Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

titan18 · 25-02-2013 11:29pm

What a horrible day. Was in college for about an hour and so much bad happened, I went home and spent the next 7 hours in bed. Self-harmed again to make it worse, as I had gone over a week without it.

Dunny · 25-02-2013 11:32pm

Im not too bad since I started my youth worker job. If im down they will pick up on it like, so have to atleast try be upbeat. Im going back to the doc about the Lexapro because they arent worth she-ite in my experience.

Corkfeen · 26-02-2013 8:07pm

I've concluded that I have to get help now so will arrange a doctors appointment tomorrow. I was okay for a couple of days but now my minds reeling again. I had to submit a few essays last week and I could barely motivate myself to write them. But I managed to write one fairly well in the end but the second was supposed to be written in a way which I had never done previously, a document analysis.

I did analyse it but I only had 2 secondary references for the thousand words(a history essay). I didn't even comprehend that I had done it wrong up until now. Now I feel like its either going to result in my first ever failure in college or just a ****e mark. But the thing is I feel like I've messed up numerous essays this term.(Haven't got the results back yet) Up until today I wasn't really worried about college but now I feel like i've fecked everything up. My mind hasn't been straight for ages but I've somehow managed to avoid messing up college.I have no social life which probably helped.

Now i'm in my final year and I have no clue if i've ruined everything. So now i'm anxious about pretty much everything in my life. I don't even see the point in the degree at this point as I don't think a postgrad is an option. I'm stuck waiting a couple of months for results and I just can't deal with pressure and this is going to hang over me.

I'm sick of not being able to focus or do anything right. I've concluded that I'm rather worthless and have just wasted away the past few years of my life. At least if I go for help,I can start making some progress. But I feel like i've allowed myself to create this absurd mess where I have nothing good in my life.

theidiots · 26-02-2013 11:45pm

Corkfeen wrote: »

I've concluded that I have to get help now so will arrange a doctors appointment tomorrow. I was okay for a couple of days but now my minds reeling again. I had to submit a few essays last week and I could barely motivate myself to write them. But I managed to write one fairly well in the end but the second was supposed to be written in a way which I had never done previously, a document analysis.

I did analyse it but I only had 2 secondary references for the thousand words(a history essay). I didn't even comprehend that I had done it wrong up until now. Now I feel like its either going to result in my first ever failure in college or just a ****e mark. But the thing is I feel like I've messed up numerous essays this term.(Haven't got the results back yet) Up until today I wasn't really worried about college but now I feel like i've fecked everything up. My mind hasn't been straight for ages but I've somehow managed to avoid messing up college.I have no social life which probably helped.

Now i'm in my final year and I have no clue if i've ruined everything. So now i'm anxious about pretty much everything in my life. I don't even see the point in the degree at this point as I don't think a postgrad is an option. I'm stuck waiting a couple of months for results and I just can't deal with pressure and this is going to hang over me.

I'm sick of not being able to focus or do anything right. I've concluded that I'm rather worthless and have just wasted away the past few years of my life. At least if I go for help,I can start making some progress. But I feel like i've allowed myself to create this absurd mess where I have nothing good in my life.

Don't fret you can still get into a postgrad with a pass degree, maybe not all of them if the demands are high. There is also Higer Diplomas available which you can get into with any degree. These are basically Level 8 one year courses which you need an undergraduate degree to get into. Very good courses.

E.g Business student finishes his undergraduate degree. Wants to do Computer Science instead. He completes the one year Level 8 Higher Diploma and then does his Masters in Computer Science. There's always work arounds

Gremlinertia · 27-02-2013 12:08am

Corkfeen wrote: »

I've concluded that I have to get help now so will arrange a doctors appointment tomorrow. I was okay for a couple of days but now my minds reeling again. I had to submit a few essays last week and I could barely motivate myself to write them. But I managed to write one fairly well in the end but the second was supposed to be written in a way which I had never done previously, a document analysis.

I did analyse it but I only had 2 secondary references for the thousand words(a history essay). I didn't even comprehend that I had done it wrong up until now. Now I feel like its either going to result in my first ever failure in college or just a ****e mark. But the thing is I feel like I've messed up numerous essays this term.(Haven't got the results back yet) Up until today I wasn't really worried about college but now I feel like i've fecked everything up. My mind hasn't been straight for ages but I've somehow managed to avoid messing up college.I have no social life which probably helped.

Now i'm in my final year and I have no clue if i've ruined everything. So now i'm anxious about pretty much everything in my life. I don't even see the point in the degree at this point as I don't think a postgrad is an option. I'm stuck waiting a couple of months for results and I just can't deal with pressure and this is going to hang over me.

I'm sick of not being able to focus or do anything right. I've concluded that I'm rather worthless and have just wasted away the past few years of my life. At least if I go for help,I can start making some progress. But I feel like i've allowed myself to create this absurd mess where I have nothing good in my life.

Help is readily available within college - however don't feel alone in this, it seems some of have to go to breaking point and beyond before we seek help.. Be grateful for your clarity of mind over this, and last of all feel free to pm me for rants, ok?.

Corkfeen · 28-02-2013 9:47pm

Thanks for the support, went to the gp yesterday and i'm finally beginning to work on it.

BizzyLizzie · 28-02-2013 9:59pm

That's great Corkfeen. Hope it goes well for you

I'm gonna start seeing a counselor in the next couple of days. Been feeling far too up and down with my moods lately to not do something about it.

titan18 · 28-02-2013 10:37pm

Back to counsellor in the morning, and a doctor appointment again, which I assume will just be an increase in dosage considering this strength isn't working at all.

Arm is just a mess atm, and pretty sure the two people I was talking to about this aren't interested in talking to me anymore (at least one isn't at all, and the other just isn't talking much to me), which sucks. Add that to the girl I asked out not even wanting to be friends with me anymore, college issues and the fact that I'm pretty sure most of the people I hang around with just don't care, it's been a god awful few weeks.

I don't even know what I've done to be like this, most people say I'm a nice guy and everything, but no one is ever there for me when I need them, and if they are, they're not for long.

I'd just love a friend, who actually cared, someone I could talk to that I wasn't paying for their help. You'd think that wouldn't be much to ask for, but anyone I've ever had just leaves eventually.

Gremlinertia · 28-02-2013 11:52pm

titan18 wrote: »

Back to counsellor in the morning, and a doctor appointment again, which I assume will just be an increase in dosage considering this strength isn't working at all.

Arm is just a mess atm, and pretty sure the two people I was talking to about this aren't interested in talking to me anymore (at least one isn't at all, and the other just isn't talking much to me), which sucks. Add that to the girl I asked out not even wanting to be friends with me anymore, college issues and the fact that I'm pretty sure most of the people I hang around with just don't care, it's been a god awful few weeks.

I don't even know what I've done to be like this, most people say I'm a nice guy and everything, but no one is ever there for me when I need them, and if they are, they're not for long.

I'd just love a friend, who actually cared, someone I could talk to that I wasn't paying for their help. You'd think that wouldn't be much to ask for, but anyone I've ever had just leaves eventually.

This, a thousand times this.. Think maybe i don't understand how friendships work a lot of the time.. I have to cop on and make contact with my therapist soon too. Haven't been since early december but i've been thrown off a bit with already three funerals this year.. Constantly feels like one step forward, two steps back.. Struggling with change in meds too. However by the sounds of things a lot of people are going through much harder times of late, i hope it picks up a bit for you all soon..

cloud493 · 01-03-2013 2:48pm

Self harm awareness day today

DeVore · 02-03-2013 2:29am

phi3 wrote: »

Why am I sad when I'm supposed to be happy? Can't understand it. I'm annoying myself.

I remember one day thinking "I'm sad because I'm not happy... how fncked up is that".

Its a self-fulfilling sort of chinese finger-trap.... and similarly the only way out of it is to kinda relax and stop trying and just take things easy.

Its kinda counter intuitive! When you are saddest and at yourself for not "being better"... treat yourself gently and be kind to yourself.

nesf · 02-03-2013 2:48am

DeVore wrote: »

I remember one day thinking "I'm sad because I'm not happy... how fncked up is that".

The contrast is kind of amusing with the opposite side of things, i.e. the various stages of mania. You're happy all the time. It's really hard to convince yourself that there's something wrong, it's so easy to say "I'm happy because X happened" and it just keeps spiralling up until you go past the point of no return and it becomes a full blown mania and you end up needing either a trip to hospital or heavy medication. Followed usually by a nice deep depression.

It's rather pleasant before you get really manic though.

BizzyLizzie · 02-03-2013 2:51am

I feel very weird today. One minute I'm feeling great, the next I wanna cry. Now I'm feeling very happy for no reason. I don't trust it...

titan18 · 02-03-2013 2:58am

Rough enough day for, spent close to 4 hours between doctors this morning, and in waiting rooms, so wasn't the best start to a day you can want, but got a bit better after all the talking, but will see how the increase in dosage of the anti depressants works now

Hersheys · 02-03-2013 3:56pm

I just want it to be better. I can't handle the constant mood swings. For the past few weeks I finally thought I was on the mend. I was taking my meds, and I was on such a high. I can't explain how high I was. I was even hallucinating. And I was sleeping around with both genders. It's not normal behaviour for me.

But now I'm in a major low. Can't leave the house, can't even face showering. I'm having difficulty getting out of bed. I'm due to see a psychiatrist on Tuesday. My first time.

handbagmad · 03-03-2013 12:32am

does anybody else fantasise about how their life would be if things turned out differently? like me i always wanted to learn an instrument. I fantasise a lot about being in a band or playing a trad session. I Know its mad but I see myself so confident. I love music maybe its my calling who knows.

Id like to say alos Nsef if you see this I always value your opinion I am now being assessed as being on the bi-polar spectrum.

My GP has been amazing with me. I've been told that going into hospital to be fully assessed would be the best option for me but there is really no facilities where i live.

I really hope people dont mind me posting long silly posts here

neemish · 03-03-2013 1:22am

Handbag, for me I always wonder would things be different if I had been able to get help at an early age or if someone had noticed something was wrong.

Hospital assessment is good, but depends on the hospital! Do you have health insurance?

Posts aren't long or silly!!

handbagmad · 03-03-2013 1:31am

neemish wrote: »

Handbag, for me I always wonder would things be different if I had been able to get help at an early age or if someone had noticed something was wrong.

Hospital assessment is good, but depends on the hospital! Do you have health insurance?

Posts aren't long or silly!!

im sorta dealing with this on my own since about the age of 13. went to gp at 14 she's really been my rock/agony aunt since although really i shouldnt be relying on her so much its just my mam cant be here for me she is ill(another story)
where I am living neemish the mental health part of the general hospital has been closed down. although I can go to my gp its kinda expensive at 50euro a pop so i generally wait till at wits end to go. I dont have health insurance and dont qualify for medical card(though that might change in the next few months)

neemish · 03-03-2013 1:36am

I'd be lost without my own GP. Have been with her for about ten years. Very honest relationship, and can rely on her to tell me how things really are.
Nobody noticed I was in trouble when I was small. Got worse and worse so that now I'm trying to sort out twenty five years of sh1t.

Do you have an alternative to the local hospital. Have you applied for the Medical Card on medical grounds? That's how I have mine. I'm above the threshold but have it because of my illness.

Gillo · 03-03-2013 1:41am

DeVore wrote: »

I remember one day thinking "I'm sad because I'm not happy... how fncked up is that".

Funny that reminded me of something an ex said to me one day when I was really bad (that low you really don't think you'll get out off), she asked me "Whats wrong with right now? sitting here talking to me, whats wrong?" and something just kinda clicked that right then it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. OK, its not a long term solution but in the short term I found it great.

I haven't posted here in ages and feel a bit bad coming back, does anyone else get that guilt for no reason?

neemish · 03-03-2013 1:46am

I feel guilt if I don't reply to people who are struggling, even if I can hardly get myself out of bed. Like I should be looking after others even when I can't look after myself.

Also feel bad that i can't cope with the "let's all laugh at people with dep" thread. It's too much for me for some reason. Is that silly?

I've had a lovely few days and yet....still look at a lake and think of driving into it.

handbagmad · 03-03-2013 1:49am

neemish wrote: »

I'd be lost without my own GP. Have been with her for about ten years. Very honest relationship, and can rely on her to tell me how things really are.
Nobody noticed I was in trouble when I was small. Got worse and worse so that now I'm trying to sort out twenty five years of sh1t.

Do you have an alternative to the local hospital. Have you applied for the Medical Card on medical grounds? That's how I have mine. I'm above the threshold but have it because of my illness.

i will appy in a while as i have crohns disease also. My circumstances financially are about to change in the next few months so my gp will try help me get even a doctor only card.

I know what your saying if my gp gave it up in the morning I dont know what id do. She knows even when im lying and say everything is ok.

All mental health services here are done on a daycare bases. I get to see a psychatrist once every two months!!! for 20mins. and at that seems to be a different person everytime. You know yourself you dont feel comfortable talkin about these things to anyone. In particular to a new face.

thanks for the replys neemish. nice to know im not alone.

titan18 · 03-03-2013 1:54am

God ya, without my GP, I'd be lost. Been with her a while, and it's cos she knows my history and everything throughout the last few years and everything I've told her. Having to go to counsellors and psychiatrists and just repeating everything over and over again for the first few sessions gets boring

Got to say, I don't really like the AH thread, it's too big, and I don't particularly like the thread title

handbagmad · 03-03-2013 1:54am

neemish wrote: »

I feel guilt if I don't reply to people who are struggling, even if I can hardly get myself out of bed. Like I should be looking after others even when I can't look after myself.

Also feel bad that i can't cope with the "let's all laugh at people with dep" thread. It's too much for me for some reason. Is that silly?

I've had a lovely few days and yet....still look at a lake and think of driving into it.

please dont feel guilty. Im selfish really and dont offer advice because I do be afraid of saying the wrong thing,
I just post in the after hours thread to vent aswell maybe I am bloody selfish.
I everydau check out this thread and you are always helping people and I admire you so much for that.

neemish · 03-03-2013 1:56am

I hate public mental health services for all the reasons you said. Seeing a different person each time, always a jnr doctor, waiting for hours for an infuriating twenty minute apt. So its like starting over and over. By the time I finished with the HSE, I always knew more than the twit who saw me!
Am lucky enough to be private now. Always just see the consultant - maybe the registrar. I don't think it occurs to the HSE that they are actually making people worse the way they run their appointments!

handbagmad · 03-03-2013 2:01am

titan18 wrote: »

God ya, without my GP, I'd be lost. Been with her a while, and it's cos she knows my history and everything throughout the last few years and everything I've told her. Having to go to counsellors and psychiatrists and just repeating everything over and over again for the first few sessions gets boring

Got to say, I don't really like the AH thread, it's too big, and I don't particularly like the thread title

My gp god love her is prob on valium herself with the sh*t i tell her she has a way of gettin things out of me and keeping me calm that no physciatist or phscyisatric nurse has and she always rationalises my thoughts.

On the after hours thread I think i just like the fact that the general public can see what this is like?!? could be wrong tho

IzzyWizzy · 03-03-2013 2:03am

Fed up with hearing "what have you got to be depressed about?" and other variations of that stupid question. Fed up of older people thinking I have the life of Riley because I'm young. As if young people just go out partying all the time and have no worries at all.

I know I have a great life compared to lots of people, but as you all know, that doesn't really matter at all when you're depressed!

Hearing that phrase actually makes me feel a thousand times worse. Because I know I should be happy and thankful. I already feel terrible and guilty for being so miserable.

:mad:

nesf · 03-03-2013 2:04am

handbagmad wrote: »

On the after hours thread I think i just like the fact that the general public can see what this is like?!? could be wrong tho

The ones who want to remain ignorant will keep on going as they were unfortunately.

handbagmad · 03-03-2013 2:04am

neemish wrote: »

I hate public mental health services for all the reasons you said. Seeing a different person each time, always a jnr doctor, waiting for hours for an infuriating twenty minute apt. So its like starting over and over. By the time I finished with the HSE, I always knew more than the twit who saw me!
Am lucky enough to be private now. Always just see the consultant - maybe the registrar. I don't think it occurs to the HSE that they are actually making people worse the way they run their appointments!

neemish I always feel like im being trialed for a crime or something? I have to sit for at least 20mins till he or she reads through my file then ask me a load of bull**** questions and then go ask the boss weither or not to change meds?
Its like your a f**king guinny pig

neemish · 03-03-2013 2:04am

A good GP is worth their weight in gold. When I'm in hospital, my psych tells me to ring my Gp for advice!

Well, my old pych....in the middle of changing at the moment which is causing huge upset. But the guy I had was arrongance personified and I couldn't work with him anymore. Hoping that it will be sorted this week.
Feel slightly adrift without a psych

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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