The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

as_mo_bhosca · 17-05-2015 8:22pm

Kivaro wrote: »

Atheist view: 45 mins at 180 degrees (170 for fan assisted oven). Baste regularly

d22ontour · 17-05-2015 8:53pm

robindch · 18-05-2015 2:03pm

Dan Barker explains how christianity works:

https://www.facebook.com/MilitantAtheismForTheSoul/videos/636765276417833/

robindch · 18-05-2015 2:13pm

Worztron · 18-05-2015 5:42pm

AstraMonti · 19-05-2015 6:11am

The future scientists of this world are going to church to get holy pens for their exams.

Mark Hamill · 19-05-2015 11:23am

AstraMonti wrote: »

The future scientists of this world are going to church to get holy pens for their exams.

They should all be expelled for cheating :pac:

Undergod · 19-05-2015 11:44am

Mark Hamill wrote: »

They should all be expelled for cheating :pac:

In my religious days, I did always feel a bit off about praying for help in exams. It's obviously cheating, or at least if I needed God's help then I didn't know the material well enough.

CramCycle · 19-05-2015 12:11pm

Undergod wrote: »

In my religious days, I did always feel a bit off about praying for help in exams. It's obviously cheating, or at least if I needed God's help then I didn't know the material well enough.

Maybe God wanted to prevent you from knowing it well enough until you asked for his help, his plan and all that.

I always laugh when I think back to relations praying for me as I went into sit my first year biology exams, my third year genetics exams etc.

Worztron · 19-05-2015 7:31pm

Worztron · 20-05-2015 7:47pm

robindch · 21-05-2015 2:44pm

Will Gay People Eat My Children?’ & Other Referendum Questions Answered

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2015/05/21/will-gay-people-eat-my-children-other-referendum-questions-answered/

Lucifer MorningStar · 21-05-2015 2:47pm

robindch · 21-05-2015 2:50pm

Just spotted this sign hanging just outside the Westland Row entrance to Pearse St Dart. Ionanists beware!

Worztron · 21-05-2015 7:22pm

robindch · 22-05-2015 11:46am

O Come All Ye Faithful - no sausage jokes please.

Toy Vey: The Rabbi Selling Kosher Vibrators

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2015-05-20/toy-vey-the-rabbi-selling-kosher-vibrators

Bloomberg wrote:

Within ultra-Orthodox Jewish culture, physical contact between unmarried men and women is forbidden, as is viewing sexually suggestive imagery of any kind. A ban on pornography is a given, but even a Victoria’s Secret catalog is off limits for devout followers, who are typically seen wearing black coats and long dresses. Sex is one of the religion’s most taboo subjects, something couples might discuss quietly among themselves or with a rabbi—and no one else.

Religious leaders aren’t usually the best advisers on how to spice things up in the bedroom, but Orthodox couples struggling to sustain passionate marriages are finding a savior in Rabbi Natan Alexander. Men and women dissatisfied with their love lives are making pilgrimages to the Judaean Mountains near Jerusalem, where Alexander may prescribe them a Sqweel. The device, he explains in incrementally hushed volumes at a winery by his home in the Gush Etzion settlement, is a sex toy of rotating silicone.

Alexander, a boyish-looking 34-year-old, says ultra-Orthodox women who grew up secular often come to him hoping he’ll encourage their husbands to go the extra distance between the sheets, to do things they were accustomed to before becoming religious. Alexander readily gives his blessing, but ultra-Orthodox men don’t always listen. The rabbi is a self-described religious nationalist, meaning he’s devout but accepts most aspects of modern life, and that makes some ultra-Orthodox people, or haredim, as it’s referred to in Hebrew, skeptical of his authority. “Of course, I could find them rabbis, but these women come from serious haredi families, who aren’t going to listen to a religious nationalist,” says Alexander, sitting among fellow yarmulke-wearing patrons. “Instead, I offered to find her the right product that replaces the man.”

[...]

Worztron · 22-05-2015 7:16pm

Worztron · 23-05-2015 9:25am

ShooterSF · 23-05-2015 1:26pm

Worztron wrote: »

Oh and a day was invented before the sun.

silverharp · 23-05-2015 5:05pm

Worztron · 24-05-2015 8:50am

joseph brand · 24-05-2015 4:48pm

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's witness???
A person that knocks on your door for no reason at all. - Michael Nugent

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

I was at church the other day and when the collection came around I put some Monopoly money in the basket. The priest said to me, "What are you doing? That's not real money!"
I replied, "Well, let's talk about this god of yours..."

Nigerian atheist 'ruled mentally ill'
Apparently he has no desire to rape 13 year old girls, dress his wife in bin liners, or blow himself up.
Feckin weirdo.

I'm having some problems with my new Staffordshire Bull Terrier - I rang the vet for some advice.
I explained he was brown, stupid, aggressive and liable to attack anyone for no good reason.
The vet replied, "Muzzle 'im?"
"No," I said, "I think he's an atheist."

"The flooding in Queensland, Australia, is of 'biblical proportions', a senior official says"
So it didn't happen then?

Is calling Atheism a Religion like calling bald a hair colour?

God works in mysterious ways.
That's why he watches people masturbate rather than feeding the starving children in Africa.

I prayed to Jesus Christ our Lord that I would win the Lotto and I won a tenner.
To all you atheists out there, I think that both proves He exists and that he was a Jew

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.

Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes.
What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast.

The Archbishop of Canterbury claims that all homosexuals are just confused about a strong friendship they have.
He then shut his eyes and stopped the interview, so he could talk to his bearded friend sitting on a cloud in the sky.

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.

Judas: Still on for Friday?

Jesus: Friday?

Judas: Yeah, the Last Supper.

Jesus: The what?

Judas: Supper. Normal supper with the fellas.

A real Easter miracle would be for Jesus to turn water into reasonably priced petrol.

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law go on holiday to the Holy Land. While they are there, the mother-in-law dies.
The local undertaker tells the man, "You can have her shipped home for £10,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £50.00."
The man thinks for a minute, and tells the undertaker to pack her up and ship her home. The undertaker asked, "Why?" Why would you spend £10,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to spend only £50.00?"
The man replied, "A guy died here 2000 years ago, he was buried and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."