Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

lazygal · 22-04-2014 7:07pm

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Although the photographer gave us all the negatives, and printed the photos/albums for us, we still held all rights to his work. We also ruled out any photographers who held rights to the pictures.

We got amazing prints and our main album from our photographer, but did parents albums and pictures for relatives ourselves. The quality of the photographer stuff was far better than photobox or snapfish I must admit. I still can't believe some photographers hold all the rights and charge a fortune for prints.

ABajaninCork · 22-04-2014 7:29pm

We did the parents albums ourselves. Got a lovely photo printer with some of the wedding money, so we did it with that. Cheaper too!

The photographer also gave us a disk, so some of the photos were made into an online album (Picasa), and the link sent to all my friends and family who didn't come over for the wedding. Oh - and some were also posted on to Facebook!

SamAK · 22-04-2014 7:34pm

Facebook is Bloating our Egos. Also Sky is Blue. Grass is Green.

"How do we curate our lives online? How honest are we about our lives on social media? Facebook profiles and postings often seem relentlessly upbeat. We create an avatar of our lives, an avatar who is slimmer, has more friends, a better love life and a better job than we do"

http://www.clickonline.com/tech/facebook-is-bloating-our-egos-also-sky-is-blue-grass-is-green/22694/#sthash.TFm90gqy.dpuf

ABajaninCork · 22-04-2014 7:37pm

I use Facebook for keeping up with friends and family at home and in Barbados. I find it useful. I set my privacy high, and don't post the minutiae of my life. And I only add people who are actually KNOWN to me!!

Toots · 22-04-2014 8:44pm

I know when I got married our photographer gave us two disks of photos, one set were the highest resolution ones that were to be used when ordering prints, but he also gave us a disk with the exact same photos only a bit lower res specifically so that they could be added as an email attachment or posted on FB/Twitter etc.

Fionn · 24-04-2014 2:52pm

All the mobile phones,tablets compacts etc. make a shambles out of most weddings, with harsh lighting from flashes and poor video especially in low light thats only suitable to view on a small screen.
Unfortunately thats the way technology is now! You can take a photograph and instantly upload it to the web. But just because you can, doesn't mean you must!
People just cant contain themselves, years ago we just had one or two uncle bob types, now everyone in the congregation is uncle bob! and determined to blow out the highlights, produce blurry grainy images and wobbly seasick inducing video.
:rolleyes:

yeah the unplugged wedding is the way to go. Last one i was at as a guest, i had no camera and i left my phone turned off, happy days.

MY CUP OF TEA · 01-05-2014 2:30pm

The problem I have found with brides is that they dont want these pics before the big day BUT the day after, the blues set in, youre still trying to cling to the wedding day buzz and suddenly you are desperate to see pics...especially when you think about how long its going to take to get the professional photos back!

I work as a type of wedding photographer..not the professional photos, im like the "hired guest" and take the photos your friends would take, infiltrating the crowd...basically being that annoying person

a few of my brides have asked their guest to not take/put up pics on facebook and im telling ya, the day after the wedding, its not really an issue... I always have their candid album for them the next morning and they have the soft copy for their facebook and stuff. AND as sure as eggs are eggs..they will still want their friends crappy pics!!!

As a bride, you will prob never look more fantastic so no harm in showing the world

sahara24 · 09-05-2014 3:23pm

I am engaged and my future husband absolutely hates social media and I personally don't want photos on Facebook of my wedding day...I would have invited all my friends Facebook friends if I wanted them to share in my day. My OH was best man at a wedding last week so I took a few photos of him, the groom and the other groomsman...he used my phone to take pictures of the bride and groom dancing,cutting the cake etc...I would never post these on Facebook unless they asked me to (for example if they had a wedding day Facebook album). But I have no problem with guests posting photos of themselves or even the venue, but I do not want to be in any of them or my OH. People are very naive to the fact that once you post a photo online you no longer own it...anyone in the world can use those photos for their own use. Enjoy the day, stop worrying about your 'Facebook friends' and advertising what an exciting life you lead. Long winded way of saying I agree completely and think it should be mentioned on the day...before the ceremony is a good idea

username123 · 09-05-2014 3:54pm

sahara24 wrote: »

People are very naive to the fact that once you post a photo online you no longer own it...anyone in the world can use those photos for their own use.

Bit off topic, but what exactly would you be worried about your image being used for?

I mean, anytime I go out in public I could be photographed and the image used for something that I didnt give permission for?

So what if some random person in China or somewhere uses an image of me to advertise his hair salon or whatever - Id probably never know about it anyway.

mrsbyrne · 09-05-2014 4:38pm

username123 wrote: »

Bit off topic, but what exactly would you be worried about your image being used for?

I mean, anytime I go out in public I could be photographed and the image used for something that I didnt give permission for?

So what if some random person in China or somewhere uses an image of me to advertise his hair salon or whatever - Id probably never know about it anyway.

I think this is straying away from the topic in question.
Look nobody is saying that people cant take pics at a wedding. People have always taken snaps at a wedding. Guests are just being asked to refrain from posting the pics to social media. Its not a big ordeal. Nobodies civil rights are being infringed. If you are only going to the wedding so you can take pics in order to impress your Facebook friends with what a hectic social life you have then your just sad. If you go to a dinner party and the host asks you to dress smartly, you dont whinge and whine about it, you either stay home or do as she/he asks out of respect. This is the same thing. Respect the wishes of the hosts or stay at home.

username123 · 09-05-2014 4:56pm

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I think this is straying away from the topic in question.
Look nobody is saying that people cant take pics at a wedding. People have always taken snaps at a wedding. Guests are just being asked to refrain from posting the pics to social media. Its not a big ordeal. Nobodies civil rights are being infringed. If you are only going to the wedding so you can take pics in order to impress your Facebook friends with what a hectic social life you have then your just sad. If you go to a dinner party and the host asks you to dress smartly, you dont whinge and whine about it, you either stay home or do as she/he asks out of respect. This is the same thing. Respect the wishes of the hosts or stay at home.

How is it straying away exactly? A poster pointed out that images posted to social media are free for anyone to use for their own purposes. Im querying what that purpose might be and why anyone would have an issue with it.

SERCPRO · 09-05-2014 4:58pm

I think it's a good idea to ask them not to post anything.

rainbowtrout · 09-05-2014 10:00pm

username123 wrote: »

How is it straying away exactly? A poster pointed out that images posted to social media are free for anyone to use for their own purposes. Im querying what that purpose might be and why anyone would have an issue with it.

Well the Facebook terms and conditions state that whatever photos you post on Facebook belongs to Facebook

For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it.

So basically once you put a photo up they can do what they like with it. How would you feel if Facebook used this sub licence clause to sell your wedding photos to some third party company for advertising? May not necessarily be wedding advertising...

I'd prefer for them not to have that right to ownership of my photos.

mrsbyrne · 09-05-2014 10:22pm

SERCPRO wrote: »

I think it's a good idea to ask them not to post anything.

I think its the bride and grooms entitlement to ask that the photos not be shared and I this k its the guests obligation to respect that entitlement. Its also the decent mannerly thing to do.

username123 · 09-05-2014 10:51pm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Well the Facebook terms and conditions state that whatever photos you post on Facebook belongs to Facebook

So basically once you put a photo up they can do what they like with it. How would you feel if Facebook used this sub licence clause to sell your wedding photos to some third party company for advertising? May not necessarily be wedding advertising...

I'd prefer for them not to have that right to ownership of my photos.

Yes I'm not disagreeing with that point, I'm simply wondering what nefarious use people think internet strangers are going to get up to with their images. Is it just advertising?

Personally I couldn't care less if pics of me were used by some third party advertiser because (a) I probably wouldn't know about it anyway and (b) for all I know people take pics in public that I'm in without even knowing anyway so I could already be in some image being used for something.

juliedxx · 09-05-2014 11:02pm

My friend got married recently and they had a note at the front of the massbook saying that they kindly requested that guests respected their privacy and didnt post wedding photos on social media. I didnt think it was strange at all, its a curteous request and as far as I know everyone respected their wishes. Im sure they wouldnt have had an issue with guests posting pics of themselves. It is a bit much to see pics of the bride and groom on Facebook as soon as the ceremony ends. I wouldnt be too impressed if I was the bride.

twowheelsonly · 10-05-2014 1:00am

juliedxx wrote: »

...... It is a bit much to see pics of the bride and groom on Facebook as soon as the ceremony ends. I wouldnt be too impressed if I was the bride....

As soon as the ceremony ends?? You should be so lucky!!

This thread came to mind last weekend when a (crap) photo appeared on my feed of a groom waiting at the altar for his bride.

Half the problem these days is that for some people it's a competition to see who can get their photos up first and if that means uploading while still in mass then so be it. At this time of year Communions and Confirmations are as bad.

hmmm · 19-05-2014 9:56am

Too many couples think they are Bradd Pitt and Angelina, and want a wedding which is absolutely "perfect" (whatever that means). I've hated each and every one of those weddings. Asking people not to post photos to Facebook because they may be of "unflattering angles" is typical of that in my book.

Your friends are excited to be at your wedding and some of them might want to be posting things on social media, you communicating a list of nitpicking rules to your guests is going to give you a reputation you're going to carry for a long time.

wrt40 · 19-05-2014 10:13am

username123 wrote: »

Bit off topic, but what exactly would you be worried about your image being used for?

I'll give you a very good example. Ever comer across online ads with a caption along the lines of "Mandy999 wants to f*ck you" and a photo of a pretty girl?

Gatica · 19-05-2014 10:35am

hmmm wrote: »

Too many couples think they are Bradd Pitt and Angelina, and want a wedding which is absolutely "perfect" (whatever that means).

I really don't understand what someone wanting a perfect wedding has to do with anything. Surely no one wants a crap wedding?!

hmmm wrote: »

I've hated each and every one of those weddings.

Well, fortunately, or unfortunately, if you will, that's not the B&G's problem. If you hate weddings, just don't attend them. Honestly, I think most couples want people at their wedding that want to be there.

hmmm wrote: »

Asking people not to post photos to Facebook because they may be of "unflattering angles" is typical of that in my book.

As so many people on this thread have expressed, it's not all to do with "unflattering angles". It's trying to keep a special and personal day, well, personal. Shoot me if you will. They have invited a set number of friends and family to share the event, not the world and not the friends of friends.

hmmm wrote: »

Your friends are excited to be at your wedding and some of them might want to be posting things on social media, you communicating a list of nitpicking rules to your guests is going to give you a reputation you're going to carry for a long time.

I think that's more the issue of the so-called friends though. I'd be happy to do anything my friends would ask me (maybe not jump of a cliff, but anything realistically normal), if it would make their day better.
No one stopping you from posting pic of yourself dressed up on FB, if that's what you want. Leave the B&G out of it, surely it can't be that hard?

hmmm · 19-05-2014 3:31pm

Gatica wrote: »

I think that's more the issue of the so-called friends though. I'd be happy to do anything my friends would ask me (maybe not jump of a cliff, but anything realistically normal), if it would make their day better.

Weddings are not "all about the bride and groom" as some people seem to think. Everyone that turns up to your wedding has made some sort of sacrifice to be there, and most are bored out of their minds. Your vol au vents and chicken a la masterchef are not major draws, and most people are probably attending out of a sense of duty with the hope that at some stage they'll be able to relax and enjoy the day.

As far as I'm concerned it's the duty of everyone to make the day as happy for everyone else - guests to the b & g, and the b & g to make the guests feel comfortable and welcome. If you're going to set out a big list of nitpicking rules because it's "your day" then don't be surprised to hear bitchy comments following you around well into the future.

Gatica · 19-05-2014 4:42pm

I agree that both sides need to make an effort. Guests make an effort for the B&G, and the B&G try to make it an enjoyable day for their guests.
I don't see though how requesting not to post photos of the B&G (who may be strangers to many on someone else's FB page) is stifling the guests'
enjoyment. Is people's enjoyment of a wedding really that tied to posting?

If the request is phrased in a bitchy way, I can imagine the backlash would be bitchy too. However, most people here seem to me to have been reasonable in how they've asked their guests, and it seems that many of the guests (posters here on boards) on those occasions were ok with how they were asked too.

unclebill98 · 19-05-2014 4:43pm

Not sure if it has been said but I was at the wedding fair over the weekend. THe lad beside us had this App. You and your guests download the app and all the pics they take via the App are loaded onto a server for the B&G to look at. Kind of a cool alternative for the tech savvy guests.

mrsbyrne · 19-05-2014 6:02pm

hmmm wrote: »

Too many couples think they are Bradd Pitt and Angelina, and want a wedding which is absolutely "perfect" (whatever that means). I've hated each and every one of those weddings. Asking people not to post photos to Facebook because they may be of "unflattering angles" is typical of that in my book.

Your friends are excited to be at your wedding and some of them might want to be posting things on social media, you communicating a list of nitpicking rules to your guests is going to give you a reputation you're going to carry for a long time.

Wow. Do the friends and family who invite you to their special event know that you :
a) consider them insufferably vain
b) always, but always insist that you get what you want
c) consider even one polite request to be 'nitpicking' and
d) will threaten to blacken their name all over town if they do make a polite request?

mrsbyrne · 19-05-2014 6:05pm

hmmm wrote: »

Weddings are not "all about the bride and groom" as some people seem to think. Everyone that turns up to your wedding has made some sort of sacrifice to be there, and most are bored out of their minds. Your vol au vents and chicken a la masterchef are not major draws, and most people are probably attending out of a sense of duty with the hope that at some stage they'll be able to relax and enjoy the day.

As far as I'm concerned it's the duty of everyone to make the day as happy for everyone else - guests to the b & g, and the b & g to make the guests feel comfortable and welcome. If you're going to set out a big list of nitpicking rules because it's "your day" then don't be surprised to hear bitchy comments following you around well into the future.

No. Weddings are all about the bride and groom. When its your turn it will be all about you and your fiance. If your already done then you've had your lot,matey.
Also, you seem to think your doing the hosts a favour by attending their special event. You must think your pretty important. It was an invitation, dear, not a summons. Go or don't go but don't consider the hosts lucky that you turned up. Its rare to come across such an awful attitude.

username123 · 19-05-2014 6:24pm

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Also, you seem to think your doing the hosts a favour by attending their special event.

In fairness if no one turned up it wouldn't be much of a special event would it?

I don't think weddings are about the b&g only, if that's the case then let them elope off alone and suit themselves. Once you start inviting people it becomes about everyone there. It's just good manners to be considerate of your guests.

mrsbyrne · 19-05-2014 6:34pm

username123 wrote: »

In fairness if no one turned up it wouldn't be much of a special event would it?

I don't think weddings are about the b&g only, if that's the case then let them elope off alone and suit themselves. Once you start inviting people it becomes about everyone there. It's just good manners to be considerate of your guests.

I think that ,particularly in Ireland, the guests have already been considered, and very well by providing food and drink and entertainment for them.
Incidentally, a wedding can be a very special event with just the bride and groom and two witnesses picked at random. My grandparents did that, went on to have 9 kids and were no less married then any of the multi hundred guests multi thousands costing modern day affairs.

Fred Swanson · 19-05-2014 6:40pm

This post has been deleted.

mrsbyrne · 19-05-2014 6:58pm

Fred Swanson wrote: »

I spent less than €100 on my wedding 10 years ago, and we are still happily married.

Fred I'm actually starting to think that the chances of your marriage being a real success is inversely related to how much it cost. Mine didn't cost much either 18 years ago and we've muddled along so far despite my being much much too good for Mr Byrne.!

Addle · 19-05-2014 7:39pm

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Weddings are all about the bride and groom. When its your turn it will be all about you and your fiance. If your already done then you've had your lot,matey.

A wedding ceremony is all about the bride and groom.
A wedding reception is just a party, with the bride and groom as hosts. A good host always prioritises their guests.

username123 · 19-05-2014 8:08pm

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I think that ,particularly in Ireland, the guests have already been considered, and very well by providing food and drink and entertainment for them.
Incidentally, a wedding can be a very special event with just the bride and groom and two witnesses picked at random. My grandparents did that, went on to have 9 kids and were no less married then any of the multi hundred guests multi thousands costing modern day affairs.

I think traditional irish weddings are disgusting vulgar displays of binge drinking, there's no way I would have wanted that for my wedding day.

I eloped and got married in a private ceremony outdoors in a very special place with just two hotel staff as witnesses and a minister. It cost a bit though because of the location!

Big lavish parties are not private events, there's no privacy at all!

Karen23 · 20-05-2014 7:56am

I think it's awful when people post pics of the Bride & Groom on Facebook but not because of unflattering angles or anything like that. I just think it should be up to them to post the first pics, once they've done it then it's fine for everyone to do so. I've been to weddings where the afters people have arrived and others have said "wait 'til you see her" and the reply is "ah, we've already seen her on Facebook".

kkcatlou · 20-05-2014 5:12pm

username123 wrote: »

I think traditional irish weddings are disgusting vulgar displays of binge drinking

Stereotyping and judgmental much?! :cool:

Fred Swanson · 20-05-2014 5:22pm

This post has been deleted.

mrsbyrne · 20-05-2014 5:49pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

Stereotyping and judgmental much?! :cool:

I'm afraid I find the modern "traditional" Irish wedding very prone to ostentatious overt consumerism obsessed with outdoing the last wedding in your family/social set. The ridiculous current trend for the happy couple to spend hours away from their guests getting photos taken is proof. Why abandon your guests hungry and bored, for hours, in order to get a photographic record of the event, when you could actually be enjoying the day with them?Hiring magicians jugglers and face painters to entertain these guests while you've abandoned them is just showing off. Incidentally a few plates of sambos and snacks would be better appreciated but then thatwould be far too "old fashioned" and guests wouldnt be oohing and aahing at how much you must have spent and how 'different" your wedding is. No, not all modern weddings are like this but a lot are. And it is vulgar.

username123 · 20-05-2014 7:16pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

Stereotyping and judgmental much?! :cool:

I'm delighted for you if you've been to one that wasn't. Same format, same music, same food, same binge drinking, same boredom. I've been to one Irish wedding that wasn't the same, it was just a civil ceremony and a restaurant. Every traditional Irish wedding has been the same as every other one I've been at in 20+ years. I knew long ago I'd hate that for my own. People locked out of their heads lurching around to "Is this the way to Amarillo" on a sweaty packed dancefloor, it's not my idea of a special day, not at all.

kkcatlou · 20-05-2014 7:55pm

username123 wrote: »

I'm delighted for you if you've been to one that wasn't. Same format, same music, same food, same binge drinking, same boredom. I've been to one Irish wedding that wasn't the same, it was just a civil ceremony and a restaurant. Every traditional Irish wedding has been the same as every other one I've been at in 20+ years. I knew long ago I'd hate that for my own. People locked out of their heads lurching around to "Is this the way to Amarillo" on a sweaty packed dancefloor, it's not my idea of a special day, not at all.

I pity all the poor couples who've forked out a couple of hundred quid a pop to invite you to their weddings to ridicule and belittle them like that!!

Much as I might think a wedding abroad with only 2 witnesses is not for me, I don't think I'd have the balls to ridicule and belittle it the way you have done here to probably 99% of Irish couples who get married!

username123 · 20-05-2014 8:09pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

I pity all the poor couples who've forked out a couple of hundred quid a pop to invite you to their weddings to ridicule and belittle them like that!!

Much as I might think a wedding abroad with only 2 witnesses is not for me, I don't think I'd have the balls to ridicule and belittle it the way you have done here to probably 99% of Irish couples who get married!

Are you disputing what I am saying or just admiring my honesty?

lazygal · 20-05-2014 9:03pm

My wedding must have been awful. We had a free bar and did a Congo around the venue to The Way to Amarillo. Tacktastic. Maybe some of our guests had a good moan about how generic it was afterwards.

BabysCoffee · 20-05-2014 9:14pm

I think it is overly controlling of the B&G to ask their guests to not post pics of themselves on Facebook. If they don't want their own pic on FB it is fair to ask guests not to post pics of B or G. But guests have to be free to put pics up of themselves if they wish.

rainbowtrout · 20-05-2014 9:17pm

BabysCoffee wrote: »

I think it is overly controlling of the B&G to ask their guests to not post pics of themselves on Facebook. If they don't want their own pic on FB it is fair to ask guests not to post pics of B or G. But guests have to be free to put pics up of themselves if they wish.

i don't think that ever really was the problem. I think it's just the bride and groom photo's really.

username123 · 20-05-2014 9:25pm

lazygal wrote: »

My wedding must have been awful. We had a free bar and did a Congo around the venue to The Way to Amarillo. Tacktastic. Maybe some of our guests had a good moan about how generic it was afterwards.

Probably great drunken craic, but great drunken craic isn't how I would want to remember a special event in my life.

I'm not moaning about other people's weddings, if people want a vulgar tacky drunken mess for their wedding day they're entitled to it, good luck to them. It just wouldn't be for me.

Electric Sheep · 20-05-2014 9:35pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

I pity all the poor couples who've forked out a couple of hundred quid a pop to invite you to their weddings to ridicule and belittle them like that!!

Don't worry, most of those poor couples carefully calculated the return in cash gifts on what they paid per guest.

lazygal · 20-05-2014 9:42pm

username123 wrote: »

Probably great drunken craic, but great drunken craic isn't how I would want to remember a special event in my life.

I'm not moaning about other people's weddings, if people want a vulgar tacky drunken mess for their wedding day they're entitled to it, good luck to them. It just wouldn't be for me.

What kind of friends do you have that host vulgar, tacky, drunken messy weddings?

username123 · 20-05-2014 9:43pm

lazygal wrote: »

What kind of friends do you have that host vulgar, tacky, drunken messy weddings?

Irish ones.

lazygal · 20-05-2014 9:55pm

Do your friends know what you think of their weddings?

Faith · 20-05-2014 9:58pm

I really wonder why so many people who seem to really hate weddings spend so much time in the weddings forum...

Dolbert · 20-05-2014 10:00pm

Faith wrote: »

I really wonder why so many people who seem to really hate weddings spend so much time in the weddings forum...

So they can be horrible, judgmental and feel superior to anyone who makes a different choice to them of course!

mrsbyrne · 20-05-2014 10:02pm

kkcatlou wrote: »

I pity all the poor couples who've forked out a couple of hundred quid a pop to invite you to their weddings to ridicule and belittle them like that!!

Much as I might think a wedding abroad with only 2 witnesses is not for me, I don't think I'd have the balls to ridicule and belittle it the way you have done here to probably 99% of Irish couples who get married!

Nobody is personally ridiculing or belittling anything or anybody. Some posters including myself find certain aspects of modern Irish weddings tacky showy vulgar whatever. Others think its all good fun and even think its romantic. Newsflash! Someone disagrees with you! Relax! Its nothing personal!

Dolbert · 20-05-2014 10:04pm

There's a way to disagree without being downright nasty.

Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

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