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Girls doing the asking?

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    #32
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    g'em wrote: »
    There's also an argument to be made that I'm too forward, and that this kind of thing scares the bejeebus out of guys. Well, if that's the case "meh" frankly to that individual, if you can't handle me asking for what I want you're not going to last very long in my company.

    So perhaps I need to strike a balance, and allow the chase to come to me a bit more often. I know in society is increasingly dictating that women can and should call the shots where asking men out is concerned, but the old school rules of attraction will still apply in general terms (men are chasers etc. etc.).

    Bah, I dunno, men are just as confusing as women where this stuff is concerned tbh, and you can't pigeon-hole them any more than you can with the wimmin.
    I think the last point there is the most important. Guys are confused about the whole thing, but at least they know they are supposed to be the ones doing the asking out, bad as that is. If women take that role from them, even if they didn't like it, what the hell are they supposed to do instead? Listen?? :eek:



    :D

    Your date suggestion is inherently flawed though: low-carbing = low moods and crap temperament, and at the point of carb ingestion the only thing visible in my eyes is the food in front of me, George flippin' Clooney could be two feet away and I'd still push him aside in favour of a family-sized bowl of pesto taglietelle :o

    Lolz!


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    #33
    Madame Razz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,252 ✭✭✭✭Madame Razz


    Funny, I always thought that asking somebody out meant asking somebody to be their boyfriend/girlfriend???

    (In which case yes, I was seeing a guy for a while and eventually got sick of the humming and hawing and asked him to be my boyfriend. He said yes and we were together over two years:D)

    But as regards asking a guy on a date/for a drink. I think firstly it depnds on the nationality of a man. It might be ok to ask a guy from elsewhere out, but the Irishman is a entirely different breed.

    If an Irish guy likes you enough he will ask you, if he really likes you that much, even if he has the balls of a rodent, he will ask you to go a drink/date. Irish Men are remarkably complicated when they want to be, and remarkably UNcomplicated when they want to be. Simplicity becomes de riguer when an Irish man is genuinely interested.

    Which is why, despite how much the role of women has changed blahblah blah, I would never ask an Irish man out; because if he was genuinely interested he would have been straight in there doing the asking.

    And sure, you could do the asking, and Mr Irish might say yes, but he might not really be that into you, but go along with the whole thing, maybe even see you for a while cos its easier than saying no, and heck, maybe hes slightly enjoying it; but eventually he'll be honest with himself and it'll all end in tears. (Sometimes we are still far too polite for our own good. We've got the silly manners thing ingrained in us still nearly 100 years later. I blame the Brits)

    So Ladies, even in this fine year of 2008, let the Irish men do the asking, at least you'll know from the off that they're super keen, which makes this easier/better/nicer in the long run!!


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    #34
    Kya1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,879 ✭✭✭Kya1976


    I've no problems asking someone out, kinda enjoy it tbh:)


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    #35
    homerun_homer
    Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭homerun_homer


    manukahoney wrote: »
    If an Irish guy likes you enough he will ask you, if he really likes you that much, even if he has the balls of a rodent, he will ask you to go a drink/date. Irish Men are remarkably complicated when they want to be, and remarkably UNcomplicated when they want to be. Simplicity becomes de riguer when an Irish man is genuinely interested.

    I would never ask an Irish man out; because if he was genuinely interested he would have been straight in there doing the asking.


    So Ladies, even in this fine year of 2008, let the Irish men do the asking, at least you'll know from the off that they're super keen, which makes this easier/better/nicer in the long run!!

    Nooooo!! There are countless threads on boards with guys saying girls should do a bit more on the flirting/asking a guy out front. You can't say a guy isn't interested in a girl because he didn't go up to her to talk/ask her for a drink.
    You have to realise what's going on in his head;
    "she's hot...wonder has she a boyfriend...she keeps looking over...should I go over...what do I say...what if she or her friends laugh me out of it...screw it I'll just stay here and hope she comes by and says hello"


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    #36
    Reku
    Registered Users Posts: 3,766 ✭✭✭Reku


    A simple way to look at this, regardless of the gender of the asker, is that if asking them is not worth the risk of rejection then you apparently don't find them that attractive, whether it be physically or psychologically. There should be no expectation for either gender to take the lead, it should simply be down to who is the most interested in the other.

    G'em's problems may stem from this, the lads didn't ask as they weren't that attracted to her but decided to give things a try anyway when she asked.


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    #37
    Madame Razz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,252 ✭✭✭✭Madame Razz


    homerun_homer wrote: »
    Nooooo!! There are countless threads on boards with guys saying girls should do a bit more on the flirting/asking a guy out front. You can't say a guy isn't interested in a girl because he didn't go up to her to talk/ask her for a drink.
    You have to realise what's going on in his head;
    "she's hot...wonder has she a boyfriend...she keeps looking over...should I go over...what do I say...what if she or her friends laugh me out of it...screw it I'll just stay here and hope she comes by and says hello"

    I still maintain if a guy is interested enough they will do the asking/make the move regardless. They'll figure what have they got to lose.

    Maybe thats just down here in the sticks tho!


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    #38
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    farohar wrote: »
    G'em's problems may stem from this, the lads didn't ask as they weren't that attracted to her but decided to give things a try anyway when she asked.

    Wow. That makes me feel so... shit frankly :o


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    #39
    enda1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,166 ✭✭✭enda1


    manukahoney wrote: »
    I still maintain if a guy is interested enough they will do the asking/make the move regardless. They'll figure what have they got to lose.

    Maybe thats just down here in the sticks tho!


    Sher maybe he hasn't seen you across the bar? Thinks your not single? Seems like an awful waste that girls would be waiting for the guy to come to them, look at all the missed possibilities!!

    Also the fact that there are probably loads of guys without the confidence in certain circumstances to ask a girl out, doesn't mean he's a bad guy or that your not suited but maybe its his one weakness. Seems all very old fashioned to me to be honest and think it stems these ladies fear of rejection.


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    #40
    homerun_homer
    Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭homerun_homer


    manukahoney wrote: »
    I still maintain if a guy is interested enough they will do the asking/make the move regardless. They'll figure what have they got to lose.

    Maybe thats just down here in the sticks tho!

    Galway the sticks?? granted in a city there is not much to lose because you can lose yourself in a crowd but unfortunately the Clare/Limerick side of things ain't too hot and everyone knows or at least recognises everyone most of the time so frmo that perspective it has become a daunting task.

    I am in Dublin enough though and still don't pluck up the courage half the time, there is no big excuse but fear I suppose. I think it should be a 2 way street, the girl doesn't have to ask the guy out but if she instigated a wee chat then there is no harm in waiting for the guy to ask.


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    #41
    norrie rugger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,656 ✭✭✭norrie rugger


    C.D. wrote: »
    I'm a confident guy, and I saw an incredible girl a few weeks- so much so that I thought she was out of my league. Lo and behold she approached me, later asked me for my number and later asked me for a date. Needless to say I was totally flattered, have had a few fantastic dates and hopefully it will keep going that way. Personally, I thought it was refreshingly different and very flattering- though this girl is not Irish so maybe it was not as much of a big deal for her!

    I hope that she paid for the first date!
    seeing as she asked you out


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    #42
    Madame Razz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,252 ✭✭✭✭Madame Razz


    homerun_homer wrote: »
    Galway the sticks?? granted in a city there is not much to lose because you can lose yourself in a crowd but unfortunately the Clare/Limerick side of things ain't too hot and everyone knows or at least recognises everyone most of the time so frmo that perspective it has become a daunting task.

    I am in Dublin enough though and still don't pluck up the courage half the time, there is no big excuse but fear I suppose. I think it should be a 2 way street, the girl doesn't have to ask the guy out but if she instigated a wee chat then there is no harm in waiting for the guy to ask.

    Galway is a bloody small place, and actually isn't the easiest city to meet somebody in. evrybody is more interested in having a good time!!

    I don't mena that a girl should close herself off to a guy completely and wait for him to do the approaching. I'm all for mutual instigation of small talk etc, even the girl instigating it. But I still reckon beyond the getting to know you, number swapping, maybe little good night kiss point it is much better to have the guy do the asking.

    Just my 2c


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    #43
    homerun_homer
    Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭homerun_homer


    manukahoney wrote: »
    Galway is a bloody small place, and actually isn't the easiest city to meet somebody in. evrybody is more interested in having a good time!!

    I don't mena that a girl should close herself off to a guy completely and wait for him to do the approaching. I'm all for mutual instigation of small talk etc, even the girl instigating it. But I still reckon beyond the getting to know you, number swapping, maybe little good night kiss point it is much better to have the guy do the asking.

    Just my 2c

    You're right there, girls should get in there with the small talk. It is cooler that the guy asks her out if he is put in the position to ask her but anyone who doesn't then is a fool.

    Galway is quite small, I was up every weekend for the bones of a year and you keep seeing the same heads around so I suppose it's a bit like the predicament down here.


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    #44
    norrie rugger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,656 ✭✭✭norrie rugger


    easy answer is,

    Girl instigates the talking, this breaks the ice for the guy.
    It will then be much easier if he wants to ask you out to do so


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    #45
    Madame Razz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,252 ✭✭✭✭Madame Razz


    homerun_homer wrote: »
    You're right there, girls should get in there with the small talk. It is cooler that the guy asks her out if he is put in the position to ask her but anyone who doesn't then is a fool.

    Galway is quite small, I was up every weekend for the bones of a year and you keep seeing the same heads around so I suppose it's a bit like the predicament down here.

    +1 to all of the above!!!


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    #46
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    homerun_homer wrote: »
    Nooooo!! There are countless threads on boards with guys saying girls should do a bit more on the flirting/asking a guy out front. You can't say a guy isn't interested in a girl because he didn't go up to her to talk/ask her for a drink.
    You have to realise what's going on in his head;
    "she's hot...wonder has she a boyfriend...she keeps looking over...should I go over...what do I say...what if she or her friends laugh me out of it...screw it I'll just stay here and hope she comes by and says hello" have another pint to work up the courage

    Fyp for you!


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    #47
    Climate Expert
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,393 ✭✭✭Climate Expert


    My friends and I have given up chasing girls as they always come after us. We could probably end up with a few more if we put in the effort but what is the point?


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    #48
    homerun_homer
    Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭homerun_homer


    Climate Expert wrote: »
    My friends and I have given up chasing girls as they always come after us. We could probably end up with a few more if we put in the effort but what is the point?

    Where are ye going every week, coppers??


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    #49
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    A harem is a useful thing to have CE. Besides who doesn't like appropriating objects?


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    #50
    Casey ca
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭Casey ca


    I once told a random stranger that he was the hottest guy that i had ever seen. He thanked me, kissed me on the cheek and then his girlfriend (a 6ft blonde) came back. Never had the courage since then!


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    #51
    norrie rugger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,656 ✭✭✭norrie rugger


    homerun_homer wrote: »
    You're right there, girls should get in there with the small talk. It is cooler that the guy asks her out if he is put in the position to ask her but anyone who doesn't then is a fool.

    Galway is quite small, I was up every weekend for the bones of a year and you keep seeing the same heads around so I suppose it's a bit like the predicament down here.

    Bugger,

    I had to answer the phone before I posted my reply. ya beat me to it


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    #52
    panda100
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,551 ✭✭✭panda100


    I've asked out every guy I've ever been out with bar one. I dont think I'd ever be asked out If I waited for a guy to do the asking.

    However,I absolutely hate asking people out as nothing is worse than the fear of rejection!


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    #53
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    panda100 wrote: »
    I've asked out every guy I've ever been out with bar one. I dont think I'd ever be asked out If I waited for a guy to do the asking.

    However,I absolutely hate asking people out as nothing is worse than the fear of rejection!

    everyone hates it


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    #54
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Carturo wrote: »
    Eh..what?
    Well some girls are quite prima donnaish and expect the guys to do all the running.

    So if a girl does ask you out it should be cos they are genuinely interested. My friends and me were in Starbucks and they decided to have some fun at her expense. A girl who leads guys on - treats herself lavishly with your money and goes.


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    #55
    Cathkins
    Closed Accounts Posts: 52 ✭✭Cathkins


    I've once asked a guy out years ago but didn't work out - from then on I just wait for the guy to do the asking or as in my current situation it was more a joint effort!

    There's nothing wrong with the girl asking - shows that she has alot of confidence which is an awesome trait imo!


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    #56
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    The thing is just because a guy has actually been the one to propose a date that doesn't mean the girl has not taken part in the process.

    A girl can make a lot of eye contact, smile, put her self in close proximity to the guy or repeat close proximity or if she sees he is interested makes a break away form the group she is with so she is easier to approach, or makes a point of passing close to him and smiling or even turning up in the same place to give him an opening then she is part of the process.

    It's not seen as direct action but all of the above are actions none the less to give a person an opening to approach her and start a converstaion so that he may ask her out or get her number.


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    #57
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    enda1 wrote: »
    Its just nature women are the carers, see behaviour of other animals. It's not within the scope of "equality". Sure some women will but for the majority it's never going to change.

    Therefore stay home have babies and cook.

    Fast foreward to the 21st centuary - grow up!

    You didn't understand my post and jumped to the wrong conclusion, then added a straw man, and patronised me. I'd hate to be as stupid as you. There's plenty of animals where the father is a carer. Capper.


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    #58
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    If you like what you see, why not go ahead and let the person know? If you want to see them again, why not initiate that too?

    Proposing a date isn't that big a deal, better than waiting around/missing opportunities imo.


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    #59
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    That's totally out of order Bottle of Smoke. Come back to us in a week when you've calmed down.


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    #60
    diane747
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭diane747


    sometimes you can have good eye contact, but the bloak is very shy. I think it is ok to introduce yourself and see what the conversation is like.
    Aint no shame in it! you win some you lose some...


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    #61
    Faddymackshyte
    Registered Users Posts: 278 ✭✭Faddymackshyte


    After reading this thread, I'm gonna take the bull by the horns and ask the guy I kissed on Saturday out (not this instant mind)! He suggested we meet for drinks midweek sometime, but I'm sick (which he knows about), so maybe next week!! And I will surely report back here to say whether or not it was a success!


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