Deal Breaker in a Relationship

CastorTroy · 14-08-2012 11:21pm

As well as being cruel to animals. I know some people don't like animals for whatever reason but someone who didn't have a problem with dogs being tied to train tracks or something as evil.

ViveLaVie · 15-08-2012 2:58pm

Stinginess.

One of my friends is really stingy and it makes planning trips a nightmare. She's pulled out at the last minute loads of times and often just refuses point blank to go places that cost money. Now this girl has a well-paying job and literally no expenses as she lives at home and doesn't pay rent. She has huge savings in the bank. What's the point in having money if you won't spend it!?

I couldn't date someone who was stingy. I would hate to have to sit in home all the time cos he refused to spend any money. Memories are more valuable to me than a big fat wallet.

That said, I wouldn't have a problem dating someone who genuinely couldn't afford to do things, I just don't like when people whinge about being broke when they're not.

Also, elitism of any kind really infuriates me.

cantdecide · 15-08-2012 3:18pm

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Stinginess...Memories are more valuable to me than a big fat wallet.

Or any size wallet! Couldn't agree more.

The way some people scrounge borders mental illness, IMO. I've had times in my life where I've had pretty respectable bank balances and other times, not so. I've learned that unless you're doing VERY well, there's little you can do to hold onto it.

The Cool · 16-08-2012 2:35pm

As opposed to a lot of people on here, a guy with no religion or who was against it would be a dealbreaker for me. Don't get me wrong I'm no bible basher, don't even know when I was last at church other than funerals - last summer maybe?? but I do have my beliefs etc and I do want to get married in a church and I do want my kids to be christened. Somebody who hated the idea of all that just wouldn't work as a life partner for me.

Also, he has to want to get married and have kids.

Other than that, I think compromise is the one trait that I'd need to be there. He's gotta have the cop to know that it's not all him, that I get to have a say as well (and on the flip side, to stand his ground and not let me take over,though I don't think I'd do that really). Just consideration for what I would want in whatever situation. I think that every problem that you can have in a relationship can be dealt with fairly and happily if you have that.

Daveysil15 · 18-08-2012 11:13am

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

I agree. Ambition seems to be a big deal for the ladies. If everyone was ambitious there'd be nobody to the low-paying jobs.

Pembily wrote: »

The main one for me is ambition, without that it's a huge NO for me!? Fake ambition is worse :mad:

What the hell is fake ambition?

Rossin · 18-08-2012 2:11pm

ambition doesnt bother me either way, some people are just happy and content with what they have and there's nothing wrong with that imo as long as theyre happy

Blowfish · 18-08-2012 2:23pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

I agree. Ambition seems to be a big deal for the ladies. If everyone was ambitious there'd be nobody to the low-paying jobs.

When people mention ambition, they don't necessarily mean solely career ambition. I think it's more a reference to a 'lust for life' in that they want to constantly keep learning, keep finding new interests and keep trying to improve at whatever they do in order to become the best person they possibly could be.

Blisterman · 18-08-2012 3:56pm

Yeah that exactly what I meant in my original post. I know too many people just willing to coast their way aimlessly through life, with no real passion for anything.

Pembily · 18-08-2012 5:05pm

Daveysil15 wrote: »

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

I agree. Ambition seems to be a big deal for the ladies. If everyone was ambitious there'd be nobody to the low-paying jobs.

Pembily wrote: »

The main one for me is ambition, without that it's a huge NO for me!? Fake ambition is worse :mad:

What the hell is fake ambition?

When the hell did I write that??

I don't mean career ambition, I mean ambition in general. Doing stuff rather than sitting at home watching tv. Getting out there and doing stuff.

Fake ambition IMO is where someone tells you they want to do stuff but never do anything about it...

username123 · 18-08-2012 5:25pm

A guy who was mad into any kind of tribal sport like rugby, soccer or GAA, something that there are tee shirts and songs for. Nothing wrong with it, just wouldnt interest me, the drinking culture that goes with it would also turn me off. (watching not playing one of those sports)
The notion that a match is more important than life events like someones wedding or a childs birthday or a holiday or weekend away just baffles me and I wouldnt be bothered with someone with that view.

Someone who views the local pub as an extension of their sitting room, somewhere to go alone and just chat to the 'lads' over a few pints, a few times a week or a place to drop into for no reason and just drink. Anyone who drank excessively though whether it be in the pub or at home.

Obviously racism, bigotry of any sort really, sexism, homophobia etc....

Someone who wasnt that intelligent. I need to be able to have intellectual conversations with my life partner.

Stinginess.

Any kind of aggressive or angry tendencies (I mean the type who'd pick a fight in a pub or with a stranger).

Snowie · 18-08-2012 6:40pm

Honestly negativity, I do like a woman with a good sense of style

I really try not to get bogged down in the deal breakers, If you start piling them on they never end....

19-08-2012 2:57am

Rossin wrote: »

ambition doesnt bother me either way, some people are just happy and content with what they have and there's nothing wrong with that imo as long as theyre happy

TBH I'd be happy enough in a menial job while following my passions and interests outside of the 35 hours a week I spent doing that ****ty job. I could do a job I enjoyed and make no money or do a crap job and have loads of spare time for whatever I and my significant other (:P) wanted to do. Or I could cover the bills and still have a ****load of free time that could be split however made sense at the the time.

Chazz Michael Michaels · 19-08-2012 3:23pm

A nice bum.

mood · 19-08-2012 3:23pm

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

A nice bum.

A nice bum is a deal breaker

Chazz Michael Michaels · 19-08-2012 3:25pm

mood wrote: »

A nice bum is a deal breaker

HA! Sorry, a lack of a nice bum.

mood · 19-08-2012 3:26pm

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

HA! Sorry, a lack of a nice bum.

And what happens if you meet someone who has a nice bum but 2 or 3 years later isn't not so nice?

Chazz Michael Michaels · 19-08-2012 3:32pm

mood wrote: »

And what happens if you meet someone who has a nice bum but 2 or 3 years later isn't not so nice?

In the end, we are all going to be wrinkled.

Mickey Dazzler · 21-08-2012 6:09am

A friend of mine went out with a "girl" for awhile and then went down on her one night only to find a penis in his face. Only in Bangkok!!

A penis in the face would be a deal breaker for me.

mood · 21-08-2012 10:04am

Mickey Dazzler wrote: »

A friend of mine went out with a "girl" for awhile and then went down on her one night only to find a penis in his face. Only in Bangkok!!

A penis in the face would be a deal breaker for me.

That's a movie called 'The Crying Game'.

lorrieq · 21-08-2012 11:00am

A little off topic. I'd like to hear from someone (not loads of people) who shares this view, preferably a female if theres one here :P A lot of people seem to be bothered by elitism I've been reading. I can't really understand. My sport is my passion, I love doing it. And being better at it means I can travel more and have some great times. I devote a lot of time to it. I don't think less of people who aren't elite, in fact I hugely respect these people for getting up and out if that's what they want. Would this be a turnoff??

mood · 21-08-2012 11:15am

lorrieq wrote: »

A little off topic. I'd like to hear from someone (not loads of people) who shares this view, preferably a female if theres one here :P A lot of people seem to be bothered by elitism I've been reading. I can't really understand. My sport is my passion, I love doing it. And being better at it means I can travel more and have some great times. I devote a lot of time to it. I don't think less of people who aren't elite, in fact I hugely respect these people for getting up and out if that's what they want. Would this be a turnoff??

Someone who would consider themselves and describe them self as elite would TOTALLY put me off. Just because you are good at particular thing does not mean you are better than or above other people. The shear arrogance is enough to make me feel sick.

Also someone who spends all their time on a hobby would not be for me. Not being able to spend time with a boyfriend would definitely effect the relationship. Also if the relation were to get very serious and you had kids I wouldn't be happy to basically raise the kids on my own while my husband swanned off spend all his time and money on his hobby.

Rossin · 21-08-2012 11:59am

calling yourself elite would be my only problem!

larrymickdick · 21-08-2012 1:18pm

lorrieq wrote: »

A little off topic. I'd like to hear from someone (not loads of people) who shares this view, preferably a female if theres one here :P A lot of people seem to be bothered by elitism I've been reading. I can't really understand. My sport is my passion, I love doing it. And being better at it means I can travel more and have some great times. I devote a lot of time to it. I don't think less of people who aren't elite, in fact I hugely respect these people for getting up and out if that's what they want. Would this be a turnoff??

I think it's great that you have a passion for sport but would you want to be with someone who has no interest in sport whatsoever? I'm not saying that you have to have everything in common with your partner but at least you want them to get that side of you.

My boyfriend is not interested in sport - he watches motor gp and boxing sometimes - he's interested in huge historical sporting events just like anyone else would be but not watching the footie every day etc. I don't think I could handle going out with someone who would center so much of their time around sport when I personally am not interested in it. Don't get me wrong I have played a lot of sports myself but don't want to sit watching it.

On the other hand he is a musician and spends a lot of time playing guitar but that's part of him and one of the reasons why I love him. I guess if I was genuinely in love with someone and that was their interest I would make the effort to be part of it and support the person I was with. What you do is not who you are. I believe you are in love with a person not their hobbies/profession. If it was interfering with having a healthy relationship though I guess it would be a deal breaker.

I hope that makes sense. (even though my username is male I'm all woman haha)

ChunkyLover54 · 23-08-2012 1:28am

Bad breath

jimbobaloobob · 23-08-2012 1:38am

ChunkyLover54 wrote: »

Bad breath

bring a tic tac

MaroonAndGreen · 23-08-2012 3:59am

If I am not 100% comfortable with my GF, then its a deal breaker..

Have to be trustworthy, and willing to stick through problems in the relationship and try our best to work them out. In other words, 100% committment is needed

Woodward · 23-08-2012 11:33pm

I've come to the realization today that many of the attributes that would be deal breakers in a girl I just met are attributes that my current girlfriend has that werent really apparent for the first few years. I feel very uneaesy

Rossin · 23-08-2012 11:54pm

if you got through a few years without realising such they're hardly deal breakers! sounds like you want out anyway

maddragon · 24-08-2012 12:05am

leggo wrote: »

Have plenty when I'm in a relationship with someone, but none beforehand really (except don't be an uggo ).

I think if you go into a relationship with a list of things you won't accept, regardless of who the person is, you're closing off a lot of doors that could benefit you in ways you'll never know. Often some of the best relationships I've had have been with people completely different to me.

I agree. A relationship with yourself gets predictable.

Woodward · 24-08-2012 8:55am

Rossin wrote: »

if you got through a few years without realising such they're hardly deal breakers! sounds like you want out anyway

Life changes though. We were young when we started going out and her lack of motivation and other things didnt really matter. Now that we are serious I cant see her ever getting a decent job and I dont want a gf who will mooch off me for the rest of my life

Erper · 24-08-2012 9:09am

Woodward wrote: »

Life changes though. We were young when we started going out and her lack of motivation and other things didnt really matter. Now that we are serious I cant see her ever getting a decent job and I dont want a gf who will mooch off me for the rest of my life

that you know what you have to do:

simple question for her - does she plan to live like that forever
and
where does this go

Jerrica · 24-08-2012 9:22am

lorrieq wrote: »

A little off topic. I'd like to hear from someone (not loads of people) who shares this view, preferably a female if theres one here :P A lot of people seem to be bothered by elitism I've been reading. I can't really understand. My sport is my passion, I love doing it. And being better at it means I can travel more and have some great times. I devote a lot of time to it. I don't think less of people who aren't elite, in fact I hugely respect these people for getting up and out if that's what they want. Would this be a turnoff??

Be proud of what you do. Having the skills and confidence to call yourself elite is something that not a lot of people will 'get', but you know in your heart how many hours you've put in to get there, how many nights out you've sacrificed, how many mornings you've got up to train before most people are awake. It's one thing to call yourself elite (as you should if you've earned it), it's another to brag about it incessantly. There's an obvious difference between the two!

Your partner doesn't necessarily need to be an elite athlete too, but as long as they 'get it' it'll be fine. I used to be very involved in my sport and competed internationally - at one stage I was only dating guys who were within that same circle and frame of mind, but it generally didn't work because it became competitive between us. My partner now is in no way sporty but respects and admires what I do, so he may not 'get' the sport but he gives me the freedom to do what I do as he knows I'll always be glad and excited to come home to him

Rossin · 24-08-2012 9:45am

how many hours a day does an "elite" athlete train?

Woodward · 24-08-2012 3:53pm

Erper wrote: »

that you know what you have to do:

simple question for her - does she plan to live like that forever
and
where does this go

I've asked her that and she doesnt know. She's not finished college yet but her degree isnt exactly in high demand. She has said that there is a chance that she could end up working in Dunnes for the rest of her life. I cant say it is what I imagined my life partner to be but it could turn out differently

listermint · 24-08-2012 3:59pm

Woodward wrote: »

I've asked her that and she doesnt know. She's not finished college yet but her degree isnt exactly in high demand. She has said that there is a chance that she could end up working in Dunnes for the rest of her life. I cant say it is what I imagined my life partner to be but it could turn out differently

Wait, she hasnt finished college yet and you are consigning her to the rubbish tip of failure ?

Woodward · 24-08-2012 4:08pm

listermint wrote: »

Wait, she hasnt finished college yet and you are consigning her to the rubbish tip of failure ?

I have but she has never even sent t a CV and she's 21. She has no motivation to work and she has no interest in growing up

username123 · 24-08-2012 4:12pm

Woodward wrote: »

I have but she has never even sent t a CV and she's 21. She has no motivation to work and she has no interest in growing up

Why would she be sending CVs is she is a full time student? Why would you go out with someone that you speak of in such negative terms?

Erper · 24-08-2012 7:26pm

Woodward wrote: »

I've asked her that and she doesnt know. She's not finished college yet but her degree isnt exactly in high demand. She has said that there is a chance that she could end up working in Dunnes for the rest of her life. I cant say it is what I imagined my life partner to be but it could turn out differently

maybe ive missed a post but how old are you...
if she is 21 i dont think that she might have clear picture where she will end up...
maybe if she is working in dunnes now, in 3-4 years time she might change her opinion and work something else, you never know..
if you like the girl that you will support her in everything she does in normal limits...
if she is full time studend and working part time, that wont be like forever...
its only temporary and considering todays situation the best thing is to keep something you working on now...

Woodward · 24-08-2012 8:05pm

Erper wrote: »

maybe ive missed a post but how old are you...
if she is 21 i dont think that she might have clear picture where she will end up...
maybe if she is working in dunnes now, in 3-4 years time she might change her opinion and work something else, you never know..
if you like the girl that you will support her in everything she does in normal limits...
if she is full time studend and working part time, that wont be like forever...
its only temporary and considering todays situation the best thing is to keep something you working on now...

She doesnt work in Dunnes. She has never had a job, she has never applied for a job. She only recently has written a CV which was only because I did most of it. She has no motivation to work or be successful, that it what bothers me. I am quite driven and I have no problem supporting a partner who earns less than me seeing as I will likely have a high paying job when I finish my postgrad but her lack of drive to succeed in life really bothers me. She would be content to stay in her room all day browsing the internet and she is not depressed

foxinsox · 24-08-2012 8:16pm

Being 21 and not ever had a job would worry me...

I'm not near that age now, so my deal breakers are very different.

If I met someone in their forties who has never worked, I would run away very fast.

christmas2012 · 24-08-2012 8:22pm

a deal breaker in a relationship for me is someone who is not serious and coasting in a realationship looking out for other options,while telling you they love you,bad hygiene,stingyness: definately,someone who constantly nit picks,critisises or is evasive and just has an over all bad manner,people who are negative or grumpy all the time.
looks wouldnt be a deal breaker but they would have to be clean and respectful at the very least,i wouldnt have a long list up to my arms of should nots,i think that is just being nit picky and shallow.

Giselle · 25-08-2012 4:31am

Vestigial tails, and birthmarks in the pattern '666' are my no-no's. '665' is acceptable, but '667' is pushing it. I wouldn't exactly seek out a werewolf, but I wouldn't exclude him out of hand without getting to know him first.

I think most people are too fussy with lists of exclusions and absolutes.

I absolutely draw the line at dating agents of Lucifer though. I prefer a quiet life.

Galwayguy35 · 25-08-2012 7:14am

username123 wrote: »

A guy who was mad into any kind of tribal sport like rugby, soccer or GAA, something that there are tee shirts and songs for. Nothing wrong with it, just wouldnt interest me, the drinking culture that goes with it would also turn me off. (watching not playing one of those sports)
The notion that a match is more important than life events like someones wedding or a childs birthday or a holiday or weekend away just baffles me and I wouldnt be bothered with someone with that view.

Someone who views the local pub as an extension of their sitting room, somewhere to go alone and just chat to the 'lads' over a few pints, a few times a week or a place to drop into for no reason and just drink. Anyone who drank excessively though whether it be in the pub or at home.

Obviously racism, bigotry of any sort really, sexism, homophobia etc....

Someone who wasn't that intelligent. I need to be able to have intellectual conversations with my life partner.

Stinginess.

Any kind of aggressive or angry tendencies (I mean the type who'd pick a fight in a pub or with a stranger).

There are different forms of intelligence, in what way would we decide that someone is "stupid"?

25-08-2012 7:19am

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

There are different forms of intelligence, in what way would we decide that someone is "stupid"?

I think they pretty much explained it with the next sentence.

Galwayguy35 · 25-08-2012 4:16pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I think they pretty much explained it with the next sentence.

And how did you work that out?
That describes someone that is interested in sport.

username123 · 25-08-2012 8:37pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

And how did you work that out?
That describes someone that is interested in sport.

Im sorry if you dont understand what an intellectual conversation entails. Generally a conversation about politics, art, culture, philosophy etc... Something that requires a bit of basic intelligence to be able to discuss with any reasonable degree of articulation. The type of conversation a knuckle dragger would be a bit astounded at.

starlit · 25-08-2012 11:24pm

Having an intellectual conversation and it being articulate is enough for me. Not just anything random. Complex things like art, politics the economy and world stuff yes not just the same old general stuff.

Someone that can keep the conversation going and flow naturally I be more interested in that and share common ground with them being able to talk about stuff that not everyone else might.

From a woman's point of view of meeting lads, its hard not to meet fellas that haven't an interest in sport of some sort not all do but most have some kind of interest in sport what ever it is whether its a major or minor interest, hard not to meet a fella that has no interest in sport of any sort!? I've kind of gotten over the fact that they do its part of who they are if they into sport that is them its part of them and part of their interest/lifestyle.

Whether or not you have an interest shouldn't matter, if ye something to talk about great if not its interesting finding out and support him on it once it doesn't take away from his time too much though!

cantdecide · 26-08-2012 9:41pm

A tricky issue: letting oneself 'go' after starting a relationship...

Life's hard but to say that the time or pressure of A, B or C is a good reason to start shopping exclusively in Penneys or to start growing that beer belly is a bit much. I'm no Adonis but I think undertaking to make an effort for each other has to be a part of the picture.

Galwayguy35 · 26-08-2012 11:55pm

cantdecide wrote: »

A tricky issue: letting oneself 'go' after starting a relationship...

Life's hard but to say that the time or pressure of A, B or C is a good reason to start shopping exclusively in Penneys or to start growing that beer belly is a bit much. I'm no Adonis but I think undertaking to make an effort for each other has to be a part of the picture.

Apart from that it's important to keep in shape for health reasons as well.

Obesity and heart disease go hand in hand.

mood · 27-08-2012 12:30pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Apart from that it's important to keep in shape for health reasons as well.

Obesity and heart disease go hand in hand.

You don't have to be overweight to get heart disease.

Also diabetes(type 2 and heart disease go hand in hand as both are diet related.

Deal Breaker in a Relationship

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