Can You Be Too Pretty?

citytillidie · 20-11-2008 3:26pm

Its all about confidence, when i am here i would never go up to talk to a girl just have no confidence, but when on holiday i dont care and try to talk to girls in pubs and clubs.

Snowie · 20-11-2008 3:43pm

homerun_homer wrote: »

I'm just talking about the pressure of how you approach someone once you see someone you'd like to get chatting to. One thinks 'How do I break the ice?' (Not everyone has the gift of the gab), plus add to this she would most likely be surrounded by some friends. Don't say that getting into that circle to chat up one girl isn't a wee bit intimidating.

Of course now we all have smirting to get over these little things a lot of the time. Asking for a light is always a great ice breaker.

would it not be impowering to you to know your doing something that many men wouldnt ?

how do i brake the ice..... never an easy thing for any one todo espechilly a girl who is out of your social network... I hear you completely on the one... ( dutch courage) not drunken courage....

I genrally would even bother to try talking to a lady who is in a circle style grouping theres no openess in the group. but if a theres a group of girl in a half moon chaped gathering yeah i would there showing openess....

as for an ice breaker a smile and hello i dunno its something im crap at...

That Girl.. · 20-11-2008 3:52pm

Yea you can be too pretty.

Lads probly feel they'd never have a chance with her and wouldn't wanna make a fool of themselves..

I've seen it happen loads of times.. The less prettier girls always get the guys..

pow wow · 20-11-2008 3:53pm

metaoblivia wrote: »

Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

+1 bajillion

homerun_homer · 20-11-2008 4:35pm

Originally Posted by metaoblivia
Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

ellscurr wrote: »

+1 bajillion

Ah ye're probably great craic really, the guys were probably to blame.

I've built people up in my head before but it's only the really boring ones who have absolutely nothing in common who are the let downs.

WindSock · 20-11-2008 4:42pm

metaoblivia wrote: »

he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

Ahh the old put up on a pedestal just to knock you down trick.

PurpleBerry · 20-11-2008 4:45pm

There really are some women who think that they are so attractive that men are afraid to come onto them. For them I have three words:
Sacha Baron Cohen.

If he's married to Isla Fisher then that kinda blows their argument right out of the water.

Porkpie · 20-11-2008 4:48pm

Some women that are strikingly good looking simply let their looks go to their heads. They have absolutely no personality. Guys know this, that's why they're often reluctant to approach them. I know I'll win no friends for this opinion but I'm just telling it like it is!

Now remember OP, I didn't say 'all women' and I'm sure your friend is as nice as you claim.

Also, it's true that some guys in general are intimidated by beautiful women.

Piste · 20-11-2008 4:49pm

I would have nothing against being too pretty, I'd love it! Guys not approaching me wouldn't matter at all, cos the fact that they'd not approach me cos of my looks with mean they're either insecure or have no balls- both a complete turnoff!

panda100 · 20-11-2008 4:58pm

Neesa wrote: »

There really are some women who think that they are so attractive that men are afraid to come onto them. For them I have three words:
Sacha Baron Cohen.

If he's married to Isla Fisher then that kinda blows their argument right out of the water.

Sacha Baron Cohen is hot (minus the borat bathing suit)! And he's wickedly funny to boot.

seamus · 20-11-2008 4:59pm

So now that we all seem fairly agreed on the topic, I'm going to take it down a notch and say what most of us have been thinking all day:

This thread is useless without pics.

Nevyn · 20-11-2008 5:01pm

Can you be too confident ?

Wibbs · 20-11-2008 5:08pm

metaoblivia wrote: »

Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

As windsock said the pedestal effect. Never put anyone on a pedestal. Does neither party any good.

It could also simply be that all the woman has is her looks and that's it. That happens, especially if that's all she's relied on. Now very pretty does not mean dumb. That's usually jealous other women or men who wouldn't have a hope trying to feel better for themselves.

It depends on the individual. I would say that in my experience the woman who has been noted as very pretty from early on in her teens, is more likely to be a pain, than one who grew into it. They subconsciously rely on it more and the social skills go to pot. The ones who grow into it tend to be cool. Fashion model types are more the latter. they're usually too awkward and gangly when young to attract attention. The smaller, more rounded blonde hair tossers(you know the type) tend to have less social skills. They go off quicker too.

To over rely on looks is a bad plan. Age will reduce the effect, even if you're still pretty. What works in school and college doesn't always work in the real world. The biggy of course is there will always someone prettier. Pretty is not that uncommon at all really, so personality is needed.

Galvasean · 20-11-2008 5:11pm

I think it was Will who mentioned this point earlier;
Very attractive women often get attention from the wrong kind of guy. I have a couple of female friends who are incredibly good looking and when they are out on the town they cannot get a minutes peace. Every sleazeball, chancer and lad 'looking for one thing' in the vicinity will try have a go with them.
They generally finds it difficult to get a nice guy since jibbering idiots make it their business to surround them and not take no for an answer.

edit: I should clarify that the sleazeball scenario generally only applies to nights out (pubs, clubs etc.). Usually when the aforementioned girls get themselves a boyfriend they are genuinely nice guys. No idea where they find them though. Public libraries perhaps?

Galvasean · 20-11-2008 5:15pm

Wibbs wrote: »

It depends on the individual. I would say that in my experience the woman who has been noted as very pretty from early on in her teens, is more likely to be a pain, than one who grew into it. They subconsciously rely on it more and the social skills go to pot. The ones who grow into it tend to be cool. Fashion model types are more the latter. they're usually too awkward and gangly when young to attract attention. The smaller, more rounded blonde hair tossers(you know the type) tend to have less social skills. They go off quicker too.

From my experience some of the nicest people (personality wise) I know are (and have always been) very pretty. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are good looking which makes people treat them nicer from the word go. In the long run they have found it easy to make friends and therefore carry no bitterness towards the world.
Just a hunch now.

Wibbs · 20-11-2008 5:26pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Can you be too confident ?

I think it's the definition of same tbh. I have in my entire life only met two truly confident emotionally centered individuals. One man, one woman.

What passes for confidence, things like; brashness, forwardness, social visibility, etc are not really confidence. They're symptoms of what people mistake confidence to be. The "I don't take any crap from anyone" brigade are another one mistaken as confidence by most. The always stiving earnestly forward types are another. Smug yet another. IMHO all of the above are actually signs of insecurity as much as the usual signs. Shyness, social backwardness etc(though again IMHO non pathological shyness is a self indulgence mostly). They're masks. So if person A does something or says something intended to insult person B. Person B's reaction speaks voulmes. If they react by getting upset. Insecure. If they react angrily. Insecure. If they react by saying "I'm not going to stand for that". Slightly better, but insecure again. The last one surprises some.

remember the simpsons episode where homer was being brainwashed to join the cult and they put him a group of his mates who insulted him? The circle of shame or whatever. The insult him terribly, hoping to break him down and he just agrees with them. "You smell!!" "Now wait! oh yea I am a bit smelly

:)". You're a terrible father! "oh well I should spend more time with the kids" etc. He diffuses their attack completely. Its funny because its the simpsons but also because it feels so unnatural to most of us. Its not a bad lesson. Any insecurity you feel or insult you receive is not from outside, it's you. If I call someone something really insulting, like you're a bad parent. If I then call the same person a bad trapeze artist. The second is no insult. the first is. Why? because deep down they believe it to be at least partially true.

This over reliance on confidence and that Oprahism self esteem I think is aimed in the wrong direction and in the wrong way IMHO
This plugs into the whole arena of beauty too. It's harder to get away from though as it's coded in our natures and bolstered by social fashion.

Wibbs · 20-11-2008 5:29pm

Galvasean wrote: »

From my experience some of the nicest people (personality wise) I know are (and have always been) very pretty. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are good looking which makes people treat them nicer from the word go. In the long run they have found it easy to make friends and therefore carry no bitterness towards the world.
Just a hunch now.

I know what you mean. The world is a nicer place to them. Yes I can see that point. Nice is fine, balanced personality is better. Nice is too close to bland in many. I do think the best personalities come from some struggle though. My take is that people are like teabags, the real flavour only comes out when you drop them in hot water.

Nevyn · 20-11-2008 5:35pm

Pedestals are incredible uncomfortable.

Galvasean · 20-11-2008 6:35pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Nice is fine, balanced personality is better. Nice is too close to bland in many. I do think the best personalities come from some struggle though. My take is that people are like teabags, the real flavour only comes out when you drop them in hot water.

Just make sure it's not too much struggle though... that makes for some messed up personalities.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 20-11-2008 6:38pm

If that girl made eye contact with guys she'd have them approach her. Sure they might theink they're not good enough but I guarantee you it's her behaviour playing a major part too.

If she's very tall it coudl be a factor also.

PurpleBerry · 20-11-2008 6:59pm

panda100 wrote: »

Sacha Baron Cohen is hot (minus the borat bathing suit)! And he's wickedly funny to boot.

That just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No matter what you look like you'll find someone who thinks you're hot and someone who thinks you're not. I know someone who fancies Amy Winehouse :eek:

Bottle_of_Smoke · 20-11-2008 7:18pm

Neesa wrote: »

That just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No matter what you look like you'll find someone who thinks you're hot and someone who thinks you're not. I know someone who fancies Amy Winehouse :eek:

She's hot. It's non me by any chance is it?

Catari Jaguar · 20-11-2008 8:17pm

milod wrote: »

Yeah, I reckon you can be too pretty...

Amy Huberman for example - she's unbearably gorgeous ffs! I reckon George Clooney would be nervous approaching her

had to google her to know who you were talking about...

Fake blonde, bony, droopy nose and horse teeth. Boring cliche.

I don't think Clooney would be too nervous considering she's with Brian o Driscoll....

Back on topic, yes I do think people can be too pretty. I think it can be a hinderance to being taken seriously in the work place.
*If you're pretty you can't be smart durrr...* And can you imagine how bitchy some of teh jealous wimmins would be???

Kintarō Hattori · 20-11-2008 8:21pm

Can you be too pretty?

Only a woman could ask that.

John Mason · 20-11-2008 9:16pm

find it amazing that people get so hung up on looks.

beauty is only skin deep people, its whats on the instead that counts

no one is ever out of anyone else league and if you think you are, you have serious self esteem issues

metrovelvet · 20-11-2008 9:25pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Pedestals are incredible uncomfortable.

And not far from pits.

metrovelvet · 20-11-2008 9:28pm

Wibbs wrote: »

I think it's the definition of same tbh. I have in my entire life only met two truly confident emotionally centered individuals. One man, one woman.

What passes for confidence, things like; brashness, forwardness, social visibility, etc are not really confidence. They're symptoms of what people mistake confidence to be. The "I don't take any crap from anyone" brigade are another one mistaken as confidence by most. The always stiving earnestly forward types are another. Smug yet another. IMHO all of the above are actually signs of insecurity as much as the usual signs. Shyness, social backwardness etc(though again IMHO non pathological shyness is a self indulgence mostly). They're masks. So if person A does something or says something intended to insult person B. Person B's reaction speaks voulmes. If they react by getting upset. Insecure. If they react angrily. Insecure. If they react by saying "I'm not going to stand for that". Slightly better, but insecure again. The last one surprises some.

remember the simpsons episode where homer was being brainwashed to join the cult and they put him a group of his mates who insulted him? The circle of shame or whatever. The insult him terribly, hoping to break him down and he just agrees with them. "You smell!!" "Now wait! oh yea I am a bit smelly :)". You're a terrible father! "oh well I should spend more time with the kids" etc. He diffuses their attack completely. Its funny because its the simpsons but also because it feels so unnatural to most of us. Its not a bad lesson. Any insecurity you feel or insult you receive is not from outside, it's you. If I call someone something really insulting, like you're a bad parent. If I then call the same person a bad trapeze artist. The second is no insult. the first is. Why? because deep down they believe it to be at least partially true.

This over reliance on confidence and that Oprahism self esteem I think is aimed in the wrong direction and in the wrong way IMHO
This plugs into the whole arena of beauty too. It's harder to get away from though as it's coded in our natures and bolstered by social fashion.

Yep. When someone personally attacks you the best diffuser is "what do you expect from an ass?" and shrug.

metrovelvet · 20-11-2008 9:32pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep, but its a test in many ways. Why do you think more men do the pursuing and many less women do? Its a test to see if you have the confidence and the courage to come over to them. A man who will(in a non sleezy way), signals to her that he is confident, is socially powerful and knows what he likes and goes for what he wants. Better bet for the woman to have a man like that all things being equal. The 100,000 year old brain still runs strong.

It signals to her that he is willing to risk rejection for her. They key energy in this transaction is RISK taking, which we are hardwired to read as an uber masculine trait. Sorry but you cant change thousands of years of evolution in a couple of generations. No one likes a pussy.

Zaph · 20-11-2008 9:37pm

metrovelvet, the multi-quote button

allows you to select several posts at a time and reply to them in a single post. Just click in the post you want to select and teh multi-quote button changes colour. When you've selected everything click on the reply button at the bottom of the thread and the posts you selected will appear in your's. Just thought that that might be a help to you.

metrovelvet · 20-11-2008 9:40pm

Thanks Zaph - Ive been trying to figure out how that works for a while now- cant seem to get it to.

Can You Be Too Pretty?

Comments