If you could redesign the human body

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 3:54pm

Nino Brown wrote: »

Have you ever been on a plane or something, and you were dying for a piss, and parched with the thirst at the same time. Surely something could be worked out there.

Better kidneys would sort this out.

Cats can drink sea water because of their kidneys.

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 3:56pm

Scylla wrote: »

No gag reflex would be great.

Turn Off Your Gag Reflex by Squeezing Your Left Thumb http://lifehacker.com/5858128/shut-off-your-gag-reflex-by-squeezing-your-left-thumb

Mariasofia · 24-05-2013 4:05pm

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Turn Off Your Gag Reflex by Squeezing Your Left Thumb http://lifehacker.com/5858128/shut-off-your-gag-reflex-by-squeezing-your-left-thumb

That's good to know thanks, you know for dentist visits etc...

1ZRed · 24-05-2013 4:16pm

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

I have just been having a discussion about this. Being pregnant seriously sucks so I would like it if we could lay eggs, small ones so it didn't hurt you at all. Then you could put the eggs in an incubator for 9 months and go about your life, not puking, getting fat or bloated or waddling around like a penguin and could just live your life for 9 months. Then you go and pick up your baby from the incubator when its ready. We need to evolve to do this!

Eggs have a limited amount of calories within them for brain development so brain size in birds and reptiles are limited by that design.

Our system is far more dynamic as a woman can continuously eat and give nourishment when there is more need for it so we can keep growing.

IIRC the largest egg in the world -the ostrich egg, has about 2000 calories in it. That's all there is and there's no more energy, so all that *finite* energy must go towards building the body and the brain of the animal.

At a contrast it takes upwards of 10,000+ calories to develop a baby's brain. To build such a big human brain would not be possible in an egg because it would be completely unviable.

Egg laying animals have to make a compromise for the convenience of laying eggs, but we do not have to make that compromise.

That's why mammals are usually far more intelligent than birds and reptiles.

gubber · 24-05-2013 4:16pm

The ability to regenerate limbs would be pretty sweet.

MurdyWurdy · 24-05-2013 4:18pm

1ZRed wrote: »

Eggs have a limited amount of calories within them for brain development so brain size in birds and reptiles are limited by that design.

Our system is far more dynamic as a woman can continuously eat and give nourishment when there is more need for it so we can keep growing.

IIRC the largest egg in the world -the ostrich egg, has about 2000 calories in it. That's all there is and there's no more energy, so all that *finite* energy must go towards building the body and the brain of the animal.

At a contrast it takes upwards of 10,000+ calories to develop a baby's brain. To build such a big human brain would not be possible in an egg because it would be completely unviable.

Egg laying animals have to make a compromise for the convenience of laying eggs, but we do not have to make that compromise.

That's why mammals are usually far more intelligent than birds and reptiles.

I know why we have pregnancy/give birth the way we do - in fact human babies are very vulnerable when they are born due to how short human gestation actually is (for how developed we are)

This is obviously a fantasy, I know it wouldn't work. It's not meant to be taken so seriously. I would just like a way to grow a baby without having to carry it around all the time. It's not fun, let me tell you!

seamus · 24-05-2013 4:19pm

1ZRed wrote: »

At a contrast it takes upwards of 10,000+ calories to develop a baby's brain. To build such a big human brain would not be possible in an egg

Well it would be possible with a sufficiently large and solid egg. But I'm pretty sure after laying one or two of those bad boys, women would be thinking that the old ways weren't so bad after all.

1ZRed · 24-05-2013 4:22pm

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

I know why we have pregnancy/give birth the way we do - in fact human babies are very vulnerable when they are born due to how short human gestation actually is (for how developed we are)

This is obviously a fantasy, I know it wouldn't work. It's not meant to be taken so seriously. I would just like a way to grow a baby without having to carry it around all the time. It's not fun, let me tell you!

Neither is a kick to the bollocks, let me tell you that!

Reindeer · 24-05-2013 4:23pm

Lizard scales for skin. That way I wouldn't have to wear this stupid human skin every time I need to go out in public to feed on you puny bastards. I mean, this thing itches no end, and you don't dare scratch it.

corktina · 24-05-2013 4:25pm

jeez eight pages, did anyone say Xray Eyes yet?

(that would have to be Selective Xray Eyes of course thinking about it.....shudder)

Sarky · 24-05-2013 4:25pm

I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.

Wacker The Attacker · 24-05-2013 4:27pm

adjustable mickey length

Wacker The Attacker · 24-05-2013 4:28pm

Sarky wrote: »

I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.

go on the chromosomes

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 4:28pm

1ZRed wrote: »

Eggs have a limited amount of calories within them for brain development so brain size in birds and reptiles are limited by that design.
...
That's why mammals are usually far more intelligent than birds and reptiles.

Octopuses use tools, and they have tiny eggs.

Also this parrot knew nothing. In the abstract concept of "zero" sense.

Also a lot of human brain development takes place after birth and you can reprogram children up to ~7 years old.

seamus · 24-05-2013 4:31pm

Sarky wrote: »

I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.

A good refactoring is what's needed.

Nothing could possibly go wrong

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 4:31pm

seamus wrote: »

Well it would be possible with a sufficiently large and solid egg. But I'm pretty sure after laying one or two of those bad boys, women would be thinking that the old ways weren't so bad after all.

Ask a kiwi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4NU4WClh1c

Mariasofia · 24-05-2013 4:33pm

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

adjustable mickey length

Just curious - under what circumstances would you adjust?

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 4:33pm

DeVore wrote: »

The human body is incredibly badly designed. I have to laugh at the "Intelligent Design" crowd, cos if this is the pinnacle of "God's" ability... he's crap at design.

Au contraire, it just proves that God is an engineer.

Because who else would run a toxic wastepipe through a recreational area ?

1ZRed · 24-05-2013 4:39pm

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Octopuses use tools, and they have tiny eggs.

Also this parrot knew nothing. In the abstract concept of "zero" sense.

Also a lot of human brain development takes place after birth and you can reprogram children up to ~7 years old.

That's why I said "usually far more intelligent" which is true, there are exeptions. What determines intelligence is brain size in comparison to body size. The bigger the brain in comparison to your body, the more intelligence you're capable of.

The octopus is one of these creatures with a very large brain:body ratio.

While in an egg it must've put most if its energy into developing a larger brain and scaling back on other things like a resource heavy skeleton for example. Trade offs have to happen if you're in a static, resource-fixed environment like an egg.

It's true that most brain deveopment happens after birth but that's more fine tuning the wires and connections, the majority of the ground work and potential has been laid down for it to be built on later.

TheLastMohican · 24-05-2013 4:40pm

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Men - corkscrew dicks

Women - corkscrew chachas

Both screws either left hand or right hand

kowloon wrote: »

Righty tighty, lefty loosey?

Might be a bit awkward?

'Is it in yet?'

'No, you need to keep turning clockwise, and stop kicking me in the face'

Let me tell you the story of Deadwood Dick
The only man to have a corkscrew prick.
He searched the world both far and wide
Looking for a lady that he could ride.
He searched the world from pole to pole
To find a woman with a corkscrew hole -
But when he found her he dropped dead
To find that she had a left hand thread!

Most important that the prototype is EITHER left or right. Makes for easier coupling and less cigarette ash burns afterwards.

Cody Pomeray · 24-05-2013 4:41pm

McChubbin wrote: »

I'd also like some way for us girls to pee standing up. Comes in handy when caught short at a festibal- no more dicking around with squatting.

Can women not already pee standing up?

Sorry to be graphic, but what happens if you're standing up and you just, eh, "let go"?

jester77 wrote: »

The body shouldn't need 6-8 hours to recharge.

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Take away the need for sleep

Totally agree with this. Broadly overlooked, but the need for rest periods is a serious drawback to human development. We could share, collaborate in projects, and impart our knowledge for 30% longer without this requirement.

.Henry Sellers. · 24-05-2013 4:44pm

The body should have a built in watch, always handy to know the time.

Jimoslimos · 24-05-2013 4:45pm

corktina wrote: »

jeez eight pages, did anyone say Xray Eyes yet?

(that would have to be Selective Xray Eyes of course thinking about it.....shudder)

All bones look the same to me, maybe if you worked as a radiologist it might be useful.

Sarky wrote: »

I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.

That other "crap" is full of very interesting and essential mechanisms for gene regulation.:p I'd argue that it is probably just as important as the genes themselves.

TheLastMohican · 24-05-2013 4:48pm

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

Can women not already pee standing up?

Sorry to be graphic, but what happens if you're standing up and you just, eh, "let go"?

This is the reason why 5" heels and platform soles are so popular

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 4:59pm

TheLastMohican wrote: »

Men - corkscrew dicks

Women - corkscrew chachas

That's how ducks do it.

TheLastMohican · 24-05-2013 5:09pm

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

That's how ducks do it.

And there was me thinking that you used a zestor for the orange sauce, when in actual fact, the duck has this inbuilt ability. Thanks for that, mein Capt'n.

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvOvdU7iMC9H5BeSyL3w3__OBDV4MWEfTlyVh0TDRWC-hXjjZq

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvOvdU7iMC9H5BeSyL3w3__OBDV4MWEfTlyVh0TDRWC-hXjjZq

St.Spodo · 24-05-2013 5:11pm

If you live until you're 90 you'll likely have spent about 30 years of your life in the scratcher. That's a serious amount of time wasted, we would do well to get rid of the need for so much sleep.

mygoat · 24-05-2013 5:15pm

I’d keep the snot dispenser and eating cranny separate (have you ever gotten a hug and a kiss from a baby with long, green snots hanging of their nose?

).

Also, the sexy bits and the stinky bits would be kept much further apart; keeping them close is so wrong on so many levels...

Oh and purely for safety reasons – the breathing pipe and the feeding tube... why do they have the same entry point? That’s just dangerous – I’d keep these separate too.

Oh, oh, and also – I’d make us able to breathe under water!

And flying... without having to flap any wings though – keeping those clean would be a nightmare...

Fertility would have to be earned. There would be some wise internal scoring system, and only loving, caring, responsible people would have the natural ability to procreate.

Fuzzytrooper · 24-05-2013 5:20pm

Retractable thumbs

nerosaxo · 24-05-2013 5:29pm

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

It's only weird because it's not the norm. Remember, I'm talking about changes that would be implemented "at the dawn of time" so you'd know no better than having 10 eyes or beer nipples or whatever :pac:

Move the playground away from the dump .

hardCopy · 24-05-2013 5:32pm

Internal testicles
Stronger spines
Stronger cruciate ligaments
Wings

AnonoBoy · 24-05-2013 5:32pm

I'd put U and I together.

No wait, that's rewriting the dictionary.

Eh...... maybe I'd make my biceps bigger or give myself a built-in cupholder or something?

LuckyFinigan · 24-05-2013 6:03pm

Pogo sticks for legs and tennis rackets for arms.

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 6:09pm

666irishguy wrote: »

Night-vision capable eyes that can see in other spectrum's, Lungs that can also breathe something other than Oxygen, Gills, Photosynthesis capable skin and extra cells that are stem type cells that can regenerate body parts. I'd also put in the ability to accept tissue from any other human.

You could have trilobite eyes, made of the mineral calcite. If some one tried to poke you in the eye they'd hurt their finger.

And the vision system of the Mantis Shrimp is just amazing.
And yes I'd love to be able to punch like one, they are so fast they don't even need to make contact because the shock wave can do damage.

1ZRed · 24-05-2013 6:14pm

Why are people all for internal balls? How ugly and odd would your cock look on it's own. Fair enough you can get a bang to the balls every once in a while but hardly ever, plus having your balls tugged a bit when you're getting head feels really good.

Why would you want to give that up?

.Henry Sellers. · 24-05-2013 6:17pm

They'll be on the inside but there'll be a zip to access them for general tugging and whatnot.

1ZRed · 24-05-2013 6:26pm

.Henry Sellers. wrote: »

They'll be on the inside but there'll be a zip to access them for general tugging and whatnot.

Ah feck not another zip to get caught in

Keano! · 24-05-2013 6:31pm

The 'funny bone' ... I mean, what sort of contraption decides to paralyze your arm and fingers for a few mins if it gets bumped for niggled.

Get rid.

Doom · 24-05-2013 6:36pm

An eye on the end of my middle finger. .... oh ya

Cody Pomeray · 24-05-2013 6:38pm

There should be some sort of gastrointestinal energy conductor that you could hook up to a battery, and generate electrical energy while you sleep, or watch the soaps while stuffing your face.

It would solve our simultaneous energy and obesity crises immediately.

Capt'n Midnight · 24-05-2013 6:48pm

A lot of the "problems" are abilities we've lost over time.

A few others are things we may not have had but close relatives do.

our ancestors that laid eggs on land excreted nitrogen in an insoluble form. So less fluid needed and less smelly.

Things like needing vitamin C because the gene is broken. Nutrition would be a lot easier if we hadn't lost the ability to generate vitamins and co-factors and stuff. The Gelda baboons can eat grass, boring but cheap.

So are something like 70% of our genes for smell. Then again being able to smell more yukkie things might not be such a good thing

*wants a prehensile tail*

On the sexual side we are the best endowed of all primates in both absolute and relative terms. And most of our ancestors and even todays aquatic mammals have internal genitals. Actually everyting that isn't a mammal regrows teeth as needed. And today's amphibians and some lizards are quite adept at regrowing limbs and tails, not to mention the ability of most large reptiles to go months without food, almost certainly genetic traits that we've lost.

If we were smaller, like cat sized, we wouldn't need to fly we could rid on birds. And being cat sized we could probably survive a fall as we'd have a much lower terminal velocity.

Polydactyl cats exist, some even with opposable thumbs , add a gliding ability to that and you have the makings of a pretty nifty body, just needs something sharp on the tail.

Ilyana 2.0 · 24-05-2013 6:53pm

I'd redesign the body so that we can eat whatever we want, but we stop absorbing calories/fat/protein/carbohydrates etc. when we've reached the maximum needed for our body to function. But we can continue to eat if we want. No diets ever needed

Also, we should have some kind of internal rehydration system if our hydration levels dip for some reason. No more hangovers!

Kichote · 24-05-2013 7:31pm

Ilyana 2.0 wrote: »

I'd redesign the body so that we can eat whatever we want, but we stop absorbing calories/fat/protein/carbohydrates etc. when we've reached the maximum needed for our body to function. But we can continue to eat if we want. No diets ever needed

Also, we should have some kind of internal rehydration system if our hydration levels dip for some reason. No more hangovers!

Im going to assume Ilyana 2.0 has all these or are they scheduled for 2.1 or some -bugfix release?

tony 2 tone · 24-05-2013 7:55pm

Adamantium bones, sick of breaking them

and sort the spin out too, gets damaged way to easily.

Ilyana 2.0 · 24-05-2013 8:09pm

Kichote wrote: »

Im going to assume Ilyana 2.0 has all these or are they scheduled for 2.1 or some -bugfix release?

Well I'm hungover right now, so that would be a no...

Ilyana 2.1 won't be operational for quite some time

handlemaster · 24-05-2013 8:19pm

I would say wings . save on all that walking. I do enjoy walking but for the times I just want to get it over with and get to where i want to get to quicker. Also there would be less polution. It would be possible also to s..t on people you dont like from a great height.

L.Jenkins · 24-05-2013 9:03pm

Redesigning the human body: New i7 Core Process, 32gb of RAM and 2TB hard drive to make studying for exams a little easier. Install a nitrogen based cooling system to keep drinks chilled in the Summer. Could install a HD graphics card for better vision with night vision filters when it gets dark.