Can You Be Too Pretty?

smiley_colly

...Just a Thought..Is there such a thing as being too pretty??
Ive a friend and she has model looks (shes been told my loads of people) great personality but when we go out the weekends or student night guys just dont come on to her...

Maybe shes too pretty so the guys think they dont have a chance so they dnt bother??
What do u think? :O

milod

Yeah, I reckon you can be too pretty...

Amy Huberman for example - she's unbearably gorgeous ffs! I reckon George Clooney would be nervous approaching her

chickenhawk

milod wrote: »

Yeah, I reckon you can be too pretty...

Amy Huberman for example - she's unbearably gorgeous ffs! I reckon George Clooney would be nervous approaching her

I agree a girl can be too pretty that sometimes guys might not approach her unless she sends some big signals!

And Amy Huberman is not unbearably gorgeous...... quite average imo.

shellyboo

smiley_colly wrote: »

...Just a Thought..Is there such a thing as being too pretty??

I definitely think there's such a thing as being intimidatingly attractive, yes... but imho it's a bit of a stupid thing to be moaning about. She surely has her pick of guys, she just needs to approach THEM instead of the other way around.

WindSock

Yes. I would hate it personally. (I mean...I do hate it :P)
Most men would be too afraid to approach you and women hate you. I would imagine the only men that try to crack on to you are the arrogant ones that can turn around to their friends and say 'yeah I tapped that'

Then you would have to put up with the constant bitchy snipey comments from other women.

The only plus side you can wear great clothes and you might get to hang out with celebs and get free champagne and coke. That might not be so good for some though...

Wibbs

Insecurity in the blokes. Simple as that. She may be insecure too. Actually I'd put money on it. She knows shes pretty, but worries is that all she is. I have found beautiful women are more insecure than plain or average women. Really gorgeous women, the 1 in a 1000, that goes up. They know that's what they're being judged on.

IMHO an average woman has it easier, in that there is less stress over that and her as a person has a chance to shine through. Often the very beautiful woman, doesn't develop that inner thing. Basically because she doesn't need to to get attention(and not just from men). From a guys point of view, they're actually easier to approach and ask out. Sometimes much easier. It's the guys insecurity that stops them.

Hence your mate. The only guys that will go for them are the false knobends or the guys who are obviously just looking for a social ego boost. The ordinary "nice guy" generally wont as he's afraid of her, afraid he's not enough for her and afraid she may get a "better offer".

seamus

I'd say Wibbs has it mostly right there. If someone really is stunningly gorgeous, then very few blokes would have enough self-confidence to believe that she's not going to scoff and tell them to go away.

A lot of blokes you'll find will say, "Yeah I bet she's stuck up", but in reality they're covering themselves - they don't want to say, "I think she's way out of my league". It's interesting to note that anyone I've known who's gone out with someone stunning, managed to do it purely by being the one who stood out and actually went up to talk to her.

So I would imagine that extremely attractive women would have to do some legwork themselves. They still have the pick of the men, but they'll need to start the conversation. And the guys will love that. The ego trip from being chatted up by a serious hottie....(I've been on one for 9 years :pac: )

One other thing that I've also noted is that women can sometimes overestimate the attractiveness of other women, particularly their friends. I've heard many women say that some other woman is stunning, or like a model, and then been decidedly underwhelmed and not even attracted when I meet them.

Wibbs

seamus wrote: »

One other thing that I've also noted is that women can sometimes overestimate the attractiveness of other women, particularly their friends. I've heard many women say that some other woman is stunning, or like a model, and then been decidedly underwhelmed and not even attracted when I meet them.

Very true. Been there. The "well she's tall blond and skinny so therefore she's gorgeous" vibe. A slightly skewed idea of what turns men on or men find gorgeous. It must be said and strange though it may seem, some very pretty women are actually not sexy. I knew one woman years back. Ex model in britain. She stood out like an sore thumb in photos with lesser mortals:). In the flesh she was still striking, but not attractive physically. Nice person too. Weird. Not just me thought this either. Also it could be a way to make some women feel better. They know the "pretty one" in the group is not stunning. They figure shes ok, but not that much ahead of them, so that makes them feel better.

brianthebard

There's no such thing as too pretty, just guys with not enough balls.

WindSock

Heres a general rule of thumb to know whether a woman is pretty or not:

Woman A: 'I am so hot, yeah!'

Women: 'OMG, you SO are! You go girlfriennn...'

Then...

Woman B: 'I am so hot right now'

Women: 'OMG, like, no? like who does she think she is? she's not that hot...yeah, look at her shoes they are sooo last season etc'.


Heh. Which one do you think there is good looking and which one is average?

Black Swan

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." If you travel a bit, you'll discover that a real stunner in the West, may not be considered as pretty in Asia?

topper75

Boys might be dumb, but not totally dumb. Regardless of the tendancy to go for looks - we know that one day girls get old. And when they get old, we'll need to be entertained by conversations etc. Even in this increasingly looks-obsessed world, never underestimate the importance of personality. If a supermodel stunner has no 'craic' about her, it's not long before we are turning around to see who else is in the room.

homerun_homer

Wibbs wrote: »

Hence your mate. The only guys that will go for them are the false knobends or the guys who are obviously just looking for a social ego boost. The ordinary "nice guy" generally wont as he's afraid of her, afraid he's not enough for her and afraid she may get a "better offer".

I agree with Wibbs. Stunning girls don't tend to make a flirty look or gesture to a guy to signal that he should go chat. Especially when it comes to the average joe's who don't even think about chatting her up cause they feel she's out of their league.
It's a bad generalisation but most of the time I would feel that a really hot girl would be stuck up about herself and would have a bad attitude if you went up to chat to her. Maybe it's ingrained from all those teenage movies and tv shows and from a few experiences meeting people like that but it's annoying to think that there are many missed opportunities out there.

Star Lord

You know you've got a stunner for sure and it's not just you when half the guys at a beers try to chat her up :pac:

panda100

seamus wrote: »

"I think she's way out of my league".

Ahhhh I hate this phrase!Who came up with these 'leagues' and how do you know which one your in?!! There is no such thing as 'leagues' when it comes to love

Black Swan

If love is blind, how will you know she is "too pretty?"

Snowie

nobrainer......

No. you can pretty enough to intimadate small minded men who count looks as important... Its interesting tho as many people whove allready pointed out the fact that pretty girl's have issue's insecuritys but you gotta remember that these really pretty girl's are looked at as objects of desire and lust and this is everyday life its bound to play with your head just a little bit....

personally i have frozen solid when ive been in contact with a pretty girl, before... but i was insecure...

So no it just takes a man to talk to them....

Adam

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

You know you've got a stunner for sure and it's not just you when half the guys at a beers try to chat her up :pac:

you leave mizzlolly out of this :P

LightningBolt

A girl can never be too pretty. Seriously don't get the notion some lads get in their heads about them, they're like every single other girl. The only thing bad thing I notice is that they tend to get chatted up by a higher percentage of idiots than your "average" girl.

homerun_homer

LightningBolt wrote: »

The only thing bad thing I notice is that they tend to get chatted up by a higher percentage of idiots than your "average" girl.

Which I think subconsciously makes it intimidating because you don't want to be seen as another one of those idiots, you've got to raise the bar and prove yourself & hopefully not mess up. Pressure!!:eek:

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Snowie

homerun_homer wrote: »

Which I think subconsciously makes it intimidating because you don't want to be seen as another one of those idiots, you've got to raise the bar and prove yourself & hopefully not mess up. Pressure!!:eek:

Pressure? where's the pressure coming from?

your doing something nautral, ok she attractive but you can mess up equally with a not so attractive lady, its part and parcell of life, if you put your self into that frame of mind you arnt going to go any where.

Youle tence up and start getting vigity seem nervous and not very confident, I understand that this is not easy but then again if you say im nervous except it, welcome the emotion in, it soon leave's insted of fighting it which makes it worse.....

The only pressure is that some time's people feel lonely which can lead to
needy, edgey uncomfortable under preassure to meet someone....

dinneenp

funny quote I heard before:
"No matter how beautiful she is some guy is fed up of taking sh*t from her"

Will

Love is blind? o.0
Most people who are out on the pull in a pub aren't out lookin for love...

I know plenty of gorgeous women, models some of them. One girl in particular i went to school with, gorgeous, smart and was a nice girl to boot. Drunk guys would just come up, slurr a few words then try grab her ass. Needless to say they were met with a few slaps from her :pac:

If ya have the basic communication skills down, some confidence and are interesting, no reason why a stunner wouldn't go for you. Ok a lot more variables come into the equation but there's the bare bones. Getting hammered and slurring at a girl is not gonna get you anything bar a stingy nose

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Normster

Someone who appears perfect to you, may not be perfect to someone else.

I'd say the insecure guys are just afraid that even if they got with her, she would leave for someone else, someone less pretty wouldn't have as many opportunities to leave.

As for the girl, she probably doesn't even know she is that pretty (everyone has insecurities) and doesn't understand why all her friends get more attention than she does, reinforcing her idea that she isn't all that. Which stops her from having the confidance to give strong signals to guys she likes.

homerun_homer

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

Pressure? where's the pressure coming from?

I'm just talking about the pressure of how you approach someone once you see someone you'd like to get chatting to. One thinks 'How do I break the ice?' (Not everyone has the gift of the gab), plus add to this she would most likely be surrounded by some friends. Don't say that getting into that circle to chat up one girl isn't a wee bit intimidating.

Of course now we all have smirting to get over these little things a lot of the time. Asking for a light is always a great ice breaker.

homerun_homer

Normster wrote: »

I'd say the insecure guys are just afraid that even if they got with her, she would leave for someone else, someone less pretty wouldn't have as many opportunities to leave.

I dunno, at the weekend a friend of mine was kissing someone who was no model, she was just alright, and as they were leaving the pub she stopped by to some guy she knew and started kissing him. Sometimes you just don't know what way people will go.

Wibbs

homerun_homer wrote: »

I'm just talking about the pressure of how you approach someone once you see someone you'd like to get chatting to. One thinks 'How do I break the ice?' (Not everyone has the gift of the gab), plus add to this she would most likely be surrounded by some friends. Don't say that getting into that circle to chat up one girl isn't a wee bit intimidating.

Yep, but its a test in many ways. Why do you think more men do the pursuing and many less women do? Its a test to see if you have the confidence and the courage to come over to them. A man who will(in a non sleezy way), signals to her that he is confident, is socially powerful and knows what he likes and goes for what he wants. Better bet for the woman to have a man like that all things being equal. The 100,000 year old brain still runs strong.

Peewee_lane

She might look to empty as in she is so beautiful that guys dont see anything in her eyes, she might look like her looks are all she has to offer?

Im so happy Im dog ugly!

metaoblivia

WindSock wrote: »

Yes. I would hate it personally. (I mean...I do hate it :P)
Most men would be too afraid to approach you and women hate you. I would imagine the only men that try to crack on to you are the arrogant ones that can turn around to their friends and say 'yeah I tapped that'

Then you would have to put up with the constant bitchy snipey comments from other women.

The only plus side you can wear great clothes and you might get to hang out with celebs and get free champagne and coke. That might not be so good for some though...

+1 to this entire post, especially the part about other women.
Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

citytillidie

Its all about confidence, when i am here i would never go up to talk to a girl just have no confidence, but when on holiday i dont care and try to talk to girls in pubs and clubs.

Snowie

homerun_homer wrote: »

I'm just talking about the pressure of how you approach someone once you see someone you'd like to get chatting to. One thinks 'How do I break the ice?' (Not everyone has the gift of the gab), plus add to this she would most likely be surrounded by some friends. Don't say that getting into that circle to chat up one girl isn't a wee bit intimidating.

Of course now we all have smirting to get over these little things a lot of the time. Asking for a light is always a great ice breaker.

would it not be impowering to you to know your doing something that many men wouldnt ?

how do i brake the ice..... never an easy thing for any one todo espechilly a girl who is out of your social network... I hear you completely on the one... ( dutch courage) not drunken courage....

I genrally would even bother to try talking to a lady who is in a circle style grouping theres no openess in the group. but if a theres a group of girl in a half moon chaped gathering yeah i would there showing openess....

as for an ice breaker a smile and hello i dunno its something im crap at...

That Girl..

Yea you can be too pretty.

Lads probly feel they'd never have a chance with her and wouldn't wanna make a fool of themselves..

I've seen it happen loads of times.. The less prettier girls always get the guys..

pow wow

metaoblivia wrote: »

Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

+1 bajillion

homerun_homer

Originally Posted by metaoblivia
Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

ellscurr wrote: »

+1 bajillion

Ah ye're probably great craic really, the guys were probably to blame.

I've built people up in my head before but it's only the really boring ones who have absolutely nothing in common who are the let downs.

WindSock

metaoblivia wrote: »

he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

Ahh the old put up on a pedestal just to knock you down trick.

PurpleBerry

There really are some women who think that they are so attractive that men are afraid to come onto them. For them I have three words:
Sacha Baron Cohen.

If he's married to Isla Fisher then that kinda blows their argument right out of the water.

Porkpie

Some women that are strikingly good looking simply let their looks go to their heads. They have absolutely no personality. Guys know this, that's why they're often reluctant to approach them. I know I'll win no friends for this opinion but I'm just telling it like it is!

Now remember OP, I didn't say 'all women' and I'm sure your friend is as nice as you claim.

Also, it's true that some guys in general are intimidated by beautiful women.

Piste

I would have nothing against being too pretty, I'd love it! Guys not approaching me wouldn't matter at all, cos the fact that they'd not approach me cos of my looks with mean they're either insecure or have no balls- both a complete turnoff!

panda100

Neesa wrote: »

There really are some women who think that they are so attractive that men are afraid to come onto them. For them I have three words:
Sacha Baron Cohen.

If he's married to Isla Fisher then that kinda blows their argument right out of the water.

Sacha Baron Cohen is hot (minus the borat bathing suit)! And he's wickedly funny to boot.

seamus

So now that we all seem fairly agreed on the topic, I'm going to take it down a notch and say what most of us have been thinking all day:

This thread is useless without pics.

Nevyn

Can you be too confident ?

Wibbs

metaoblivia wrote: »

Also, there's this dynamic of, when a man does have the balls to talk to you and gets to know you, he soon discovers that you're not the goddess he's made you out to be in his mind. Then you're no longer the girl who's "too pretty," you're just a disappointment.

As windsock said the pedestal effect. Never put anyone on a pedestal. Does neither party any good.

It could also simply be that all the woman has is her looks and that's it. That happens, especially if that's all she's relied on. Now very pretty does not mean dumb. That's usually jealous other women or men who wouldn't have a hope trying to feel better for themselves.

It depends on the individual. I would say that in my experience the woman who has been noted as very pretty from early on in her teens, is more likely to be a pain, than one who grew into it. They subconsciously rely on it more and the social skills go to pot. The ones who grow into it tend to be cool. Fashion model types are more the latter. they're usually too awkward and gangly when young to attract attention. The smaller, more rounded blonde hair tossers(you know the type) tend to have less social skills. They go off quicker too.

To over rely on looks is a bad plan. Age will reduce the effect, even if you're still pretty. What works in school and college doesn't always work in the real world. The biggy of course is there will always someone prettier. Pretty is not that uncommon at all really, so personality is needed.

Galvasean

I think it was Will who mentioned this point earlier;
Very attractive women often get attention from the wrong kind of guy. I have a couple of female friends who are incredibly good looking and when they are out on the town they cannot get a minutes peace. Every sleazeball, chancer and lad 'looking for one thing' in the vicinity will try have a go with them.
They generally finds it difficult to get a nice guy since jibbering idiots make it their business to surround them and not take no for an answer.

edit: I should clarify that the sleazeball scenario generally only applies to nights out (pubs, clubs etc.). Usually when the aforementioned girls get themselves a boyfriend they are genuinely nice guys. No idea where they find them though. Public libraries perhaps?

Galvasean

Wibbs wrote: »

It depends on the individual. I would say that in my experience the woman who has been noted as very pretty from early on in her teens, is more likely to be a pain, than one who grew into it. They subconsciously rely on it more and the social skills go to pot. The ones who grow into it tend to be cool. Fashion model types are more the latter. they're usually too awkward and gangly when young to attract attention. The smaller, more rounded blonde hair tossers(you know the type) tend to have less social skills. They go off quicker too.

From my experience some of the nicest people (personality wise) I know are (and have always been) very pretty. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are good looking which makes people treat them nicer from the word go. In the long run they have found it easy to make friends and therefore carry no bitterness towards the world.
Just a hunch now.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

Can you be too confident ?

I think it's the definition of same tbh. I have in my entire life only met two truly confident emotionally centered individuals. One man, one woman.

What passes for confidence, things like; brashness, forwardness, social visibility, etc are not really confidence. They're symptoms of what people mistake confidence to be. The "I don't take any crap from anyone" brigade are another one mistaken as confidence by most. The always stiving earnestly forward types are another. Smug yet another. IMHO all of the above are actually signs of insecurity as much as the usual signs. Shyness, social backwardness etc(though again IMHO non pathological shyness is a self indulgence mostly). They're masks. So if person A does something or says something intended to insult person B. Person B's reaction speaks voulmes. If they react by getting upset. Insecure. If they react angrily. Insecure. If they react by saying "I'm not going to stand for that". Slightly better, but insecure again. The last one surprises some.

remember the simpsons episode where homer was being brainwashed to join the cult and they put him a group of his mates who insulted him? The circle of shame or whatever. The insult him terribly, hoping to break him down and he just agrees with them. "You smell!!" "Now wait! oh yea I am a bit smelly :)". You're a terrible father! "oh well I should spend more time with the kids" etc. He diffuses their attack completely. Its funny because its the simpsons but also because it feels so unnatural to most of us. Its not a bad lesson. Any insecurity you feel or insult you receive is not from outside, it's you. If I call someone something really insulting, like you're a bad parent. If I then call the same person a bad trapeze artist. The second is no insult. the first is. Why? because deep down they believe it to be at least partially true.

This over reliance on confidence and that Oprahism self esteem I think is aimed in the wrong direction and in the wrong way IMHO
This plugs into the whole arena of beauty too. It's harder to get away from though as it's coded in our natures and bolstered by social fashion.

Wibbs

Galvasean wrote: »

From my experience some of the nicest people (personality wise) I know are (and have always been) very pretty. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are good looking which makes people treat them nicer from the word go. In the long run they have found it easy to make friends and therefore carry no bitterness towards the world.
Just a hunch now.

I know what you mean. The world is a nicer place to them. Yes I can see that point. Nice is fine, balanced personality is better. Nice is too close to bland in many. I do think the best personalities come from some struggle though. My take is that people are like teabags, the real flavour only comes out when you drop them in hot water.

Nevyn

Pedestals are incredible uncomfortable.

Galvasean

Wibbs wrote: »

Nice is fine, balanced personality is better. Nice is too close to bland in many. I do think the best personalities come from some struggle though. My take is that people are like teabags, the real flavour only comes out when you drop them in hot water.

Just make sure it's not too much struggle though... that makes for some messed up personalities.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If that girl made eye contact with guys she'd have them approach her. Sure they might theink they're not good enough but I guarantee you it's her behaviour playing a major part too.

If she's very tall it coudl be a factor also.