LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

sorry to hear things are not going well,i have been at the rock bottom myself,i know you feel worthless but you have as much right to be alive as anyone else.keep fighting the good fight.....remember get up ya bum mickey loves ya!!

Reiketsu wrote: »

I have having a rubbish time lately. I have been suffering from depression on and off for 10 years now. Recently, in May, I fell out with a very good friend of mine. She said I had been talking about her behind her back, which I 100% hadn't been. Due to this we can obviously not all go out together in a group anymore but my friends and my ex friend have had 4 nights out together since stuff happened and I haven't been out once. I haven't been on a night out in almost 3 months and have saw 3 friends for a few hours spread out over that period. When it first happened I said it upset me and I felt left out and like people were taking sides and suggested that in future maybe we should both be asked out and leave it up to ourselves if we wished to go. Felt that was the fairest way. Obviously that didn't happen. I feel so lonely and its gotten to the point that when my daughter stays with her father (single parent here) I sit and cry because I have no company. It sounds so silly but I can't help it. The whole thing is so childish and I thought my friends valued me as much as I do them but clearly not. I also haven't been in a relationship for a few years and everyone around me is settling down. I'm generally okay being single but right now I hate it. Guess I just want company.

A few weeks after all this happened my stepfather died of cancer. I left my daughter in care of my brother and her grandad on her dads side for a week to go to Scotland and be with my mother as thats where they live and my brother flew over for the funeral. I didn't want her out of school for a week. When I got home I had a letter from a social worker saying I had been reported by my ex and his father for "abandoning" my daughter and going on holidays...along with a whole list of lies, saying I wasn't feeding her, she didn't have clothes etc. Thankfully it all blew over quickly simply because it was lies but it was horrific having a stranger invade my private life and make me question how well Im doing. When I have a bad day its one of the things I wonder, if Im a good mother and to have myself reported really dented my confidence.

At the moment I find it hard to care about myself at all. I don't care how I look, I have put on weight and hate how I look. I have IBS too and frequent headaches and I am so tired of feeling like complete crap both physically and mentally. I don't feel my doctor even takes me seriously when I do go to see him. I've started feeling anxious again and taking panic attacks and I have insomnia again. I'm just so fed up at the minute. I can't even find pleasure in music - have a couple of gigs in the next few weeks and Im not even excited. However on the plus side I am going back to college in September and I hope that gives me a boost.

Sorry for the vent, just needed to get stuff off my chest.

That's horrible Reiketsu, what an awful thing for your ex to do! It doesn't reflect on you as a mother. It's about him being a d1ck. I'm sure the social worker confirmed to you that you are doing a good job? It is horrible to have anyone question that you're a good mum but you did nothing wrong there. You left your daughter in the care of other family members so she wouldn't miss out on school. That's what any responsible parent would do!

I'm sure that going back to college will help you feel better and there'll be plenty of other people there for you to have a bit of craic with. But in the meantime is it possible for you to ask for another doctor? Your doctor really should be taking you seriously especially with panic attacks. Your symptoms are not made up or imaginary, you have a medical condition and deserve to be treated just like someone with a broken bone or diabetes.

That sort of recall is a bastard as all the emotions come flooding back as well.
I used NLP to try and put in short cut so that if my brain starts that shíte
I use a phrase to pull myself out of it and try shake it off.

Meds have well and truely kicked in and are working.
None of things I was stressing about 5 months ago came to pass.
I am ready for changes now, want them to happen, am making them happen on my terms.

Withdrawl how ever is a fck. 3 months of taking the meds aprox the same time and I forgot once
and with in 10 hours had such a banging headache and was just unable to brain at all.
I am not looking forward to weaning off these when the time comes.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

When it comes to meds I've definitely noticed an increased dependence on them since switching to a higher dose. If I go even one or two days without taking them I feel incredibly down and depressed. Which obviously means I can't really do anything other than keep taking them, but it's scary knowing that this is what I have to do just to function. When the time comes to eventually wean off them...that won't be fun.

Tonight I was supposed to go out for a friend's birthday. It was just going out for dinner and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But as soon as I woke up today I knew I wouldn't be able to go; the thought of being surrounded by people was too much to bear. I texted my apologies, saying I wasn't feeling well...which I guess is pretty much true, just not in the way most people interpret it. It's much easier to say "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have a headache/stomach pain/sore throat/etc." than "Sorry, can't come out tonight, have depression and anxiety".

Also I'm trying to lose weight at the moment and had been doing ok up until a few days ago; my brain was telling me that as well as not being around people I also shouldn't be eating tonight. *sigh* The thought of developing an eating disorder, on top of everything else, is really the last thing I need....

I rely on both antidepressants and a couple of fairly heavy pain meds just to be able to stand upright. It's just how it is, no point letting it scare you. Diabetics rely on insulin, we need antidepressants. But it doesn't have to be forever, so don't waste too much thought on it:)

Withdrawal is a b@stard. I've run out of antidepressants a couple of times due to flare-ups and just plain forgetting to go and get more. The staff at my pharmacy don't even raise an eyebrow anymore if I limp in and sit motionless in the shop, tears streaming down my face.

But that doesn't mean that weaning yourself off the pills is going to be the same. When you're ready to come off them, doing it gradually under your doctors supervision will be vastly different from stopping cold turkey. Don't let fear of that become another of those worries and doubts that we carry around with us and punish ourselves with unnecessarily:)

Ye know yerself del, take the day. I took 5 (not recommended) a couple of weeks ago in bed and had some very productive times after that. It's not the end of the world to spend a day in a bed. Remember not to pressure yourself to feel good, if you can try and center yourself, let light come into your eyes whatever way it wants to without judgement.

I experience the band around the head a lot of the time (even today) but it usually a sign I have let my thoughts take over to the point I don't even realise I'm thinking them or... I'm not drinking enough water.

Do not press down on yourself!

Hope you're feeling better Del, I see you had a bad day there.
I've been having a bad couple of days too, or I should say, my ma's been having a bad couple of days and taking it out on me:(
She seems to have gotten over it for now though.
And after saving for 6 months I just figured out that I'm halfway to a new iPod touch, which I desperately need cause I have no computer \o/

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your struggles with anorexia. I've struggled with my diet before but I don't think it's ever been so bad that I could call it binge-eating or anything. I can imagine it's a really slippery slope though.

My mood has a huge effect on my appetite and eating habits. Try not to worry (I know, easier said than done) it doesn't automatically mean you're destined to end up in eating disorder territory, I think it's just that when you're anxious it's harder to eat, when you're down you tend to crave sugar or carbs or comfort foods, those kinds of things.

It's good to pay attention to your diet and weight as part of general health and also body image, because when we're depressed we look for any excuse to beat ourselves up, and "I'm out of shape" or "I'm physically unattractive" is a big one. But try not to be putting a load of pressure on yourself about it. You're already dealing with so much. Don't pile more pressure on yourself as a way of punishing yourself. You don't have to be a certain weight.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

On the subject of meds I think I've been about 4 days without now 'cause I ran out and was every day since I've been either too nervous, too exhausted or too apathetic to go outside and get them. Day and night have reversed for me again, all the chemists are closed by the time I wake up. It's been going on way too long now though so have to make sure I stay awake at least 'til 9 am now so I can finally get them in the morning.

Oh man, I can totally relate to all of this. Withdrawal is not fun at all. The people in my chemist are used to me so they don't bat an eye when I go in with tears streaming down my face because I'm in withdrawal and someone looked at me funny:(

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Had a little something like a panic attack tonight; I somehow spent an insane amount of money recently. I hadn't even realised how much I was spending, and most of it is really innocuous stuff like groceries! Stuff like this reminds me why, like I mentioned earlier, going back home soon is the only real option for me. My parents only take a small amount of money for living expenses, bills etc., they refuse anything higher I offer them. For financial purposes it makes so much more sense than attempting to survive off social welfare and rent supplements somewhere else; I guess it's preferable to be depressed due to boredom than be depressed due to debt. Until I get a little better/little bit less worse, I'm not really trusting myself to make any wise decisions when it comes to money.

It's a symptom of depression that not many people know about, irrational or unwise spending. I think it's related to disorganisation and a lack of willpower, or at least in my case it is. I've done it a couple of times and unfortunately on my current budget, the supermarket is actually a dangerous place. I went over budget last week because I bought a bag of decent coffee and some fresh fruit and veg! So you're right, staying with you parents could be a good thing in the financial sense.
And I'm fairly confident that someone as smart as you can find ways to beat boredom:)

[Deleted User] wrote: »

On the bright side I do have some what of a plan for the future; there's a scheme I'm planning to apply for next month which may let me go back to the UK. Problem is, it's really competitive and I've yet to figure out a plan B for the very likely scenario that this plan doesn't work out....

That sounds great, best of luck with it!:D

Roseybear is right Huayra, let go of the competitive stuff, you can enjoy sport or physical activity without having to be good at it!
I have a cousin who runs races and is very fast, and sometimes we would go running together. We'd go to the park and warm up and stretch together. Then she would run a full lap of the park and I'd run around the little field! I never thought "You need to be faster" I had never been athletic before and I found myself amazed at how much I enjoyed just doing it for its own sake. Plus the endorphin rush was incredible!

If I had looked at it in a competitive light I think that would have ruined it for me. People think that races etc are the natural way to go if you run, but there's no rule to say you can't just enjoy it. Even competing against yourself can add an element of pressure that takes away from the sheer enjoyment of physical activity.

I read something today that helped me feel a bit less nervous about meeting up next month. Just in case anyone else is nervous too, http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/writing-and-speaking-for-introverts/

Itzy, Huayra, I completely understand what you're going through. I am stuck living with my mother after my disability resulted in losing my job and therefore my flat (didn't qualify for rent allowance).
My mother has emotional problems and is a very angry, emotionally abusive person.She's been like that all my life, but now that my dad is gone there's no-one to step in and keep the peace when things get really bad.
In fact Huayra while I was Reading your post she was screaming at me. And like you Itzy I tend to shut down because anything else makes her even angrier. I grew up with this stuff and spent so long clenching my jaw in a subconscious effort to keep quiet that it became automatic; the first time I moved out I suddenly noticed I was getting far fewer headaches and it took me ages to figure out why. I literally had no idea I was constantly clenching my jaw and even now I catch myself doing it and have to make a conscious effort to relax.
At times lately things have been so bad I've noticed my hands shaking, which is a new one for me.
Getting your own place is like leaving a stuffy room and taking a deep breath of fresh air. In the meantime Huayra I know how severely an unhappy environment can affect your mental health, but just try to remember that other people's anger is their own issue, no matter whether they're a stranger on the street or your parents, just keep telling yourself "This is not about me, it's about them."
Itzy I think going for couples counselling will be great for you & your fiancée. It's not the sign of a doomed relationship. It's the sign of two people committed to making and keeping their relationship strong and happy, and I think that you will both learn a lot about relating to each other healthily and honestly. I think a lot of people would have much happier relationships if they did a bit of counselling.

Yeah, there are thousands of people living with undiagnosed/untreated mental illness in this country, and often it's only their closest relatives who see the signs or bear the brunt of it. My mother had a terrible childhood, she grew up in tenement in Glasgow, and besides the material poverty her own mother was a monster. So in her own way she has done her best to be better than that but she wouldn't dream of going to a doctor and talking about her feelings, in fact she doesn't talk about feelings with anyone, full stop. I'm fairly certain she's got her own depression but she doesn't believe in depression so obviously she isn't getting treated. (Other things she doesn't believe are real: jetlag, fibromyalgia, ME and chronic pain disorder).
It's entirely possible that your mum has her own mental health issues but unfortunately it's very difficult for some people to really look at these things, to challenge their own prejudices about mental illness, sometimes they're so scared they will be seen as "mad" that they are literally unable to even consider whether they might have issues. I'm pretty sure that my mother doesn't realise half the things she does. I know she doesn't do it on purpose.
I don't know what there is to be done about it. You can't force someone to get help, unless they're a serious danger to others or themselves; yet at the same time, you've got to have your own boundaries, you've got to be able to refuse to take abuse or endanger your own mental health.
Unfortunately sometimes the ony thing you can do is get away from the person. It's very hard to do that when it's your parent or family member because of course you feel guilty. We just all need to decide for ourselves where the line is and how much we're willing to take.
And if you've grown up with that person it's even harder to know where that boundary should be, because you think certain things are normal. Over time you begin to learn "this or that is not normal" but often the emotional programming that happens in childhood doesn't really surface until you're in a serious relationship and you find yourself unconsciously playing out those same patterns.
Like, once when I was a kid I went to stay overnight at a schoolfriends house and when I went to the kitchen in the morning, the whole family said "Good morning!" to each other and to me, and I was literally speechless. I thought "Good morning" was something strangers said to each other to be polite (I thought it was normal for people to be all nice and polite to each other in public and then vicious behind closed doors). In my house nobody said good morning, you either got stony silence or you got roared at over your breakfast.

But I learned about that because it was such a visible thing. It was only years later when I was in a job and a relationship that I started unconsciously acting in ways that were the results of the emotional lessons I learned as a kid.

Like for example if a stranger in a pub says something nasty to me I have no problem whatsoever just telling them to go fûck themselves. But when a manager or someone in a position of authority shouted at me or tried to bully me, my throat would automatically close up until I was literally physically unable to speak. It was only when a counsellor explained it to me that I learned this was an unconscious response to what I learned as soon as I could speak: talking back is not allowed and will get you severely punished.

It's not that I think we should all point finger at our parents. We're grownups now and we're responsible for our own mental health. But looking at the ways in which our upbringing has affected us emotionally can help us to understand ourselves and why we feel certain things or deal with situations in a certain way; sometimes we really need to identify and try to counteract the messages we got in childhood.

It's possible that if enough people - family members, mainly - got together and had a kind of intervention to tell someone how their behaviour affects them, they might have a look at how they're acting and maybe think about seeing someone. But I have to say that I think depending on the person themselves the chances of it working might be pretty slim. It wouldn't matter how many people told my mother that her interactions are not healthy, she wouldn't take any notice. My dad stepped in a few times and told her that she was always aggressive any time she spoke to me, as opposed to how she spoke to my brother. The only result was that she saved up her anger for times when he was at work or out of the house.

Sometimes we just have to accept that a person isn't going to change, and find our own way of dealing. I hide in the attic a lot (that's where I sleep). Avoidance. My dad did it a lot too.

delthedriver wrote: »

Starling,

Well done!

Your post is heartfelt.

Sincerely, I hope your living arrangements improve. That is quite a cross to bear.

Surely, there must be an alternative accommodation available?

It is not right that you don't qualify for, RA!

Warmest wishes,

Del

Thanks Del, sometimes just letting it out really helps me. I'm looking into getting some class of social housing but of course there are tons of people who arguably need it more, and there are limited resources available.

Rent allowance is a bit unrealistic here, the limit for a single person is 520 a month, you won't get a parking space for that money! People have this vague notion that "rents are coming down" but they don't realise how much rents increased during the good times.

In 2004 I went flat hunting and I'd budgeted for about €400 a month. After seeing a few places in that price range - places you'd be prosecuted for keeping a dog in - I figured I'd better juggle my budget a bit and managed to afford a flat at €560.

After three and a bit years (part IV tenancy) my landlady pulled the old "I need this flat for a family member" trick so she could give me notice. She later rented my flat to someone else for €700 a month.

I went back to flat hunting and this time, because rents had increased so much I budgeted €800 a month. And I found myself viewing the exact same cr@pholes that had been €400 a month the first time around. Not similar flats, literally the exact same ones with no improvements or refurbishment. One of them had a shower stall made out of bar trays, I'm not kidding.

Anyway I've been keeping a diary and plan to use extracts from it as evidence that despite living in the family home, my living situation is unacceptable. I can only hope the housing officer agrees!

Cheers:)

delthedriver wrote: »

Rents are actually increasing in the Greater Dublin Area.

That is shocking accommodation being offered by landlords, or perhaps as a landlord I am too soft. Seriously I would not expect a tenant to live in conditions I would not live in myself.

In your case living in the attic of your family home must surely qualify you as needing urgent assistance.

I don't know your circumstances , but would relocating to another county improve your lot? It may be a clean break for you and an opportunity to start a better life for yourself:)

Well if you could show that you were living in the attic because the rest of the house was full maybe it would help your case, but since this is a 3 bed semi and therefore there are currently two empty bedrooms, I doubt it would be much help to me. Try explaining to the housing folks that my mother needs those rooms so she can take in foreign students? No chance, especially when she'll deny it to her last breath.
I'm up against the stereotype of the Irish Mammy who will let her adult children live with her rent free and feed them and do all their laundry etc. Hard to explain that my mum's basically the diametric opposite.

I'm not sure how emigrating would help in my situation. I'd have to leave the hse system and start again in a new system, which would probably involve going back onto a waiting list and being untreated in the meantime. Since I literally cannot function without the prescription drugs I'm on atm, that's not an option. I waited three years just to get in to the pain clinic here, and I can't do that again.

Moving to a foreign country would require expenses I couldn't cover, and would leave me alone in a strange place where I knew nobody and had nowhere to go for support or help. I think it would probably make things ten times worse:(