The Fathers Thread

Marty McFly · 01-10-2015 9:23am

So the better half gave birth to a little baby girl this morning at 5:46 labor kicked off at 1 when I was in work so had to abandon work and head home as her mother came to mind the little one.

Both mother and baby are doing great very proud of them both right now.

I'll be living in a house full of women I'm doomed :pac:

Home now for a few hours to get up and bring our 13 month old in to see her littler sister

adrenaline pumping hope I can sleep

brianblaze · 01-10-2015 11:53am

Congrats fella.

brianblaze · 01-10-2015 11:59am

Our little lady is 25 weeks in the oven now. Kicking like Bas Rutten in there at the moment which is totally blowing my mind. Put my hand on the wife's belly last night and am very surprised how hard she kicks about! Also felt her wee hiccups too, which was very cool

pooch90 · 01-10-2015 5:44pm

Our little one is 25 weeks too,kicking like mad. You can actually see my belly move, so weird! Keep expecting it to burst out Alien style. It's a nice time for the men now I think.

tempnam · 08-10-2015 1:45pm

Looking for some advice from people here who have a couple of kids, or are expecting their second.....

We've a 2 yr old and are expecting baby no 2 in a couple of months.

As mammy's belly began to grow we were telling our daughter (rightly or wrongly) that there's a baby in there and that she'll have a little brother or sister soon. at first she was a mixture of emotions depending on her mood (indifferent, excited, for it, against it! etc.)...

Recently though she has become very attached to mammy - and without any prompting she's bringing up the subject of the new baby..... saying she doesn't want one! She was never a 'clingy' baby and when we were going to work and dropping her off she would happily go into a family member's house who looks after her during the day. Recently though it's as if she's scared to let mammy out of her sight.

I'm worried at how upset she's getting over this. It's obviously playing on her mind as she keeps bringing it up. As soon as she woke up this morning her first words to my wife were 'I don't want a baby'. Recently also she seems to expect that whenever she is away from mammy that when she returns there will be a baby there!

So, should we keep at it, talking about the new baby (and have her thinking about it) or should we stop talking about it around her and try get her to forget about it until it happens?

Any advice greatly appreciated!

tobsey · 09-10-2015 10:08am

tempnam wrote: »

Looking for some advice from people here who have a couple of kids, or are expecting their second.....

We've a 2 yr old and are expecting baby no 2 in a couple of months.

As mammy's belly began to grow we were telling our daughter (rightly or wrongly) that there's a baby in there and that she'll have a little brother or sister soon. at first she was a mixture of emotions depending on her mood (indifferent, excited, for it, against it! etc.)...

Recently though she has become very attached to mammy - and without any prompting she's bringing up the subject of the new baby..... saying she doesn't want one! She was never a 'clingy' baby and when we were going to work and dropping her off she would happily go into a family member's house who looks after her during the day. Recently though it's as if she's scared to let mammy out of her sight.

I'm worried at how upset she's getting over this. It's obviously playing on her mind as she keeps bringing it up. As soon as she woke up this morning her first words to my wife were 'I don't want a baby'. Recently also she seems to expect that whenever she is away from mammy that when she returns there will be a baby there!

So, should we keep at it, talking about the new baby (and have her thinking about it) or should we stop talking about it around her and try get her to forget about it until it happens?

Any advice greatly appreciated!

Keep talking about it. She'll get used to it over time. Make a big deal of the fact that she is going to be a BIG SISTER. Encourage her to tell other people she's going to be a big sister and it might make it more exciting to her when she gets positive reactions from other people. Also when the new baby arrives and she goes in to visit mammy and baby, have a present in the crib in the hospital from the baby to the big sister. That will help her warm to the new arrival.

Also I wouldn't be too worried about her being more clingy when being left with other family members. It could be a coincidence that it has started happening since you told her about the new baby. It's very normal at that age. Our eldest used to go ballistic when being left in the creche at that age. Then when we'd go to collect her she wouldn't want to come home with us. Our second is two and he recently started freaking out when we go to leave. They grow out of it.

tHE vAGGABOND · 12-10-2015 12:12pm

[Posting this in two threads, I know that's bold, but wanted different points of view]

What do/did folks do about babies surname?

Mrs Vagga did not take my name, and that is zero drama [indeed, I don't think we ever even discussed it at the time]. But now Baby is joining us in a few weeks time. We have names we like for either a boy or girl, but what surname we use is interesting.

brianblaze · 12-10-2015 12:37pm

Mrs Blaze kept her surname but baby will have mine.

13 weeks til she arrives now!! Jaysus

Supercell · 12-10-2015 3:38pm

tHE vAGGABOND wrote: »

[Posting this in two threads, I know that's bold, but wanted different points of view]

What do/did folks do about babies surname?

Mrs Vagga did not take my name, and that is zero drama [indeed, I don't think we ever even discussed it at the time]. But now Baby is joining us in a few weeks time. We have names we like for either a boy or girl, but what surname we use is interesting.

My sister didn't take her husbands family name but her two kids do have their father surname. My sister said it just makes life easier with school and forms etc. My wife kept her name and uses mine so its now double barrelled if that makes sense.
Our kids have her family name and a Chinese name together as one word like "YangYi" as a second name (which they use when visiting family in China), only a Chinese person would realise it and my name as their Irish surname, now there's a solution to the problem you probably never considered!

Oh, and my wife's surname is taken from her grandmother to honour her! Over there women never take the husbands name but their kids usually take their fathers.

Pawwed Rig · 12-10-2015 7:38pm

I think it is a shame when families don't share a surname. Whether that be yours, hers or something else completely.

brianblaze · 12-10-2015 7:45pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I think it is a shame when families don't share a surname. Whether that be yours, hers or something else completely.

Why so? Isn't DNA enough to be sharing?

Pawwed Rig · 12-10-2015 7:59pm

brianblaze wrote: »

Why so? Isn't DNA enough to be sharing?

Personal preference.

Supercell · 12-10-2015 11:28pm

Number three may be on the way, herself thinks her labour may be starting (due date is Saturday so it's possible), she's like a demon getting the place ready for nana to look after the other two

tobsey · 13-10-2015 9:07am

Supercell wrote: »

Number three may be on the way, herself thinks her labour may be starting (due date is Saturday so it's possible), she's like a demon getting the place ready for nana to look after the other two

You could give her a hand you know.

Best of luck!

Supercell · 13-10-2015 9:12am

Turned out to be a false alarm - braxton hicks things, hopefully not another bout of hoovering at midnight again tonight!

Blingy · 14-10-2015 9:59pm

New baby in my house and just saw this....its pretty apt

http://theconsciouslyincompetentcamel.com/2013/03/19/wife-after-baby-a-husbands-guide/

tHE vAGGABOND · 15-10-2015 9:44am

HAHA that's brilliant [& Im now scared!!]

3 or 4 weeks to go and Im already seeing some of that

brianblaze · 02-12-2015 9:40pm

How we all holding up? Assume Vaggabond / Supercell are busy men?

tHE vAGGABOND · 03-12-2015 11:58am

Aengus joined us 3 weeks early, right at the start of November

I'm lucky to work for someone who gives two weeks paid paternity leave from work which was great. Everything is going splendid, and enjoying the whole process.

brianblaze · 03-12-2015 12:14pm

5 and half weeks to go here. Getting very excited!

Mc Love · 03-12-2015 1:13pm

tHE vAGGABOND wrote: »

Aengus joined us 3 weeks early, right at the start of November

I'm lucky to work for someone who gives two weeks paid paternity leave from work which was great. Everything is going splendid, and enjoying the whole process.

Doesnt everyone get that paternity leave now?

OH is in a breastfeeding class - which is meant to be great. We have all our pre-natal classes done...TG, although they were informative!

brianblaze · 03-12-2015 1:20pm

Did our antenatal classes in Kilkenny the last few weeks, were interesting but I think maybe they should be a bit careful in letting the person doing the classes push their own opinions on various things in the class.

I'm self employed and get no paternity leave. OH is and she gets maternity leave though

tobsey · 03-12-2015 1:45pm

Mc Love wrote: »

Doesnt everyone get that paternity leave now?

No. Not until September 2016.

We're at 25 weeks now so due in March. Mrs is doing well. She's still playing badminton but starting to feel the effects! She's going to stop playing after Christmas. We have three already so not too much to plan or do. Just counting down the weeks.

tHE vAGGABOND · 03-12-2015 1:53pm

No. Not until September 2016.

And even then I think it's still conditional, in terms they want to do it. I dont think its hard and fast yet..

Importantly, there is an election due between now and then. So that could make things much better or much worse depending on the horse trading around forming the next government.

Pawwed Rig · 08-12-2015 12:43am

Back again for round 2

Timed that paternity leave badly:mad:

08-12-2015 11:37pm

By chance I was reading up on paternity leave - the news reports from November mentioned something about an IT system to be put in place (which worries me that it'll be pushed out), and legislation is due next year (more worrying given the election). It mentions it can be taken up to 28 weeks from the birth of the child, and will be effective from September 2016.

The wording from citizensinformation is different - it says:

"Budget 2016: It was announced that statutory paternity leave of 2 weeks is to be introduced, together with a new Paternity Benefit, in respect of births from September 2016."

We're due June 2016 (round two - lost the first in August unfortunately), so it's something I've a keen eye on whether I can take two weeks after Sept 2016 or not!

toadfly · 08-12-2015 11:41pm

As far as I know it's babies due after Sept 2016 and it's statutory payment not paid wages amount. BUT election before then so who knows if it will happen or not.

tHE vAGGABOND · 09-12-2015 11:15am

For what it's worth, I am lucky to work in a company where I had two weeks fully paid paternity leave.

Even if you need to use vacation time it's really important, in terms of someone like me, a first-time dad. That time getting confidence in day to day stuff, it will serve you well in the middle of the night events over the months and years ahead

[let alone the fact that its nice, and fun, and an amazing experience to hang out together]

Calhoun · 09-12-2015 1:11pm

That sucks about the statutory payment of paternity leave, we are due middle of Jan so no luck this time around. Will have to use 2 weeks of leave but will be worth it.

brianblaze · 09-12-2015 4:21pm

Yeah as a self employed person I just have to close up shop for two weeks or that so it could be worse!

5 weeks to go now! Feels like no length ago we were looking at the test with the two lines and now we're so close!

spottybananas · 09-12-2015 8:38pm

brianblaze wrote: »

Yeah as a self employed person I just have to close up shop for two weeks or that so it could be worse!

Do you have an actual shop or is that just a turn of phrase?? My husband is self employed with a shop and some staff, our son was luckily born on a bank holiday and it was closed (he obviously would've taken day off anyway!) but every other day he went and opened up, closed, stayed a few hours when he could. But we're lucky in that the hospital, our house and his shop are very close together.

brianblaze · 09-12-2015 8:58pm

I own and run a cafe, so I will be literally closing. I can't let her have all the fun at home so I'd say a week or two I'll close for

spottybananas · 09-12-2015 9:42pm

Might as well if you can do/afford it!

robinph · 10-12-2015 10:53am

There were changes to paternity leave in April in the UK so was handy for me with a May birth. I think the two weeks paternity may have already been in place though, and the main change was that between both parents you are entitled to share a years leave. You only get any pay from the state though for about 6 months, and after that nothing unless your employer is topping it up.

As self employed though it made no sense for me to take any of the extra time off as the work still needs to be done, I'd get no benefit from tax as an employer, and I can just take time off whenever I want if something needs doing with the kid.

As a small employer though I did get a grand total of £8 compensation from the government for having given my staff member, me, two weeks off. Not even enough to buy a box of formula.

toadfly · 10-12-2015 11:12am

robinph wrote: »

There were changes to paternity leave in April in the UK so was handy for me with a May birth. I think the two weeks paternity may have already been in place though, and the main change was that between both parents you are entitled to share a years leave. You only get any pay from the state though for about 6 months, and after that nothing unless your employer is topping it up.

Its 9 and not 6 months in the UK. 52 weeks leave, 39 paid and 37 of those can be split between the parents. The admin side of it is a balls though :mad:

robinph · 10-12-2015 11:29am

toadfly wrote: »

Its 9 and not 6 months in the UK. 52 weeks leave, 39 paid and 37 of those can be split between the parents. The admin side of it is a balls though :mad:

Yep, the admin of it through PAYE was a pain allright just for dealing with my basic two weeks. No idea how I'd go about claiming the couple of months worth of paternity pay and tying that up with her employer and how many weeks are left to be claimed, or if I'd want the pain of calculating it all.

Pawwed Rig · 10-12-2015 12:51pm

I would be sceptical that the government will deliver paternity in the time frame suggested. Assuming the same government gets re elected it may happen at some point (like universal free gp care) but if a different government are elected then all bets are off. There is no appetite at an official level to give Fathers more rights than they already have.

tempnam · 13-12-2015 11:35pm

tempnam wrote: »

Wanted to let you all know we had our first baby last night at 20 to 12. A girl, a big girl! Weight was almost 9lbs.

Great feeling - but I need some sleep now!!

So we had baby number 2 this week. Another girl. Born on Wednesday morning & weighing in at just over 10lbs!

She's a little smasher! Very alert and moving loads / lifting her head already.

Only problem is now the 1st born has obviously reacted the way any normal 2yr old would react to a new baby in the house! She's playing up / acting out / whatever you want to call it.

She's quite intelligent & advanced for her age so I'm not sure if this is actually a bad thing in this situation as she is more aware of all the changes happening.

Also, my dad passed away last weekend and the funeral was during the week. The whole household & extended family are a little all over the place emotionally & I think this is affecting her too. I feel so sorry for her but when she's acting out I'm trying to discipline her while it's breaking my heart to see how upset she is.

Anyone got any advice please????

Diamond Doll · 13-12-2015 11:39pm

Big congrats on the new arrival!

To be honest, in your position, I'd be going quite easy on your eldest daughter for now. It's a lot of disruption and change for her to process! I think it's understandable if she's acting up a little bit, I'd go for a lot of extra cuddles and attention and chats for now rather than discipline, until things settle down a bit.

Pawwed Rig · 13-12-2015 11:39pm

tempnam wrote: »

Anyone got any advice please????

Depends whether she is home full time or part time in creche and what the current childcare arrangements are but in general she wants attention so give her as much as you can.

tempnam · 13-12-2015 11:58pm

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Big congrats on the new arrival!

To be honest, in your position, I'd be going quite easy on your eldest daughter for now. It's a lot of disruption and change for her to process! I think it's understandable if she's acting up a little bit, I'd go for a lot of extra cuddles and attention and chats for now rather than discipline, until things settle down a bit.

We've been consciously trying to give her more attention & cuddles etc. But even so she's still lashing out.

We were just playing earlier today when she decided to smack me across the back of the head. Conor McGregor would've been proud of the hook she gave me. Then later on she did the same to mammy while she was breastfeeding the newborn. Mammy's glasses were knocked off onto the floor with the force of it.

She also 'accidentally' throws herself around right beside the new baby and has managed to hit & kick the new baby in the face & head a couple of times. She has also hit her cousin & uncle yesterday.

Very hard to ignore this behaviour and not tell her it's wrong.

tempnam · 14-12-2015 12:00am

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Depends whether she is home full time or part time in creche and what the current childcare arrangements are but in general she wants attention so give her as much as you can.

She's home full time since the start of the month. Before that (when my wife was in work before maternity leave) she was looked after by a family member with her older cousin while we were in work each day. We are going out of our way to make an extra fuss of her but it hasn't calmed her down yet!

Pawwed Rig · 14-12-2015 3:24am

tempnam wrote: »

She's home full time since the start of the month. Before that (when my wife was in work before maternity leave) she was looked after by a family member with her older cousin while we were in work each day. We are going out of our way to make an extra fuss of her but it hasn't calmed her down yet!

That is a huge change of routine for the girl. Could you not maintain the previous arrangement so she is not disrupted as much?

tempnam · 14-12-2015 1:05pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

That is a huge change of routine for the girl. Could you not maintain the previous arrangement so she is not disrupted as much?

No we can't due to a change in circumstances on our side as well as the family member who was looking after her. Hopefully she'll settle down soon

Penny Dreadful · 17-02-2016 3:39pm

tempnam wrote: »

She's home full time since the start of the month. Before that (when my wife was in work before maternity leave) she was looked after by a family member with her older cousin while we were in work each day. We are going out of our way to make an extra fuss of her but it hasn't calmed her down yet!

Its a difficult situation to be in for all concerned. You older daughter has a sudden rival in her house for the love and affection of her parents. She doesn't understand that love isn't a finite resource and there is lots for both of your kids. The change in childcare arrangements won't have helped the situation either.
I have a 17 month old (and am 23 weeks pregnant too) who got quite disruptive after Christmas. The change in her routine (2 weeks off going to the minder, lots of time with both Mammy and Daddy and lots of time and attention from grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles) meant that she didn't quite know which end of her was up.
I found that once we got her back into her regular routine she was back on track again after a day or two.
Is there any way you could establish the old routine for her again? I know your child care arrangements have altered but soon they will become the new normal for her. I really think children thrive with routine and knowing whats coming next.

Her lashing out and smacking, etc while understandable cannot be tolerated though. She might learn that its the best way to get what she wants when she wants or even just get some attention even if its negative attention.
Telling her firmly but quietly that slapping is not nice, it hurts people and being gentle is the only way to behave especially near the baby would be a good start perhaps.

All too soon I'm going to be in a very similar boat to you once baby #2 arrives. Good luck with getting things sorted and congratulations on your second baby.

brianblaze · 26-02-2016 9:32pm

Hey guys!! Checking in. We had our baby girl 6 weeks ago now! All is well with everyone. It's a crazy experience so just be prepared!

(Also, am doing a podcast on being a dad and pregnancy in general if you're interested. Episode 1 went up today!)

boardsuser1 · 16-03-2016 9:00am

Howdy lads?question for anybody who can answer. The mrs is expecting again. She isn't a lover of chocolate but now craves it. Any idea could this mean boy/girl. Some say it is a girl. Have 3 daughters already but this is a completely different pregnancy to the others which were all the same.

brianblaze · 16-03-2016 10:58am

I'm sure there are a million old wives tails about it but AFAIK they're all based on fantasy! Cravings are based on the bodies need for certain vitamins/ minerals apparently.

boardsuser1 · 16-03-2016 11:04am

brianblaze wrote: »

I'm sure there are a million old wives tails about it but AFAIK they're all based on fantasy! Cravings are based on the bodies need for certain vitamins/ minerals apparently.

yeah plenty of old wives tales I've been reading. the chocolate could provide minerals/vitamins she ordinarily wouldn't have as you point out.

Dolbert · 17-03-2016 5:41pm

KC161 wrote: »

Howdy lads?question for anybody who can answer. The mrs is expecting again. She isn't a lover of chocolate but now craves it. Any idea could this mean boy/girl. Some say it is a girl. Have 3 daughters already but this is a completely different pregnancy to the others which were all the same.

I think it means that she's pregnant :pac:

The Fathers Thread

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