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If you could redesign the human body

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1246

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    #92
    greenbicycle
    Registered Users Posts: 622 ✭✭✭greenbicycle


    My Suggestion:

    I would like some claws as big as cups, four ears, two for listening and two sort of back-up ears. Might put these on the inside of the head though, We should have a retractable leg so we can leap at things better. We could have a tail with magnets on it so if we want to grab things made out of metal, we can attach ourselves to the metal thing.We should be able to light up at night. This may result in a tremendous fear of stamps however. When we yawn we should sound like Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens around inside a barrel.and we dont need a mouth, but instead we should have four arses. Oh, and we only need eyebrows on Saturdays.


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    #93
    Duggy747
    Registered Users Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    3 boobs like Total Recall.

    On women, that is, not me.............................well.............


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    #94
    locum-motion
    Registered Users Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    jonnny68 wrote: »
    ... 3D vision,

    In fairness, unless you've lost the sight of one of your eyes, you have that already!


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    #95
    locum-motion
    Registered Users Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    robman60 wrote: »
    ... so the body having the ability to moderate its temperature in order to ...

    You have that already. Problem is, it uses a lot of energy. Like about 80%...
    :D


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    #96
    Wacker The Attacker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,473 ✭✭✭Wacker The Attacker


    Take away the need for sleep


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    #97
    John.Icy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,011 ✭✭✭John.Icy


    jonnny68 wrote: »
    3D vision,

    heh.


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    #98
    --Kaiser--
    Registered Users Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭--Kaiser--


    locum-motion wrote: »
    In fairness, unless you've lost the sight of one of your eyes, you have that already!

    That post is a perfect example of the poor knowledge of human anatomy and biology that most posters in this thread possess


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    #99
    kilkenny_kid
    Registered Users Posts: 48 ✭kilkenny_kid


    Nicer looking jizz...


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    #100
    guydead67
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭guydead67


    Gorrilla arms


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    #101
    Nichololas
    Registered Users Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭Nichololas


    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    Plus, 1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. A normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds.

    ALL HAIL THE SPERM

    Yeah but there's not as much if you zip it

    edit

    - Cinnamon rainbow farts


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    #102
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Nino Brown wrote: »
    Have you ever been on a plane or something, and you were dying for a piss, and parched with the thirst at the same time. Surely something could be worked out there.
    Better kidneys would sort this out.

    Cats can drink sea water because of their kidneys.


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    #103
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Scylla wrote: »
    No gag reflex would be great.
    Turn Off Your Gag Reflex by Squeezing Your Left Thumb http://lifehacker.com/5858128/shut-off-your-gag-reflex-by-squeezing-your-left-thumb


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    #104
    Mariasofia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,887 ✭✭✭Mariasofia


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Turn Off Your Gag Reflex by Squeezing Your Left Thumb http://lifehacker.com/5858128/shut-off-your-gag-reflex-by-squeezing-your-left-thumb

    That's good to know thanks, you know for dentist visits etc...


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    #105
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    MurdyWurdy wrote: »
    I have just been having a discussion about this. Being pregnant seriously sucks so I would like it if we could lay eggs, small ones so it didn't hurt you at all. Then you could put the eggs in an incubator for 9 months and go about your life, not puking, getting fat or bloated or waddling around like a penguin and could just live your life for 9 months. Then you go and pick up your baby from the incubator when its ready. We need to evolve to do this!
    Eggs have a limited amount of calories within them for brain development so brain size in birds and reptiles are limited by that design.

    Our system is far more dynamic as a woman can continuously eat and give nourishment when there is more need for it so we can keep growing.

    IIRC the largest egg in the world -the ostrich egg, has about 2000 calories in it. That's all there is and there's no more energy, so all that *finite* energy must go towards building the body and the brain of the animal.

    At a contrast it takes upwards of 10,000+ calories to develop a baby's brain. To build such a big human brain would not be possible in an egg because it would be completely unviable.

    Egg laying animals have to make a compromise for the convenience of laying eggs, but we do not have to make that compromise.

    That's why mammals are usually far more intelligent than birds and reptiles.


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    #106
    gubber
    Registered Users Posts: 50 ✭✭gubber


    The ability to regenerate limbs would be pretty sweet.


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    #107
    MurdyWurdy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,043 ✭✭✭MurdyWurdy


    1ZRed wrote: »
    Eggs have a limited amount of calories within them for brain development so brain size in birds and reptiles are limited by that design.

    Our system is far more dynamic as a woman can continuously eat and give nourishment when there is more need for it so we can keep growing.

    IIRC the largest egg in the world -the ostrich egg, has about 2000 calories in it. That's all there is and there's no more energy, so all that *finite* energy must go towards building the body and the brain of the animal.

    At a contrast it takes upwards of 10,000+ calories to develop a baby's brain. To build such a big human brain would not be possible in an egg because it would be completely unviable.

    Egg laying animals have to make a compromise for the convenience of laying eggs, but we do not have to make that compromise.

    That's why mammals are usually far more intelligent than birds and reptiles.

    I know why we have pregnancy/give birth the way we do - in fact human babies are very vulnerable when they are born due to how short human gestation actually is (for how developed we are)

    This is obviously a fantasy, I know it wouldn't work. It's not meant to be taken so seriously. I would just like a way to grow a baby without having to carry it around all the time. It's not fun, let me tell you!


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    #108
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    1ZRed wrote: »
    At a contrast it takes upwards of 10,000+ calories to develop a baby's brain. To build such a big human brain would not be possible in an egg
    Well it would be possible with a sufficiently large and solid egg. But I'm pretty sure after laying one or two of those bad boys, women would be thinking that the old ways weren't so bad after all.


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    #109
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    MurdyWurdy wrote: »
    I know why we have pregnancy/give birth the way we do - in fact human babies are very vulnerable when they are born due to how short human gestation actually is (for how developed we are)

    This is obviously a fantasy, I know it wouldn't work. It's not meant to be taken so seriously. I would just like a way to grow a baby without having to carry it around all the time. It's not fun, let me tell you!

    Neither is a kick to the bollocks, let me tell you that! :p


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    #110
    Reindeer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,079 ✭✭✭Reindeer


    Lizard scales for skin. That way I wouldn't have to wear this stupid human skin every time I need to go out in public to feed on you puny bastards. I mean, this thing itches no end, and you don't dare scratch it.


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    #111
    corktina
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,733 ✭✭✭✭corktina


    jeez eight pages, did anyone say Xray Eyes yet?

    (that would have to be Selective Xray Eyes of course thinking about it.....shudder)


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    #112
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.


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    #113
    Wacker The Attacker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,473 ✭✭✭Wacker The Attacker


    adjustable mickey length


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    #114
    Wacker The Attacker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,473 ✭✭✭Wacker The Attacker


    Sarky wrote: »
    I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.


    go on the chromosomes


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    #115
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    1ZRed wrote: »
    Eggs have a limited amount of calories within them for brain development so brain size in birds and reptiles are limited by that design.
    ...
    That's why mammals are usually far more intelligent than birds and reptiles.
    Octopuses use tools, and they have tiny eggs.

    Also this parrot knew nothing. In the abstract concept of "zero" sense.

    Also a lot of human brain development takes place after birth and you can reprogram children up to ~7 years old.


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    #116
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Sarky wrote: »
    I've spent the last fortnight mapping a few hundred million RNA sequences to the latest build of the human genome. It's a bloody mess. Human genes are all over the sodding place, fragmented and spliced with other crap. Those chromosomes need some good tidying up.
    A good refactoring is what's needed.

    Nothing could possibly go wrong :D


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    #117
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    seamus wrote: »
    Well it would be possible with a sufficiently large and solid egg. But I'm pretty sure after laying one or two of those bad boys, women would be thinking that the old ways weren't so bad after all.
    Ask a kiwi

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4NU4WClh1c


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    #118
    Mariasofia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,887 ✭✭✭Mariasofia


    Wacker The Attacker wrote: »
    adjustable mickey length

    Just curious - under what circumstances would you adjust?


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    #119
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,762 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    DeVore wrote: »
    The human body is incredibly badly designed. I have to laugh at the "Intelligent Design" crowd, cos if this is the pinnacle of "God's" ability... he's crap at design.
    Au contraire, it just proves that God is an engineer.

    Because who else would run a toxic wastepipe through a recreational area ?


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    #120
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Octopuses use tools, and they have tiny eggs.

    Also this parrot knew nothing. In the abstract concept of "zero" sense.

    Also a lot of human brain development takes place after birth and you can reprogram children up to ~7 years old.

    That's why I said "usually far more intelligent" which is true, there are exeptions. What determines intelligence is brain size in comparison to body size. The bigger the brain in comparison to your body, the more intelligence you're capable of.

    The octopus is one of these creatures with a very large brain:body ratio.

    While in an egg it must've put most if its energy into developing a larger brain and scaling back on other things like a resource heavy skeleton for example. Trade offs have to happen if you're in a static, resource-fixed environment like an egg.

    It's true that most brain deveopment happens after birth but that's more fine tuning the wires and connections, the majority of the ground work and potential has been laid down for it to be built on later.


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    #121
    TheLastMohican
    Registered Users Posts: 1,837 ✭✭✭TheLastMohican


    TheLastMohican wrote: »
    Men - corkscrew dicks

    Women - corkscrew chachas

    Both screws either left hand or right hand
    kowloon wrote: »
    Righty tighty, lefty loosey?

    Might be a bit awkward?

    'Is it in yet?'

    'No, you need to keep turning clockwise, and stop kicking me in the face'

    Let me tell you the story of Deadwood Dick
    The only man to have a corkscrew prick.
    He searched the world both far and wide
    Looking for a lady that he could ride.
    He searched the world from pole to pole
    To find a woman with a corkscrew hole -
    But when he found her he dropped dead
    To find that she had a left hand thread!

    Most important that the prototype is EITHER left or right. Makes for easier coupling and less cigarette ash burns afterwards.


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