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Jokes not everyone will get

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12357

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    #122
    Broad
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭Broad


    poindexter wrote: »
    guys at the doctor and doc tells him to lie on the couch. when he's on the couch doctor asks him "comfy?", guy says "Govan"

    Doing well understanding them up to now but please explain this one!


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    #123
    kumate_champ07
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,150 ✭✭✭kumate_champ07


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »



    Q: How do filter designers get to see their favorite musicians up-close?
    A: Simple, they use bandpasses.

    what do they call groupies?
    a notch

    ye thats lame


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    #124
    kumate_champ07
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,150 ✭✭✭kumate_champ07


    why did the chicken cross the road?
    because he was in a shopping bag


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    #125
    Red Crow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,139 ✭✭✭Red Crow


    Syzygy. (XF fans)


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    #126
    trackmixstudio
    Registered Users Posts: 843 ✭✭✭trackmixstudio


    Really enjoying this thread.
    I have a few that usually either get hysterical laughter or a blank expression.

    Why did Helen Keller crash the car?
    Because she was a woman.

    The reverse knock knock joke.
    Tell a friend you heard a great knock knock joke then tell them "you start it".
    Most people fall for it and go "knock knock" to which you reply "who's there?".
    Cue confusion. Very funny.

    Jesus and the disciples are sitting at the last supper and Jesus says "Tonight, one of you will betray me". After supper, Peter gets Jesus alone and asks "Is it me, Jesus?". Jesus replies "No, it's not you my child". Later Paul approaches him and says "Is it me, Jesus?". Jesus replies "No, it is not you Paul" etc etc to Judas who approaches Jesus and says "Is it me, Jesus?". Jesus replies sarcastically "Is it meeee, Jeeesus".

    Write down on a page
    "11 was a race horse, 22 was 12. 11 11 race 22 112."

    Or the famous Ronnie Barker sketch in the German deli
    "FUNEXNM" "Ya, VFXNM"


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    #127
    Bearhunter
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭Bearhunter


    Broad wrote: »
    Doing well understanding them up to now but please explain this one!


    Assume the doctor has a Scottish accent and it sounds like he's saying "Come fae?" or "Where do you come from?"


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    #128
    FruitLover
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭FruitLover


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    [php]
    while (1)
    {
    you.GiveUp();
    you.LetDown();
    around.Run() && you.Desert();
    you.MakeCry();
    goodbye.Say();
    lie.Tell() && you.Hurt();
    }
    [/php]

    Surely this should be while(0)?

    Edit: or maybe there could be a ! before the methods calls...


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    #129
    Porkpie
    Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    zuroph wrote: »
    are people not reading the title of the thread any more?

    I don't get that one.


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    #130
    Necronomicon
    Registered Users Posts: 11,589 ✭✭✭✭Necronomicon


    Why do French people only have a single egg for breakfast?

    Because in France, one egg is enough.


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    #131
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Close but no cigar, "In France un oeuf is enough". :D


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    #132
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,700 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    But here the egg would be an ubh


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    #133
    Wazdakka
    Registered Users Posts: 4,467 ✭✭✭Wazdakka


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746
    F2066696E64207468656D2CDA4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20
    616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D

    is Hex for
    "One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"

    That just isn't funny...


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    #134
    Necronomicon
    Registered Users Posts: 11,589 ✭✭✭✭Necronomicon


    Hagar wrote: »
    Close but no cigar, "In France un oeuf is enough". :D

    Wanted to be a bit more vague for the purposes of the thread :pac:


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    #135
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    There are 2 types of people in this world. People who have alzheimers.


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    #136
    100% recycled
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24 ✭100% recycled


    Q. what do you get when you mix an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?
    A. a person who stays up all night wondering if dogs exists or not.


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    #137
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users Posts: 19,148 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    I went out with this girl once and she turned out to be a Spider.

    I met her on the web!


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    #138
    Fenix
    Registered Users Posts: 1,422 ✭✭✭Fenix


    Q. What do Kenny Dalglish and Rolf Harris have in common ?

    A. They both have beards, except for Kenny Dalglish, who does not have a beard.

    Two Dyslexics sitting in a kitchen, 1st one says "Can you smell gas ?", 2nd replied "Smell gas? I can't even smell me name!"


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    #139
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    what do dogs and penguins have in common?



    Nothing


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    #140
    kumate_champ07
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,150 ✭✭✭kumate_champ07


    seanybiker wrote: »
    what do dogs and penguins have in common?



    Nothing

    they both taste like chicken


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    #141
    Bduffman
    Registered Users Posts: 520 ✭✭✭Bduffman


    80% of economists predicted 5 of the last 2 recessions.


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    #142
    Daemos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,645 ✭✭✭Daemos


    .niap emas eht gnirahs yb meht ot resolc leef lliw uoy gnipoh ,sdneirf ruoy gninodnaba yb etasnepmoc os ,ylimaf ruoy yb denodnaba leef uoY

    Work THAT one out :D


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    #143
    KnifeWRENCH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

    A bunch of scientists and engineers were rather drunk, and when one decided to yell out his favorite equation, "E = MC^2," others started to follow suit.
    "F = ma"
    "a^2 + b^2 = c^2"
    but when one engineer yelled out "F = c*(d/dt)(x1 - x0)" the crowd groaned and the yelling stopped. He later apologized to his friend, "Sorry I didn't mean to put a damper on things..."

    Love it! :D


    A biologist walks into a bar and asks for a pint of adenosine triphosphate.
    The barman gives it to her and says "That'll be 80p."


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    #144
    Stabshauptmann
    Registered Users Posts: 4,885 ✭✭✭Stabshauptmann


    I thought there would be some good punchline about writing thems backwards.

    Is there a reference to something or is it just that its messed up, in more ways than one


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    #145
    Daemos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,645 ✭✭✭Daemos


    Stabshauptmann wrote: »
    I thought there would be some good punchline about writing thems backwards.

    Is there a reference to something or is it just that its messed up, in more ways than one

    It's, wait for it,...

    REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!


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    #146
    docdolittle
    Registered Users Posts: 2,026 ✭✭✭docdolittle


    Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

    Christopher Walken :eek: :P


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    #147
    FruitLover
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭FruitLover


    マイケルジャクソンの一番好きな色は何色？

    青！


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    #148
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    FruitLover wrote: »
    マイケルジャクソンの一番好きな色は何色？

    青！

    Raffs out roud. :D


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    #149
    Mahatma coat
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 6,869 ✭✭✭Mahatma coat


    where was Heisenberg caught speeding??


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    #150
    Rented Mule
    Registered Users Posts: 5,153 ✭✭✭Rented Mule


    zuroph wrote: »
    are people not reading the title of the thread any more?

    Apparently just the angry dyslexics.


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    #151
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,700 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    docdolittle wrote: »
    Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

    Christopher Walken :eek: :P
    I prefer

    What's the difference between Christopher Reeve and Christopher Walken ?

    Christopher Walken

    :)





    What was the first car mentioned in the Bible ?
    David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

    Actually it's when Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.

    The last car mentioned was when the apostles were all in one Accord.


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