Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

handbagmad · 09-01-2014 10:56am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

All sorts of strange though, as long as i'm like this.. On this fine line.. Just a strange kind of existence i think i'm trying to say.

hope you got some sleep grem. Managed two hours x

LanaFey · 09-01-2014 11:53am

handbagmad wrote: »

grem if it makes you feel any better I was like that all of the holidays spent most of it alone. I secretly wished someone would ring or text but when They did I didn't know wat to say or didn't want to talk.
I've been building my isolation wall for sometime now. I know i need to stop chin up mate

I'm the same way. When I'm down I feel so desperately lonely, can't stop checking my phone repeatedly hoping that someone will contact me. But then if they do I don't know what to say. I don't want to socialise either. It makes no sense.

Likewise, I get tired way more easily and want to sleep. But as soon as I turn off the lights and attempt to fall asleep, my brain goes into overdrive and I can't stop worrying/thinking/ruminating. So I end up avoiding it by staying up late reading mindless books and watching TV which just makes me more tired the next day and the whole thing starts all over again the following night.

Rothko · 09-01-2014 5:38pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Jesus that sounds bad. Anything in particular going on at the moment that's causing the harming?

Just the fact that I feel so lonely and have intense self-hatred. It can get overwhelming at times.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Dark nights this time of year in particular not easy on the mind.. Once the wound(s) are clean and dressed that's ok.. Importantly you're on here speaking about it.. Are you currently receiving or considering receiving any type of treatment, pieta house are pretty amazing and keep a number of appointments free each day to help with crisis issues.. You're own gp, or a new doctor entirely are options, there's a lot their to help if you can avoid pinning yourself down with negative thought patterns for a dew minutes.

Don't pile so amny things on yourself at once if you can help it, it's rumination which really means you help the depression to get a stronger foothold in you.
(Rumination is explained in first point on this link if it helps - http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/health/mental-health/the-four-simple-steps-to-looking-after-your-mind-29652375.html )

In the mean time, post here, or PM if you prefer, i don't mind which, once you talk a bit.

The wounds aren't too bad. I'm always careful enough that they aren't deep and don't require medical attention. I've been taking an anti depressant since November. I'm due to back to the doctor at the end of the month and I think I'll be starting counseling soon after that.

handbagmad wrote: »

I feel for you at the minute. Have you got any support is gp/therapist? You owe it to yourself to seek help if you don't all ready have it. I know the pain your going through and its horrible.
Take it one day at a time and be easy on yourself.

lukesmom wrote: »

Please go and speak with your go asap. They can arrange counselling/medication and help you. You don't need to be alone. You are NOT worthless remember that.

DM addict wrote: »

Suas11, you're not alone. We're here - you can PM me or anyone else who has offered and we can chat to you, just to talk it through.

I know falling back into self-harming bahviours and so on makes you feel worthless, but you're not. You can be happy, you just can't see how right now. Hold on, sweetheart. Things can get better.

I agree with lukesmom and others - if you can, go see your GP or counsellor or any professional you're in touch with. If you're not seeing a professional at the moment, a trip to the GP might be a good idea.

I want to thank everyone for your kind words. It did make me feel a bit better and I have been feeling a bit more stable today.

It just can get so difficult sometimes and I don't know how to deal with it. I used to drink but I don't want to go back to that. It doesn't benefit me in the long run. It seems like harming myself is the only real way that I can release any of the tension that I'm feeling. I just hope that therapy can help me.

LanaFey · 09-01-2014 6:29pm

Suas11 I feel for you. I used to self harm too for similar reasons to you, I recognise the feelings of loneliness and self hatred all too well

It was thanks to therapy that I stopped, haven't cut in over 4 years now. It can be very helpful for learning new and healthier ways of coping.

Best of luck to you and I hope you start feeling better soon.

Gremlinertia · 09-01-2014 7:02pm

I finally went to bed about seven this morning, fitful naps for the day. Will be a long night at work..

I used to cut, sometimes fairly hardcore, difficult to treat at home.. Haven't done so in a while but can't rule it out as i'm finding things still so tough. Like a few others have expressed here, i'm good at giving (sometimes good) advice, but totally incapable of taking the same advice.. Safe night to ye people, i'll be back later.

LanaFey · 09-01-2014 9:24pm

Third night in a row of inexplicably feeling like sh1t

lukesmom · 09-01-2014 11:22pm

All of you finding it hard to sleep have you been prescribed any sleeping tablets or tranquillisers at all?

lukesmom · 09-01-2014 11:50pm

Just thought I'd share a poem I wrote earlier today about my most recent bout of depression, it's called four long months

Four long months

It's bright outside but in my head the darkness overpowers
I wait in hope for light to come as minutes turn to hours
The hours turn to weeks and still I feel the force of gloom
I'm getting sick of always hibernating in my room
The doctors try to reassure, try this, try that and wait
But I can't shake the feeling that it might just be too late
Four agonising months have passed and still no sign of light
I've used up all the strength I have I think I've lost the fight

But then one day I see a glimmer starting to emerge
I suddenly feel more at ease and think I might be cured
It's been a giant battle but I finally have won
The darkness has just disappeared now I can see the sun
So please remember if you feel this bad you can pull through
It took 4 months for me and now I'm feeling so brand new
I've learned a lot about myself but one thing is for sure
There is a light inside our soul that will always pull you through

Lisha · 09-01-2014 11:51pm

Best of luck to you Lukesmom. I hope it stays bright for you.

NegativeCreep · 10-01-2014 4:57am

Have slept about 5 hours in the past three days. Its horrible. I'm usually such a good sleeper. Every time I nearly drop off to sleep I have a small panic attack. Its been happening for a few months now. I don't know what it is. I rarely get them during the day but at night I seem to be in a constant state of worry and panic. Can hear my heart beating. I'm sure the people in the next room can hear my heart beating its that loud. My chest actually hurts. My muscles keep spasming too. Ugh I wish it would just go away. Was alright for a while and now its back

I got up and looked at myself on the mirror and didn't even recognise myself, bags under my eyes and lines on my face and im only 20 ffs!

Have an exam in the morning. Definitely not doing well in it now!

Gremlinertia · 10-01-2014 6:30am

lukesmom wrote: »

All of you finding it hard to sleep have you been prescribed any sleeping tablets or tranquillisers at all?

Never have tried them - the anti anxiety things I've been put on should have sorted it but I seem to get used to most of those types of meds pretty fast so they become kinda useless. Least that's my theory..

Gremlinertia · 10-01-2014 6:31am

lukesmom wrote: »

All of you finding it hard to sleep have you been prescribed any sleeping tablets or tranquillisers at all?

Never have tried them - the anti anxiety things I've been put on should have sorted it but I seem to get used to most of those types of meds pretty fast so they become kinda useless. Least that's my theory..

lukesmom · 10-01-2014 11:51am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Never have tried them - the anti anxiety things I've been put on should have sorted it but I seem to get used to most of those types of meds pretty fast so they become kinda useless. Least that's my theory..

Okay it's just that I hadn't slept in months properly and was given stuff to take at night and it fixed the problem .

LanaFey · 10-01-2014 2:15pm

Actually had a great night's sleep last night... couldn't keep my eyes open, first time waking up refreshed in what feels like forever!

This morning, however, has been utter sh1te. Ended up crying in the bathroom for a half hour, having some kind of anxiety attack... not a full blown one I think but still.

Was going to tell work I was feeling sick so I could go home (and maybe call into the doctor) but couldn't work up the nerve. If anyone's noticed I'm out of sorts they haven't said anything... sometimes I marvel at my own ability to act completely normal when I'm falling apart inside.

Day's half over now so I feel better but still, the whole experience has kind of shaken/worried me. Reckon I'll be making another trip back to the doctor sooner rather than later. It's very frustrating because this time last week I was feeling so normal and even happy.

lukesmom- I tried sleeping tablets a loooong time ago, when I was a teenager

I found they got me to sleep but it wasn't a proper sleep and I used to fall asleep at my desk in school while I was on them. Can't remember the brand- like I said it was ages ago so I can only imagine they've improved somewhat since then.

Great poem btw. Makes me feel hopeful

norwegianwood · 10-01-2014 9:20pm

I just can't cope anymore. It's too much. As well as anxiety and depression I've developed some sort of eating disorder. I've lost 2 stone in the past 2 months, and I was never overweight to start with. I can't eat, I'm hungry all the time. I still feel fat. Trying to balance college and a job on top of feeling like complete shyte is too much, if I couldn't cut myself I wouldn't be able to manage at all.

lukesmom · 10-01-2014 9:23pm

norwegianwood wrote: »

I just can't cope anymore. It's too much. As well as anxiety and depression I've developed some sort of eating disorder. I've lost 2 stone in the past 2 months, and I was never overweight to start with. I can't eat, I'm hungry all the time. I still feel fat. Trying to balance college and a job on top of feeling like complete shyte is too much, if I couldn't cut myself I wouldn't be able to manage at all.

Have you been to your gp?

Jerry2013 · 10-01-2014 9:32pm

norwegianwood wrote: »

I just can't cope anymore. It's too much. As well as anxiety and depression I've developed some sort of eating disorder. I've lost 2 stone in the past 2 months, and I was never overweight to start with. I can't eat, I'm hungry all the time. I still feel fat. Trying to balance college and a job on top of feeling like complete shyte is too much, if I couldn't cut myself I wouldn't be able to manage at all.

I had the same problem, but now i feel bit better, i have follow up every after two weeks and my gp put me in a different medication before all made me worse now they put me with olanzapine help me for sleep only

i think you need to contact your gp and force yourself eating, think about the food you like and the things you used to enjoy when you are young

handbagmad · 10-01-2014 11:13pm

Went to gp today. Got some very strong sleeping tabs for a few days. In a bit of a psychosis. Detached from everything. I'll prob be like a zombie for the next few days.

Jerry2013 · 10-01-2014 11:16pm

handbagmad wrote: »

Went to gp today. Got some very strong sleeping tabs for a few days. In a bit of a psychosis. Detached from everything. I'll prob be like a zombie for the next few days.

what medication you on?

handbagmad · 10-01-2014 11:42pm

Delmane? (spelling) For sleeping 30 mg only short term.
Normal meds effexor and seroquel.

Jerry2013 · 11-01-2014 12:10am

handbagmad wrote: »

Delmane? (spelling) For sleeping 30 mg only short term.
Normal meds effexor and seroquel.

owk alot, i got psychosis too but now I am on Olanzapine help me sleep but I am trying to stay away from medication.

LegacyUser · 11-01-2014 10:17am

Ugh, I think my depression and anxiety/health anxiety are trying to come back. I was seeing a psychologist and on anti-depressants and things seemed to be better. I was never seriously depressed but it was mild, and the anti-depressants were mostly to control my anxiety. I've been off the anti-depressants since August. Things were better and the GP reduced my dose and got me off them. In hindsight it may not have been the right time as I ended up out of work for 3 months and then started a new job. The new place is a lot different from the last one and even though I'm there 3 months, I still don't feel settled. There isn't much work at the mo but I'm chained to my desk anyway and can't leave early as I have to clock in and out every day which irritates the hell out of me as its an IT job and it feels like the dark ages. Also everyone else on my team has flexible time in their contracts and I don't as the company has removed that from all new contracts. So I have to watch others arrive late and/or leave early and it drives me insane.

So I've been feeling stressed about that and just want to pack up and move home as it all feels like its too much at times. Don't really want to go back on medication and I feel like I have a natural cure available (healthy clean plant based diet, no processed food/junk and exercise). But even now as I lay here in bed, knowing I have some food and juice nearby that will probably make me feel better, I just don't even want to get out of bed. The whole 9-5 thing is driving me insane and I don't have any savings either which isn't good. Sometimes I just want to pack up, stop working and take a year or more off and figure out what I want from my life.

It just all feels like its too much. Can't stop catastrophizing.

handbagmad · 12-01-2014 1:16am

Jerry2013 wrote: »

owk alot, i got psychosis too but now I am on Olanzapine help me sleep but I am trying to stay away from medication.

not so bad gerry. I need normal meds for the depression.
Slept 6 hours a night the last two nights hope to have turned a corner.

WayneScott · 12-01-2014 12:31pm

handbagmad wrote: »

Delmane? (spelling) For sleeping 30 mg only short term.
Normal meds effexor and seroquel.

Dalmane

RubyXI · 12-01-2014 7:11pm

Will a doctor be able to help if I have both depression and anxiety?

Gremlinertia · 12-01-2014 7:29pm

phi3 wrote: »

Will a doctor be able to help if I have both depression and anxiety?

Absolutely yes. Gp is the best first step, they will give you options like medicines and referrals for talk therapies etc.

RubyXI · 12-01-2014 7:41pm

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Absolutely yes. Gp is the best first step, they will give you options like medicines and referrals for talk therapies etc.

They just feel like opposite problems. I'm trying to get to a gp. But trying to work out what to say.

handbagmad · 12-01-2014 8:51pm

phi3 wrote: »

They just feel like opposite problems. I'm trying to get to a gp. But trying to work out what to say.

phi if you can't find the words write it down. Think about what you want and need to say before you go. Show the doctor what you've written if you can't voice it.

eh i dunno · 12-01-2014 8:52pm

phi3 wrote: »

Will a doctor be able to help if I have both depression and anxiety?

I may be wrong but is it not the same meds for both?

Im on Lexapro for anxiety and i think they are prescribed for depression too

Rothko · 12-01-2014 8:53pm

eh i dunno wrote: »

I may be wrong but is it not the same meds for both?

Im on Lexapro for anxiety and i think they are prescribed for depression too

Yeah, Lexapro is used for both.

I'm mainly on it for depression but it also helps with anxiety.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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