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Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

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    #4952
    Hugo Stiglitz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    Gremlinertia wrote: »
    I never ever cried, a few times when well under ten after a fall or accident, after that nothing for years upon years. I've always wondered about it, finally cried when friends were dying. But just the once each time..

    Why do you think that is Grem?


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    #4953
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,794 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    No clue, my go to excuse these days is that i hate the headache it brings.. Been saying it so long i kinda believe it.. :o


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    #4954
    greenfrogs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭greenfrogs


    I've cried twice in the last week. One was due to a really sad film though. Before tears would come so easily that I used be so embarrassed. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. There is no right or wrong. Tears can be a good stress release but also can very annoying.


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    #4955
    Hugo Stiglitz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    I cry occasionally. Only in private if I can help it. For me to cry, I must be really low, anxious or the stress has pushed me too much.


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    #4956
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,794 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    greenfrogs wrote: »
    I've cried twice in the last week. One was due to a really sad film though. Before tears would come so easily that I used be so embarrassed. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. There is no right or wrong. Tears can be a good stress release but also can very annoying.

    I used to point blank refuse to cry. I know I was brought up to think of them as showing weakness kind of.. I was very much the boy growing up.. Even now certain quarters would refer to me as one of the lads..


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    #4957
    hollster2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,199 ✭✭✭hollster2


    I feel so alone today even though Ive people around me its like im putting on this front to pretend its ok.
    yet when I go to bed I cant stop crying pain I feel is horrible.


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    #4958
    Hugo Stiglitz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    hollster2 wrote: »
    I feel so alone today even though Ive people around me its like im putting on this front to pretend its ok.
    yet when I go to bed I cant stop crying pain I feel is horrible.

    *hugs*

    Sorry to hear that Hollster :(


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    #4959
    hollster2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,199 ✭✭✭hollster2


    Thanks :(:(

    I Don't know whats wrong with me, I suffered with depression before but Ive been over it for 3 years, Ive been fine now I can feel it creeping back up again.


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    #4960
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    I wish I didn't end up feeling so horrible about myself and everything when one thing goes wrong. I've been holding these feelings for a while now, so I suppose I should have expected them to rupture sometime. I'm fed up. I'm sick of feeling bad about myself. Sick of other people making me feel bad about myself. Sick of the **** I have to deal with just to have an ok day. And that no one recognises the tremendous effort that that takes. I'm a good person, but I feel like nobody notices. Nobody wants to care about me. I'm by myself and I really should try become comfortable with that.

    I'm taking tomorrow off. I can't face it. I'm so fed up. Worn out. I'm at the end. I need to think things through.


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    #4961
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,794 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    Sometimes being around other people exacerbates my loneliness, it's like it puts some sort of emphasis on it.. That's where places like boards help.. I socialise here when not able for the outside world.

    Gong, I can suffer from anxiety before returning to work for the week.. I know it's a trigger though I've yet to figure out why since I've managed to build a routine.


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    #4962
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    Gremlinertia wrote: »
    Sometimes being around other people exacerbates my loneliness, it's like it puts some sort of emphasis on it.. That's where places like boards help.. I socialise here when not able for the outside world.

    Gong, I can suffer from anxiety before returning to work for the week.. I know it's a trigger though I've yet to figure out why since I've managed to build a routine.

    I understand a regular anxiety in terms of work. It's not that for me. I just can't. Right now, I can't see how I'll go back at all, but one day at a time I suppose. It's just that I can't face it, with everything else. I suppose, stupidly, part of it at least is it's always obvious for at least a day after I've been crying. And I feel like people are probably talking about it. I know that probably sounds paranoid, but trust me, it's noticeable. So yeah, I don't really feel like dealing with it.


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    #4963
    Hugo Stiglitz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    Gremlinertia wrote: »
    Sometimes being around other people exacerbates my loneliness, it's like it puts some sort of emphasis on it.. That's where places like boards help.. I socialise here when not able for the outside world.

    So true Grem! :-/


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    #4964
    greenfrogs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭greenfrogs


    Gongoozler I really feel for you. There are some days I don't want to face the world. If you don't feel able for work then don't go. And try not to feel bad for not going. Holding down a job when you have depression and/or anxiety is so tough.

    Have you spoken to your Gp recently about how you feel?


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    #4965
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    greenfrogs wrote: »
    Gongoozler I really feel for you. There are some days I don't want to face the world. If you don't feel able for work then don't go. And try not to feel bad for not going. Holding down a job when you have depression and/or anxiety is so tough.

    Have you spoken to your Gp recently about how you feel?

    No and there's no point in it. Nothing is going to be solved by doing that or anything that can come after that.


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    #4966
    greenfrogs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭greenfrogs


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    I wish I didn't end up feeling so horrible about myself and everything when one thing goes wrong. I've been holding these feelings for a while now, so I suppose I should have expected them to rupture sometime. I'm fed up. I'm sick of feeling bad about myself. Sick of other people making me feel bad about myself. Sick of the **** I have to deal with just to have an ok day. And that no one recognises the tremendous effort that that takes. I'm a good person, but I feel like nobody notices. Nobody wants to care about me. I'm by myself and I really should try become comfortable with that.

    I'm taking tomorrow off. I can't face it. I'm so fed up. Worn out. I'm at the end. I need to think things through.

    I can only speak from my personal experience. The above post was exactly something I could have written a few months ago. If one bad thing happened then to me it was the end of the world. I used to be fed up and worn out as well. Sick of people and them not understanding me. For me I was encouraged by my therapist and my mom to go to the doctor. Even the morning of the apt I thought it could wait. I didn't think there was anything medically wrong with me. I just thought I was a failure and a horrible person. My gp was very supportive. My life has gotten easier everyday since I started treatment.


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    #4967
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    greenfrogs wrote: »
    I can only speak from my personal experience. The above post was exactly something I could have written a few months ago. If one bad thing happened then to me it was the end of the world. I used to be fed up and worn out as well. Sick of people and them not understanding me. For me I was encouraged by my therapist and my mom to go to the doctor. Even the morning of the apt I thought it could wait. I didn't think there was anything medically wrong with me. I just thought I was a failure and a horrible person. My gp was very supportive. My life has gotten easier everyday since I started treatment.

    That's great for you. And I don't want to come off as rude, but I'm not going to my doctor. Glad it's helped you, really. I've been on 5/6 anti depressants, and been to 5/6 counsellors. I am doing better than I was (in ways, in ways I'm doing worse) but yeah it's just that everything is so awful. It's not a life to come back to these awful thoughts when things go wrong. That's not to say I don't think them otherwise, I'm sure I'm thinking them all the time. I just feel like things aren't getting better. I still don't feel good about myself. I suppose I just still have a long way to go. Finding a reason to keep going is hard though.


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    #4968
    greenfrogs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭greenfrogs


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    It's not a life to come back to these awful thoughts when things go wrong.

    You're not being rude at all. I recognise that some people have been on this journey far longer than I. I know I am lucky in that I responded well to my meds and treatment.

    The only thing I would say in regards to therapy is that there are many different types of therapy out there. Psychotherapy has not worked for me personally. I have tried 3 different therapists and found no longlasting benefit. Cbt suits me thank god.

    I quoted part of your post which stuck out to me. Do you mean that if things don't work out the way you hoped in a particular situation then you get down about everything in your life. That used always happen me. I used always think I'm a loser, a failure, fat, ugly, useless, stupid. You are right that is no way to life. I found cbt absolutely brilliant for this.

    I hope you feel better tomorrow.


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    #4969
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    I've done cbt thing with aware. I've found it all useful in ways. It's just hard to keep what you learn in your head. and in mind all the time. But I suppose even if I was doing well enough day to day, it wouldn't be so bad. I just feel so hard done by. and whats the point in that. I mean, I try do the right thing all the time, I'm nice and helpful and try not to cause problems, but I feel it's all pointless. I just get screwed over myself. I don't feel respected by anyone. Or anything good. I feel like the effort I make is pointless. Im meant to be working on my self esteem, but the problem is I've never felt people, anyone, genuinely thought anything good about me. I never got encouragement or got told nice things by my parents/family so I have nothing to build on. I feel on my own. I'm trying to do better, but it feels like nothing I've done is being seen as good by anyone. I want to feel good about myself but I don't. And I can't seem to get there.

    Thing is, I am a failure. I have no ambition. No friends. No family. No decent achievements. Nothing to offer. No interests even. So what am I even doing here. That's what I keep coming back to.


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    #4970
    Hugo Stiglitz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    Ye're all a good bunch on here. I hope the upcoming week goes well for ye all.


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    #4971
    heyday30
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,877 ✭✭✭heyday30


    Gongoozler wrote: »

    Thing is, I am a failure. I have no ambition. No friends. No family. No decent achievements. Nothing to offer. No interests even. So what am I even doing here. That's what I keep coming back to.

    I don't know what to say to you gong. Only I truly hope you feel better soon.

    Be thinking of you. What your feeling is Fcuking horrible.


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    #4972
    Hugo Stiglitz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    Thing is, I am a failure. I have no ambition. No friends. No family. No decent achievements. Nothing to offer. No interests even. So what am I even doing here. That's what I keep coming back to.

    You're the furthest thing from a failure GG. You are potential embodified.


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    #4973
    greenfrogs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭greenfrogs


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    I've done cbt thing with aware. I've found it all useful in ways. It's just hard to keep what you learn in your head. and in mind all the time. But I suppose even if I was doing well enough day to day, it wouldn't be so bad. I just feel so hard done by. and whats the point in that. I mean, I try do the right thing all the time, I'm nice and helpful and try not to cause problems, but I feel it's all pointless. I just get screwed over myself. I don't feel respected by anyone. Or anything good. I feel like the effort I make is pointless. Im meant to be working on my self esteem, but the problem is I've never felt people, anyone, genuinely thought anything good about me. I never got encouragement or got told nice things by my parents/family so I have nothing to build on. I feel on my own. I'm trying to do better, but it feels like nothing I've done is being seen as good by anyone. I want to feel good about myself but I don't. And I can't seem to get there.

    Thing is, I am a failure. I have no ambition. No friends. No family. No decent achievements. Nothing to offer. No interests even. So what am I even doing here. That's what I keep coming back to.

    Who has screwed you over? It's hard to comr from a family who are unsupportive. But I can assure you are not a failure. You come across as a nice person here. You say you are nice and helpful to others. However maybe you need to establish boundaries with people so that they won't take advantage of you. You hold down a job. And I think i have seen you mention it is a difficult work environment. That's shows you have the ambition to stick with it.

    In regards to having no interests maybe try and think of something that you would enjoy and see if it is available in your area.

    Was the cbt group or individual therapy?


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    #4974
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,794 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    Gong, there's at least one patch a week I think like that.. Encouragement didn't happen when I was young, bullying left for me to sort out myself and as soon as school was over it was out the door to support myself.. I didn't realise anything about life or quality of it for many many years. Eventually cracks started happening, blasts of rage, inability and plain unwillingness to leave the bed or house. Then I was picked up by the cops a few times but managed to talk my way out of a cell or hospital until eventually things just got so so so bad that I realised living was far to painful the way it was and somehow I'd got to try alter things.. That was five or so years ago and I'm still battling hard and I'm bloody exhausted and bruised and worn but I think i may finally be finding how to keep going with this illness. Not saying there won't be the odd slip and there is one mountain to work through yet but I'm getting there I think. When I look at it now I've been ill for over twenty years and only now seeing some sort of light. That's why I come back to this thread so much.. To let others here know it can actually be done..


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    #4975
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »
    You're the furthest thing from a failure GG. You are potential embodified.

    You don't know how little I've achieved and done with my life.
    greenfrogs wrote: »
    Who has screwed you over? It's hard to comr from a family who are unsupportive. But I can assure you are not a failure. You come across as a nice person here. You say you are nice and helpful to others. However maybe you need to establish boundaries with people so that they won't take advantage of you. You hold down a job. And I think i have seen you mention it is a difficult work environment. That's shows you have the ambition to stick with it.

    In regards to having no interests maybe try and think of something that you would enjoy and see if it is available in your area.

    Was the cbt group or individual therapy?

    No one in particular. It's just the way I feel. I like to think I'm a nice person, but maybe I'm not. Surely if I was as nice and good as I think I am, other people would think it too. I don't have a choice but to stick with the job, I can't afford to live on the dole. It's not about ambition. Partly about how bad it might look on my cv later on.

    I'm currently trying to explore one avenue, but it's proving difficult, with it taking up so much time - part time course.

    It was group, not therapy, just teaching people the theory and methods of cbt.
    Gremlinertia wrote: »
    Gong, there's at least one patch a week I think like that.. Encouragement didn't happen when I was young, bullying left for me to sort out myself and as soon as school was over it was out the door to support myself.. I didn't realise anything about life or quality of it for many many years. Eventually cracks started happening, blasts of rage, inability and plain unwillingness to leave the bed or house. Then I was picked up by the cops a few times but managed to talk my way out of a cell or hospital until eventually things just got so so so bad that I realised living was far to painful the way it was and somehow I'd got to try alter things.. That was five or so years ago and I'm still battling hard and I'm bloody exhausted and bruised and worn but I think i may finally be finding how to keep going with this illness. Not saying there won't be the odd slip and there is one mountain to work through yet but I'm getting there I think. When I look at it now I've been ill for over twenty years and only now seeing some sort of light. That's why I come back to this thread so much.. To let others here know it can actually be done..

    Yeah I was picked on too, quite a bit. glad to hear you're doing better now. and it is good to share that.
    I feel like there's only one way out of all this. Sometimes it's just all too much. When you feel like you're getting nowhere. with no support. and you feel what's the point.

    anyway, I need to try to distract myself. thanks for the posts everyone.


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    #4976
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,794 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    I meant to add I must have talked to seven or eight therapist type people before I was ok with one. Also distraction is a part of my dbt so that sounds like a plan..


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    #4977
    greenfrogs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭greenfrogs


    Gongoozler would you consider cbt on a one to one basis? It's not fair on you to feel like this.


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    #4978
    scrimshanker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 738 ✭✭✭scrimshanker


    Hi gong,

    Sorry you're in such a difficult place at the moment. For what it's worth, I think you must be an incredibly strong person to have survived having life stacked against you, from the sounds of what you're saying. You're still here, you have a job (doesn't matter why, the point is you have) and despite how difficult life is for you, you're still fighting. Not only that, but you're also kind and helpful to people on here. If you don't find that something admirable or to be proud of that's okay, but please know there are people on here who admire you.

    You said earlier that people don't know you and don't know how little you perceive yourself to have achieved. That's true, but the same could also be said about what you know of what other people think about you. If you find others aren't kind to you, all the more reason to be kind to your self.

    I hope taking tomorrow off gives you some peace, Gong.


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    #4979
    scrimshanker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 738 ✭✭✭scrimshanker


    Meds dose doubled. Had a very bad weekend of it so phoned doc. Trying higher dose for a few weeks, then might have to look at other options if that doesn't sort things out.


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    #4980
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 59,794 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    scrimshanker wrote: »
    Meds dose doubled. Had a very bad weekend of it so phoned doc. Trying higher dose for a few weeks, then might have to look at other options if that doesn't sort things out.

    So glad you could call the doc and get it sorted out. Mind yourself and as always I'm able to pm mostly during the night but still. Thinking of you and again well done on calling doc. Not easy at times.


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    #4981
    Triceratops Ballet
    Registered Users Posts: 4,894 ✭✭✭Triceratops Ballet


    Hi Op,

    I could have written that post two years ago, I spent the best part of summer 2013 in my room, just unable to face the world and seeking comfort in mountains of food. My 30th Birthday rolled around and I decided I couldn't go on living that way. So I made and appointment to see my doctor, as soon as I sat down I was in floods, I think the relief of just saying how I felt out loud just hit me. We discussed options like medication and counselling, both of which I have been doing, and although I do get tough days now my life has improved in so many ways. I'm by no means "cured" but I'm getting there, and I've made changes to my life, and put support systems in place for myself so I can pull myself back up when I struggle.

    OP make an appointment to see your doctor, they won't judge and it really helps, also know that you're not alone in this, so many more people are struggling than you could ever imagine there is no shame in reaching our for help


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