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No longer attracted to my girlfriend

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    #92
    phill106
    Registered Users Posts: 6,810 ✭✭✭phill106


    Ann84 wrote: »
    Why do most men start off with a full head of hair?

    :)

    Cause you make it fall out!


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    #93
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    creolebelle wrote: »
    Crude language but it would work. That kind of activity burns a lot of calories and releases endorphins so your gf will cutdown on her comfort eating

    I dunno - according to most things I've read a normal sex session is about the equivalent of a bite of food. To lose weight, I think you'd need to be having sex many times per day.

    http://edition.cnn.com/2013/09/17/health/sex-calorie-burn-upwave/
    The verdict: Sex burns a few calories, but frequent friskiness isn't going to replace the gym.
    ...
    30 minutes of sex can burn in the neighborhood of 85 to 100 calories

    A 30 minute jog might be 3x that amount.


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    #94
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    Specialun wrote: »
    I personally have never "been" with a big girl but by all accounts if they dont get it too often when they do they aperciate it more

    I don't think that stereotype is meant to apply to big girls *in a relationship*....but maybe I'm wrong.


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    #95
    blueser
    Registered Users Posts: 10,691 ✭✭✭✭blueser


    Lon.C wrote: »
    Look on the bright side. It's a piece of cake to get her into bed.
    Cruel, but very good.


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    #96
    Colser
    Registered Users Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    If you are sure shes madly in love with you then cheat and make sure she finds out about it ...Im nearly 2 stone lighter than I was a few months ago:(


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    #97
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    I've found that with some exes, they let themselves go once we settled down, and trimmed themselves up, after we broke up. Fairly annoying, in retrospect. Willing to make more effort for randomers.


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    #98
    Outkast_IRE
    Registered Users Posts: 7,515 ✭✭✭Outkast_IRE


    If you want to stay with her then set up a joint health kick in the new year.

    I highly reccomend buying a scales that can track your weight such as Salter mi-body or similar. I am sure she is well aware she has gained weight. If she sees the results of a good diet and exercise for a few weeks it may kick her on to keep up healthy habits.

    that would be my suggestion. Treat it as a joint healthkick for the new year and ensure you both commit and track the results accurately week to week. I usually find when people cam track their progress its great motivation


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    #99
    bjork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,554 ✭✭✭bjork


    Outkast_IRE wrote: »
    If you want to stay with her then set up a joint health kick in the new year.

    I highly reccomend buying a scales that can track your weight such as Salter mi-body or similar. I am sure she is well aware she has gained weight. If she sees the results of a good diet and exercise for a few weeks it may kick her on to keep up healthy habits.

    that would be my suggestion. Treat it as a joint healthkick for the new year and ensure you both commit and track the results accurately week to week. I usually find when people cam track their progress its great motivation

    I'd love to see the look on her face when she unwraps that Christmas present! If the OP survives he should post the video here and maybe do a review of the products durability. :pac:


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    #100
    ThinkAboutIt
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭ThinkAboutIt


    If she does anal, the fattie is worth keeping. If she doesn't, then get rid and find yourself a hotter bird.


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    #101
    Colser
    Registered Users Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    ThinkAboutIt wrote: »
    If she does anal, the fattie is worth keeping. If she doesn't, then get rid and find yourself a hotter bird.
    :eek:Where can I find an nice guy like you? Thought romance was dead until I read that...:D


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    #102
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Do active things together - hiking or similar kind of fun/active sporty things, or even just going to the gym together; both read up on and change up diet.


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    #103
    Steve_Carella
    Registered Users Posts: 172 ✭✭Steve_Carella


    Tough love. Keep telling her, directly and honestly, she needs to lose weight to keep your attention. That seems only fair. Keep at it until she's exactly the shape you want. When she's smoking hot and has to start doing threesomes with different guys every night just to stay on top (fnar) of the amount of guys who are into her, she'll be incredibly grateful. She'll probably tell you that herself during the half hour a week that she's able to manage to squeeze in to spend with you. You'll have a good 28 minutes of that to talk with her about stuff, after all.


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    #104
    Outkast_IRE
    Registered Users Posts: 7,515 ✭✭✭Outkast_IRE


    bjork wrote: »
    I'd love to see the look on her face when she unwraps that Christmas present! If the OP survives he should post the video here and maybe do a review of the products durability. :pac:

    hey I never said to give her a scales as a present that would be a bit too much . Just buy one for the house in the Jan sales as part of the health kick


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    #105
    darlenmol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 186 ✭✭darlenmol


    Man the threads you've started are gas. Did you arrive from a distant galaxy or something?


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    #106
    Colser
    Registered Users Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    Outkast_IRE wrote: »
    hey I never said to give her a scales as a present that would be a bit too much . Just buy one for the house in the Jan sales as part of the health kick
    If my ex had bought me a scales at any time of the year he would still be in the ER :D


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    #107
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Saipanne wrote: »
    Has she talked about her recent weight gain?
    .

    She probably has but he can't make it out as she talks with her mouth full...


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    #108
    Colser
    Registered Users Posts: 5,572 ✭✭✭Colser


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    She probably has but he can't make it out as she talks with her mouth full...
    :D:D:D I shouldnt laugh really as Im on his girlfriends side but....


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    #109
    GreeBo
    Registered Users Posts: 27,057 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    I was going to recommend you tell her to shape up...but down might be more appropriate.


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    #110
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    This happened to me years back with a girl I was dating. We moved in together and she started gaining weight. Once she got chubby, I wasn't attracted to her - I still liked her as a person and all that crap, but I didn't want to keep dating her.

    I tried to be a nice guy and suggest we do some fitness stuff together. It was just a pain in the ass though. She wasn't interested, and didn't really make an effort. I got in a better shape, but that wasn't my goal - I just wanted her to get in shape. And she didn't. One day she was like, 'I think the dryer is too hot, my jeans keep shrinking' and I said, 'I dunno, I don't think it's the dryer' and she got all pissed off. Then we had an honest conversation where I admitted she was a fat and I was not into her at all.

    She cried and got defensive and stuff. Then she went on a diet. That lasted for like six days. After that she just occasionally talked about her fictional diet she wasn't on, and mentioned things like how she was going to work out later.

    We broke up after like two years of living together. She was crushed, and I felt like crap, but I didn't want to be with her.

    I swear to God, not four months later, she was back down to the weight she was when I met her. Maybe it was six months. I dunno, but it wasn't very long. And she looked great. I know because she posted pictures of herself and her new boyfriend (the poor sucker) she'd just started dating.

    The eventually got engaged and married and now she's fatter than she's ever been.

    I really, really don't understand women. I honestly feel bad for the guy that married her. I get that some people like bigger women and that there is no single idea of beauty. But it sure seems wrong to lose all that weight, meet a guy, THEN gain weight. If you want a guy who likes you with a few extra pounds, then have a few extra pounds when you meet him.


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    #111
    corner of hells
    Registered Users Posts: 8,361 ✭✭✭corner of hells


    Colser wrote: »
    :D:D:D I shouldnt laugh really as Im on his girlfriends side but....

    Which side ? If shes that big and you are standing beside her , I'll stop so.


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    #112
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    UCDVet wrote: »
    This happened to me years back with a girl I was dating. We moved in together and she started gaining weight. Once she got chubby, I wasn't attracted to her - I still liked her as a person and all that crap, but I didn't want to keep dating her.

    I tried to be a nice guy and suggest we do some fitness stuff together. It was just a pain in the ass though. She wasn't interested, and didn't really make an effort. I got in a better shape, but that wasn't my goal - I just wanted her to get in shape. And she didn't. One day she was like, 'I think the dryer is too hot, my jeans keep shrinking' and I said, 'I dunno, I don't think it's the dryer' and she got all pissed off. Then we had an honest conversation where I admitted she was a fat and I was not into her at all.

    She cried and got defensive and stuff. Then she went on a diet. That lasted for like six days. After that she just occasionally talked about her fictional diet she wasn't on, and mentioned things like how she was going to work out later.

    We broke up after like two years of living together. She was crushed, and I felt like crap, but I didn't want to be with her.

    I swear to God, not four months later, she was back down to the weight she was when I met her. Maybe it was six months. I dunno, but it wasn't very long. And she looked great. I know because she posted pictures of herself and her new boyfriend (the poor sucker) she'd just started dating.

    The eventually got engaged and married and now she's fatter than she's ever been.

    I really, really don't understand women. I honestly feel bad for the guy that married her. I get that some people like bigger women and that there is no single idea of beauty. But it sure seems wrong to lose all that weight, meet a guy, THEN gain weight. If you want a guy who likes you with a few extra pounds, then have a few extra pounds when you meet him.

    Yep, I've had that happen a few times. Its actually really insulting, in a way. She makes the effort for complete strangers, but not the man she loves.

    I simply don't understand.


    That said, not all women are like this. But a significant proportion are.


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    #113
    Fukuyama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Fukuyama


    Can't believe the amount of people who think the OP should tred on egg shells regarding this. I'd understand if the weight gain was obviously a result of some other issue such as depression, loss of a family member, sickness or something... Or if we were dealing with a child or teenager here.

    But OP has made it clear - she spends too much time watching X Factor with a tub of Ben & Jerrys in her paws. He needs to tell her that he's becoming less attracted to her (maybe hold off on outright saying she's hideous).

    I'd be very wary about embarking on a 'forced' joint fitness regime too. I've no experience with this in a relationship but I do with friends who wanted to get fit. The first week is all Rocky Balboa motivation. After that it becomes a case of dragging a moaning child around the park for a few laps before they give up. Six weeks later they're back in landwhale mode drinking pints, eating like **** and plonked in front of Sky Sports. Twelve weeks later they're asking if you'll help them again. :pac: Don't get caught in a planets orbit.

    Ireland is the second or third fattest country in the EU. We poke fun at America for being lard asses but we're not far off them ourselves. In ten years we'll be where they are now. Both men and women.

    As far as relationships go, if one half starts piling it on then it shouldn't come as a shock that the other one stops finding them attractive. A good benchmark is to look at her mother or have a flick through the family albums. If her mother was slim in her 20s, got a double chin in her 30s and became a Goodyear blimp in her 40s then it's best to cut and run lest you end up with a fat wife.

    Every once and a while I see a woman around the 50 mark who has kept herself in shape by jogging or hiking or whatever. 'Arse of a 25 year old' kind of shape. Normally the type who love their chosen form of exercise and will be up in the Phoenix Park come rain or shine. I always promise myself that I'll try my best to marry one of those rare greyhounds.


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    #114
    Fukuyama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Fukuyama


    Saipanne wrote: »
    Yep, I've had that happen a few times. Its actually really insulting, in a way. She makes the effort for complete strangers, but not the man she loves.

    I simply don't understand.


    That said, not all women are like this. But a significant proportion are.

    No different than a bloke who emerges from the warm safety blanket of a long term relationship, realises his big strong arms are mostly flabby bingo wings and heads for the gym. "Breakups make Bodybuilders etc..." :rolleyes:

    Then the minute they hit the 6 month mark of a new relationship all exercise stops and they're back to square one. People who do this aren't exercising for health, they're exercising for the Meat Market which is fair enough I suppose. But it'd be better short term and long term if they kept gym time to at least a few hours a week.


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    #115
    Supercell
    Registered Users Posts: 15,324 ✭✭✭✭Supercell


    Corvus Maximus wrote: »
    Yes it would be best to lose the mangina and go talk to her about it. Rather than share it with a bunch of anonymous strangers on an internet forum. For all we know, maybe you're not the man she once knew. For all we know, you could be Jabba The Hut and maybe your girlfriend has adopted a if you can't beat them, join them attitude.

    This is the most awesome post I have read on boards in years, kudos.
    Winner, do this OP
    https://www.loughlinstown.ie

    Have a weather station?, why not join the Ireland Weather Network - http://irelandweather.eu/



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    #116
    _Whimsical_
    Registered Users Posts: 7,955 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    UCDVet wrote: »
    This happened to me years back with a girl I was dating. We moved in together and she started gaining weight. Once she got chubby, I wasn't attracted to her - I still liked her as a person and all that crap, but I didn't want to keep dating her.

    I tried to be a nice guy and suggest we do some fitness stuff together. It was just a pain in the ass though. She wasn't interested, and didn't really make an effort. I got in a better shape, but that wasn't my goal - I just wanted her to get in shape. And she didn't. One day she was like, 'I think the dryer is too hot, my jeans keep shrinking' and I said, 'I dunno, I don't think it's the dryer' and she got all pissed off. Then we had an honest conversation where I admitted she was a fat and I was not into her at all.

    She cried and got defensive and stuff. Then she went on a diet. That lasted for like six days. After that she just occasionally talked about her fictional diet she wasn't on, and mentioned things like how she was going to work out later.

    We broke up after like two years of living together. She was crushed, and I felt like crap, but I didn't want to be with her.

    I swear to God, not four months later, she was back down to the weight she was when I met her. Maybe it was six months. I dunno, but it wasn't very long. And she looked great. I know because she posted pictures of herself and her new boyfriend (the poor sucker) she'd just started dating.

    The eventually got engaged and married and now she's fatter than she's ever been.

    I really, really don't understand women. I honestly feel bad for the guy that married her. I get that some people like bigger women and that there is no single idea of beauty. But it sure seems wrong to lose all that weight, meet a guy, THEN gain weight. If you want a guy who likes you with a few extra pounds, then have a few extra pounds when you meet him.

    I don't mean to be insulting to you but I think that this attitude is quite immature. You're falling in love with/marrying a person, not a product off a shelf that came with a description and a guarantee to always remain the same. You have to grow with a person in a relationship, people get fat and they lose weight again, it's an ongoing cycle for half of the country, male and female. The only thing you can be sure of with a person is that as the years pass they will not look the same. Expect experiences to change people,expect there'll be times when life is tough and your partner will take comfort in food,expect weight gain, expect gravity to take its toll, expect time to leave it's mark on the other persons face, expect to love them regardless and expect to be loved back as the same happens to you. That's the deal. It's not "stay a sexy tight bunny for my titilation".

    There are actually people out there who see past the superficial notion of what their ideal partner should look like at all times who can put up with a year or two of that person being overweight, getting a terrible haircut etc, stretch marks and hanging skin from pregnancy,generally not looking how they did when you met them.

    Sorry but I think that girl had a lucky break when the two of you went your separate ways and she found someone to marry who loves her whether she's the cookie cutter shape woman we are told every man wants or if she has a few extra pounds. And don't be so quick to think her husband is a "poor sucker" worthy of pity, he's most likely a very happy man who loves her dearly. Look around you, women of all shapes and sizes are in loving relationships with men who adore them and vice versa. You might be the poor sucker here if you don't get that.


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    #117
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    _Whimsical_ wrote: »
    I don't mean to be insulting to you but I think that this attitude is quite immature. You're falling in love with/marrying a person, not a product off a shelf that came with a description and a guarantee to always remain the same. You have to grow with a person in a relationship, people get fat and they lose weight again, it's an ongoing cycle for half of the country, male and female. The only thing you can be sure of with a person is that as the years pass they will not look the same. Expect experiences to change people,expect there'll be times when life is tough and your partner will take comfort in food,expect weight gain, expect gravity to take its toll, expect time to leave it's mark on the other persons face, expect to love them regardless and expect to be loved back as the same happens to you. That's the deal. It's not "stay a sexy tight bunny for my titilation".

    There are actually people out there who see past the superficial notion of what their ideal partner should look like at all times who can put up with a year or two of that person being overweight, getting a terrible haircut etc, stretch marks and hanging skin from pregnancy,generally not looking how they did when you met them.

    Sorry but I think that girl had a lucky break when the two of you went your separate ways and she found someone to marry who loves her whether she's the cookie cutter shape woman we are told every man wants or if she has a few extra pounds. And don't be so quick to think her husband is a "poor sucker" worthy of pity, he's most likely a very happy man who loves her dearly. Look around you, women of all shapes and sizes are in loving relationships with men who adore them and vice versa. You might be the poor sucker here if you don't get that.

    That's a lovely thought. That outward appearances don't matter, and that what is underneath is more important.

    I can even accept that, for some people, maybe physical appearances don't matter.

    But why then, is this pattern of LOSING WEIGHT when single, and gaining weight when in a relationship? That's my objection. If someone wants to be fat, or is fat, that's their business. What I'm objecting to is rapid change after entering a particular stage in a relationship....that is later reversed as soon as they exit the relationship.

    If she got fat, stayed fat, and found a new guy - I wouldn't imply that he was a poor sucker. I'd figure he found what he was looking for - a fat chick with a good personality. But that's not what he started dating. He met a very cute girl with a good personality. After they got engaged, she gained some weight. After they got married, she gained some more weight. Now she's quite fat.

    Physical attraction is a huge part of dating. Thinking otherwise is, well....wishful thinking.


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    #118
    Highflyer13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 954 ✭✭✭Highflyer13


    _Whimsical_ wrote: »
    I don't mean to be insulting to you but I think that this attitude is quite immature. You're falling in love with/marrying a person, not a product off a shelf that came with a description and a guarantee to always remain the same. You have to grow with a person in a relationship, people get fat and they lose weight again, it's an ongoing cycle for half of the country, male and female. The only thing you can be sure of with a person is that as the years pass they will not look the same. Expect experiences to change people,expect there'll be times when life is tough and your partner will take comfort in food,expect weight gain, expect gravity to take its toll, expect time to leave it's mark on the other persons face, expect to love them regardless and expect to be loved back as the same happens to you. That's the deal. It's not "stay a sexy tight bunny for my titilation".

    There are actually people out there who see past the superficial notion of what their ideal partner should look like at all times who can put up with a year or two of that person being overweight, getting a terrible haircut etc, stretch marks and hanging skin from pregnancy,generally not looking how they did when you met them.

    Sorry but I think that girl had a lucky break when the two of you went your separate ways and she found someone to marry who loves her whether she's the cookie cutter shape woman we are told every man wants or if she has a few extra pounds. And don't be so quick to think her husband is a "poor sucker" worthy of pity, he's most likely a very happy man who loves her dearly. Look around you, women of all shapes and sizes are in loving relationships with men who adore them and vice versa. You might be the poor sucker here if you don't get that.

    A huge part of a relationship is physical attraction and a good sex life. I agree with UCDvets decision. Some people are just not attracted to fat women. Also her new husband is probably thinking for all we know the exact same thing as UCDvet was only he is stuck in a marriage with her. If my Gf piled on the pounds I would not be attracted to her and I doubt she would be attracted to me. Theres nothing wrong with saying it. I know plenty of lads in relationships where the Gf or wife has put on weight and some are obviously unhappy as they are out looking for someone else on nights out and stuff.


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    #119
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    Dean0088 wrote: »
    No different than a bloke who emerges from the warm safety blanket of a long term relationship, realises his big strong arms are mostly flabby bingo wings and heads for the gym. "Breakups make Bodybuilders etc..." :rolleyes:

    Then the minute they hit the 6 month mark of a new relationship all exercise stops and they're back to square one. People who do this aren't exercising for health, they're exercising for the Meat Market which is fair enough I suppose. But it'd be better short term and long term if they kept gym time to at least a few hours a week.

    I can imagine. I don't gym it up myself, but I manage my portions. I stay in reasonable shape that way.


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    #120
    Fukuyama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Fukuyama


    _Whimsical_ wrote: »
    I don't mean to be insulting to you but I think that this attitude is quite immature. You're falling in love with/marrying a person, not a product off a shelf that came with a description and a guarantee to always remain the same. You have to grow with a person in a relationship, people get fat and they lose weight again, it's an ongoing cycle for half of the country, male and female. The only thing you can be sure of with a person is that as the years pass they will not look the same. Expect experiences to change people,expect there'll be times when life is tough and your partner will take comfort in food,expect weight gain, expect gravity to take its toll, expect time to leave it's mark on the other persons face, expect to love them regardless and expect to be loved back as the same happens to you. That's the deal. It's not "stay a sexy tight bunny for my titilation".

    There are actually people out there who see past the superficial notion of what their ideal partner should look like at all times who can put up with a year or two of that person being overweight, getting a terrible haircut etc, stretch marks and hanging skin from pregnancy,generally not looking how they did when you met them.

    Sorry but I think that girl had a lucky break when the two of you went your separate ways and she found someone to marry who loves her whether she's the cookie cutter shape woman we are told every man wants or if she has a few extra pounds. And don't be so quick to think her husband is a "poor sucker" worthy of pity, he's most likely a very happy man who loves her dearly. Look around you, women of all shapes and sizes are in loving relationships with men who adore them and vice versa. You might be the poor sucker here if you don't get that.

    You can't actually be serious with this are you?

    Back in 1950, people didn't get fat until they retired and even then they only got "old people fat" which is like 20% bodyfat. It's not uncommon to see males and females in their 20s finish college, get an office job and suddenly pack on 50 lbs over a couple of years.

    This cycle of fatness you speak of doesn't exist. Save for the small percentage of people (like the woman earlier in the thread) who take a look in the mirror and decide for themselves to make a change, most Irish people gain weight and keep it through beer, biscuits and benevolence of others.

    9/10 relationships start off because two people liked the look of one another. Obviously a deeper connection is forged over time but if sexual attraction fades the rest of the relationship is going to go under strain. How can you be in a relationship with someone when, hand on heart, you haven't found them attractive in years.

    If two people grow fat together then fair enough. But if one person keeps themselves in shape (which takes effort) they'll be aware that they could be doing much better for themselves. Particularly if there's no wedding ring on their finger they'll get more attention off the opposite sex. It's also a bit of an insult that they're working to keep the other person happy and not getting it in return.

    I know a few blokes who tend to go for "fat women". Tbh, they're normally not even that fat. Just a little bit of extra padding if you want to call it that. When you're talking rolls upon rolls of fat, inability to run for a bus, double chins etc... most men (99%) would be turned off.

    I don't buy into the PC notion that you're supposed to love someone forever no matter what - particularly when it comes to looks. I bet there are thousands of married men deeply unhappy with their partners weight gain but just keep their mouth shut for fear of unleashing hell's fury or because she's the mother of their kids.

    Gravity will takes it toll on all of us - but if you jog a few times a week and watch the portion sizes, it won't take its toll until your're 60 as opposed to 25/30.


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    #121
    Fukuyama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Fukuyama


    Saipanne wrote: »
    I can imagine. I don't gym it up myself, but I manage my portions. I stay in reasonable shape that way.

    Not too mad on gyms either - I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Prefer the park or beach and bodyweight exercises.

    It's an interesting point though. Weightloss is 80% diet, 20% exercise. And it's totally doable to get down to a standard weight without any exercise so long as you eat right and watch portions. So someone piling it on when in a relationship only really has their eating habits to blame.


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