Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

marienbad · 19-07-2014 11:21pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Getting thoughts into my head again these days about going drinking and sure one blow out be ok. Any thoughts on how I should approach this??

Are you on this journey your own or with others ? You must talk to someone and right now .

Carpet diem · 20-07-2014 3:41pm

marienbad wrote: »

Are you on this journey your own or with others ? You must talk to someone and right now .

Just on my own tried AA and doesn't feel right

marienbad · 20-07-2014 4:23pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Just on my own tried AA and doesn't feel

right

Well I have been in AA for a long long time and it worked for me. I would never have made it on my own.

My opinion is you need to talk to someone that knows about this disease and have some sort of support when these mental attacks come and as you know they will come. PM me if you like

Amazingfun · 20-07-2014 11:04pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Just on my own tried AA and doesn't feel right

:pac: yeah, that "you can't drink ever again" aspect of AA didn't feel right to me either, lol...

auldgranny · 21-07-2014 3:56pm

Came off the drink four times in the last month every time I gave up after a few days. But every time I went back I drank more and more. It's like I have no control over it which I know is bullsh** wish I had never drank.

Amazingfun · 21-07-2014 4:26pm

auldgranny wrote: »

Came off the drink four times in the last month every time I gave up after a few days. But every time I went back I drank more and more. It's like I have no control over it which I know is bullsh** wish I had never drank.

No, it's not bull. It's been long observed that certain drinkers seem to have difficulty in controlling the amount we take once we start to drink. AA calls this phenomenon an "allergy" and frankly, learning about it helped me enormously. It explained my incredible amounts ingested (as much as or more than many men I drank with) and why I had to come to accept I simply cannot drink like "normal" people.

The only way to avoid this behavior and its terrible consequences is to not take the first drink ever again. AA helped enormously in this as it was easy to see I was far from being the the only person who has ever had to say *bye bye* to alcohol.

You can have a look at this if you're interested:

http://silkworth.net/silkworth/doctorsopinion.html

Sunnyisland · 21-07-2014 5:27pm

auldgranny wrote: »

Came off the drink four times in the last month every time I gave up after a few days. But every time I went back I drank more and more. It's like I have no control over it which I know is bullsh** wish I had never drank.

Auldgranny wishing ain't going to help ya, also thinking you have control over your drinking is naive, you wouldent be here if you were a normal/social drinker, As I have said before preparing for the witching hour is a must,as night follows day the cravings will come, get yourself a plan that suits yourself,

Check out what Amazingfun has posted, check out everything you can,breaking this addiction is never ever going to be easy,but it can be broken, good luck and posted with respect to you sir/Madame .

Tillies · 21-07-2014 6:17pm

I'd advise you not to go back. I gave up for five years and then just started again for no real reason. That was seven years ago: I've spent the time since on a relapse/abstinence spiral and have given up countless times. Trying desperately to string together a sober month at the moment. FYI am not in AA, it didn't do it for me either.

Amazingfun · 21-07-2014 6:28pm

Tillies wrote: »

I'd advise you not to go back. I gave up for five years and then just started again for no real reason. That was seven years ago: I've spent the time since on a relapse/abstinence spiral and have given up countless times. Trying desperately to string together a sober month at the moment. FYI am not in AA, it didn't do it for me either.

The first side of the coin is the physical problem, this thing that makes us different to normal drinkers and what causes us to want more and more alcohol, once we start to drink. Again, this wouldn't be a problem anymore if we didn't take that first drink.

The other side of the problem, the far more serious side of things, is this mental obsession we seem to have with it. No matter how long away from it we are, no matter how many reasons we have to stay away from the bottle, that old insane idea returns, seemingly out of nowhere, and we find ourselves back drinking again and as bad as we ever were.

I really feel for you folks who are struggling so badly.
But as far as expecting AA (or anything else for that matter) to "do it for you", well , you can forget it.
This is an inside job, and no one can make you want sobriety and all that it entails---except you.

Sunnyisland · 21-07-2014 10:23pm

Amazingfun wrote: »

But as far as expecting AA (or anything else for that matter) to "do it for you", well , you can forget it.
This is an inside job, and no one can make you want sobriety and all that it entails---except you.

Million % Amazingfun.

mickydoomsux · 21-07-2014 11:08pm

Been having a bit of a rocky time of it really.

I give up for a week or two at a time and then the thoughts of "ah, sure have a few cans to relax this evening, you worked all week so why not?" creep in and i go and get a 4 or 6 pack of cans and that's that. If i try not to it just preys on my mind until i do it. I'm not going crazy but i usually wonder why i'm drinking at all halfway through because i don't particularly enjoy it. It happened again this evening.

I've decided that starting tomorrow i'm just going to tough it out. If the urge comes on i'm going to let it happen but do nothing about it.

I genuinely don't feel like i need to drink and it's not like it's forced on me so if i can just break away from my complacency of being "able" to have a few drinks i should be ok.

I think someone else on a thread here said that the only person who makes you take another drink in your entire life is you. I just need to keep that in mind and not do it.

Carpet diem · 21-07-2014 11:29pm

Amazingfun wrote: »

The first side of the coin is the physical problem, this thing that makes us different to normal drinkers and what causes us to want more and more alcohol, once we start to drink. Again, this wouldn't be a problem anymore if we didn't take that first drink.
W
The other side of the problem, the far more serious side of things, is this mental obsession we seem to have with it. No matter how long away from it we are, no matter how many reasons we have to stay away from the bottle, that old insane idea returns, seemingly out of nowhere, and we find ourselves back drinking again and as bad as we ever were.

I really feel for you folks who are struggling so badly.
But as far as expecting AA (or anything else for that matter) to "do it for you", well , you can forget it.
This is an inside job, and no one can make you want sobriety and all that it entails---except you.

Very true.

Amazingfun · 21-07-2014 11:56pm

I think someone else on a thread here said that the only person who makes you take another drink in your entire life is you. I just need to keep that in mind and not do it.

If only it were that simple, just a matter of remembering, but this is exactly what many of us are unable to do on our own: get the drinking obsession out of our heads for good.

AA describes the strange inability to recall the humiliation/horror of our worst drinking episodes when we're about to drink again as "strange mental blank spots" and "peculiar mental twists". That was something I really related to for how many times did I pick up a drink after weeks, months, sometimes even years away from it?
Honest answer: plenty of times, always thinking "this time it will be different".

Afterwards, when whatever new terrible consequence had come upon me, I would almost pull my hair out wondering how the hell I let it happen again. I thought I must be crazy, for how could someone with my ridiculous drinking resume ever think they could safely drink again?! A lunatic out of touch with reality, that's what. Turns out I am indeed a bit mad, but today I am ok with that, lol

It was only when I'd had enough of this alcoholic merry-go-round that I then became willing to listen to those who had warned me I would never be able to pull this off on my own. I saw then how much I needed others in my life, especially sober others, those folks who had walked a path similar to my own. The pain and consequences of these failed attempts to drink like I saw "normal" others do became a kind of gift, the "gift of desperation" others have mentioned in this forum before.
It finally got me into action and doing something about my problem.

This thread is filled with good and kind people who've done just that. I beg those of you who are finding things so hard to start doing what successfully sober people do. Obviously I am a very grateful member of AA and so encourage those (especially those who have really gone low with the booze) to give it another go, but others here have found permanent sobriety using a host of means and they've been very generous in sharing their experiences, something I appreciate.

Bottom line: tomorrow is a new day and if you're still breathing and on this side of the dirt, it's a brand new chance to do things differently. I've also heard it phrased as "It's time to get busy living, or get busy dying."

Carpet diem · 27-07-2014 11:32pm

Positive people
Positive environment
Positive attitude
Positive outlook

Essentials to have/aspire in your life to to lead a good life imo.

Feel free to add more if you think of any

Carpet diem · 12-08-2014 8:16am

Had a brilliant few days holidays AF even thou out late /up early. I came away thinking that I need to do what suits myself more - one or two times I stayed out and it was too suit someone else. I'll work on that next few weeks and be conscious of it because at the end of the day most people don't care if you pick option a,b,c..z.

I have to say I'm happy at the moment. Trying to keep the exercise up ( this is key for me) and I'm cutting out takeaways and fizzy drinks this week.

Also moving in with the gf which is a very big commitment but excited about it nonetheless. It would not be happening only for visiting the website and contributing. Looking forward to that space and stability in my life rather than living with randomers.

FTA69 · 12-08-2014 12:42pm

I've just had my second weekend curtailing my drinking and learned a few lessons along the way. The first thing is that being in the company of those on the beer is a bit tedious to be honest.

I arranged to meet a friend to watch the hurling in a pub he owns. After the match we were going to go for dinner in some Turkish place. Cue him falling into a round with someone.

"We'll go in a minute, I got you a drink there..."

"why aren't you having one of these new ales?..."

Etc etc, I ended up having three gin and tonics I didn't even want in the first place. He was about to call another round and I got fairly p*ssed off and said I was heading away home. It's mad how you can get into the grip of a "session" when you're out. As I said on another thread, I'm not quitting booze per se, I just want to limit it to celebrating an occasion of interest as opposed to getting ratted twice a week as a matter of standard. It's very hard to avoid that though when others are on a completely different wavelength. It also makes me feel a bit anti-social and lonely at times.

mickydoomsux · 12-08-2014 3:17pm

Yeah, your point has come up numerous times in this thread and others.

Ireland is a **** country for socializing if you don't drink, particularly rural Ireland.
Everyone automatically presumes you have something wrong with you if you don't drink and you are then treated as such.

FTA69 · 12-08-2014 3:56pm

mickydoomsux wrote: »

Yeah, your point has come up numerous times in this thread and others.

Ireland is a **** country for socializing if you don't drink, particularly rural Ireland.
Everyone automatically presumes you have something wrong with you if you don't drink and you are then treated as such.

I live in London so I've no excuse really. I still get loads of booze free activities in such as the theatre, runs, events etc but it's just the circle of friends I have are all Irish people who are mad for booze. Either that or they're jockeyed to the hilt with old dolls and I end up a bloody third wheel when meeting them.

Carpet diem · 12-08-2014 6:21pm

FTA69 wrote: »

I live in London so I've no excuse really. I still get loads of booze free activities in such as the theatre, runs, events etc but it's just the circle of friends I have are all Irish people who are mad for booze. Either that or they're jockeyed to the hilt with old dolls and I end up a bloody third wheel when meeting them.

It's being said to me before but it's true - avoidance and you save yourself so much hassle.

Carpet diem · 16-08-2014 5:57pm

Exercise is key

Sunnyisland · 16-08-2014 6:22pm

Folks it's well to remember If you look around, you will see everything changes. The seasons ebb and flow, the weather fluctuates, the school day is varied. We wear different outfits day by day, eat different meals, watch different T.V programmes. Nothing stays as it is for long. My point is this. Change is a part of life. If you feel stuck today, I want to assure you that things will change. It may be slow, it may be hard, it may be you, it may be them but nothing stays the same for long. Believe in that process and let it give you hope, [even if it appears to get worse before it changes for the better!) :-)

souls · 17-08-2014 8:32pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Exercise is key

So key.

18-08-2014 12:29am

realies wrote: »

Folks it's well to remember If you look around, you will see everything changes. The seasons ebb and flow, the weather fluctuates, the school day is varied. We wear different outfits day by day, eat different meals, watch different T.V programmes. Nothing stays as it is for long. My point is this. Change is a part of life. If you feel stuck today, I want to assure you that things will change. It may be slow, it may be hard, it may be you, it may be them but nothing stays the same for long. Believe in that process and let it give you hope, [even if it appears to get worse before it changes for the better!) :-)

I practically sang Nina Simone's Everything must Change while reading that. Inspirational words.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgX2EAdvFyw

daithi7 · 18-08-2014 5:16pm

Elton John credits the song 'Don't Give Up' in helping him to rectify his drinking problem, this may help others trying to improve their lives (& the lives of those who care for them) also. Good luck, as Realies posts above, improving your life is about embracing positive change, keeping the good from the past/present and discarding the bad & destructive.

Carpet diem · 18-08-2014 11:49pm

Put in a good days graft today. Always a good feeling after it.

I was good with the eating until I had a feed just there which Is too late before bed. Priority for the week.

20-08-2014 2:41am

I think someone else on a thread here said that the only person who makes you take another drink in your entire life is you. I just need to keep that in mind and not do it.

I love this sentence because it has the near unique status of being ENTIRELY true and at the same time missing the point entirely. Not a comment against the person who wrote it at at all - but against the sentiment many people might hear or imply when reading it.

Here is why -

ULTIMATELY the decision not to drink - not to go into a point of sale and buy one - not to reach out and take the one offered to you by a mate - or whatever - comes down to the drinker. The AA have 12 steps but ULTIMATELY it comes down to 1 step. One choice. Simply DONT DRINK.

There is only one step to stopping drinking. STOP. That is it. Simple as that.

But as true as THAT step is and as true as the QUOTE above is - it misses the bigger picture. Which is what happens when you say something that is perfectly true. The closer we get to truth - the more we risk missing the context.

It is true that the only person that will drink is you - the only person who can stop is you - the only person to make the choice is you - the only step in any x-step program that makes any difference is you - but the picture that this misses is the SUPPORT.

Whether you get this support from a program like AA - another 12 step program - or another program with X steps that is no 12 -

- or you get it from familiy -

- or you get it from excercise which a few posters have said here is KEY and I bet it was for them -

- or you get it from meditation classes like the one I give for free to addicts in my area -

- or you get it from fishing -

- or you simply get it from crying on the lap of a loved out and begging them to TIE you to a chair for 2 weeks while you get over the worst of withdrawl -

THE main message I would give anyone going through the decision to give up drink is to remember the CHOICE and the ACTION are YOURS and yours ALONE - but that does not mean you ARE "alone". You are not. Because some of the biggest choices and action we make "alone" are never actually made alone. Just like the best buildings we will ever build. They need !support!. The build will always stand alone - the action to build it never will and often never can.

Amazingfun · 20-08-2014 10:10am

The AA have 12 steps but ULTIMATELY it comes down to 1 step. One choice. Simply DONT DRINK.

Not to quibble with your post either, but it can be helpful to point out that the Step One portion of the AA Big Book is the longest section of the whole book, some 43 pages in fact, and it says a hell of a lot more than "don't drink". For some (like me), understanding why I would repeatedly choose not to drink--and then drink, was extremely helpful in understanding the alcoholic mind, and why I/we kept returning to the desperate experiment of the first drink yet again.
In fact, that is what chronic alcoholism is : endlessly repeating the insane behavior.

Anyone interested can read more about it here for free:

http://www.sober.org/Step1.html

beano345 · 21-08-2014 9:20pm

Was off the drink for months then made the mistake of having a few about two weeks ago.....to say the bender for the last two weeks I went on was unreal would be an understatement ,didn't stop until yeatserday when I poured my last can down the sink,severe withdrawals last night and today,shake rattle and roll, disgusted with myself

Carpet diem · 21-08-2014 9:58pm

I went to doctor few months back to get some advise , have a chat , do some bloods and I found it great. Essential to get a doctor that will listen and not just there to get you out the door asap. Also I went to one where money knew so that put me at ease.

Results of my test came back and ferritin levels were sky hight It really gave me a shock but it's coming down now over time. High ferretin means you have too much iron which usually is from too much alcohol in particular guinness.

I'm now exercising quite a bit, eating better and realising how important it is to look after your body.

I also take medication to help me stay of the drink. Personally works well for me and the urges are becoming less now when 5.30 comes by because I usually have my week fairly well planned out now to keep busy.

Things have improved a lot for me and I have had plenty bad days but one thing I learned is that everything will not automatically get better and you need to force the change.

Just to guys out there going through tough time to keep the head up and wipe the slate clean, start eating well straight away, go for a brisk walk and get good sleeps and you will be feeling lot bettrer in day or two.

Kunkka · 22-08-2014 10:30am

Carpet diem wrote: »

I went to doctor few months back to get some advise , have a chat , do some bloods and I found it great. Essential to get a doctor that will listen and not just there to get you out the door asap. Also I went to one where money knew so that put me at ease.

Results of my test came back and ferritin levels were sky hight It really gave me a shock but it's coming down now over time. High ferretin means you have too much iron which usually is from too much alcohol in particular guinness.
.

I am still feeling the consequences of my drinking nearly 3 years later with little improvement it's probably the main thing that has stopped me going back to it. Thanks god I had health insurance for years that's all I'll say!

Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

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