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No longer attracted to my girlfriend

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    #62
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    nails1 wrote: »
    Yes the weight gain is because of comfort eating and pure laziness. She also quit smoking so this hasn't helped either in terms of extra weight.

    Rather than address the problem (the weight) address the causes (the diet and life activities). Be proactive. Cook better meals. Engage her in more intense life activities. The weight will sort itself out.

    Ducard to Bruce Wayne when wayne was trying to warm his arms up after a dunk in ice water by rubbing them: "Rub your chest - the arms will take care of themselves"

    Though that might have just been him wanting some gay cam action.


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    #63
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    Tail Docker wrote: »
    The clue is in the "girlfriend" bit. As opposed to "wife" or "fiance".

    LOL!


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    #64
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,799 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    OP, your girlfriend has become complasent. She takes you for granted, usually they wait until you are married. If you loves her tell her, otherways just slip away quietly in the night.


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    #65
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    :pac:


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    #66
    Frigga_92
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,809 ✭✭✭Frigga_92


    I would want to be told. Tell her. If you are happy together other than this matter, don't let it go unsaid.


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    #67
    riffmongous
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 12,668 Mod ✭✭✭✭riffmongous


    Have you tried a bag of glue yet?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N86QwbPMSk


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    #68
    Filmer Paradise
    Registered Users Posts: 1,339 ✭✭✭Filmer Paradise


    Well OP at least you have more cushion for the pushin'.

    Built for comfort, not speed.

    Shure you could hang a gate out of her!

    Enjoy!


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    #69
    mmmcake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭mmmcake


    Do yourself and her a favour, dump her.

    Get yourself a new fit girlfriend , the Ex girlfriend will lose a ton of weight (as all dumped girls do) and make some other man a fine girlfriend.
    Both of you will be happy.


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    #70
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,109 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Pwindedd wrote: »
    Could be a multitude of reasons for her weight gain. The pill. PCOS. Comfort eating.
    Then if that's the case, deal with it and health up I say.
    looking_around wrote: »
    if it's just the weight that's bothering you, then that's shallow.
    God forbid he has a preference for a slim(more likely healthy and more aesthetically pleasing ) partner. I'd be very surprised to hear that when you have fantasies about ideal men that those ideal men are fat. How does that work then? "Real men" have curves? Eh... no.
    Ann84 wrote: »
    Why do most men start off with a full head of hair?

    :)
    Just a bit of a diff, there W, male pattern baldness is genetic and there's feck all that can be done about it, if there was, baldy men would be doing what it took to change it, beyond wigs, dubious unctions and a shaved head. On the other hand fatness is much more a lifestyle choice. Stop eating crap and moving more and miracles of miracles you'll lose weight. Put it another way a fat man or woman can lose weight and do so with well described means, a bald bloke can't grow hair on a shiny pate no matter what he does.

    Oh and lest this is construed as aimed at the ladies? Nope. Those men who blame "metabolism" and the passing years on the fact they have a beer gut? Nope lads, you're simply eating more crap and doing less. Indeed IMH men who get porky over the years have even less excuses going on. You don't have the hormonal stuff, the potential pregnancies etc. If you're packing lard, it's because you got lazy. End of.

    EDIT if you're into the fuller figured woman(or man), game ball. That's not the issue. It's when there's a rapid change and you're supposed to accept that... Ging the other direction, I know a chap who had a preference for the fuller figured lady, who lost the gra for an ex when she lost shedloads of weight.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #71
    AboutaWeekAgo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭AboutaWeekAgo


    I will need to see before and after pics to fully assess the situation OP. I can only give an informed answer once I see what I'm working with.


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    #72
    cabledude
    Registered Users Posts: 842 ✭✭✭cabledude


    a person. wrote: »
    Too fat is no good, but you need at least a decent bit of meat on them to pound.

    Overall, boney skinny women make for very poor, uncomfortable, shags..
    Cushion for pushin, in other words.

    EDIT : Ah darn, Filmer Paradise got there before me. Oh well.....


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    #73
    mmmcake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭mmmcake


    According to EU law obesity is a disability, why is the boyfriend picking on this fat bird?
    Any other disability and you cannot mock, is it now open season on everyone with a disability?


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    #74
    Mental Mickey
    Registered Users Posts: 10,642 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    bodice ripper wrote: »
    I wouldn't make her the subject of an After Hours thread for a start.

    +1 - bad move


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    #75
    cabledude
    Registered Users Posts: 842 ✭✭✭cabledude


    mmmcake wrote: »
    Do yourself and her a favour, dump her.

    Get yourself a new fit girlfriend , the Ex girlfriend will lose a ton of weight (as all dumped girls do) and make some other man a fine girlfriend.
    Both of you will be happy.
    Or the OP could start re-tapping the ex-fat bird again. Only 1 thing better than having 1 skinny chic...


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    #76
    A_Sober_Paddy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,221 ✭✭✭A_Sober_Paddy


    mmmcake wrote: »
    According to EU law obesity is a disability, why is the boyfriend picking on this fat bird?
    Any other disability and you cannot mock, is it now open season on everyone with a disability?

    I hope that is a joke?


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    #77
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »
    I hope that is a joke?

    Clearly it is. But the first sentence the joke is based on is not. Such a ruling has recently been made :-O

    And as usual the Simpsons predicted this :) There is an episode of the simpsons where claiming benefits off the back of obesity becomes a "thing".

    Such a thing that - and this is the funniest point of that episode that some people usually miss - a sub company in the episode develop a product to help him dial numbers on his telephone.

    Oh how I stroke my beard knowingly when people miss that gag :)


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    #78
    mmmcake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭mmmcake


    A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »
    I hope that is a joke?
    No joke EU law say fat people are now the same as all other disabled people.
    No wonder UKIP do so well.


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    #79
    Connemara Farmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,975 ✭✭✭Connemara Farmer


    Ye aren't right for one another if something like that puts the other off. Do you see in her now what you did at the start, if not, why are you still there?


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    #80
    mmmcake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭mmmcake


    Lets be honest, she will only get bigger. If she is a lard ass before the wedding imagine what she will be in a few years.
    Cut your loses and run.


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    #81
    Arbitrary
    Registered Users Posts: 532 ✭✭✭Arbitrary


    Ann84 wrote: »
    Why do most men start off with a full head of hair?

    :)

    They get married.

    OP

    Forget all the suggestions of dropping passive aggressive hints, that's just childish and you're just going to hurt her feelings, what do you think her reaction will be to getting upset?

    Talk to her ffs, let your feelings be known, but before you do that you should find out what's going on with her. I'm pretty sure you're not the only one that's noticed it in fairness.

    If you really care about this person your issue shouldn't simply be a question of whether or not you're still attracted to them. First and foremost it should be concern for their well being. Sudden weight gain isn't a very clear-cut issue unfortunately.


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    #82
    mickoc
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭mickoc


    maybe her new new year resolution is to get fit..it takes a while though


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    #83
    _Whimsical_
    Registered Users Posts: 7,955 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    Most rapid weight gain is down to comfort eating because of emotional problems or occasional a hormonal imbalance as has been pointed out.
    OP chances are this girl is well aware that she's gained weight and that like the majority of women she's not one bit happy about it. I think if you sit her down and heap your disgust on top of her too there's a small enough chance it might motivate her to lose weight or more likely you'll just add to the cause of the weight gain and she'll find herself comforting eating even more.

    I kind of think that this is your issue and not really hers. If you're not willing or able to stick with her through periods of her being thin or a bit heavy, if what she brings to your life is diminished radically because of a change in her appearance then I think she's not the one for you perhaps. If she's not walk away and don't heap your issue with the weight on her shoulders as the reason for the split.
    If you love her and want to stick with her I say prepare to find she'll wax and wane at various times in her life as a lot of Irish women do. Encourage her into healthy eating and exercise by example if you have to, but don't shame her into it. If you do tell her you're just not into her if shes a certain size she might lose the weight but she might also decide to lose you too when she's feeling a bit better about herself and realises she brings a whole more to the relationship table than her appearance and that if you don't appreciate that you're not worth it.


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    #84
    Specialun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,068 ✭✭✭Specialun


    I personally have never "been" with a big girl but by all accounts if they dont get it too often when they do they aperciate it more


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    #85
    _Whimsical_
    Registered Users Posts: 7,955 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    Specialun wrote: »
    I personally have never "been" with a big girl but by all accounts if they dont get it too often when they do they aperciate it more

    Some gross opinions in this thread...
    It is AH I suppose.


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    #86
    shadowcomplex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,097 ✭✭✭shadowcomplex


    Ride the arse off her 7 nights a week instead of 2


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    #87
    lukesmom
    Registered Users Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    shadowcomplex wrote: »
    Ride the arse off her 7 nights a week instead of 2

    You charmer :)


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    #88
    whatdoicare
    Registered Users Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭whatdoicare


    Like others have said, Id talk to your girlfriend.

    Is it just plain boredom? This happened to me, when I met my OH I was the type of girl who went out alot and travelled alot. It wasn't hard to be slim, I didn't even have to think about it.

    After a few years the OH got lazier and talked me out of going out as much and we didn't travel as often, finances got tighter, I didn't get to treat myself as often or at all, friends were in the same situation and we stayed in more and more...
    the weight piled on me! I went to the gym alot but then Id go home and eat a huge dinner and dessert with the OH. I might spend the day picking at food and then trying not to eat and failing as I had nothing to do, no distractions and I hated my job so I ate sugary things to make myself feel better there too. Its a vicious circle from then on, bored, eat, feel awful about it, try not to eat, skip meals, binge eat, feel awful, eat more, feel even worse, give up and eat. Then I stopped going anywhere at all other than work, I was too embarrassed to keep going to the gym, my OH was constantly telling me how I need to cut down eating and exercise more but it made me feel even worse than I already felt so I hid my eating!

    It took a long time and alot of different failed diets but eventually what the turning point for me was having a baby believe it or not (I'm not saying get yr girl preggers, this isn't my point ) I made loads of new friends in baby groups and started going out with them more and more,out for shopping, out for a night here and there, day to the zoo etc etc My confidence was built up more and more. I realised I was just lonely and bored. I joined slimming world and made even more new friends and I've lost most of the weight now and am much happier!

    long story short, I reckon your girlfriend might be in the same boat, so it would be no harm for you to stand by her and not get on her case. She is well aware shes fat, believe me! What I suggest you do is take her out more, out for the day, out for the night, encourage her to take up a new hobby, make new friends. The slimming part will sort itself out once you have her happy again.

    I hope you and yr girlfriend work things out :)


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    #89
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    Has she talked about her recent weight gain?

    If so, its your job to encourage her to eat better. If you live together, you should both commit to only buying healthy groceries, no crisps/sweets. If you live separately, talk about eating less carbs and more veg/meat. Tell her about the various phone apps that track your calories. Be encouraging, but not judging.


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    #90
    Lon.C
    Registered Users Posts: 131 ✭✭Lon.C


    Look on the bright side. It's a piece of cake to get her into bed.


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    #91
    creolebelle
    Registered Users Posts: 440 ✭✭creolebelle


    shadowcomplex wrote: »
    Ride the arse off her 7 nights a week instead of 2

    Crude language but it would work. That kind of activity burns a lot of calories and releases endorphins so your gf will cutdown on her comfort eating


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