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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1592
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,285 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Kormeera X wrote: »
    go on, post them!
    Post what?


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    #1593
    Kormeera X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭Kormeera X


    sorry, ment to
    reply to someone
    else.


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    #1594
    Kormeera X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭Kormeera X


    Go on! post some of your offensive jokes!
    surly not many people can get offended right??


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    #1595
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    Kormeera X wrote: »
    Go on! post some of your offensive jokes!
    surly not many people can get offended right??

    this is a one liner joke thread, not offensive jokes


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    #1596
    Kormeera X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭Kormeera X


    Ah rite :)


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    #1597
    Kormeera X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭Kormeera X


    Ah rite


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    #1598
    keano_afc
    Registered Users Posts: 8,711 ✭✭✭keano_afc


    admiralofthefleet wrote: »
    this is a one liner joke thread, not offensive jokes
    Kormeera X wrote: »
    Ah rite :)

    Interesting....


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    #1599
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    keano_afc wrote: »
    Interesting....

    how


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    #1600
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,076 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    What's black, fizzy, moves at 500mph and costs €5?

    A can of coke on a Ryanair flight

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #1601
    BawnArd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭BawnArd


    I can really feel for the people of Haiti.
    If i had 30 aftershocks i wouldn't be able to find my house either


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    #1602
    jc7
    Closed Accounts Posts: 305 ✭✭jc7


    I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.


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    #1603
    asomeday
    Registered Users Posts: 83 ✭✭asomeday


    why was the fly running up and down the top of the cereal box?
    it said tear along the dotted line

    what do you get when you cross a cow on a trampoline?
    a milkshake


    *hanging head in shame*


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    #1604
    DCJR
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭DCJR


    <snip>


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    #1605
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    DCJR wrote: »
    <snip>


    PLEASE DELETE THIS
    "JOKE"


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    #1606
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    Did you hear about the fly that could speak English?

    To bee or not to bee that was his question.


    Want the meaning of life?

    I don't know so go get fucked!... Wait... That'll do.


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    #1607
    CreepingDeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,016 ✭✭✭CreepingDeath


    A new drug has been released to alleviate depression in lesbians, it's called "tricoxagain".


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    #1608
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    CreepingDeath wrote: »
    A new drug has been released to alleviate depression in lesbians, it's called "tricoxagain".

    I thought it was called "tridickagain".:rolleyes:


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    #1609
    user1983
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭user1983


    Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy!!

    Does anyone know what colour a Smurf would turn if you choked one of them?!

    :D

    these were probably said already though.....


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    #1610
    browner85
    Registered Users Posts: 415 ✭✭browner85


    Ashley Cole was caught doing 104mph in a 50mph zone. When questioned by police as to why he was speeding he said, "l've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."


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    #1611
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    I was at the massage parlour and the masseuse asked, "Any extras?"

    I said, "No, get your own chewing gum."


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    #1612
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    My friend's wife left him at the weekend. She said she was going out for a pint of milk and hasn't been seen since.

    I asked him how he was coping. "Not too bad", he said, "I've been using that powdered stuff".


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    #1613
    Bolag_the_2nd
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Bolag_the_2nd


    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


    A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.


    'My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


    the old ones are the best,:D:D:D


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    #1614
    Bolag_the_2nd
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Bolag_the_2nd


    So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
    I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..' :p

    Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! :p

    I went to a seafood disco last week.and pulled a muscle. :p

    corney as hell


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    #1615
    Bolag_the_2nd
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Bolag_the_2nd


    I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.


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    #1616
    Bolag_the_2nd
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Bolag_the_2nd


    what do u get when u cross a.........


    A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
    A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
    A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
    A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
    A dog with a cantaloupe? A melon-collie baby.
    A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
    A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
    A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
    A duck with a steamroller? A flat duck.
    A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.
    A gorilla and a sheep? A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too long
    A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.
    A hedghog and a snake? Two yards of barbed wire.

    OMG i could go on 4 ever


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    #1617
    Ciaran187
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭Ciaran187


    The mother in law fell down the stairs the other day. I thought Eastenders was starting.


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    #1618
    McChubbin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    Ciaran187 wrote: »
    The mother in law fell down the stairs the other day. I thought Eastenders was starting.

    I was t'mother-in-law's funeral today...


    ...and she's cancelled it!


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    #1619
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Toyota have apologised for not spotting the fault which causes loss of control.

    They would have noticed it sooner if the Yaris had actually been bought by men.


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    #1620
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    I just heard that Apple is going to introduce a larger, widescreen version of the iPad called the "MaxI Pad"


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    #1621
    pianofella
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭pianofella


    <snip>Please read the charter</snip>


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