Bullying in the workplace

kerry4sam · 07-12-2012 2:51am #1

I have been the victim of bullying in one particular place of work, even in very recent times, eventhough I am a grown adult!

I realise that some people don't fully understand bullying, in all its forms, and may believe that what they are doing is harmless and not doing any harm. Sure, ain't it all a laugh at the end of the day eh?!

In one particular place of work I have been abused verbally, ignored, insulted, intimidated, undermined and belittled. That may not, by some to mean anything but over a period of nearly 2-years now, eventhough I am in a job that I thoroughly enjoy and wanted to be in since I was a child, it is just gone beyond a joke!

Yes there are Procedures and Protocols in place, but when even the senior and superior staff are also involved in some of the above, and more then tolerate and accept the above due to very close relationships they have with the people involved, those procedures and protocols mean little to nothing.

If you have been subjected to any of the above, never mind all of the above, and maybe even more/worse, then you would have a very good idea of how that feels. Having been subjected to the above over a prolonged period is just no fun!

Have you ever gone in to work and be ignored for hours on end, and hear your work-colleagues jeer and mock and insult you and your work position? Have you any idea even of how that would even feel like? Have you ever been verbally abused by work colleagues and have that behaviour deemed acceptable, because you're in a junior position and they have a problem with your position being there?

If you are currently doing any of the above to anyone, would you please just think again, possibly stop your antics, think about the effects it will be having on that person. Please?!

I am posting in here to gain as varied a response as possible, but mainly to highlight the issue of Bullying in the Workplace! I am seeing little to no point in speaking to any more superiors when some, even with years and years of work under their belts tolerate this behaviour and see it as okay, no bother, so long as their very close personal relationships remain in tact!

What would you do in this situation?
Just walk away and pitch it all to hell, allowing them to actually undermine there very core in allowing this continue to others;or fight this in the hope of preventing another from going through the same.

If you have been subjected to any form of bullying and would like to comment or share your own experiences, by all means do so

If you don't and would like to ask me anything on the subject, then within reason I would like to answer. I may not be in a position to answer all questions in full, but I will do my best anyway.

Bullying in the workplace in 2012 should not be tolerated by anyone, but it is! I can say for certain that it is! I've experienced all of the above over the last nearly 2-years each time I went in to that particular place of work. Should bullying in the workplace be tolerated? Anyone care to answer? Is all or any of the above acceptable behaviour does anyone feel?

(I have another job and don't experience any of the above btw)

paddy147 · 07-12-2012 2:53am

Just do this to anyone who bullies you.:D

Bad Santa.

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2012 3:05am

Never experienced myself but I have witnessed it. A part time 18 yr old or so was bullying the crap out of a 30 something year old man. It was absolutely disgusting. He would go home crying some days. If I remember correctly he might of left.

If your bosses know and don't do anything I'd seriously seek legal advice. There is no way an employee should feel like he is being bullied. You are not in the wrong here, tell every possible superior you can.

If all else fails chin the kant and chin him hard. If you lose your job go get more legal advice and if you have evidence that you told your bosses and they done nothing, well there will only be one winner.

Chin the kant anyway, it's all bullies deserve.

im invisible · 07-12-2012 3:43am

lifes too short to be dealing with that every day, leave, quit, find another job. but make sure the boss knows exactly why you're leaving

Canis Lupus · 07-12-2012 3:59am

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Never experienced myself but I have witnessed it. A part time 18 yr old or so was bullying the crap out of a 30 something year old man. It was absolutely disgusting. He would go home crying some days. If I remember correctly he might of left.

If your bosses know and don't do anything I'd seriously seek legal advice. There is no way an employee should feel like he is being bullied. You are not in the wrong here, tell every possible superior you can.

If all else fails chin the kant and chin him hard. If you lose your job go get more legal advice and if you have evidence that you told your bosses and they done nothing, well there will only be one winner.

Chin the kant anyway, it's all bullies deserve.

So what did you do to help the victim?

aaronjumper · 07-12-2012 4:01am

At the risk of sounding stupid here, is there anyone above the people involved you could contact? Like a manager or some such?

Canis Lupus · 07-12-2012 4:06am

I reckon if you go into work, you're ignored, jeered and mocked then your colleagues are probably trying to tell you something.....

Where To · 07-12-2012 4:08am

When I was young(jaysus nearly twenty years ago:o) I was working in a place where the bosses' sister was giving another girl a real hard time. Nice as pie to everyone else, of course, but I seen her true colours and the way she treated this other girl one day when she didn't know I was around.

Anyways, as I was in a fairly unsackable position in the firm (I knew where all the bodies were buried:pac:) I confronted the boss and her sister together and told them it had to stop ('your sister's nothing but a ****ing tramp' I think were my exact words).

The bullying of the other girl stopped after that, but the bully turned their attention to me. No problem, I thought, I can handle it. I was wrong. I had been both bullied and a bully at school but it was nothing like the constant grinding, berating, condescending, wearing away of your sanity that a truly sadistic bully can inflict on you. In my case, it wasn't fear or anger or anything like that went through my head, just complete and total frustation.

Anyway, came to a head one day when I just had enough and raised my hand to her, I was less than half a second away from hitting her, I knew it had to stop then. So I went back to the boss and gave an ultimatum, she went or I went. She went, I stayed, and from what I hear she's still a nasty piece of work now.

I've written all this and just realised my story probably doesn't help the OP one iota, sorry.

aaronjumper · 07-12-2012 4:14am

Not at all, its a good victory story, from where I am sitting. Justice served.

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2012 4:27am

Canis Lupus wrote: »

So what did you do to help the victim?

Trying to imply that I stood there and done nothing??

I myself reported it to my superiors, got in lots of confrontation with my own line manger which nearly resulted in me losing my job. I had other arguments with the perpetrator that also nearly ended in physical fights. Arguments with lots of other staff that it was more than taking the Michael.

I gave all the advice and help I could to the victim, said I'd go witness or do what ever I could. I left before he did (moved country) and as far as I know it went on until he left.

Happy?

policarp · 07-12-2012 4:28am

Bullying in the workplace or in school or anywhere for that matter, is something that in the old days wouldn't happen too often. If you had a big family, they would take care of bullies and everyone knows bullies are nearly always cowards when on their own.

kerry4sam · 07-12-2012 4:30am

aaronjumper wrote: »

At the risk of sounding stupid here, is there anyone above the people involved you could contact? Like a manager or some such?

Not sounding stupid at all no. You would imagine so. Some at the senior level have partaken in some of the incidents I mentioned in my opening post. I know not to tar them all with the same brush - just a case now of trying to find the ones that are different and actually are in favour of this position being in place.

Canis Lupus wrote: »

I reckon if you go into work, you're ignored, jeered and mocked then your colleagues are probably trying to tell you something.....

yeah they are. It is a junior position that not all in the workplace wants in place. You are right there.

Canis Lupus · 07-12-2012 4:46am

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Trying to imply that I stood there and done nothing??

I myself reported it to my superiors, got in lots of confrontation with my own line manger which nearly resulted in me losing my job. I had other arguments with the perpetrator that also nearly ended in physical fights. Arguments with lots of other staff that it was more than taking the Michael.

I gave all the advice and help I could to the victim, said I'd go witness or do what ever I could. I left before he did (moved country) and as far as I know it went on until he left.

Happy?

Your post suggested that you simply did nothing

I'm all for some fun in work but yeah, wouldn't let anyone be bullied. Fortunately I've worked for companies where that stuff wouldn't be tolerated.

starviewadams · 07-12-2012 4:47am

If this is in the occupation I think you are talking about,then this is a difficult situation.Would there be any chance of a transfer to another location and a fresh start?reporting it higher up may just give your lovely colleagues more ammunition to use against you.

Failing that,just try to give back as much stick as you get and hope they get bored.

Pretty shítty though.

policarp · 07-12-2012 4:59am

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Hey you Bully Mitchell,
Leave Kerry alone. . .

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2012 5:08am

policarp wrote: »

Hey you Bully Mitchell,
Leave Kerry alone. . .

Dafuq??

Sorry haven't watched eastenders in a long time.

Billy being a horable kant? He still selling fruit and veg??

Optimalprimerib · 07-12-2012 6:02am

I have been a victim of bullying in a few of my jobs, one of which I reported, which was done by one guy who always kept an entourage around him. The whole group then turned on me over this.

He used to sit in the canteen commenting on everyone who walked by and was reported by several people. If he found out, he and his buddies would mutter "squealer" subtlety enough but loud enough to be heard. It was surreal. Eventually he got the sack after years of this but it was not dealt with by management at all well.

orestes · 07-12-2012 6:50am

Bullied as a kid: "don't mind them, you're not a freak, you're special"

Bullied as an adult: "Stand up for yourself you pussy"

Fukk that, psychological torture doesn't have an age limit.

Frank Black · 07-12-2012 9:05am

Never been bullied nor would I bully anyone else in work or otherwise.
A couple of years ago, a collegue working on my team made a complaint of bullying against one of thier co-workers. He was a 6ft tall 40 year old man and she was a 5 foot nothing mid-20's girl. She denied she had done anything out of place btw. It was alleged that the bullying mostly took the form of exclusion and petty remarks.
There was a formal procedure undertaken.
The HR manager told me that 'bullying was defined by the perception of the person being bullied' or something like that - she explained that if someone thinks they are being bullied, then they are being bullied.
I never really understood this tbh. Could some people perceive bullying where none exists, and if so is this still bullying?

sparksfly · 07-12-2012 9:35am

OP, I have witnessed similar carry on with a quiet chap in my workplace.
A self appointed comedian would pass "hilarious" comments on the lad and his brainless hangers on would laugh like hyenas. This was on a daily basis, it was merciless.
I changed onto their shift temporarily and copped this straight away. I am a team leader but was not in that role on their shift.
I told the chap he was being bullied, firstly to himself in private, then with his consent I said it to him again when in a crowd.
I suggested we go to HR and report it. The bullys immediatly protested their innocence and said it was harmless fun. Our company policy states that the concept of bullying is decided by the victim, not by the perpetrator. I made them aware of this.
The bullying stopped and those on the fringes went out of their way to condemn it.
OP, do not accept this carry on and dont let them ruin a job that you like.
See if your workplace has a company policy on bullying or respect in the workplace. Get one person that you like and trust to help you.
Go as high as is necessary to have this stopped. As soon as you are seen to be taking serious action, attitudes can change fairly quickly.

Wanderer2010 · 07-12-2012 10:12am

I have witnessed bullying in the workplace, and been a victim of it on several occasions. Where I work, a lot of the culture is dictated by how management feel about the workers, so a lot of the current supervisors used to work alongside the workers so they are still treated with kid gloves, despite claims that the bosses treat everyone the same, this is simply not the case. Some bosses used to be drinking buddies of the lads so they arent going to speak badly of them or pull them up on anything, therefore a lot of rule breaking is tolerated from them but for any new people who join they are berated and pulled up for the slightest error, which is complete double standards.

I have also seen workers make nasty remarks in the canteen about their team mates and its usually a loud mouth alpha who has a load of sheep around him and whats worse, some of the supervisors join in and laugh which is awful, I mean, if the supposed managers cant even give off a perception of fairness and equality, what hope have you when trying to invoke the policies ad procedures, all of which are a waste of paper because company culture is very hard to change and you making a complaint against them will work against you and not them (even if the managers claim to support you) so its mostly a case of try to get on with who you can and avoid the idiots.

cournioni · 07-12-2012 10:33am

Never been a victim of it myself thankfully. Usually any confrontations or attempts at anything closely resembling bullying me have been met with the same if not more force in return but I am lucky enough that I am in the position where I can say what I like. That said, I have seen a bit of it happening to other people and I usually say something to the aggressor(s) if they are out of line and that is normally the end of it. It generally cools down quickly enough here without anything too personal being said.

Dyr · 07-12-2012 10:39am

Ah yes, workplace bullying or "leadership" as it's known in Ireland

rgmmg · 07-12-2012 10:50am

I was subjected to bullying when I worked at a bank as a cashier in Dublin. Only two people in the whole branch (of about 20) would talk to me. The rest would ignore anything I said. It was particularly embarrassing at drinks on Friday night (we got 2 free pints each) when no one would talk to me at all despite my efforts to talk with them. Anyway, I decided to always go to these drinks anyways to spite them. If they said anything nasty I would just act all shocked and be diplomatic about it. It used to drive them nuts but I enjoyed it in the end 

There is nothing worse than being in a workplace when you are bullied. Ideally, you could get it sorted by managers or whatever. Failing that, the only option is to leave which I know isn’t always easily done. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. It might seem you're the only person in the world that feels bullied and isolated, but you’re not alone though.

tipptopper · 07-12-2012 11:24am

Bambi wrote: »

Ah yes, workplace bullying or "leadership" as it's known in Ireland

There is this lass is my place of work who is attempting to bully me. She has previous for this kinda thing, she bullied the guy in the same position before me out of his job, seemingly the chap was ready to take his own life before he walked, such was the **** he had to endure from her.

I’ve taken over from him and was immediately warned by a person I became friendly with when I started what had happened the other guy so I knew the warning signs. I’m in the job 3 years and not a problem until say the last 2 months when I started to notice little jibes.

I’m never late for work ever, in fact I’m nearly always a half an hour early, I like to get settled, have a cup of tea, that sort of thing, but the minute my pc hits 5pm, I’m out of there like a shot.

So over the past 2 months she been sayings things like “oh, his on the runway, stand back and let him out” or “must be time, himself is away” or “leaving already”.. Stupid things I know but that’s how it started with the last guy, little things to start off with to get inside your head, the it gets worse gradually over time.

This is in front of other people in the office, I’m lucky enough I have my own office, she and 5 others are in an open plan just off mine, so when I step out of my office, it’s then she starts. Loves to be heard, tries to get everyone to have a little skit at my expense.

Things came to a head last week, I was going to Manchester for a meeting so didn’t need to arrive in the office till 10am, had it cleared with the MD so everything was fine. Walked in to the office to the following:

Her; (jokingly but serious if you know what I mean) what time do you call this coming in to work, why haven’t you rang in?? she starts to laugh, looking at everyone for a reaction.

So, after all her snide comments this was my chance to put her in her place I’m thinking once and for all.

ME: Beth, the day I have to answer to you in this office will be my last, I don’t answer to you, you’re not my boss, keep your nose in your own business and out of mine ok?

By now the silence was deafening, I could feel everyone’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, general manager included.

So I keep going now I’m on a role;

Beth for the past 2 months or so I’ve listened to your snide comments, I believe you are known for this type of conduct in the past, you bullied the last guy out of his job but I can tell you this much, you won’t bully me. So passing snide remarks about what time I leave at and trying to get a laugh from the others at my expense can stop right now, if I hear 1 more snide remark, I’ll be reporting it in writing to the MD, is that clear..

She was as red as beetroot at this stage, her mouth ready to hit the floor, she actually couldn’t speak so I walked to my office and closed the door.
Since then, general manager asked me if I wanted to make a complaint, he said he can’t stand her and was delighted I put her in her place.

Needless to say there has been no more snide remarks and is as nice as pie. Bullies of course are cowards when you stand up to them, they **** themselves when they are brought to task. They are weak pathetic people who try to pick on people they think are weaker than them to boost their own ego.

Stand up to these ****ers, don’t let them walk on top of you. Life is too short to let a c.u.n.t bring you down to their pathetic level.

Thank you if you are still reading this long post, it felt good reliving that day

stinkle · 07-12-2012 11:50am

that's brilliant tipptopper!

unfortunately I've experienced bullying in the workplace too. As someone who was also bullied in school for a bit, it really affects your self-esteem (and in my experience makes you thing YOU are to blame, that you somehow "attract" this unwanted behaviour").

I got it in the neck from a boss, which brings a whole new level of complexity to the situation. Most workmates were fine, but there was a bit of a clique that brown-nosed the boss a bit and I suppose didn't like to be associated with any of the victims so there was an "us and them" mentality about the place too, which made things uncomfortable.

At the moment, in my current job I've started experiencing some hostility from co-workers - apart from one notable incident it's nothing too obvious, just general obstruction to my day-to-day work (deliberately vague information, not following through on stuff we should be co-operating on, etc). A few other people have experienced this in the past and something is being done at the moment which is great. I don't feel particularly bullied, just frustrated, but the behaviour is classed as bullying alright.

As it happens, I was at a talk recently about bullying in the workplace (coincidentally!) and one of the points that struck me was that people who are conscientious often get bullied. With respect to Irish workplaces, another poster said bullying was typical Irish "leadership" behaviour and I'm inclined to agree with them - but when you also factor in Irish begrudgery you can see how a culture can exist in certain workplaces here. In all my jobs and even in school I've just got on with the task at hand, was never arrogant or in anyone's face about anything, and yet have experienced bullying. Perhaps I come across as quietly confident or something that others perceive as a threat, but it certainly isn't the case.

Irishcrx · 07-12-2012 11:53am

Yeah I've seen it happen more than the once , the last company I worked for it happend. Very big well known company , the manager of our division was/is a complete toerag c*** , she hired in a girl for a position and just bullied and abused her from day one, gavde her no support or proper job position.

The girl would be caught crying several times throughout the day , now fair enough she did make mistakes but it was more down to not knowing exactly what she was meant to be doing as opposed to it being directly her fault. Your woman was just looking for a reason to fire her so kept on the case all day every day and eventually got her way. They sacked her after her 6 month probation. I'd already left at that point as I couldn't stick the horrible bitch any more I had come to blows with her a few times so I knew I had to get out before she brought me down. I did and got a great job that I love now.

But I do think what ended up happening to the girl , felt very sorry for her she left a very good job to go there thinking it would be a great move and got shafted the minute she got in and sacked. Awful awful stuff and I've made sure everyone in my industry knows the type she is.

kerry4sam · 07-12-2012 1:44pm

starviewadams wrote: »

If this is in the occupation I think you are talking about,then this is a difficult situation.Would there be any chance of a transfer to another location and a fresh start?reporting it higher up may just give your lovely colleagues more ammunition to use against you.

Failing that,just try to give back as much stick as you get and hope they get bored.

Pretty shítty though.

You say 'pretty ****ty' but I call it education that this is how they treat their own. I've seen what happens first-hand, I've seen how little it matters that this happens and I've seen how little procedures and protocols matter when you have the connections and the very close relationships with the right senior staff - you can bully and abuse anyone you want.

Yeah, I call that education. Just a shame that when others apply, this isn't even in the small-print for them to read.

admiralofthefleet · 07-12-2012 1:50pm

i worked in a printing factory when i was 17, i was only called by my name by my cousin who got me the job. when i complained to my supervisor about the name calling he started calling me the names as well. i was told that i was stupid, retarded and hadnt a clue. the reason i suppose was because refused to operate machinery without proper training (which i never recieved, it was just 'this is how you switch it on ect ect....)
i eventually walked and was only told afterwards that there was a union in the job that i was never told about. i was on £2 an hour as well

admiralofthefleet · 07-12-2012 2:10pm

tipptopper wrote: »

There is this lass is my place of work who is attempting to bully me. She has previous for this kinda thing, she bullied the guy in the same position before me out of his job, seemingly the chap was ready to take his own life before he walked, such was the **** he had to endure from her.

I’ve taken over from him and was immediately warned by a person I became friendly with when I started what had happened the other guy so I knew the warning signs. I’m in the job 3 years and not a problem until say the last 2 months when I started to notice little jibes.

I’m never late for work ever, in fact I’m nearly always a half an hour early, I like to get settled, have a cup of tea, that sort of thing, but the minute my pc hits 5pm, I’m out of there like a shot.

So over the past 2 months she been sayings things like “oh, his on the runway, stand back and let him out” or “must be time, himself is away” or “leaving already”.. Stupid things I know but that’s how it started with the last guy, little things to start off with to get inside your head, the it gets worse gradually over time.

This is in front of other people in the office, I’m lucky enough I have my own office, she and 5 others are in an open plan just off mine, so when I step out of my office, it’s then she starts. Loves to be heard, tries to get everyone to have a little skit at my expense.

Things came to a head last week, I was going to Manchester for a meeting so didn’t need to arrive in the office till 10am, had it cleared with the MD so everything was fine. Walked in to the office to the following:

Her; (jokingly but serious if you know what I mean) what time do you call this coming in to work, why haven’t you rang in?? she starts to laugh, looking at everyone for a reaction.

So, after all her snide comments this was my chance to put her in her place I’m thinking once and for all.

ME: Beth, the day I have to answer to you in this office will be my last, I don’t answer to you, you’re not my boss, keep your nose in your own business and out of mine ok?

By now the silence was deafening, I could feel everyone’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, general manager included.

So I keep going now I’m on a role;

Beth for the past 2 months or so I’ve listened to your snide comments, I believe you are known for this type of conduct in the past, you bullied the last guy out of his job but I can tell you this much, you won’t bully me. So passing snide remarks about what time I leave at and trying to get a laugh from the others at my expense can stop right now, if I hear 1 more snide remark, I’ll be reporting it in writing to the MD, is that clear..

She was as red as beetroot at this stage, her mouth ready to hit the floor, she actually couldn’t speak so I walked to my office and closed the door.
Since then, general manager asked me if I wanted to make a complaint, he said he can’t stand her and was delighted I put her in her place.

Needless to say there has been no more snide remarks and is as nice as pie. Bullies of course are cowards when you stand up to them, they **** themselves when they are brought to task. They are weak pathetic people who try to pick on people they think are weaker than them to boost their own ego.

Stand up to these ****ers, don’t let them walk on top of you. Life is too short to let a c.u.n.t bring you down to their pathetic level.

Thank you if you are still reading this long post, it felt good reliving that day

you are my new hero

DeltaWhite · 07-12-2012 2:38pm

Yeah I get bullied by my boss, 3 years now it's been going on. There's nobody I can go to as she is the only boss and there's no HR department (small company) so I just get on with it, keep a bully diary of all info. And bide my time

I have tried my best to find employment elsewhere but as of yet I havent had any joy.

Good things come to those who wait

Ps.. Tipptopper.. you are a legend

Bullying in the workplace

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