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All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

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    #6572
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Yep! I am Maggie Thatcher!

    But you can still get tickets to see me in Russia! http://www.ironmaiden.com/tourdates.php


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    #6573
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    The Lady is not for turning LOL LOL


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    #6574
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Oh, the African weather wot we are having! I can't complain, but I wish it gave me energy instead of draining it from me. I am melting....melting.....melting....

    DSC_0986_2-509x600.jpg


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    #6575
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Melted Jellybaby?? That sounds a bit succulent to me LOL

    It is certainly el scorchio lately I am sure it is just a dream.


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    #6576
    Layinghen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,552 ✭✭✭Layinghen


    Yes indeed, life is tough here in the tropics!


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    #6577
    Ramette
    Registered Users Posts: 1,303 ✭✭✭Ramette


    I'm lying on a beach in Ireland, with sun screen... And it's hot..... How strange! Chucken we need some chilled soup to keep us cool ;)


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    #6578
    BrensBenz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭BrensBenz


    Jellybaby1 wrote: »
    Oh, the African weather wot we are having! I can't complain, but I wish it gave me energy instead of draining it from me. I am melting....melting.....melting....

    I wonder, when God designed and built Irish people, was he having an off day or if Quality Control was on a break?

    I spent a couple of years in Winnipeg (Winterpeg) where temperatures can vary from minus 40 in Winter to plus 40 in Summer and the Chinooks function as normal throughout the year. The range of Irish temperatures is a fraction of that but, whenever we get close to either of our reduced extreme, we close down.

    Before I went to Canada (from Texas!), I was aware of this and was resigned to being in a vegetative state for at least two seasons (three seasons in Texas) and to moan about those two seasons during the other two seasons.

    Several Chinooks kindly offered to allow me to perform body-searches for hidden temperature-controlling devices. The results persuaded me that, without an MRI scanner, I was unlikely to find any such devices. I did, however, check the Chinooks batch, serial and revision numbers and compared them to my own. The findings suggest that, although Canadians and Irish are of the same basic design, the vital temperature controllers fitted to Irish people were of a design more appropriate to squirrel-sized mammals and wholly inadequate for our human mass.

    So, was God asleep on the job or did He deliberately plan to feque us up every time the thermometer goes below 5C and above 20C?

    The prosecution rests. Now, where's the aloe vera?


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    #6579
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Ramette wrote: »
    I'm lying on a beach in Ireland, with sun screen... And it's hot..... How strange! Chucken we need some chilled soup to keep us cool ;)

    We want photo's to prove that. (Rube is old enough now to class as a dirty old man) :D:D
    BrensBenz wrote: »
    I wonder, when God designed and built Irish people, was he having an off day or if Quality Control was on a break?

    I spent a couple of years in Winnipeg (Winterpeg) where temperatures can vary from Minus 40 in Winter to plus 40 in Summer and the Chinooks function as normal throughout the year. The range of Irish temperatures is a fraction of that but, whenever we get close to either of our reduced extreme, we close down.

    Before I went to Canada (from Texas!), I was aware of this and was resigned to being in a vegetative state for at least two seasons (three seasons in Texas) and to moan about those two seasons during the other two seasons.

    Several Chinooks kindly offered to allow me to perform body-searches for hidden temperature-controlling devices. The results persuaded me that, without an MRI scanner, I was unlikely to find any such devices. I did, however, check the Chinooks batch, serial and revision numbers and compared them to my own. The findings suggest that, although Canadians and Irish are of the same basic design, the vital temperature controllers fitted to Irish people were of a design more appropriate to squirrel-sized mammals and wholly inadequate for our human mass.

    So, was God asleep on the job or did He deliberately plan to feque us up every time the thermometer goes below 5C and above 20C?

    The prosecution rests. Now, where's the aloe vera?

    To be truthful I think it is mostly learning to aclimatise to the conditions over here we don't ever get the chance to.


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    #6580
    Chucken
    Registered Users Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    Ramette wrote: »
    I'm lying on a beach in Ireland, with sun screen... And it's hot..... How strange! Chucken we need some chilled soup to keep us cool ;)

    This Chucken is on strike :D

    Ohhhh I love this weather :cool:


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    #6581
    Ramette
    Registered Users Posts: 1,303 ✭✭✭Ramette


    Plenty of nubile young wand in their bikinis here for you Rube! Mind you a lot of them have tattoos... I didn't realise it was common place.


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    #6582
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Some of them are not real Ramette, just go over and rub a few to see if they come off :)


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    #6583
    Chucken
    Registered Users Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    I have tattoos!

    msn-cheeky-smile-smiley-emoticon.gif










    :pac:


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    #6584
    OldGoat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,633 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    I'll show you mine if you'll sho... :cool:

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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    #6585
    muffler
    Registered Users Posts: 45,821 ✭✭✭✭muffler


    Rubecula wrote: »
    just go over and rub a few to see if they come off :)
    :eek: :eek:

    Sweet **** :D


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    #6586
    BBDBB
    Registered Users Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    some of them are even spelled correctly


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    #6587
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    BrensBenz wrote: »
    I wonder, when God designed and built Irish people, was he having an off day or if Quality Control was on a break?

    I spent a couple of years in Winnipeg (Winterpeg) where temperatures can vary from Minus 40 in Winter to plus 40 in Summer and the Chinooks function as normal throughout the year. The range of Irish temperatures is a fraction of that but, whenever we get close to either of our reduced extreme, we close down.

    Before I went to Canada (from Texas!), I was aware of this and was resigned to being in a vegetative state for at least two seasons (three seasons in Texas) and to moan about those two seasons during the other two seasons.

    Several Chinooks kindly offered to allow me to perform body-searches for hidden temperature-controlling devices. The results persuaded me that, without an MRI scanner, I was unlikely to find any such devices. I did, however, check the Chinooks batch, serial and revision numbers and compared them to my own. The findings suggest that, although Canadians and Irish are of the same basic design, the vital temperature controllers fitted to Irish people were of a design more appropriate to squirrel-sized mammals and wholly inadequate for our human mass.

    So, was God asleep on the job or did He deliberately plan to feque us up every time the thermometer goes below 5C and above 20C?

    The prosecution rests. Now, where's the aloe vera?


    The answer to the question, Miss? Erm...........wot he said, Miss!

    Brens you have brains. What are you doing here? And who are you, really?


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    #6588
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Ramette wrote: »
    Plenty of nubile young wand in their bikinis here for you Rube! Mind you a lot of them have tattoos... I didn't realise it was common place.

    This common place, where they have dem tattoos..........???? :D


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    #6589
    BrensBenz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭BrensBenz


    Jellybaby1 wrote: »
    Brens you have brains. What are you doing here? And who are you, really?

    Well, I'm from a far off galaxy, on missionary work to preach the proper position of apostrophes on tattoos. When I first landed here, my role was Super Model Scout but I had to apply for a transfer to Grammar when this pesky allergy to silicon developed.

    My Earth phrasebook advised that I should ask to be "taken to your leader" and the earthlings duly obliged. On meeting your leaders, and while not wishing to give away too much information about my real appearance, never have any of my gobs been so smacked. Tens of thousands of your Earth years has brought about a system called democracy whereby a fraction of the population selects part-time criminals and airheads according to their ability to get potholes in their area filled in, and given Mercs for appearing in a very dull, daily TV program called Dail Report.

    Then, I stumbled across After Hours, but, having tried to initiate intelligent discussion there, I was presented with an opportunity to experience your Accident and Emergency Services at first hand.

    So, because of some claimed link between age and wisdom, my superiors suggested I suss out Oulwans and Oulfellas. So far, the evidence of this link is threadbare but I suspect a special code is being used, whereby intelligent and useful data is cleverly cloaked in coded gibberish. As yet, I haven't been able to decipher this gibberish - Oi'm still wurkin' on gett'n dis aksent royh.

    My mission here is running out of time, with very little to show for the cost of the di-lithium crystals used to get me here. So, if possible, please forward a copy of your Oulwans and Oulfellas codebook, preferably by electronic means or, if you wish, put it in a cover, lick the gummy strip and stick it closed, find a big, green, iron cylinder in the street from where a man on a bike will collect it, lose it for a week or two, then another man on a bike, being chased by a dog, will crush it up and force it through my neighbours front door and into the waiting jaws of his K9.


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    #6590
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    Loved that post BrensBenz.

    A few of our rules for you to peruse:

    1. OldGoat is always right.

    2. If OldGoat is ever wrong, please refer to rule 1.

    3. Nursey's bloomers are not to be ridiculed ... unless you actually like the cod liver oil that is forced on you at bedtime.

    4. The keys to OldGoat's secret supply cupboard are well hidden. (Top shelf behind the biscuit barrel ... always replace after your sampling of the 'goods')

    5. NEVER interrupt the Oulwan's crochet circle or you may meet a close encounter with a crocheting hook in a delicate place.

    6. Oulfellas do not congregate together as this arouses suspicion in the fevered brow of Matron's mind. (Besides it mean entering the dubious realms of 'Buying a round')

    7. If given the choice of punishment fro breaching rules you will have the option of Codliver Oil infusions OR a bowl of Chucken's soup. (ALWAYS chose the Codliver oil if you still value your insides)

    8. Whistling is very strictly rationed. Tuneless whistling is banned in the kitchen. (Whistling is allowed in the toilet facilities for camouflaging but is limited on time. Appropriate hours are listed on the door.)

    9. Snakes, spiders and flying insects are nor pests, they are provided by nature as a way of having fun by putting them in the Oulwan's rooms.

    10. Porridge is provided for mornings, it is obligatory to drool over it and prefered that you dribble a bit down your shirt/vest or pyjamas.

    Further to these rules there are some dress codes take note of:

    1. Oulwans Will at all times wear a cardigan that is at least three sizes too big, and be pastel coloured underneath the stains.

    2. Oulfellas Will at all times (Especially visiting hours) wear thick grey socks and sandals (These are available in the O&O inmates shop near the front entrance)

    3. Wearing of sexy female clothing is NOT allowed (unless you are A/ Oldgoat or B/ Pretending to be OldGoat in an escape attempt)

    Hope that clears everything up for you, be aware that this is just the basic rules and there are many many more to be read up on if you have both the time and the spectacles (which are also available in the Charity shop near the front entrance)


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    #6591
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    Reminds me of those 'ould Cider House Rules from the fillum of the same name - "don't go up on the roof'. That's in our rules too, somewhere. We are usually far too dizzy and bewildered to go up on any roof.

    Brens, keep well away from After Hours. It's a dark, dark, dangerous place. I have heard tell that they run with scissors there.


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    #6592
    BBDBB
    Registered Users Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    keep to the path Brenz


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    #6593
    OldGoat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,633 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    Rubecula wrote: »
    Loved that post BrensBenz.

    A few of our rules for you to peruse:

    1. OldGoat is always right.

    2. If OldGoat is ever wrong, please refer to rule 1.
    This should be in the charter.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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    #6594
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    OldGoat wrote: »
    This should be in the charter.

    You mean it isn't??? :eek:


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    #6595
    Jellybaby1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    'Twas, but now t'wisn't.


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    #6596
    OldGoat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,633 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    I'm heading over your way in a few weeks Rubes, heading toward Betws-y-Coed to do a bit of photography in Snowdonia. So who is this Betsy the Co-ed and what is she like? Will I wile* away the hours seducing her with goatish charm?

    Do you know the area? I intend just to head into the hills and trust to luck to find scenes worthy of photographic study - and local pubs worthy of alcoholic investigation.

    * I just checked to see if this should be "while" or "wile" and apparently "While away the hours" is grammaritically correct as "wile" is defined as meaning (1) trickery, cunning; (2) a disarming or seductive manner; (3) or a trick intended to deceive - hence much more suitable to me ends. :cool:

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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    #6597
    Chucken
    Registered Users Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    OldGoat wrote: »

    I intend just to head into the hills

    :( You'll never be seen again.


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    #6598
    BBDBB
    Registered Users Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    that would be terrible


    can I have his room?


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    #6599
    Chucken
    Registered Users Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    BBDBB wrote: »
    that would be terrible


    can I have his room?


    Well if you dont mind sharing ;)
    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=78466042&postcount=4414


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    #6600
    BBDBB
    Registered Users Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    have you any nocturnal habits that could lead to an embarrassed silence over the sugar puffs?


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    #6601
    Chucken
    Registered Users Posts: 9,459 ✭✭✭Chucken


    No. Shifty_Eyes_Emoticon_by_LittleDende.gif


This discussion has been closed.
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