The Funny Side of not being straight.

ninty9er · 17-08-2011 8:04pm

Dr. Baltar wrote: »

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my ****ing perch."

Totally Stolen by the way.

That is brilliant... I'm sending that on internal mail at work!

deirdre_dub · 21-08-2011 11:20pm

So I was in a taxi on Friday going into town to meet a friend. Was chatting away to the taxi driver - talking mostly about our shared interest in foreign travel. It was a really good chat - lots of interesting stories from both sides.

Then I mentioned that my first long-distance foreign trip was to Saudi Arabia (my Dad was working there at the time). "Oh - that must have been interesting - what was it like to have to wear the burqua?".

Damn. What do I do now? Come out to him, or make up a story about wearing the veil? :rolleyes:

(I did the latter :pac:).

Oh - the perils of being trans!

deirdre_dub · 22-08-2011 10:25pm

Another example of the perils of being trans.

This M2F trans woman got married as a male, had a few children, then transitioned. Transition went well - partly because of her small frame. Anyhoo, post-transition, she was with some of her girlfriends, and they were talking about children. The subject of children becoming taller than their parents came up. The trans woman said "yes - my children are now taller than me".

"Oh - I see - and, uh, how tall is their father?".

"Umm - eh - he's about as tall as I am!"

Links234 · 09-09-2011 12:25am

Links234 · 09-09-2011 3:11pm

brian93 · 12-09-2011 12:29am

I've only come out to one friend - I told him while intoxicated at my debs about a month ago!

About 2 weeks later, we were in Penneys, and I was looking for a pair of jeans. There was a large sign with a list of about 8 jean styles, and we both decided that the nicest ones were 'bootleg' and 'worker's cut'.

He then picks out a nice pair of jeans, calls me over and shows them to me. As I was walking over he says accidentally: "Never mind, they're straight." He realised immediately what he said and we both burst out laughing

Coeurdepirate · 12-09-2011 11:26pm

The other day I was taking ages in the shower and my mother, who I haven't yet come out to wanted to have a shower, so she impatiently shouted back the hall from the kitchen "Wouldja ever just hurry the feck up and come out???" My brother, who I have come out to was also in the kitchen in stitches!

jaffacakesyum · 12-09-2011 11:27pm

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

The other day I was taking ages in the shower and my mother, who I haven't yet come out to wanted to have a shower, so she impatiently shouted back the hall from the kitchen "Wouldja ever just hurry the feck up and come out???" My brother, who I have come out to was also in the kitchen in stitches!

Perfect moment to tell her, if there ever was one

Coeurdepirate · 13-09-2011 12:36am

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Perfect moment to tell her, if there ever was one

I completely agree!

WonderWoman! · 13-09-2011 4:35pm

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

The other day I was taking ages in the shower and my mother, who I haven't yet come out to wanted to have a shower, so she impatiently shouted back the hall from the kitchen "Wouldja ever just hurry the feck up and come out???" My brother, who I have come out to was also in the kitchen in stitches!

I'd say your mum had a WTF moment :L

keepkeyyellow · 14-09-2011 12:05am

Mother: I'm never going to have grandchildren...no they won't got married...I won't have a grandchild unless you adopt from China Key!

Mother after hearing what my friend does in Vetinary: Oh so you'll never marry a Farmer's Daughter....or son.

TylerIE · 05-10-2011 6:06pm

MIT Students Turn Coming Out into Online Game
By Lucas Grindley

The path toward coming out and winning acceptance can be so harrowing that it's become a video game.

"A Closed World," a role-playing game from an MIT lab called GAMBIT, puts gamers through the process of talking down your hot-headed brother, or dealing with internal struggle. Your only weapons are Logic, Passion, and Ethics. Sometimes you need a deep breath, or have to walk away from a fight.

"He's suffering under your unbearable pressure!" says your character while using logic against the judgmental parents of your sweetheart.

In response, they claim you are "inferior," which causes you to lose some "composure" from your status bar.

When the parents shoot a "stony glare" your way, it's time to call upon an ethical argument.

"No one deserves your oppression, especially your own son," the character says, relying on deep breaths to keep composure, and eventually vanquishing the "demon."

The game comes with a statement from its team of student creators, who note that LGBT content is "very uncommon in games right now."

"Game designers and marketing professionals alike have cited a number of reasons for this," they write, "ranging from a perception of institutional homophobia in game culture to a genuine desire on the part of game designers to 'get it right' and create games with compelling queer content, rather than feeling that the element is merely "tacked on" in the end."

Part of the game's goal is to research the challenges that come up when writing a queer-friendly game — starting with how to deal with gender.

Source

Try the game yourself - its actually difficult to battle the demons!

Aard · 05-10-2011 6:30pm

Lol, a less gay version of Pokemon/FF.

Barna77 · 01-11-2011 7:30pm

rainbow kirby · 21-11-2011 1:42am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi3Qbbyh2_c

Aard · 21-11-2011 1:48am

Love Margaret Cho. Even if her act is a bit same-y.

Barna77 · 22-11-2011 12:30am

Al Jazeera reporting the conservative victory in the Spanish general election....

0:25

http://www.antena3.com/videos-online/especiales/noticias/elecciones-generales/2011/pareja-gay-besa-directo-jazeera_2011112100101.html

And the posh kids won't stop looking hahaha

MJRS · 25-11-2011 6:40am

Sorry if it's been posted already! But even if it has, it's gas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in9SiDtJLaU

Coeurdepirate · 07-01-2012 4:07am

Ah, so this is the gay agenda!

akaspike · 07-01-2012 4:57am

I’m not sure if i mentioned here that when my brother got married he mentioned in his speech that he owed alot to our mother from bringing him up straight (cue the laughter and some of the bridesmaids looking at each other while one explains why half the guest are laughing) I’ve only watched the wedding video once.
The other night i was out for a New Years Eve party and we were talking about my aunts up and coming 50th party. Suddenly she starts laughing and says to my sister what song are you going to sing at my 50th. Questioning this, they recalled the night of her 40th, where my sister had started to sing a song with the opening lines this is for my brother akaspike and then proceeded to sing Madonna’s Like a Virgin. Thats Family for ya.

In each case i can see where they went horribly wrong with their wording.
But in fairness I was a big Madonna fan back in the day.

EGAR · 07-01-2012 10:29pm

I am straight and went to the pub with a friend of mine who is very openly lesbian. We had a great time and since this is very very

rural Ireland and I rarely go to the pub we did cause some stir.

Next day my OH came home from the local shop and was doubled over with laughter, one of the older guys who were in the pub the night before took him aside in the shop and whispered:

*Does *egar* know that XYZ is one of THEM??*

OH: *One of what?*

Man: *You know, one of them Lebanese!*

I was peeing myself laughing when he told me.

rainbow kirby · 09-01-2012 11:21pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOFf7akUHII

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMhjP2yVmu8

baby and crumble · 10-01-2012 1:15pm

RK- CLASSIC!

Although there a few in this American one that don't get a look in the UK one that I've heard- mostly the "If I were a lesbian I'd totally do you".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgHiKx5l1ZA

Aard · 10-01-2012 1:48pm

Love this meme. The American lesbian one is amazing, but the British one isn't snappy enough. Holla Regina George. There. That's my gay quota filled for the day.

ninty9er · 11-01-2012 12:14am

baby and crumble · 11-01-2012 1:33am

"I was BLIND now with the horn, in fairness!"

Robbing that for everyday usage.

DazMarz · 12-01-2012 7:32am

I've recently come out to a lot of my closest friends, and it's been so great so far. The first time I told anyone (and I was telling myself as much as anyone else, in fairness!), I was in floods of tears and letting 8 years' worth of pent up secrets and emotion come flooding out. I told my best friend that night, and he's been the rock for me ever since. Ever since then, it's been plain sailing. I've been happy telling people, but some of the reactions (while all positive) have been priceless...

-Told one of my best friends (a girl) and she was so nervous, because I was being so quiet and serious before I told her (usually I'm very talkative and never take anything serious). So I took a deep breath and said to her that I was fairly sure that I'm gay. She sat back and sighed in relief and started to cry and hugged me. "Oh my God, Daz! I thought you were dying! I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or something! Oh my God...... I HAVE A BOY I CAN GO SHOPPING WITH NOW!!!" Dear, oh dear...:o:P

-Told another one of my best friends, and his reaction was thus: "Really? Ah well, that's cool... Wanna watch a film?" I was expecting something a bit more shocked than that...

-Another best friend of mine, really like a brother to me, I only told last night. I'd been put off telling him, as he always acted a bit 'homophobic' and had said to me in the past he'd be creeped out if one of his friends told him that they were gay...:( So I was more than a little nervous, but at the same time I owed it to him and to myself to be honest with him. So I told him last night... and he was so happy for me. He hugged me and even kissed me on the forehead telling me how happy he was. We were going into his house to watch a film afterwards, and I noticed he had stopped at his front door. I looked over and he was crying!!! I asked him what was wrong: "I'm just so happy for you!!!" Aw, bless!!! That nearly made me cry, that one!

-The banter and the gentle teasing has increased a lot... "No wonder you love football so much... all them men in shorts"... "No wonder you love the GAA so much, you big Gaelicer/gay-licker, ya!"...

-Conversation with my best friend (light-hearted, teasing each other)
Him: "You can say nothing! Sure you love the cock!"
Me: "Well, I can hardly fukken deny that, now can I?!?!"

Barna77 · 12-01-2012 10:39am

DazMarz wrote: »

-Told one of my best friends (a girl) and she was so nervous, because I was being so quiet and serious before I told her (usually I'm very talkative and never take anything serious). So I took a deep breath and said to her that I was fairly sure that I'm gay. She sat back and sighed in relief and started to cry and hugged me. "Oh my God, Daz! I thought you were dying! I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or something! Oh my God...... I HAVE A BOY I CAN GO SHOPPING WITH NOW!!!" Dear, oh dear...:o:P

Head for the hills!!!

:pac:

Killer Pigeon · 12-01-2012 11:47am

"Hey baby girl!"

fluffybiscuits · 12-01-2012 1:47pm

DazMarz wrote: »

I've recently come out to a lot of my closest friends, and it's been so great so far. The first time I told anyone (and I was telling myself as much as anyone else, in fairness!), I was in floods of tears and letting 8 years' worth of pent up secrets and emotion come flooding out. I told my best friend that night, and he's been the rock for me ever since. Ever since then, it's been plain sailing. I've been happy telling people, but some of the reactions (while all positive) have been priceless...

-Told one of my best friends (a girl) and she was so nervous, because I was being so quiet and serious before I told her (usually I'm very talkative and never take anything serious). So I took a deep breath and said to her that I was fairly sure that I'm gay. She sat back and sighed in relief and started to cry and hugged me. "Oh my God, Daz! I thought you were dying! I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or something! Oh my God...... I HAVE A BOY I CAN GO SHOPPING WITH NOW!!!" Dear, oh dear...:o:P

-Told another one of my best friends, and his reaction was thus: "Really? Ah well, that's cool... Wanna watch a film?" I was expecting something a bit more shocked than that...

-Another best friend of mine, really like a brother to me, I only told last night. I'd been put off telling him, as he always acted a bit 'homophobic' and had said to me in the past he'd be creeped out if one of his friends told him that they were gay...:( So I was more than a little nervous, but at the same time I owed it to him and to myself to be honest with him. So I told him last night... and he was so happy for me. He hugged me and even kissed me on the forehead telling me how happy he was. We were going into his house to watch a film afterwards, and I noticed he had stopped at his front door. I looked over and he was crying!!! I asked him what was wrong: "I'm just so happy for you!!!" Aw, bless!!! That nearly made me cry, that one!

-The banter and the gentle teasing has increased a lot... "No wonder you love football so much... all them men in shorts"... "No wonder you love the GAA so much, you big Gaelicer/gay-licker, ya!"...

-Conversation with my best friend (light-hearted, teasing each other)
Him: "You can say nothing! Sure you love the cock!"
Me: "Well, I can hardly fukken deny that, now can I?!?!"

Feel a lump in my throat. Love stories like this . Fair play

My girl friends hate that they cant go shopping with me as Im a bit of a slob, I live out of combats/jeans and football jerseys and shirts and am unshaven! They have other effemintate gay friends so I get asked to camp it up !

rofl!

The Funny Side of not being straight.

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