Marriage cert = €150, average Irish wedding cost in a recession= €29,000, why?

Bride2012 · 08-10-2011 11:22am #1

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

Jaafa · 08-10-2011 11:24am

If you cant afford it then I don't see what the dilemma is here. Screw the family if they're trying to make you broke.

ejmaztec · 08-10-2011 11:26am

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

That's why parents usually get their cheque-books out.

tweedledee · 08-10-2011 11:26am

Weddings are all about ego and showing off,it will cost you in the long term.do what makes you both happy not what makes others happy.

MagicMarker · 08-10-2011 11:28am

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

Maybe think twice about getting married if you still do what your parents tell you?

billybudd · 08-10-2011 11:29am

i know, honestly i would rather just have a small wedding and spend the next month staying in various five star hotels throughout the world.

I really think its just a egomania thrill for people.

I always find those old registry office wedding pics where everyone is huddled togeather more romantic than your average disney wedding, there is just something more real, simple and innocent about them.

coffee_cake · 08-10-2011 11:29am

tell your parents if they want the guest list they can pay for it

Min · 08-10-2011 11:31am

Bride2012 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and wanted a small wedding but I got pressured by family and friends to make it bigger as 'you'll regret it if you don't'. Now I've a big, expensive wedding that I don't really want. I hear of this happening so often, usually parents having their own big guest list. Why do we do it to ourselves in Ireland?

It is the couple's day.

Not your family who won't be paying for what they want rather than what you want.

sunflower27 · 08-10-2011 11:32am

bluewolf wrote: »

tell your parents if they want the guest list they can pay for it

Exactly. Why start your life off together with a huge debt hanging over you. No way!!! Your parents get their big day out and you end up paying it back for years... it's a no-brainer.

Hobbes · 08-10-2011 11:34am

As mentioned. If your family want a huge wedding, have them pay for it. Trust me, you will be kicking yourself for that 29K a few years down the line when you have kid to deal with.

Son Of A Vidic · 08-10-2011 11:35am

Who is paying for the wedding OP? I assume it's you and your other half? So if you are, can you not just suit yourselves? The amount of people I know, that look back and regret spending a fortune on a lot of shít that was irrelevant. So if your parents want x,y and z invited, I suggest you work out the costs per head and get them to pay for them accordingly. Or else just tell them to STFU!

Mickey H · 08-10-2011 11:35am

Marriage cert = €150, average Irish wedding cost in a recession= €29,000, why?

Tried explaining this to the GF the other day. Let's just say she wasn't amused.

westies4ever · 08-10-2011 11:35am

billybudd wrote: »

i know, honestly i would rather just have a small wedding and spend the next month staying in various five star hotels throughout the world.

Exactly what I did - best decision ever! Spent less than €10k all in.

kelle · 08-10-2011 11:42am

I had a big wedding (172 guests), cost a fair bit in it's day - however, my Dad paid for the reception, bless him! I wasn't that keen, but I was the only daughter and I knew it was what my parents wanted.

I enjoyed it, but found it tiring as I was on show the whole day - I got SICK of smiling for photographs, trying to make conversations with people then others butting in. If I was getting married now I'd go with a registry office job - less expense and less headache.

But I don't regret it (ie getting married) for one minute

Richard Hillman · 08-10-2011 11:46am

Lets keep it real. A wedding is absolutely nothing to do with vows or spending your life together etc. Its all about the female having her big day and a whipped man desperate to pay 30k because he is insecure of her leaving him and is afraid of spending his life alone. If it was about actually being married, a lot more people would be opting for the legal piece of paper.

smash · 08-10-2011 11:46am

I don't understand it, I've seen people spend 35-40k and it makes me sick. To borrow that amount is retarded. I got married for just under 10k and had 100 guests. And I didn't have to borrow it. And everyone had a great time.

Bride2012 · 08-10-2011 11:47am

We're paying for it ourselves, my parents are giving us 2k as a present but want 60 from their list not including relations. At last count the guest list was 260 as we've big families. We may decide to elope; )

Mushy · 08-10-2011 11:54am

260?? Do you know all these people? Thats a crazy number.

My mother told me about her wedding. Small, immediate family only affair. Not expensive but no debt after it. Her work colleague, huge wedding, boasting, massive debt. Guess which marriage didnt only last a year?

Icyseanfitz · 08-10-2011 11:56am

the money people spend on weddings is fcuking crazy, seems rather backwards to me as well tbh, i mean every other sort of celebration (stuff like birthdays etc.) you have is set up and "generally" paid for by friends and family, why are weddings so different? if it was me id have a small wedding with some close friends family and thats it, go for some class trip around the world or something then

username123 · 08-10-2011 11:57am

Bride2012 wrote: »

We may decide to elope; )

We did elope. We phoned home afterwards and told everyone. I just couldnt have done a 'traditional irish wedding', nor could he, not our thing at all. We had been planning a registry office do with a small dinner afterwards, maybe 16 people, but the mother in law kept interfering and trying to invite extra people. In the end we just ran off and came home married. Much nicer.

Chriscl1 · 08-10-2011 11:58am

Tell them to keep the 2k and their 60 pals can **** off too lol. Kind of going through the same thing myself. I told my gf that she can tell her relatives whatever she wants but I ain't having/paying for a day out for people I've never blood met and will probably never see again and that goes for my own side of the family too.

Happyzebra · 08-10-2011 11:58am

Omg bride 2012 that's crazy. Please please think of what else you could spend that money on! I bet your mother is used to having things her way?? Just keep in mind that by insisting on this wedding which you clearly do not want your parents are putting their needs above yours.

Why are you allowing yourself to get into debt to meet their needs? What would happen if you said no?

ejmaztec · 08-10-2011 11:59am

Bride2012 wrote: »

We're paying for it ourselves, my parents are giving us 2k as a present but want 60 from their list not including relations. At last count the guest list was 260 as we've big families. We may decide to elope; )

Have they no idea at all as to how much it's going to cost, or do they think that you're keeping quiet about a multi-million Euro lotto win?

BluePlanet · 08-10-2011 12:02pm

I really don't understand the problem.
It's YOUR WEDDING.
Tell your parents to feck off if they don't like it.

beertons · 08-10-2011 12:04pm

260! Holey moley, and I thought I had a big wedding. 40% won't go, they have excuses made. Offer the parents 5 couples to invite each. That's 10 people with partners. No second cousins, and no relatives abroad. They'll thank you for the expense you've spared them. I blanked my parents for 3 months before my wedding, told them nothing.

Bride2012 · 08-10-2011 12:08pm

We do know them all, we've, 14 uncles, 9 aunts and 58 first cousins between us and then add partners. Then our friends and colleagues and then our parents' friends and colleagues. I just need to find a line.

YouTookMyName · 08-10-2011 12:08pm

Book a week in Rome and get married there.

Simon Adebisi · 08-10-2011 12:09pm

If it was up to the bloke id say most weddings wouldn't go past a grand in price with maybe 20 or so people at the whole thing. Women and their unrealistic barbie fantasies are mostly to blame.

Bride2012 · 08-10-2011 12:11pm

Simon Adebisi wrote: »

If it was up to the bloke id say most weddings wouldn't go past a grand in price with maybe 20 or so people at the whole thing. Women and their unrealistic barbie fantasies are mostly to blame.

I'm a girl and don't want it.

4leto · 08-10-2011 12:12pm

You will find if you opt for a smaller ceremony people will understand, people will enjoy it no more or no less.

I come from a big family and a bigger extended family, plus with my job and friends. I don't exaggerate when I say I was at at least 50 weddings. Some elaborate and expensive and some budget and cheap.

I can assure you there is little difference in the enjoyment factor between the expensive impressive ones as compared to the small and budget ones. You may have heard the saying it is not were you go, but who you go with is the important factor.

As I type this I am thinking of the best wedding I was at and it was my best friends one in a GAA club with a carvery. it was just the crowd and the atmosphere that made it.

The worse ones I was at, I think, was the ones in the expensive hotel in the country which usually cost a fortune for the couple and the guests, everyone is silently aware that Jaysus this day, with a jacked up hotel acc and its usually 2 to 3 nights acc, plus the extras of eating and drinking, is costing me 1000 euros+.

So I would advise anyone just to go for the simple ceremony, and start your life together with less debt.

You will find the day will pass, and the wedding will be quickly forgotten about and you will remain.

Good luck and congratulations.

Caraville · 08-10-2011 12:12pm

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Lets keep it real. A wedding is absolutely nothing to do with vows or spending your life together etc. Its all about the female having her big day and a whipped man desperate to pay 30k because he is insecure of her leaving him and is afraid of spending his life alone. If it was about actually being married, a lot more people would be opting for the legal piece of paper.

Here buddy, don't go tarring all females with that brush of yours! I have zero interest in a big huge/fancy wedding- I used to think it'd be what I'd like though. When I was younger, say college age, I used to think that a massive wedding would be brilliant, like a big party.

But in the last 10 years I've been to SO many weddings and the more I go to, the more I realise that all the frills aren't for me. I would like to have some of the traditional things, like get married in a church and get a nice (but not expensive) dress. To be honest, the church part would be the most important part for me, as that's when you actually get married.

A friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks and she was talking about getting the flowers to match the bridesmaids' dresses but that the dresses needed to go with the men's cravates and all that crap. Fair enough if it's what you're into, but I know I and a few of my other friends (girls) don't want any of that. Just seems pointless to me, no one even remembers that stuff!

Marriage cert = €150, average Irish wedding cost in a recession= €29,000, why?

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