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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1892
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Boxing Commision strip Ricky Hatton of his boxing licence.

    This must be terrible news for the retired fighter.


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    #1893
    JohnCleary
    Registered Users Posts: 10,207 ✭✭✭✭JohnCleary


    The Highwayman wrote: »
    Whats yellow and dangerous?

    Shark infested custard

    The discharge from my penis


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    #1894
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    My English teacher once told me my grammar was ****.

    I replied;



    “Well, your granddads a twat”

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1895
    Carra23
    Registered Users Posts: 476 ✭✭Carra23


    Did you hear the British Nationalist Party donated 6000 crocodiles to the Pakistani flood appeal...........................


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    #1896
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Ebay help

    HELP :(. . . does anyone know how to cancel an eBay bid?


    I made an offer for a mickey mouse outfit and now I'm 6 minutes away from owning Liverpool football club

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1897
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Lets face it; after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says; WTF:mad:

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1898
    keano_afc
    Registered Users Posts: 8,711 ✭✭✭keano_afc


    My 3 unwritten rules for life:

    1.
    2
    3.


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    #1899
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    CONFUCIUS SAY:D

    A lion will not betray his wife...................... but a tiger wood

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1900
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    What does Mr. T stand for??..... A fool robbed his chair


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    #1901
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    Why is your sh1te pointy?







    So your hole doesnt slam shut!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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    #1902
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Ryder Cup called off yesterday due to rain... there's a sight you don't often see - Tiger Woods walking away from a wet hole.


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    #1903
    dexter647
    Registered Users Posts: 1,218 ✭✭✭dexter647


    When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
    old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
    shower.
    She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
    I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
    tummy.'
    'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'


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    #1904
    WhitePhantom
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭WhitePhantom


    Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
    .
    .
    .
    He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a Dog!

    Did you hear about the man who stayed up all night wondering where the sun went?
    .
    .
    .
    It eventually dawned on him!


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    #1905
    viper.10
    Closed Accounts Posts: 134 ✭✭viper.10


    what does ashley cole, john terry, peter crouch and wayne rooney all got in common? they all have wives that need to try harder!!!


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    #1906
    illogicalloser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭illogicalloser


    Woman walks into a Garda station clothes ripped covered in cuts and bruises and says to the desk officer "Help I've been graped !" "Graped ?" says the Garda "There was a bunch of them !" she replied.


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    #1907
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users Posts: 20,929 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    Why does noddy have bell on the end of his hat.....
    Because he's a C*nt!!!


    Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
    Coz he's married!!!


    I'l get my coat...


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    #1908
    viper.10
    Closed Accounts Posts: 134 ✭✭viper.10


    A group of Dyslexic's are starting their own football team - they are calling themselves Dyslexia Untied!!:D


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    #1909
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    Are orchestras in Japan conducted with a knife and fork?


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    #1910
    illogicalloser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭illogicalloser


    Teenage girl passes her driving test goes home and tells her dad all exited she asks him if she can have the family car for the evening. Dad replies well to get the keys you will have to suck my cock, she moans a bit but eventually agrees to his request. Removing his dick from his pants she notices there is **** all over his knob eeeewwww she shrieks !! Oh **** says the dad I forgot your brother has the car tonight !!


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    #1911
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    News: 'Boy Georges reptile bites 5 people in one day.'


    He needs a calmer chameleon.


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    #1912
    Overature
    Registered Users Posts: 908 ✭✭✭Overature


    so a man walks in to a bar with a monkey, i forgot the rest of the joke but your moms a whore


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    #1913
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Just got 3D TV, fook me it's good,












    I fell asleep during the Liverpool game and when I woke up my wallet was gone :mad:

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1914
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping
    channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'










    I said, 'Dust.'


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    #1915
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I had a really bad dream last night,

    I dreamt the grim reaper was coming after my soul and I was beating him off with the hoover.











    Talk about Dyson with death !!!

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1916
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,274 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I fancied chinky last night,so I phoned Kings China Buffet.

    The guy answered and said

    "Herro, I'm Wan King the cook"

    I said" no worries I'll call back later.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1917
    adamshort
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭adamshort


    why did the hippy drown?

    coz he was too far out maaaannn


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    #1918
    dexter647
    Registered Users Posts: 1,218 ✭✭✭dexter647


    Did ya hear the one about the two scottish quier's...

    Ben Dunn and Phil Mc Crevis..


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    #1919
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    dexter647 wrote: »
    Did ya hear the one about the two scottish quier's...

    Ben Dunn and Phil Mc Crevis..



    ben dover....... phil mc cracken... *cough*


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    #1920
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    illogicalloser wrote: »
    Woman walks into a Garda station clothes ripped covered in cuts and bruises and says to the desk officer "Help I've been graped !" "Graped ?" says the Garda "There was a bunch of them !" she replied.



    woman raped by a polar bear... copper asks... "can you describe him..."


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    #1921
    dexter647
    Registered Users Posts: 1,218 ✭✭✭dexter647


    thebullkf wrote: »
    ben dover....... phil mc cracken... *cough*

    No way...:P


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