Deal Breaker in a Relationship

grames_bond · 27-04-2012 2:23pm

KamiKazeKitten wrote: »

Hehe, unless you've ever said anything along the lines of "I'm so glad I met you...most people I meet out are from the Northside" then I think you're safe enough.

that is just cause to drop kick him down a flight of stairs!

simples!

That_Guy · 27-04-2012 2:37pm

KamiKazeKitten wrote: »

Hehe, unless you've ever said anything along the lines of "I'm so glad I met you...most people I meet out are from the Northside" then I think you're safe enough.

Legend tbh. :pac:

Handsome Bob · 27-04-2012 3:10pm

I've seen a few mention ambition and to be frank, I couldn't give a fcuk. If you enjoy what you do and you're happy, then it's all good.

It'd drive me mad to be with someone obsessed with climbing the ladder, or worse, nagging me to climb the ladder. :eek: :pac:

Maybe I'm misconstruing what ambition means though.

27-04-2012 3:36pm

Handsome Bob wrote: »

I've seen a few mention ambition and to be frank, I couldn't give a fcuk. If you enjoy what you do and you're happy, then it's all good.

It'd drive me mad to be with someone obsessed with climbing the ladder, or worse, nagging me to climb the ladder. :eek: :pac:

Maybe I'm misconstruing what ambition means though.

For me lack of ambition would be doing a general 9-5 and not caring, never interested in going anywhere with it, developing yourself with it, no particular goals... just getting by
that's purely on a career level, which it doesn't have to be
I don't know how to put it

I'd say for me, it would have to be someone with a general appetite for life, doing things, going places, learning things, and so on

27-04-2012 3:49pm

Handsome Bob wrote: »

Maybe I'm misconstruing what ambition means though.

It means something different for everyone, there's no definitive answer.
For some it's a career thing, for others, as bluewolf said, it's a general appetite for life.

Northclare · 27-04-2012 3:52pm

For me I think I need someone who is very independent easy on the eye, a good laugh, forgiving, LOL especially when their is a fly hatch on the local river and all I have is tunnel vision and need to get my line wet.

Someone who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty in the garden or can rough it out in the open.

I would be more into the artistic creative boho chic type.

And being clingy is a no no

awec · 27-04-2012 3:54pm

This post has been deleted.

Esoteric_ · 27-04-2012 3:56pm

Deal breakers for me -

1. Drug use. I don't care if they smoke weed now and then, but any more and it's too much for me. I've tried enough drugs to know I want nothing to do with them.

2. Wanting kids. I don't want them so I don't think a man who wants kids is a good match for me.

3. Clingy. I used to not mind clingy people, til I met one of my more recent exes. 4 days in and I was getting 300 texts a day, being told he loved me (it's 4 fcuking days, you don't even know me!!) and to this day (4 months since I dumped him) I'm getting messages about how much he loves me and he can't be friends because he can't stand the thought of another man holding me. :rolleyes:

4. Aggressive. I dated aggressive men and never again.

Aside from that, I just want someone funny, intelligent, who can laugh at themselves and put up with my sarcasm. I don't care if they drink or smoke. I drink around once a fortnight usually, but if they're teetotal, that's cool. I'm slowly coming off the smokes (down to 2 a day from 25), but if they smoke, that's fine. I want someone I can laugh with, but also have a decent conversation with. I've only been in a relationship with one person who was honestly on my level of intelligence (I'm not saying I'm super-smart, I've just dated some bloody morons), and it was so refreshing.

BigDuffman · 27-04-2012 5:37pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I was gonna say that but thought it would be a bit too petty.

Nothing petty about it! Its is rude and maddening. Someone that eats like a horse trying to eat an apple through a letter box is just disturbing.

Close your mouth when you chew, do not smack your lips together and for the love of god if you have to eat with your mouth open try not violently exhale whilst making the om nom nom noises.

Daisies · 27-04-2012 6:11pm

Daisies wrote: »

whoopsadaisydoodles wrote: »

Biggest thing for me is someone who doesn't take life too seriously, ambition would need to be there, but someone who realises that life is for living. Someone fun. I need fun! Someone who laughs a lot. There are probably other subconscious things that I'm unaware of but that's my biggest one

+1. I want someone I can have fun with.Someone who can make me laugh when I think I'd never be able to smile again.

Smoking actually makes me think a lot more about getting into a relationship with someone.It's not an instant deal breaker but everything else would have to be in his favour.

I've thought a bit more about it and I've a few things to add

Arrogance: self confidence is good, thinking they are the shizzle is not.I find it an instant turn off!

Ignorance: whether it manifests itself as racism,sexism etc it's a big NO.

Drugs: Again, an instant no.

God I'm starting to sound awful picky!

Sea Filly · 27-04-2012 6:30pm

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Must be on the same level intellectually

This. By a million. A mental connection is so unbelieveably important. I don't believe a relationship with someone smarter than or less smart than me would work at all.

28-04-2012 7:01am

BigDuffman wrote: »

Nothing petty about it! Its is rude and maddening. Someone that eats like a horse trying to eat an apple through a letter box is just disturbing.

Close your mouth when you chew, do not smack your lips together and for the love of god if you have to eat with your mouth open try not violently exhale whilst making the om nom nom noises.

I really ****in hate it but don't come across it often. I've never asked anyone but certain ways things have worked out suggests I'm not a loud eater. :P

Have to say the number of instant nos for drug use is surprising. I suppose a dealbreaker for me would be someone who was completely against drug use.

Northclare · 28-04-2012 1:57pm

Another thing that would be a deal breaker in a relationship for me is that whole I cant live with out you, and your the meaning of my life.
If a woman told me I am the meaning of her life, I would run for the hills because my life means something else

For me a relationship is all about growing together, and getting the most out life and have the ability to be able to be upfront and honest with out hurting the other person intentionally.

I have been in relationships where I felt like I was a prisoner and had no life of my own because she had the script written before it started, and with out realizing it I was acting out the part and being assimilated into something I wasn't and that was my fault not hers.

Im 36 years of age I have one Kid who I love and we have a good relationship.

I am quite happy to be single because its a great life and some people say they dont want any more kids well I can identify with that and its not that I am selfish its just that I am honest and wouldn't bull **** a lady and tell her I want kids too, because I find her extremely attractive.
Its best she finds a man who can give her what she needs.

ToniTuddle · 28-04-2012 3:19pm

Main one: Allergic to animals or just plain dislikes them.
Obviously the allergic one aint the persons fault but I aint giving up no cats or dogs for anybody. A person who doesn't like animals?

Not somebody I want in my life.

Passive Aggressive people. They are the worst and most evil kind!:mad: They would be dumped on the spot.

Northclare · 28-04-2012 4:39pm

Yeah I came across the passively aggressive people I think they believe they can control you by rejection LOL

The very moment that starts I nip it in the bud and if its not resolved I walk away.

But I know some men and women who put up with passively aggressive people day in day out.

I'm like Vidal Sassoon I just wash n go......

Maybe I'm the one with the problem :S

sam34 · 28-04-2012 7:54pm

deal breakers for me are:

illegal drug use
smoking
heavy drinking

controlling/possessive behaviour
jealousy

wanting children

py2006 · 29-04-2012 1:15pm

Hmmm, I think if somebody didn't challenge me to be a better person for myself and for her it would be a deal breaker.

Ideally, somebody with a intellect on a par with me (not a lot) and who is a woman who can be an equal.

Oh and, forgive me here, but I just couldn't go out with , "a fcukin jaysus, ya alrigttttt there now". I'm no D4 head but that rough cut Dublin accent is appalling!

py2006 · 29-04-2012 1:17pm

Northclare wrote: »

Yeah I came across the passively aggressive people I think they believe they can control you by rejection LOL

I never quite understood the term passive aggressive!

The Big Red Button · 29-04-2012 1:18pm

py2006 wrote: »

Oh and, forgive me here, but I just couldn't go out with , "a fcukin jaysus, ya alrigttttt there now". I'm no D4 head but that rough cut Dublin accent is appalling!

I absolutely love that accent.

I even moved to D3, and also got me a nice Duuuub boyfriend, in the hope of developing the accent ... it's still very much a WIP though.

nua domhan · 29-04-2012 1:21pm

1. Not allergic to Duct tape.

thebuzz · 29-04-2012 1:23pm

Has to be willing to accept that she will always be 2nd to the football team I support

Otis Driftwood · 29-04-2012 1:24pm

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Just to pre-empt any possible attempts at smart arsey "humour",we all enjoy a joke however anything derogatory or any other nonsense will result in swift and brutal justice.

nua domhan wrote: »

1. Not allergic to Duct tape.

See above.

py2006 · 29-04-2012 1:46pm

chatterpillar wrote: »

I absolutely love that accent. I even moved to D3, and also got me a nice Duuuub boyfriend, in the hope of developing the accent ... it's still very much a WIP though.

Haha, I think its only non-Dubs and more specifically non-Irish that find that accent attractive.

PlainP · 29-04-2012 1:46pm

thebuzz wrote: »

Has to be willing to accept that she will always be 2nd to the football team I support

I take it your single then :P

No seriously though I don't think you should go into a relationship with a list of what aspects you want or don't want in a person. If you like someone you spend some time with them and this way you find out what they are like and if you don't like them you obviously leave.

Going into something with preconceived ideas means you could be missing out on some of the best experiences of your life.

LegacyUser · 29-04-2012 1:53pm

No threats of suicide/self-harm. I used to self-harm and never threatened anyone or anything like that.

Someone with short-term or ongoing mental health issues - I'd try to be supportive, but I'd have little time for threats or manipulation.

Vanbis · 29-04-2012 1:55pm

For me the most obvious and important one is trust, once that is broke there is no going back IMO.

I don't buy into they must have ambition, thats bull to me.

jaffacakesyum · 29-04-2012 3:24pm

py2006 wrote: »

Haha, I think its only non-Dubs and more specifically non-Irish that find that accent attractive.

I'm a Dub. Fairly neutral accent though I think. But I absolutely love the Dublin accent. I couldn't go out with someone with a posh accent, it would wreck my head. Neutral/Dub accents ftw!

So as I saw mental health was mentioned there by a poster, would that be a deal breaker for most people? Depression, bipolar etc.?

Sauve · 29-04-2012 3:48pm

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

So as I saw mental health was mentioned there by a poster, would that be a deal breaker for most people? Depression, bipolar etc.?

This is a very tough one. I have to say I'd be wary getting into a relationship with someone who had serious mental issues. I wouldn't completely rule it out though, as each situation is different and everybody handles their issues differently.
I suppose I'd weigh up the situation on its' own merits, though I know I'd find it difficult to be a crutch for somebody. It might sound selfish, but I know what it's like to be around someone who went through an extended rough patch, and as much as I was supportive and helped all I could, it totally drained me and by the end of it I was no use to them or to myself. If you care about someone, it's all too easy to take their problems on as your own.

Then again, if you're in a relationship, you have to take the rough with the smooth, so like I said, it's a tough one!!

The Big Red Button · 29-04-2012 3:54pm

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

So as I saw mental health was mentioned there by a poster, would that be a deal breaker for most people? Depression, bipolar etc.?

It's a good question.

I have a couple of very close friends who suffer from depression. As far as I'm concerned, mental illnesses are not really all that different to any physical illness, and obviously could develop in any one of us at any time.

I would, however, probably be slightly wary that there'd be a chance I could end up making things worse for the person (e.g. if things didn't work out between us.) So, I guess I'd have to be pretty sure that the illness was stable and under control before getting involved with the person.

ihsb · 29-04-2012 3:58pm

Lies, I hate them. They are just plain bad.

Bad communication skills is also a deal-breaker. How else can you work through problems?

I want to get married and have kids, I also have high standards and am quite private so these values would have to be shared.

If someone is bad in bed... I just couldn't be with them! And they have to have an epic sense of humour and make me feel special every day.

py2006 · 29-04-2012 4:19pm

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I'm a Dub. Fairly neutral accent though I think. But I absolutely love the Dublin accent. I couldn't go out with someone with a posh accent, it would wreck my head. Neutral/Dub accents ftw!

So as I saw mental health was mentioned there by a poster, would that be a deal breaker for most people? Depression, bipolar etc.?

Well neutral accent yes. I'm not taken with the falseness of the D4 accent either.

ToniTuddle · 29-04-2012 5:24pm

py2006 wrote: »

I never quite understood the term passive aggressive!

Neither did I until I dated someone like that! As a result I didn't realise that it was passive aggressive behaviour/comments and stayed with him for good enough bit of time. It's kinda hard to describe but check the Wiki description of it.

Snowie · 29-04-2012 6:59pm

I just want to say, as some one who suffers from depression and manages it pretty well its unfair to think of it the way its been thought of..

i go through my hard times and easy times except when i drop I drop.
While the idea of some supportive is awesome, the other issue I have is that, if we were to break up... Well then thats gone and were do I lean on, my friends ?

what Im trying to say is as some one who has depression you can talk to your friends and family till your blue in the face. But its up to me to pull my self out, no amount of support can help with that. It's up to you to sort it.

But being honest if i had a gf I think I'd probably work harder, not to allow my self to have dips and lows and be more focussed because, there some one else to think of.

Sauve · 29-04-2012 7:14pm

Snowie wrote: »

I just want to say, as some one who suffers from depression and manages it pretty well its unfair to think of it the way its been thought of..

i go through my hard times and easy times except when i drop I drop.
While the idea of some supportive is awesome, the other issue I have is that, if we were to break up... Well then thats gone and were do I lean on, my friends ?

what Im trying to say is as some one who's had depression you can talk to your friends and family till your blue in the face. But its up to me to pull my self out, no amount of support can help with that.

But being honest if i had a gf I think I'd probably work harder, not to allow my self to have dips and lows and be more focussed because, there some one else to think of.

Snowie I'm sorry if what I said about depression seemed insensitive, that wasn't my intention at all. The way you speak about it shows that you seem to be very much aware of how to deal with what life throws at you and have the skills to cope with it.

The point I was making was just from past experience, and that it's too easy to get too involved. I thought I knew best, and how to help, when in fact I knew sweet f all of what they were going through. I suppose now, having gone through that and know the mistakes I made, I'd be better able to deal with it.

Snowie · 29-04-2012 7:23pm

Sauve wrote: »

Snowie I'm sorry if what I said about depression seemed insensitive, that wasn't my intention at all. The way you speak about it shows that you seem to be very much aware of how to deal with what life throws at you and have the skills to cope with it.

The point I was making was just from past experience, and that it's too easy to get too involved. I thought I knew best, and how to help, when in fact I knew sweet f all of what they were going through. I suppose now, having gone through that and know the mistakes I made, I'd be better able to deal with it.

Don't be silly

your cool i agree on how self in dulgent some one can be I just wanted to offer a different perspective, and my choice od words can kinda be really crappy sometimes...:o

I do think you have to be very careful when dealing with depression but I think theres a line as you so well put it... me personally id rather a kick up the arse and told to cop on..then the oposit...

sorry if i made you feel bad it was more a personal based post then a over outlook

Sauve · 29-04-2012 7:30pm

Not at all - we're cool

Yeah everybodys' different, how we all deal with things.
At the end of the day, depression itself wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but how the person deals with it would be a big factor...

dave3004 · 30-04-2012 1:49am

Just an interest in something. Hate when people dont have any interests.....

"Im a girly girl".........actually means......"I dont do anything"

Eve_Dublin · 30-04-2012 8:50am

Just a few big ones...

The person has to care about politics and have the roughly the same political leanings as myself and I mean agree on the big stuff, not absolutely everything. I couldn't spend time with someone whose apathetic about what's going on around them. As Skunk Anansie said, "Everything's fooking political!!".

He can't be a snob. A trait I despise.

He must be kind and look out for others....for obvious reasons, I think.

Ability to act the gob****e. Being able to laugh together is essential.

Everything else (bar the usual psychopathic behaviour) I can probably handle.

mood · 30-04-2012 11:03am

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I'm a Dub. Fairly neutral accent though I think. But I absolutely love the Dublin accent. I couldn't go out with someone with a posh accent, it would wreck my head. Neutral/Dub accents ftw!

So as I saw mental health was mentioned there by a poster, would that be a deal breaker for most people? Depression, bipolar etc.?

For me it would. I've already someone in my life with such issues. They won't get or stick to professional help and i am their only really support. There is no way I could take on all that again.

token101 · 30-04-2012 12:10pm

No matter how much I was mad about someone, I couldn't take on someone elses children. It would be an immediate deal breaker. Maybe that's because I'm not interested in kids at all right now, so that could change in the future, but I'd doubt it.

I couldn't see myself being with someone with serious, long term mental health issues. I just don't think I'd be tolerant enough after a while being totally honest, probably a flaw in myself more than the other person.

A homebird. Someone who wouldn't ever even consider the prospect of moving away, moving somewhere different, even for a few months! Was dealbreaker in my most recent relationship.

opinion guy · 30-04-2012 12:26pm

Smokers
Drama Queens
Religionists/Judgementalists

mariebeth · 30-04-2012 3:48pm

There's only two absolute out & out dealbreakers for me, and those are:

- has to want children, I love children & I've always wanted to have a couple, so if a guy doesn't want children, there's no point in even going there, because I'm not going to try & change him and he's not going to succeed in changing what I want.

- has to be open minded, in terms of religion, equality, race etc. I couldn't go out with someone who makes big sweeping judgements about people based on whether they have or haven't religious beliefs, or based on their gender & race, sexuality, etc.

DERPY HOOFS · 30-04-2012 3:48pm

Well personal hygeine is a must i dont want cheese growing on his manhood.

That_Guy · 30-04-2012 3:50pm

DERPY HOOFS wrote: »

Well personal hygeine is a must i dont want cheese growing on his manhood.

mood · 30-04-2012 4:28pm

DERPY HOOFS wrote: »

Well personal hygeine is a must.

I was going to bring that up as well but I think it's a given that people want some hygienic as well as not think like violent, abusive, rude, cheater etc.

Emme · 02-05-2012 1:16pm

Deal breakers:

Alcoholics
Drug users
Physically or emotionally abusive
Poor hygiene
Refuses to take responsibility for own health (physical and emotional)
Laziness - I'm not looking for somebody on megabucks and life circumstances can drag people down or hold them back but even so people have to take responsibility for themselves and not sit on their backsides in the pub all the time

That's it!

Moomoo1 · 04-05-2012 12:41pm

opinion guy wrote: »

Smokers
Drama Queens
Religionists/Judgementalists

couldn't handle a drama queen, really couldn't. Any blowing up of the most trivial things out of proportion makes me want to slip through a crack in the pavement.

judgemental people drive me up the wall also, but then I would probably see that as a challenge and try to pull them up on it every single time...

Moomoo1 · 04-05-2012 12:46pm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

The person has to care about politics and have the roughly the same political leanings as myself and I mean agree on the big stuff, not absolutely everything. I couldn't spend time with someone whose apathetic about what's going on around them. As Skunk Anansie said, "Everything's fooking political!!".

Actually, I always wondered what it would be like to have an LTR with someone at the other side of the political spectrum.

cynder · 04-05-2012 7:24pm

When my fella moved in with me I gave him 2 rules,

1st never hit me. If he did I would throw him out.

2nd never come home drunk. He has done a few times which it acceptable but around the time he moved in he was at college and enjoyed the college life however because we had a young child I didn't want her to see anyone drunk, my dad was an alcoholic who beat us and my mother. I don't want that for us and our kids.

If his planning on a good night out he stays at his mates house, in the last 10 years his come home drunk at max 8 times.

If he ever cheated on my I could forgive him once but not twice.

We are together now nearly 15 years.

SugarHigh · 05-05-2012 12:22am

grindelwald wrote: »

When my fella moved in with me I gave him 2 rules,

1st never hit me. If he did I would throw him out.

If someone felt I needed to be told this I'd probably dump them. It's really offensive.

grindelwald wrote: »

2nd never come home drunk.

Surely it's his house as well?
I understand you have issues with drink from your childhood but it's hardly fair to lump them on your OH. Does he make any demands about how you act in your house?

Deal Breaker in a Relationship

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