. However my pride comes from who I am, not the way my body is. I think someone should never feel bad about the way they look, and to insult someone looks is the complete opposite of the supportive message body pride is supposed to be getting across.

Like I said, I'm overweight. I know I am. However I'm proud of myself and that means I have the confidence to address my over-weightness. People competing over what the right body is, whether that's a skinny body, curvy body, fat body, muscley body or toned body all seem to miss the point. The message should be that you have control over your body, and what makes you happy about your body is important. Whether that's having ripped muscles, or being curvy, or being skinny. That bodily autonomy exists for everyone and judgements shouldn't be made on anyone. And the only person that should be interested in your body is you, and the people who support your decisions on your body.

beks101 · 05-09-2014 9:17pm

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

In terms of it being acceptable to skinny shame and not fat shame, I don't know that that's entirely true.

That's very true and I think that feeds into the general attitudes towards and discourse surrounding slim women.

Comments and criticisms are considered "fair game" because there's this general view that you've already won the race by being slim - you're already "living the dream" as it were, what could you possibly have to worry about?

I've noticed this any time I've slid up or down the weight scale - a few pounds over what is healthy for me and no-one says a thing, the comments, be they negative or positive, stop completely. A few pounds below and I'll spend a considerable amount of my day responding to compliments, remarks, criticisms, references to my weight and/or food choices, "how did you get so skinny?" "Don't lose any more weight!" "You look gorgeous/amazing/better than ever!" etc. It becomes a talking point because I had 'succeeded' at achieving an ideal weight.

To me it just reinforced this idea that the bigger you are, the more you 'disappear' socially on many fronts - in terms of competition amongst other women, desirability for many (NOT ALL, but definitely many) men, your social value, where you stand in the pecking order.

And that can be hurtful. It definitely doesn't for a second validate the spiteful, jealous, judgemental comments that can be directed at skinnier women, but to be rendered so invisible and inconsequential that someone wouldn't even dare to address your weight whereas the reverse is true if you've dropped a few pounds - it's not a nice feeling.

In an ideal world, no-one would feel the need to comment at all. It's rude, it's deeply personal, it's crossing a boundary and it's potentially a minefield for the person at the receiving end. But the silence can be deafening at the other end too.

Wibbs · 06-09-2014 9:54am

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

The world is a much kinder place to slim people, I think that much can't be denied. Pretty much all forms of media feed us the perfectly slim body as part of the "ideal". Slim people can see people who represent them all around them all the time in film and pop music etc. The fashion industry still treats bigger women differently. Being slim is part of the accepted standard of beauty, at least in western cultures.

It pretty much holds in the majority of cultures. While the size considered desirable in women varies from culture to culture it doesn't vary that much and obese is rarely the ideal. And yep I'd agree with you, if you're slim you've "won" the social lottery, goes for men too*. As beks101 notes the fatter a woman is the more they tend to disappear socially.

*while men can often get away with being fat more than women as there is less societal pressure going on, you will see slim men going out with obese women, but the reverse is rarer.

IvyTheTerrible · 06-09-2014 1:21pm

beks101 wrote: »

I've noticed this any time I've slid up or down the weight scale - a few pounds over what is healthy for me and no-one says a thing, the comments, be they negative or positive, stop completely. A few pounds below and I'll spend a considerable amount of my day responding to compliments, remarks, criticisms, references to my weight and/or food choices, "how did you get so skinny?" "Don't lose any more weight!" "You look gorgeous/amazing/better than ever!" etc. It becomes a talking point because I had 'succeeded' at achieving an ideal weight.

God this is so true, at least in my experience.
I've just lost about two stone since the beginning of the year. I haven't been this weight since I was about 20 so none of the people I now know ever saw me this thin (not particularly thin but in the "normal" weight range).
I feel fantastic but it is unreal the amount of "Oh don't lose any more weight" or "Oh you're too skinny" comments I'm getting now. It's very annoying after a while. A few "You look nice" comments would be a change.

Inanna · 06-09-2014 1:33pm

How in the hell is "fat shaming" still a thing? No, really. It's not an immutable characteristic like race or sexuality. If you're fat, you either chose to be fat or you're among the small percentage of people who have innate conditions which cause it.

How about we rename it "taking responsibility for your own goddamned actions" shaming? Thin "privilege" my ass. Keeping yourself at a weight that's healthy for your age, height, etc. is something that should be lauded in a world where unhealthy food is so proselytized.

I'm not for one second saying fat people should be ridiculed but neither should it be seen as something that's good. Being overweight is not a good thing.

cookiexx · 06-09-2014 1:40pm

Inanna wrote: »

How in the hell is "fat shaming" still a thing? No, really. It's not an immutable characteristic like race or sexuality. If you're fat, you either chose to be fat or you're among the small percentage of people who have innate conditions which cause it.

How about we rename it "taking responsibility for your own goddamned actions" shaming? Thin "privilege" my ass. Keeping yourself at a weight that's healthy for your age, height, etc. is something that should be lauded in a world where unhealthy food is so proselytized.

I'm not for one second saying fat people should be ridiculed but neither should it be seen as something that's good. Being overweight is not a good thing.

Who are you to say whats healthy and right for an individual? My "unhealthily skinny" would be perfectly healthy to someone else who has a different frame and body shape because I simply cant maintain a low BMI without starving myself and losing my mind.

Im not fat either, but understand the battle that many women go through in keeping their weigt down not just physically but mentally, emotionally, psychologically.

I don't believe in the glorification of it either, I think this "real women have curves" bullsh1t is just as bad as demonizing and commenting upon skinny women, but I dont think it's up to any of us to judge and decide what is right or upstanding for somebody else when it comes to something as individual and personal as body weight

Inanna · 06-09-2014 1:58pm

cookiexx wrote: »

Who are you to say whats healthy and right for an individual?

Hello, would you like to meet my friends heart disease and high cholesterol? I'm sure I can find any number of medical professionals--y'know, people who actually study human physiology and nutrition for a living--who can tell you what is healthy and right for an individual.

My "unhealthily skinny" would be perfectly healthy to someone else who has a different frame and body shape

Inanna wrote: »

Keeping yourself at a weight that's healthy for your age, height, etc.

Im not fat either, but understand the battle that many women go through in keeping their weigt down not just physically but mentally, emotionally, psychologically.

And I don't believe in coddling people about the dangers that come from being overweight. Denial and warm feelings won't save them. It's the exact same group that has given us "thin privilege" and criticising anyone who's within a healthy weight.

I don't believe in the glorification of it either, I think this "real women have curves" bullsh1t is just as bad as demonizing and commenting upon skinny women, but I dont think it's up to any of us to judge and decide what is right or upstanding for somebody else when it comes to something as individual and personal as body weight

... Except when medical science butts in and says "actually, you're at higher risk for x,y and z".

No, I'm not buying into this "everyone's choice is okay and none of them are better than any other" when we can look at it from an objective standpoint and say that yes, there are some that are demonstrably better. People should be free to live their lives as they please, absolutely, but that doesn't change the facts and it does not behoove anyone to deny them for the sake of hurt feelings.

Repeating myself: I'm not saying fat people should be ridiculed but neither should it be seen as something that's a point of pride. Being at a weight that is unhealthy is just that - unhealthy.

cookiexx · 06-09-2014 2:07pm

So what then, "tell it like it is" with every overweight person you come into contact with? Do you think that would work on you, to be constantly lauded and reminded about how much of a risk you're putting yourself at, being sung a sonnet about high cholesterol and heart disease at every turn?

Most fat people know they're fat and are perfectly aware of the consequences of remaining so. Most experience enough shaming socially, ostracisation, mockery, ignoring, judgement, disdainful looks, name-calling etc without needing a recital of how unhealthy and wrong and downright stupid their lifestyle choice is. It's not up to you or anyone to "arm them with the facts". They have free will, just as you do.

And skinny people can have high cholesterol and high risk of heart disease too.

Inanna · 06-09-2014 2:36pm

cookiexx wrote: »

So what then, "tell it like it is" with every overweight person you come into contact with? Do you think that would work on you, to be constantly lauded and reminded about how much of a risk you're putting yourself at, being sung a sonnet about high cholesterol and heart disease at every turn?

I don't believe I actually said any of that but what the hell, let's just make whatever wild extrapolations we want to make the other person look terrible, right?

Most fat people know they're fat and are perfectly aware of the consequences of remaining so. Most experience enough shaming socially, ostracisation, mockery, ignoring, judgement, disdainful looks, name-calling etc without needing a recital of how unhealthy and wrong and downright stupid their lifestyle choice is. It's not up to you or anyone to "arm them with the facts". They have free will, just as you do.

And skinny people can have high cholesterol and high risk of heart disease too.

Okay.

meeeeh · 06-09-2014 2:39pm

One of my boyfriends best friends is very skinny despite eating a pile of rubbish. When he goes to the cashier with the bottle of lucozade and three chocolates for himself people will assume he is buying stuff for two people. But people wil comment on how skinny or slim he is. When my partner gets to the cashier with two sandwiches (one for me) he gets the looks I can't believe he is gonna eat two sandwiches. But nobody comments on his apperance. Howevere I did get a few comments why are you with him (I'm not skinny but I am in healthy range) because why would anybody want to be with the fat one. Since his weight is the only quality that defines him. :rolleyes:

I do believe that skinny shaming exists and is unpleasant but to be insulted because there is no disclaimer that skinny women are real women too is a bit precious attitude. I haven't seen any disclaimers in Vougue that fat people also wear clothes because you certainly wouldn't get that impression browsing throug it.

Overweight people shouldn't be invisible, they should be able to get clothes and everybody should be treated with respect. But on the other side the real people argument is bad. Not because it discriminates against skinny people but because it makes unhealthy living style "normal".

retro:electro · 06-09-2014 2:48pm

I was in penneys the other day and went to pick up a packet of briefs in the knicker area. This busy body comes over from the other side of the stand and looked at the size of the packet I had in my hand (10-12 as I always am in briefs) and says "you're never that size are ya, sure there isn't a pick on ya they'll be swimming on ya". Honestly I was so shocked and my natural reaction was to laugh because I couldn't actually believe she just said that. It wasn't until a few minutes later I realised how utterly inappropriate she was. I'm in and around a size 10 and have been for most if my adult life.

I'm happy with my size, sure there's things I dislike but I don't ever obsess over anything. But what if she has said that to someone who wasn't so comfortable with themselves? What made her think that was okay? To me it is the same as saying to an overweight person "Jesus those knickers you have there would never fit you you'll need a bigger size you're huge". There's no difference, an inappropriate weight comment is an inappropriate weight comment.

This also makes me remember being in school and a girl said to me "oh your weight is fine, but any skinnier than you and that's bad", this comment upset me and I remember thinking imagine if it was the other way around and she said "any fatter than you and that's bad". I just don't understand why one is deemed socially acceptable and the other not. Any kind of body shaming/ridiculing/derision is not okay.

TheBeardedLady · 06-09-2014 3:56pm

[/QUOTE]Hello, would you like to meet my friends heart disease and high cholesterol? I'm sure I can find any number of medical professionals--y'know, people who actually study human physiology and nutrition for a living--who can tell you what is healthy and right for an individual.[/QUOTE]

I can't quote your post properly as I'm new but do you really, REALLY think you're saying anything that people don't already know? Really? Why the sarcasm btw? Totally uncalled for and unnecessary.

[/QUOTE]And I don't believe in coddling people about the dangers that come from being overweight. Denial and warm feelings won't save them. It's the exact same group that has given us "thin privilege" and criticising anyone who's within a healthy weight.

... Except when medical science butts in and says "actually, you're at higher risk for x,y and z".

No, I'm not buying into this "everyone's choice is okay and none of them are better than any other" when we can look at it from an objective standpoint and say that yes, there are some that are demonstrably better. People should be free to live their lives as they please, absolutely, but that doesn't change the facts and it does not behoove anyone to deny them for the sake of hurt feelings.

Repeating myself: I'm not saying fat people should be ridiculed but neither should it be seen as something that's a point of pride. Being at a weight that is unhealthy is just that - unhealthy.[/QUOTE]

No one is talking about "coddling" anyone though, they're simply saying, "Keep your nose out of it". Don't comment at all unless they are a good friend or family member and you are genuinely coming at it from a place of genuine concern (which I rarely see on any of the kinds of discussions on weight online) and do it with the fact that the person in front of you is human with all the sensitivity and emotions that goes along with that in mind. Sounds fair to me.

All these people who mouth off on the internet about we should take off the kid gloves when dealing with overweight people actually wouldn't dare say a word in real life and if they do, it rarely comes from a good place.

People don't have to be arseholes about it whether the person is skinny or fat. Making people feel **** about themselves is counterproductive. It doesn't do anyone any good. You won't bully anyone into making changes. Keep your shrón out of it would be my advice unless you actually DO care and you know the meaning of the word "tact".

TheBeardedLady · 06-09-2014 3:57pm

[/QUOTE]Hello, would you like to meet my friends heart disease and high cholesterol? I'm sure I can find any number of medical professionals--y'know, people who actually study human physiology and nutrition for a living--who can tell you what is healthy and right for an individual.[/QUOTE]

I can't quote your post properly as I'm new but do you really, REALLY think you're saying anything that people don't already know? Really? Why the sarcasm btw? Totally uncalled for and unnecessary.

[/QUOTE]And I don't believe in coddling people about the dangers that come from being overweight. Denial and warm feelings won't save them. It's the exact same group that has given us "thin privilege" and criticising anyone who's within a healthy weight.

... Except when medical science butts in and says "actually, you're at higher risk for x,y and z".

No, I'm not buying into this "everyone's choice is okay and none of them are better than any other" when we can look at it from an objective standpoint and say that yes, there are some that are demonstrably better. People should be free to live their lives as they please, absolutely, but that doesn't change the facts and it does not behoove anyone to deny them for the sake of hurt feelings.

Repeating myself: I'm not saying fat people should be ridiculed but neither should it be seen as something that's a point of pride. Being at a weight that is unhealthy is just that - unhealthy.[/QUOTE]

No one is talking about "coddling" anyone though, they're simply saying, "Keep your nose out of it". Don't comment at all unless they are a good friend or family member and you are genuinely coming at it from a place of genuine concern (which I rarely see on any of the kinds of discussions on weight online) and do it with the fact that the person in front of you is human with all the sensitivity and emotions that goes along with that in mind. Sounds fair to me.

All these people who mouth off on the internet about we should take off the kid gloves when dealing with overweight people actually wouldn't dare say a word in real life and if they do, it rarely comes from a good place and never does anyone good bar make the person feel worse about themselves.

People don't have to be arseholes about it whether the person is skinny or fat. Making people feel **** about themselves is counterproductive. It doesn't do anyone any good. You won't bully anyone into making changes. Keep your shrón out of it would be my advice unless you actually DO care and you know the meaning of the word "tact".

Da Shins Kelly · 06-09-2014 4:23pm

Yeah, I think most people with weight problems realize that they have a problem with getting "advice" from people who don't really know what they're talking about, but still think that it's their place to talk freely and critically. I wonder do the same people walk up to smokers or drinkers or people who use drugs recreationally and give their two cents about the damaging effects of those kinds of lifestyles or is it just because being fat is a little less socially acceptable than going to the pub and getting loaded every weekend?

meeeeh · 06-09-2014 4:53pm

I used to smoke and yes people do give you advice. Ex smokers in are the worst in general. But I remember a first date with a guy I didn't really like. He told me I should really stop smoking because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a smoker. I thought to myself that won't be a problem and tried not to yawn too obviously for the rest of the evening.

Da Shins Kelly · 06-09-2014 5:11pm

meeeeh wrote: »

I used to smoke and yes people do give you advice. Ex smokers in are the worst in general. But I remember a first date with a guy I didn't really like. He told me I should really stop smoking because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a smoker. I thought to myself that won't be a problem and tried not to yawn too obviously for the rest of the evening.

So did I, so I know what people say. I don't think it's as bad as how people treat those with weight problems though. I think most people realize that smoking is an addiction that takes effort to bring under control, and while some will still say "I don't like smoking" or "I won't go out with a smoker", you're not going to be pushed to the peripherals like a fat person might be. Smoking is a very social habit too that is often part of the fabric of a night out or what have you. While I heard a bit of "smoking is horrible", I never felt ostracized or terribly hurt by anything people were saying.

I think people with weight issues are judged a lot more harshly. There's a lot of "get over it"/"just stop eating so much"/etc. kind of attitudes that don't appreciate the complexities that often go along with food issues.

Lyaiera · 06-09-2014 5:42pm

I do wonder if all this commenting is based on people's lack of healthy discussion about diet and weight. And how ingrained the idea of having a perfect body is to culture, especially women.

For example, I'm over weight, but my friends support me in my attempts to lose weight. Last night in the pub they saw one of my supermarket receipts and "gave out" to me about what I was buying. I had no problem with that, I know these people really well and I appreciated the support from them, it's nothing I wouldn't think myself. But they didn't comment on my weight, they didn't tell me I was an awful person, they were genuinely just being helpful. Another part of that conversation was worrying about a friend (flatmate to two others there) and her not eating properly when they were away. It's not a huge issue, but it is expressing concern that she looks after herself.

I find these types of conversation perfectly normal, they're a part of being friends with someone and I wonder if people become isolated and can't verbalise what their opinions are on diet, health, weight, etc. and it just comes out as stock, and sometimes offensive cliches. Maybe people really do need people they can honestly talk to about these issues?

Inanna · 06-09-2014 6:04pm

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I can't quote your post properly as I'm new but do you really, REALLY think you're saying anything that people don't already know? Really? Why the sarcasm btw? Totally uncalled for and unnecessary.

Because the whole "fat shaming" thing is full of some of the most obnoxious idiots I've come across. The kind of people who object to hearing that maybe being overweight isn't exactly all that healthy.

Look, I'm gay. I get a lot of **** for that (far worse than these people have ever had to put up with) and I didn't have any choice in the matter. I didn't take any actions that led to me becoming gay. Yet I see these gormless wonders in the "fat shaming" movement going on about how hard they have it and isn't it awful what they have to put up with?

It pisses me off that they complain about the consequences of something they chose. And just so we're clear (because I can already envision the kinds of objections I'll meet) I'm talking about consequences that can reasonably be foreseen.

No one is talking about "coddling" anyone though, they're simply saying, "Keep your nose out of it". Don't comment at all unless they are a good friend or family member and you are genuinely coming at it from a place of genuine concern (which I rarely see on any of the kinds of discussions on weight online) and do it with the fact that the person in front of you is human with all the sensitivity and emotions that goes along with that in mind. Sounds fair to me.

I never said anything about sticking one's nose into others' business but I don't like how certain people are telling others being fat is normal and that they shouldn't try to change who they are. Such people don't need reinforcement of their bad habits they need to be educated in how they can help themselves and why they should.

That's all. Just so it's explicitly clear: I'm not advocating going up to random people and calling them up on being fat.