The Funny Side of not being straight.

Rick_ · 16-01-2012 3:59pm

One time I was kissing my then boyfriend in a quiet area of the street at around midnight (we left the bar we were in to do it and have some time to ourselves before rejoining our friends). We were doing something similar, looking out to make sure no-one could see us. In a moment of joy, I decided to close my eyes, and a few moments later when I opened them I saw a real intimidating looking fella walking towards us. I honestly thought he was gonna do/say something, but all he did was walk past us and say "alright lads?" with a smile on his face and carried on walking past us. Was a pleasant surprise to say the least.

DazMarz · 19-01-2012 5:27am

It was always a joke up in work that I was gay... Always the childish stuff and nothing too serious... So I'm really looking forward to the day when I finally do come out to all these people, just to see the reactions. That I work with some of my best friends will make it easier, cos they'll always back me up and support me anyway.

Also, it's always been a joke that myself and three of my best friends (all male) share a house together. Often referred to as a "right nest of homosexuals down there" and so on and so forth. It might sound bad, but it's always been in a light-hearted, slagging, banter-ish nature.

But was up in the boss's house earlier just for a cup of tea and a sandwich after work (with my best friend and another lad from work) and we were just sitting around and having the usual slagging and banter. Then this comes up:

Boss: "Sure Daz, why don't you just come out anyway, we all know it. Sure we're amongst friends here. Sure why don't you and <best friend's name> and <other friend's names> all come up here to live with me and <work colleague's name>? Sure we can have a right nest of gayboys up here then. Fúck women. Sure we'll all have a right oul gay time and all."

Cue laughter all around. From the other two lads just at the notion of it, and from me (thinking 'If only they knew...') and from my best friend (probably thinking the same!).

Dear, oh dear...:o:D

EDIT: just remembered how it came up in conversation!!! We were talking about the Real Madrid v. Barcelona game from earlier, and I mentioned about how good Cristiano Ronaldo was. My boss said something like "Yeah, but he's not even in the same league as Messi". I agree, but said that I still think Ronaldo is a brilliant player... leading to: "Fúck that, Marz... the only reason you like him is cos he's a big pretty boy and a gay icon and all that! Isn't that right..." hahahahahaha, fukken hell!!!!

Rick_ · 19-01-2012 12:17pm

I love being in the situation with people (who don't know you're gay) who slag off gay people for one reason or another or they make some sort of sweeping generalisation about them. Twice this has happened to me now and on both occasions, once I revealed that I was gay, they just sat there staring at me in disbelief as I had completely destroyed their argument and shown them how ignorant and stupid they were being.

These two guys were both 'friends of friends' sort of people and one of them I still talk to and have become good friends with and he has totally changed his attitude and opinions towards gay people. The other, sadly, did not and God only knows where he is now and what sort of crap he's mouthing off to people with. Ah well, you can't win 'em all.

Coeurdepirate · 20-01-2012 1:21am

In French class today we were doing discrimination and along with racism and sexism we did homophobia. It ended up anyway in a pretty passionate debate where the teacher and most of the class expressed their disgust at the fact that civil partnerships don't give equal rights to gay people. One of my best friends (who we will call Mary) was talking about it and she said something along the lines of "It's awful how gay people don't have the same rights as normal people". Cue shocked faces, her horrified realisation and loads of awkward glances in my direction, expecting me to turn on the PC siren any minute. The teacher broke the silence by going "...bit awkward there Mary..."

Sounds a bit boring, but it was priceless at the time! I love my French teacher

Slang_Tang · 20-01-2012 1:44am

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

In French class today we were doing discrimination and along with racism and sexism we did homophobia. It ended up anyway in a pretty passionate debate where the teacher and most of the class expressed their disgust at the fact that civil partnerships don't give equal rights to gay people. One of my best friends (who we will call Mary) was talking about it and she said something along the lines of "It's awful how gay people don't have the same rights as normal people". Cue shocked faces, her horrified realisation and loads of awkward glances in my direction, expecting me to turn on the PC siren any minute. The teacher broke the silence by going "...bit awkward there Mary..."

Sounds a bit boring, but it was priceless at the time! I love my French teacher

Ha, it's an easy mistake to make. I mean, I'm gay and I did something similar. I used to work for a photographer who did a lot of weddings. Someone asked if we got any gay weddings, and I replied, "We'd like to, but we mostly do normal weddings."

Oops.

Coeurdepirate · 20-01-2012 2:27am

Slang_Tang wrote: »

Ha, it's an easy mistake to make. I mean, I'm gay and I did something similar. I used to work for a photographer who did a lot of weddings. Someone asked if we got any gay weddings, and I replied, "We'd like to, but we mostly do normal weddings."

Oops.

Hahahaha exactly!

A guy in my year who I never talk to drunkenly opened up to me one night about how he's not homophobic at all etc. Anyway, whenever he'd say it it would be like "I have no problem with you being *pause* homosexual..." in case I'd take offence at the word 'gay', haha! I think everyone expects that since I'm part of a minority I'll get thick about everything but I honestly couldn't give a ****

Aurongroove · 23-01-2012 9:51pm

I don't know wither it was some sort of "titter titter, look at my tits" drink stunt, but I was out one night and this girl approached and said.

"my boyfriend bet that if I let you kiss me, you'll buy me a drink" (or some ****, I forget the original proposition, but it was basically: I find her cute an impulsive: she gets a drink out of me for a snog or else she needs to buy her boyfriend a drink)

I said "you don't wanna take that bet"

"what"

"you don;t not going to win that bet"

<cue sad face, but with a hint that she was still in the game>
"you don't think I'm cute"

"no, not really, but don't take it personally, I'm gay"

"what?"

"I'm Homo-secs-you-al"

<cue game-over face>

Coeurdepirate · 20-02-2012 2:37am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx7p21hrZ6s

You have to love the Swedes!

Coeurdepirate · 28-02-2012 6:12pm

DazMarz · 28-02-2012 7:23pm

^^^^ Classic!!!:D

Pacifist Pigeon · 28-02-2012 8:38pm

... or even better yet, the only difference between boxers shorts and tight swimming trunks in that one cannot be worn at a public swimming pool.

DazMarz · 29-02-2012 12:00am

ha, this is another truism... you can wear the most revealing, leaving-nothing-to-the-imagination grape-crushers, but boxers aren't allowed...

Some of them speedos, you can tell what religion a bloke is when he wears them!!!:p

uppishhauk · 05-03-2012 4:19am

I decided not to outright tell people i was bi but instead to not deny it if the topic were to come up
so when one of my friends was going through a very confused stage in his sexuality the topic came up with him and i said i was bi and because the was no big reveal type thing from me, he though everyone knew except him.
so one day i was with the usual group of friends at the usual hang out area when he come along after one of his lectures and says "its great not being the only bi guy here" to which one of the girls say "but you are the only one" he then just point to me and she just yelled "uppishhauk is bi" in surprise, everyone stopped what they were doing, went silent and looked at me for a sec and went back to what they were doing

Aurongroove · 05-03-2012 6:58am

Priceless, It's amazing what people forget when they're put on the spot.
Like maybe shouting out (insert name) is Bi and pointing was an odd thing to do.

(Sorry, this story is a little longer then I first imagined, in reality it only took a few short moment, but it's one of those situational ones that are hard to concisely describe)
My mum had two friends over, one was a woman; a longtime friend who mum knew since their school days and another was a man I've never seen before.

I was cooking in the kitchen, and the topic of me joining the priesthood popped up for some reason (when I was younger I said I always wanted to be a priest). Anyways my mum's friend (let's call her "Mo") shouted over "You wouldn't consider joining the priesthood?"

we had a short exchange, I said "not really, the Irish church isn't really an establishment I'd be comfortable, etc, etc"
Then my mum said "you cant be a priest anyways 'coz you're gay" to which Mo (mildly shocked) interjected "leave the poor man alone!" (assuming my mum was trying to embarrass/insult me). Mum then said "no, he really is gay!" in a sort of assured and a "and what about it?" sort of way.
To which I nodded and made a light hearted joke about it (sensing that these people had never encountered a real homosexual let alone a nonchalant one and that they may actually be homophobic or in disbelief, I didn't want to carry on down the pathway). Now, the interesting bit was just before my Mum and I skillfully turned the subject off of me and gay.
I though I over heard the man at the table say something like "ahh:rolleyes:, he'll find a woman yet".

This bugged me. More then I let on. Be weird, fine. Be homophobic, fine. But don't belittle homosexuality as some sort of "phase confused people go through". Don't assume that I will eventually see the light just like when teenagers eventually do after declaring themselves Goths, or Vegan, or Satanists for a month or two. I decided I couldn't let it stand, but that I ought to for the sake of civility.

So I waited for the man to leave, which he did, leaving only my Mum and Mo as I cooked nearby. I knew Mo knew the man quiet well, so I though I'd do a little investigating. I had it all planned out: raise the issue, gently probe, My Mum would be my ally, she'd know when if I went too far or if anything needing careful handling. If I can get away with it, I could belittle the guy(who left)'s stupid ****ing ideas about homosexuality in front of his friend who is still here and I could let them argue over it in their own spare time.

my entire plan instantly collapsed when I looked at the two ladies at the table and said "did that guy say that 'I'd find a woman yet'?... god bless him, he dosn't have much sense"
My Mum looked at me sideways and with wide eyes and said "No, that was Mo who said that"
(EMERGENCY ESCAPE, EMERGENCY ESCAPE!)

me: "well here's hoping!

" (leaves kitchen)

Captain Graphite · 05-03-2012 8:18am

Coeurdepirate · 05-03-2012 7:34pm

One of my best friends and I were about to have a little weed the other day and he was rolling cause I suck at it, but he was using my tobacco. I was getting really fussy about it anyway, "put back some of that tobacco! no, that's not enough! too much weed! not enough! that roach is ****!" etc etc, he just looked at me, smirked and went "Don't be so anal about everything!"

Barna77 · 07-03-2012 11:09pm

eaglach · 09-03-2012 1:18am

Image too big to post:

http://i.imgur.com/nb6ik.png

Doop · 20-04-2012 4:49pm

Bit of a laugh from the guardian... http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2012/apr/20/photography-gay-rights#/?picture=388923665&index=0

another new one · 12-05-2012 12:32am

I'm just thinking over all the awkward and funny moments gay people must experience be it that their family doesn't quite know that they are gay and suggest suitable boys to a girl whos gay while she sits there laughing to herself at their sheer blindness to the truth etc

Sooo...what is your most awkward/funny/cringe worthy gay moments or stories??

Legend_Steph · 13-05-2012 4:07am

I haven't really any funny stories as the majority of my friends found out that I'm a proud lesbian through my Facebook on a status that I wrote one day
(Was easier that way for me at the time) and are to this day completely accepting of who I am. Example: Last year I met up with a friend from primary school who at the time haven't seen for 7 years. Got talking about the love lifes etc. and I decided to bring up the subject of an ex girlfriend who I regret immensely and said to her something along the lines of "Yeah....I'm gay..." after telling her what happened. Her reply?? "Ah sure I know. You're just another one of my gay mates!" I felt so proud that she didn't have any issues with it! Was dreading that moment thinking after 7 years it would be completely awkward and she wouldn't talk to me again but just yesterday I met up with the friend again and as it always does with us we got talking about the love life again and she paid full attention and gave me advice when I talked to her about a girl that I have feelings for. (Not the ex I despise!)
My Mum is completely accepting. Instead of saying "You will find your prince charming" she says "You will find your princess" I haven't told my grandparents and I don't think I ever will....They are quite religious and my grandmother gave me a lecture and was disappointed in me when I told her I was an Athiest. I had a chance to tell an Uncle of mine but as we were heading to a comedy show I felt that if he was awkward about it, sitting through 2 hours of a show beside him would be the worst.
I'm sorry about my lecture now. My story/rant over.

Hope everyone is good.

Babybuff · 13-05-2012 4:46am

Legend_Steph wrote: »

My Mum is completely accepting. Instead of saying "You will find your prince charming" she says "You will find your princess"

My mother, despite talking to her about seeing other women repeatedly, insists I just needed a good ride. She still does.

She used work across the street from my house and stopped in regularly for a cuppa after work. One day as per usual she again suggested going out and finding a man, at which point I figured I'd just shut her up and said why would I do that when I've got plenty of women to keep me occupied already (tongue in cheekishly) She practically gargled her tea with the fit of shock and my sister who was collecting her beeped outside just at the same time. She got up laughing and eeewing simultaneously and proceeded to walk out the front door with a full cup of tea in her hand.
She phoned me about ten minutes later to apologise for taking the cup, she only realised she was still holding it by the time she got home.

(I get that a lot though)

Legend_Steph · 13-05-2012 1:58pm

My Mum was the exact same when I first came out to her. I knew since I was 16 but officially came out to the majority of people when I was 17 (I'm 20 now). At the start I had the usual "All you need is to find a nice man...." "You're just going through one of those phases...." But my Mum realised that I was being serious and as I've said before has accepted me and is always there for me when I need girlfriend advice.

Pedant · 14-05-2012 1:49am

A typical gay communist ... proving that capitalism is a much better alternative.

stephen_n · 17-05-2012 12:20am

Pedant wrote: »

A typical gay communist ... proving that capitalism is a much better alternative.

Was that the runner up for the Russian Eurovision entry?

Y.O.L.O · 19-05-2012 8:13pm

i suppose the funniest story to do with me coming out went like this

in college i have a good friend who is gay too, and he and i had gone to some gay clubs a couple of times after i came out. one night i had a bad experience where i had been kissing this guy and he started to do things downstairs i wasn't comfortable with. i walked away and told my friend. being the good friend he is, decided to slag me about this no end.

we were in a lab in college one day, and he was still slagging me about it. my lab partner is a good friend too but didnt know i was gay. she asked what my friend was slagging me about, but i didnt tell her because it was so embarrassing.

i walked off for a few minutes to do something when i came back she had written 'pokey pokey' on my lab manual. she knew the story and that i was gay and just started laughing at me.

An Cuinneach · 31-05-2012 12:49am

Me: [Name] I'm gay.
[Name]: But...but...you have a beard?
One of the funniest moments of my year as a 15 year-old.

Killer_banana · 31-05-2012 12:24pm

I never really came out to my brother properly but never hid it either. I don't see him that often and we never discuss relationships so I never had an opportunity to broach the subject. I met him in McDonalds the other day and he said he had seen my relationship on facebook (it only took him almost a whole year). After asking if my parents knew, how long we'd been together etc. etc. he said 'So is there anything else I missed from never being home? Have you become a vegetarian or anything?'

libnation · 31-05-2012 1:41pm

Thats very funny and all BUT how did you have a beard at 15?!

L.Jenkins · 31-05-2012 1:44pm

I was rocking one myself in 2nd and 3rd year and the stick I got for it was amusing.

Aurongroove · 02-06-2012 12:23am

As swiftly as a drunk middle aged woman can perform fine motor functions in a boisterous pub did I find myself handcuffed to a hen by her party gang a few nights ago.
Once captive they pulled me away from my friends and forced me to ritualistically dance and pose for photos but their victory was short lived. I had to sheepishly say "sorry ladies, you cuffed the only gay in the bar"

The sort of 'maddest' friend then when "AW!" and tried for ages to undo the cuffs.
When after two minutes she finally did she asked me "which one of these aren't gay" (pointing to my friends)

which I answered "all straight, the guy in the middle is single and the two either end are taken"
And off they went to capture my poor straight, single friend and attach him via the handcuffs to the principle hen.
As they approached my friend (who witnessed my previous capture) he looked at me and immediately figured out what must've transpired and what I had done. He looked at me like I'd pointed him out of an identity parade for a crime he didn't commit. :pac:

Good craic!:D

An Cuinneach · 02-06-2012 3:37am

libnation wrote: »

Thats very funny and all BUT how did you have a beard at 15?!

Puberty hit me like a truck :rolleyes:

keepkeyyellow · 03-06-2012 3:15pm

'that's funny, usually the cat attacks men, maybe it's cause you're a gay'

Aurongroove · 03-06-2012 3:21pm

I've got that thing with cats too.
even stay cats trust me more then they do other people.

LegacyUser · 04-06-2012 11:42pm

When a dentist is working on you're teeth and you're trying to keep a casual expression as her boobs lean slightly against you.Then you feel bad for objectifying a woman who is clearly very very smart and you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable :embarrased:

Babybuff · 05-06-2012 7:50pm

LidlLady wrote: »

When a dentist is working on you're teeth and you're trying to keep a casual expression as her boobs lean slightly against you.Then you feel bad for objectifying a woman who is clearly very very smart and you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable :embarrased:

when you're at the optician and she makes you look into the eye thingy and you're thinking sweet baby jebus she's staring into my very soul and you know your eyes are too dilated for your own good.

Medusa22 · 09-06-2012 11:04am

My mother cut her hair quite short and I told her it looked nice. Then she said 'I don't know, I think I look like a dyke'. She looked at me and she was completely embarrassed and I started laughing so she did as well.

fizzyorange · 11-06-2012 7:21pm

The funniest for me was back when I was 16 and had short Bieber-like hair (oh the shame) and wore lots of baggy shirts.

Anyway a rat exterminator was out our back and he put down these poisonous blocks. When I came down the stairs he was chatting with my nan and he turned to me and said "Alri son you have to be careful now, that poison I left out the back is very dangerous." and he then proceeded to ask if the "lovely girl in the pictures in the kitchen" was my sister. My nan and I just had to play along, and she was absolutely fuming when he left.

At the time is was a bit annoying, but now that I look back I see that I really did look like an effeminate boy so his mistake was fair enough.

Coeurdepirate · 14-06-2012 5:53am

fizzyorange wrote: »

The funniest for me was back when I was 16 and had short Bieber-like hair (oh the shame) and wore lots of baggy shirts.

Anyway a rat exterminator was out our back and he put down these poisonous blocks. When I came down the stairs he was chatting with my nan and he turned to me and said "Alri son you have to be careful now, that poison I left out the back is very dangerous." and he then proceeded to ask if the "lovely girl in the pictures in the kitchen" was my sister. My nan and I just had to play along, and she was absolutely fuming when he left.

At the time is was a bit annoying, but now that I look back I see that I really did look like an effeminate boy so his mistake was fair enough.

Ah, another non-straight LCer to join me and patchy >: )

fizzyorange · 14-06-2012 9:41am

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

Ah, another non-straight LCer to join me and patchy >: )

I've actually noticed a few LCers have posted in this forum too. Okay by a few I mean one other really. :pac: But still.

Pedant · 16-06-2012 12:28am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzhBbRGwSa4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiTElt9qfy0

Captain Graphite · 17-06-2012 7:06am

Pedant · 04-07-2012 5:11pm

New favourite all gay band - Pansy Division.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NafUYrPJK-U

big_grin_smiley_face_sticker-p217746367994550126envb3_400.jpg

bp1989 · 08-07-2012 12:04am

A little while after I came out my mother asked: "Do gay people play sport?"

floggg · 08-07-2012 12:53am

bp1989 wrote: »

A little while after I came out my mother asked: "Do gay people play sport?"

My bro's response to me telling him I was gay was "but how? You like sport."

Chuchoter · 08-07-2012 1:27am

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

Ah, another non-straight LCer to join me and patchy >: )

I see how it is couer, I don't even MATTER. :mad::P

whattotdo · 08-07-2012 10:49am

bp1989 wrote: »

A little while after I came out my mother asked: "Do gay people play sport?"

When I used to play soccer,people used to say,how are you so good,aren't you gay?!

df1985 · 08-07-2012 8:56pm

floggg wrote: »

My bro's response to me telling him I was gay was "but how? You like sport."

My mates are like that with me. Im "the worst queer ever" according to them in the sense I dont conform to the stereotypes they would have had until I came out. Its always said with affection!

hdowney · 08-07-2012 11:01pm

Conformation. I don't get why people are EXPECTED to conform to preconceived notions. In this day and age!

DazMarz · 02-08-2012 12:51am

NSFW!!!

http://cheezburger.com/6471012096

Very funny image... the scorebar at the bottom of the screen makes it look very much like... well... see for yourself...:p

The Funny Side of not being straight.

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