Sayings.....Rural/Regional even Funny!

Bizzum · 07-01-2012 11:14pm #1

Over the years I've heard some very descriptive saying, and I should have been writing them down. Everyone got some, want to share?

I'll start off:

One you hear a bit to describe someone taking on something they have no clue about: "An Ass looking at a burning bush"

Another to describe someone daydreaming: "Standing there in a daze- Like a pig pissin' "

MickeyShtyles · 08-01-2012 4:31am

Heard it on here a while back, ''Of all the birds in the sky, I hate rats!''

Bodacious · 08-01-2012 4:38am

MickeyShtyles wrote: »

Heard it on here a while back, ''Of all the birds in the sky, I hate rats!''

´yer wan with him was cross....she had a face on her like a bulldog chewing a wasp!!¨

mikemac1 · 08-01-2012 4:55am

A lad standing idle and daydreaming is "standing with his gob open to catch swallows"

A person who is clueless at his job "hasn't hands fit to wash himself". So hands so useless he'd even mess up washing them in a sink

The department are "them bastards in white coats". Catch all phrase for people who work in labs

When in a tractor or jeep or anytime see your fellow farmers and neighbours thou must salute, just the rules
If you get a reputation for ignoring people and not saluting you get known as "the lord mayor of <insert townland>" . Thinks they are too good for us, landed gentry

You judge a carpet by "would a dog even lay on it?". A cheap nasty carpet that was badly laid is so unacceptable that a tired dog would not even lay on it

There are unkind names for the VAT man when you owe money but they are kind names when he owes you money

warfie35 · 08-01-2012 10:39am

yer man is so safe he'd mind mice at a cross roads for ya

invicta · 08-01-2012 11:11am

He wouldn't find his own arse with his two hands. or As sick as a small hospital. (from an uncle who has long since passed.) He had many more such as, being mentally, physicality, physiologically and financially fu**ed...

yessam · 08-01-2012 12:26pm

warfie35 wrote: »

yer man is so safe he'd mind mice at a cross roads for ya

i think that is it" he would mind white mice at a crossroads on a snowy night .

Figerty · 08-01-2012 12:37pm

"He so mean he wouldn't give you the steam of his pi*s!"

1chippy · 08-01-2012 2:36pm

i'm as full as a butchers pup.
He would steal the cross off an ass
He hasnt hands to bless himself
hes sound as a bell
a closed mouth catches no flies
id sleep on a harrow
ask no questions and you'll hear no lies
des kelly wouldnt even lay her
he would put an arse in a cat
he would put an eye in a goat
he would peel an orange in his pocket

mantua · 08-01-2012 3:25pm

'If me aunty had balls she'd be me uncle'

13spanner · 08-01-2012 4:00pm

The original and best...''How's she cuttin'?''

Tora Bora · 08-01-2012 4:13pm

Describing a small thin little fella! "The crator, has to stand twice, to make a shadow":P

Harrier1980 · 08-01-2012 4:20pm

invicta wrote: »

He wouldn't find his own arse with his two hands. or As sick as a small hospital. (from an uncle who has long since passed.) He had many more such as, being mentally, physicality, physiologically and financially fu**ed...

As sick as a small plane going to lourdes

pakalasa · 08-01-2012 4:30pm

A big mouth is only good for cooling soup.

Darragh3206 · 08-01-2012 6:06pm

'If he had a brain he'd be dangerous'
'If he had two brains he'd be twice as thick'
'Jaysus id put a bag on my head in case hers fell off'

newman10 · 08-01-2012 6:24pm

sound as a pound

dealerman · 08-01-2012 6:33pm

there are as scare as hens teeth
if that fella had flies on him they would be paying rent

Dupont · 08-01-2012 7:13pm

if ya told that to a donkey he would kick ya
yeah i know your one: long hair curly teeth
you will be late for your own funeral
he is that tight he wouldnt pay attention in class
pressure is for tyres

kboc · 08-01-2012 7:27pm

somebody ugly; the tide wouldn't take her/him out

somebody getting fat; she/he is spreading like wet turf

an ugly woman/man; if it was raining cocks/fannies a fanny/cock would fall on her/him

excuse the foul language please!

the above i heard in the wee county

he is as lazy as shugh water

from the oak leaf county

whelan1 · 08-01-2012 7:49pm

you can pick your friends not your relations

mathepac · 08-01-2012 7:57pm

In reference to a well-endowed lady "Jaysus, you could take yer wan to the creamery"

As healthy as a trout / flea

As full as a harvest frog

He's so mane he wouldn't even spend Christmas

As mane as a Cavanman atin' his dinner out of a drawer

5live · 08-01-2012 8:00pm

For someone a bit tight with the cash
He is so tight if you stuck a lump of coal up his a**e it would come down a diamond.

For a lad that likes a bit too much drink
Tis a poor sign of a man that gets his personality out of a bottle

And for someone you dont like much(but mainly dept inspectors:))
If he was on fire i wouldnt p**s on him
Edit. Nearly never bulled a cow.
He is as much use as a tit on a bull

Attie · 08-01-2012 8:03pm

You cant take knickers of a bare arse.
you only get one chance at first impressions.
As luckey as a wee girl with no nickers.
attie

bogman_bass · 08-01-2012 9:05pm

your one has enough for two bull calves and still leave you a jug full for the house _ describing a well endowed lady

whelan1 · 08-01-2012 9:07pm

i remember one of the first ddmb info meetings i went to bill twomey was showcasing the bulls he was talking about a bull and said this bull is like myself "all belly and no arse!" still remember it 20 years later

cam1452 · 08-01-2012 9:53pm

mean person?? wouldnt buy ice cream in july

Muckit · 08-01-2012 10:00pm

'She'd ate an apple through a letter box'

'A melter' - the annoying loud mouth 'C U Next Tuesday' that's in every local. If you don't think you have one in your pub, it's YOU!

Figerty · 08-01-2012 10:01pm

"He was so ugly that when he was a kid they had to tie meat to his ankles so the dog would play with him...."

A classic

stop thelights · 08-01-2012 10:06pm

If it has tits or wheels it will cost ya money:D

Bizzum · 08-01-2012 10:37pm

To describe a 'gamey' woman:

She'd hand it back to ya small.

A bad hangover..........As sick as a small hospital.

As full as an egg.
As full as a poisoned pup.

As happy as a dog with two mickies.

Anyone hungry?.............I'd ate a nuns arse through a convent gate!

Juniorhurler · 08-01-2012 10:49pm

For somebody waiting on an inheritance
If your waiting on a dead mans trousers ya could be a long time with a bare arse

Opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one

I'd rather be tied to a cows tail and scuttered to death

My personal favourite, we all know the situation, a cute hoor has a lad not as clever under his wing and everybody is wondering why, 'sure I never saw a fox licking a lamb'

There are two things you should never lend, your wife or your chainsaw, either one will come back f****d

kboc · 08-01-2012 10:53pm

drunk: as full as a gypsies bra

ugly: he has a face like a melted wellie

Juniorhurler · 08-01-2012 10:55pm

Oh yeah, for drunk.

As full as a fat ladies shoe

pakalasa · 08-01-2012 10:58pm

Someone with a fondness for the drink - "He'd drink it out of a smelly wellie"

Muckit · 08-01-2012 11:02pm

'Slowly but surely.... like an ass atin' thistles'

A friend of mine that used to drive a 360 after a fill of pints would say.... 'I think it's time to change over to the small bucket!' (top shelf job!:D)

Donegal09 · 08-01-2012 11:16pm

sad looking horse that, while long face on him

O.A.P · 08-01-2012 11:17pm

May the crows never peck your stacks, Completely made up but I used it a lot when I lived in Germany.
He would drink it from a sore hole, a Roscommon man came out with that, it makes me laugh anyway.

mantua · 08-01-2012 11:29pm

'he wouldn't pull the knickers off a whore'
someone hanging off ya 'he's like a fly to sh1t
'

munkus · 08-01-2012 11:30pm

He'd let you down like an Ass in a bog.

He'd break a crowbar in a bog.

Martin 83 · 08-01-2012 11:31pm

An awkward person: You're as awkward as a sow in reverse.

To describe a full pub: You couldn't turn a sweet in your mouth.

A tall man. If he was any longer he'd be late.

Bizzum · 08-01-2012 11:33pm

Someone who can't sing:

If he sang for sh1te he wouldn't get a smell.

Dupont · 09-01-2012 12:01am

ah lad if he was any narrower da one eye would do him;)

BHD · 09-01-2012 12:09am

I'm so hungry I would eat a farmers arse through a hedge...

Harrier1980 · 09-01-2012 12:21am

for a skinny lad

he is that narrow he has to run around in the shower to get wet!

C0N0R · 09-01-2012 12:32am

Sow your wild oats on a Saturday night, pray for crop failure on a Sunday morning.

That boy wouldn't work on three phase

When the moistures right we will cut all night

I'm that hungry I'd lick the balls of a low flying duck

just do it · 09-01-2012 1:11am

Tisn't from the ground he licked it.

Not the full shilling.

He's only a 5 eighths.

red menace · 09-01-2012 3:29am

neighbours discussing someone who had no bathroom " so and so is working the dockleaf away"

red menace · 09-01-2012 3:32am

Same neighbour talking about a local good for nothing "jaysus they must have been fairly fond of chaps in that house when they reared him"

Attie · 09-01-2012 11:42am

Toast
May your ass be in heaven 5 minutes before the devil finds out.

For a low life
He's so low the sparks are flying out of his bum.

reilig · 09-01-2012 11:59am

About Enda Kenny from an elderly SF hardliner:

"He wouldn't run a tap"

lakill Farm · 09-01-2012 12:04pm

"you have land youll have stones, you have meat youll have bones"

From a female butcher cicra 1930sin the midlands

Sayings.....Rural/Regional even Funny!

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