Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

GarIT · 21-01-2014 8:30pm

Someone who would post a picture of a wedding before it is even over can only be described as attention whores and a completely self centred.

I think it is completely reasonable to ask that people don't take photos, never mind not putting them on Facebook. If someone was putting pictures of my wedding on Facebook during the ceremony they would be out the door and out of my life for good.

Any reasonable person would respect your wishes of photos not being posted online. And what are the claims about being vain about? Anyone who feels the need to post pictures online is vain not the other way around.

GarIT · 21-01-2014 8:34pm

Jofspring wrote: »

it's a bit disrespectful to be posting pics up on Facebook either during the Cermony or right after.

It's disrespectful to post any picture of any person at any time to the internet without their permission.

Vojera · 21-01-2014 8:54pm

I think it's totally reasonable to ask that people keep pictures of the bridal party off Facebook, more so for privacy reasons than anything else.

It's something I didn't care about when I got married but if I was doing it all again it's one of the few things I would change.

My wife and I have pretty strict privacy settings on our pages, but as was already pointed out, restricting who can tag you doesn't stop the pictures going up, as we found out about a month after the wedding when my wife went to the hairdresser (who she'd only been to once or twice before). In the course of the chitchat my wife mentioned that she'd just gotten married and described a few things, and then the hairdresser exclaimed that she knew she'd seen her face before and told her that she'd seen loads of photos of it on facebook and was able to describe our handmade favours, etc.

Bear in mind that they have no friends in common, but the hairdresser's brother's friend was friends with a guest who obviously has no privacy settings on her page.

I felt sick when I found out. It was really disturbing to know just how many people can see pictures of you without you even knowing.

ABajaninCork · 21-01-2014 9:47pm

I don't use FB much, and my husband not at all. When we got married, we didn't specifically ask for no pics to be put up, but a couple of guests did ask if it was OK to post a few. They were all quite nice pictures, and not too many so we didn't mind too much.

But I do set my privacy pretty high and have to approve pictures I'm tagged in.

emuhead · 21-01-2014 9:53pm

In our church, photography is prohibited completely during weddings by custom and a senior member of the church mentions this (in a very friendly way) in the welcome at the beginning of the ceremony. I've never seen anyone (including visitors) disregard this or have an issue with it. This doesn't solve your problems for the rest of the day but at least stops photos of you going up the aisle before you even leave the church.

I'd say it out straight in the invites that it is a very precious family day and you kindly request that photos of the bridal party are not posted on facebook / social media. Those that mind don't matter and those that matter won't mind. As a wedding guest, I certainly wouldn't take offense to your request.

Also, to echo what others have said, set your privacy settings to high so you have to preapprove tagged photos and advise the rest of the wedding party to do the same.

ABajaninCork · 21-01-2014 10:24pm

GarIT wrote: »

It's disrespectful to post any picture of any person at any time to the internet without their permission.

For the same reasons, I don't post pictures of children (family and friends). I always ask permission before I post any pictures. ( I don't post many of people, but plenty of my dog and cat!). And I don't take pictures of children without getting permission first.

I know it seems a bit OTT, but I guess this is a sign of the times.

Holsten · 21-01-2014 10:28pm

No problem with it at all, I HATE people taking photos of me and them ending up on facebook, etc.. without my permission. Why do you need to post photos of me drunk eating a kebab online, etc...

I would ban all non professional cameras. It's your choice.

cmbutterfly45 · 22-01-2014 9:31am

Were also trying to limit photos on social media so were using wedpics, anyone at the wedding can post their pics there and can view others pics but only the people at wedding will hav the password ( for the first while anyway)

OldBean · 22-01-2014 9:54am

Unplugged weddings - It's the only way.

stargazer 68 · 22-01-2014 10:27am

This is a huge bugbear of mine! I have seen pics on FB of weddings of the bride and bridesmaids etc before they have arrived at the church, photos of the room, candy cart etc before guests have even gone into the room. I think its dreadful.

My sis is getting married shortly and someone has suggested that she put a note in with the invite something along: we hope you enjoy our special day and take lots of photos. However we would be grateful if these were not posted on social media sites until ... (whatever date)

Gatica · 22-01-2014 11:20am

It is not the least bit unreasonable to request your guests to respect the privacy of your wedding. Those that would post such pics out of spite while going to "their friend's" wedding maybe shouldn't be going at all.
We had only 3 people post pics of our wedding. One was a cousin that put up pics during the day I think. There were only a couple of pics and they weren't too bad. The other 2 had pro cameras and put up a whole album after, which we got a copy of after as well. It didn't bother us too much as we're on facebook anyway and their pics were quite good.
We do have friends that don't like their pics being put up on facebook, and I've no problem with that. There's even more that don't like pics of their babies or children online either. I think it's only reasonable to respect that and their privacy.

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 11:38am

cookiecakes wrote: »

Myself and my husband aren't really social media people so we toyed with the idea of asking people not to put stuff online. In the end, we couldn't figure out a way to put it without sounding snotty so we left it. As it was, most people knew we weren't mad into stuff about us on Facebook so most people didn't put anything up! There were a few put up but nothing horrible and there certainly wasn't a deluge!!

I'm surprised in this day and age that people don't understand how privacy on FB is an issue for some. Many of my friends are not on FB. If I take any pictures of them which I might like to post I always ask them if it is ok with them to do so. A wedding is the most important day in the life of most people. I don't think it is unreasonable to refrain from posting pics of the bride and groom
until a few days after the wedding.

GarIT · 22-01-2014 11:58am

brooke 2 wrote: »

I don't think it is unreasonable to refrain from posting pics of the bride and groom
until a few days after the wedding.

In the case here I don't think the couple want non photographer pictures put up ever. I could be mistaken but that's how it reads to me.

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 12:00pm

saggycaggy wrote: »

I was at a wedding last November where on the mass booklets there was a little note kindly asking people to refrain from putting pictures on Facebook and then the priest also mentioned it during the ceremony at one point ( I can't remember when). It didn't bother me at all and I can see why people might do it.

Another friend didn't like that there were pictures up of her at the alter on Facebook before the ceremony was even over!

I think most reasonable people would have no problem complying with this request. If I were your friend, I would have been furious at
the invasion of privacy involved in having a picture of her posted on FB while she was still at the altar!! For flip sake!! What is wrong with some people????!!!!!

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 12:09pm

Larbre34 wrote: »

The bride and groom, who are your hosts for the day, are entitled to ask for whatever level of control they like over probably the most significant day of their lives. If anyone thinks their feelings and impulses are bigger than the bride and groom, maybe should decline an invitation.

I have been at 2 weddings where guests were kindly asked not to post pics until after the bridal party did. I had absolutely no issue with that and respected it, or more correctly my snap happy wife did!

I totally agree with you. Months, if not years, of planning will have gone into preparations for this very special day. The couple have every right to request control over the publication of their wedding pictures. Posting pictures of the bride and groom while they are still at the altar is the grossest invasion of privacy, I believe.

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 12:11pm

Eutow wrote: »

If people can't go to a wedding without posting every photo they take onto facebook, and they know the bride and groom would not be happy about it, then they are the one with the problem.

The obsession with cr@ppy facebook is ridiculous.

.

Spot on!!

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 12:19pm

pwurple wrote: »

I like that idea. Thankfully FB was not as popular when I got married as it is now, I've seen some truely godawful photos of people on their wedding days and at other events. I've honestly wondered if the person posting them is just a moron, has no eyesight, or is out to get them.

Muppets on the dancefloor with massive flash switched on, or videoing the wedding with a phone is the other one that gets my goat.

A friend of mine, who is not on FB, was livid when a cousin of hers
informed her that she saw she was having a great time at a wedding which she had recently attended. The cousin had seen
the pictures on FB. Even though my friend was only dancing (and
doing nothing untoward!) she was appalled at what she considered the invasion of her privacy.

Roxirose · 22-01-2014 12:20pm

we politely request no photos of the bride and groom on any social media websites

I think it's fine, and of course you need to bear in mind the wedding mantra: those who matter dont mind and those who mind don't matter

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 12:26pm

GarIT wrote: »

It's disrespectful to post any picture of any person at any time to the internet without their permission.

+1000!!!!!

brooke 2 · 22-01-2014 12:34pm

GarIT wrote: »

In the case here I don't think the couple want non photographer pictures put up ever. I could be mistaken but that's how it reads to me.

If that is their wish, it should be respected.

Milly33 · 22-01-2014 2:47pm

Surprised on the first page someone said are you that vain! If anything no because you do not want pictures of yourself up all over the web.. Think it is a quite reasonable request to ask. I would pop it at the end of the invite. I would not think it rude to ask that lets say your guest keep their photos from appearing on facebook or even create a special wedding page that you have control off.

I hate photos and tis the same ding dong all the time although my friends and even my sister knows this they will still post ones on facebook and not even ask if I am ok with them.. It isn't vanity tis plan point I do not like photos of myself or that many photos anywho..

22-01-2014 3:30pm

It saddens me that nobody takes photographs for photographs sake anymore, they are frantically uploaded for public viewing at lightning speed, I abhor Facebook for this reason, nothing is sacred, and your wedding pictures should be.

The OP is not vain, very sensible actually-a trait these Facebook fanatics don't seem to possess

grainuaile · 22-01-2014 4:03pm

Its a personal choice and I don't think people would mind if you put a little note in with the directions etc. Or you could just post a status the couple of days before ... if they're such fiends that's where they'll notice it most anyway!
I was at a wedding last year where the bride was 45min late ... the crowd were getting restless and someone beside me was checking their fb on the phone, would you believe the bride had posted a pic of herself and bms all dressed up and ready before they even left the house!!! I couldn't get over it

but thats just me

Personally I don't care how many pics people put up (although hopefully after the ceremony at least!) because I'm after putting two years work into making sure the lot of us in the bridal party are looking half decent on the day!!

biddywiddy · 22-01-2014 7:26pm

This is such a bugbear of mine too.

I have a Facebook account, but I post very rarely. Usually a check-in at an airport (going home for Christmas, or whatever) or a "bloody hell, it's cold" followed by Polar Vortex pic. I haven't "announced" my engagement on Facebook. My relationship status doesn't appear at all. My fiance and I told our close friends and family, and gradually the word has spread the old fashioned way. The big announcement was just not for us.

We haven't decided what type of wedding celebration we will have, but I really don't want Facebook to be a feature. A friend of mine was outraged when I said once that I would ask my guests to not post any pictures of my wedding on Facebook (this was in a general conversation pre-engagement, probably after a mutual friend had put wedding pictures up). I really don't think it's such a terrible thing to ask. I don't understand why anyone would be hanging out of their seats in a church just to get a good picture to put on Facebook. WTF?

OP, I agree with previous posters that you have every right to ask for privacy regarding your wedding photos. I don't think you should even have to put a timeframe on it (like, please don't post before a certain date). Restricting the "ban" to bridal party photos is one way to maybe get around it, but, personally, I wouldn't like any photos put up at all.

Meangadh · 22-01-2014 10:24pm

You're not at all vain OP, there is no point being uncomfortable on your wedding day. My friend sent us all a text the night before the wedding asking us not to post pictures on fb and we didn't mind at all.

As for those posters who said that they'd post out of spite, I hope that you have a better class of friends.

Go for it, it's totally reasonable.

michellie · 14-04-2014 8:06pm

Just reading through these comments. I'm not getting married until 2016 but I am already worrying that there will be people posting photos on the day, I don't care if they do it the following day or week. But I just would like some privacy for that one day to celebrate with everyone!

That comment of doing it out of spite?? That's awful!

kkcatlou · 15-04-2014 9:13am

I'm surprised at how precious and self absorbed people are! I mean, you're not celebrities (that we know of!!).

I've had the opposite with my friends - people dying to see some pics of their day while on honeymoon or just back as they wait around for the professional pics to come back! I've had one friend get annoyed cos I waited a full week to post pics of hers yet posted someone else's 2 days after. It's the only chance you get to see the real story of the day, not the professional, paid for one!

I do agree that posting on the day of is rude and when would you get the time anyway?! As far as I'm aware, the etiquette is that once someone from the bridal party has posted photos, it's OK for others to. Most people have their settings set that they need to approve photos before they are posted...for that reason I always tag people. Also, I'd never post photos without asking the B&G first, just out of courtesy, but in this day and age of social media I think it's a given that people are going to want to share a great day they've attended. I've personally never heard of anyone asking people not to post photos (and I've been to over 40 weddings) and would find it quite bridezilla if i did!!

Gatica · 15-04-2014 9:24am

kkcatlou wrote: »

I mean, you're not celebrities (that we know of!!).

Why do you need to be a celebrity not to want pictures of you or your wedding plastered over the net?
Not everyone has their facebook page on private, so it's not just friends of friends that can browse these photos but anyone at all.
It's a personal and private affair for many and they want to keep it that way. If you're their friend, I don't get why it's so hard for people to comply. This obsessive instagramming really amazes me - people just itch to post up every single minute of their life and others', and if they don't get their daily dose they go a bit ape (I'm not saying this about you btw, kkcatlou).

Milly33 · 15-04-2014 9:30am

Would you ever wonder do people watch out for these things too, like a lot of people who post up pics on the day can be located back to the venue aswell, could cause a gate crash or something like that... Kinda thinking we might put it on our own invites aswell please do not post on facebook at least until the day after. Hoping to set up a web page that people can go to and upload their photos so that all can have a copy of them and so can...

flikflak · 15-04-2014 10:08am

My FB is locked down to friends only and all pics with me tagged in them have to be approved. I dont have every Tom, Dick and Harry as my friends on FB, only people who are actually my friends. Will I care if someone who attending my weddings posts a few pics or status updates? No. I will be having too much of a good time to worry about if someone saw us on our wedding day on FB.

I myself might post a few the next day.

We are getting married abroad and there are a lot of people who cant make it. A few pics and status updates from mutual friends who are attending will be lovely for those who cant make it to see.

To be honest I have bigger things to worry about than a few pics on FB.

Asking guests not to post wedding photos on social media - thoughts?

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