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Child Item

Baby screaming in restaurant

c68zapdsm5i1ru

I was in a restaurant at lunchtime yesterday with a couple of friends. A couple sitting near us had a small child in a high chair. The dad was playing a game where he hid behind a napkin and then peeped out and the baby would start shrieking with delight. This went on for about ten minutes and the screams were getting really ear piercing. Eventually a woman at a nearby table went over and said something and the father stopped but didn't look too happy about it.

One of my friends thought the woman was out of order but myself and other friend were grateful to her. Just wondering who you think was in the right? Would never have asked the dad to stop myself but the noise was really starting to get on my nerves.

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Speedwell

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Sometimes you just can't win.

I was on a flight when my son was 6 months. He was crying because his ears were hurting. Only thing that helped was bouncing him on my knee. Kept him quiet and happy and I presumed it would be to the appreciation of others.

A few mins later an older 'gentleman' turned in his seat and gave out sh1te to me saying the sound of him bouncing on my knee was irritating as hell. The guy was puce in the face he was so angry.

Flight attended came along to see what the ruckus was and she in turn gave out crap to him stating it was a family friendly airline, we did nothing wrong and he could sit in a different seat if he had an issue. When we got off the flight a number of people came up to me apologising for his behaviour and told me they had no idea why he acted like such an arseh@le and they could all see I did the best thing for the baby and others on the flight.

Oh, for sure. Any idiot knows that babies and planes have certain incompatibility issues, and that a parent trying to soothe a baby is doing their level best, and that people would rather have root canals than take their baby on a flight if they didn't absolutely have to. I certainly don't envy the parents. I certainly ask to be moved if a seat is available farther from the fray. I honestly thought everyone knew that.

catbear

The art of diplomacy is letting other people have your way.

I'd go the table with loud child and tell them where supermacs and mcdonalds is. When they ask why I'd helpfully tell them that those places have put more thought into looking after parents with young toddlers. Say it all with a big smile, tell them what a cute little thing they've got and ask if they know anywhere you can get earplugs.

Speedwell

catbear wrote: »

The art of diplomacy is letting other people have your way.

I'd go the table with loud child and tell them where supermacs and mcdonalds is. When they ask why I'd helpfully tell them that those places have put more thought into looking after parents with young toddlers. Say it all with a big smile, tell them what a cute little thing they've got and ask if they know anywhere you can get earplugs.

I think you have diplomacy confused with passive-aggressiveness. Diplomacy is, "I see you're having a bit of a hard time; can I help?" If the parent is not lost to all reason and good manners, they will sense that you think their situation is suboptimal and will start thinking of ways to make it better. Your approach just antagonizes people.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Sometimes you just can't win.

I was on a flight when my son was 6 months. He was crying because his ears were hurting. Only thing that helped was bouncing him on my knee. Kept him quiet and happy and I presumed it would be to the appreciation of others.

A few mins later an older 'gentleman' turned in his seat and gave out sh1te to me saying the sound of him bouncing on my knee was irritating as hell. The guy was puce in the face he was so angry.

Flight attendant came along to see what the ruckus was and she in turn gave out crap to him stating it was a family friendly airline, we did nothing wrong and he could sit in a different seat if he had an issue. When we got off the flight a number of people came up to me apologising for his behaviour and told me they had no idea why he acted like such an arseh@le and they could all see I did the best thing for the baby and others on the flight.

That's not the same if a child is upset because they're in pain or there's something wrong. You know that baby cry, when they're crying for something specific. If there was a screaming baby next to me on a plane who was clearly distressed I would ask the parent if there was anything I could do. They're in a confined space and nobody can be expected to leave.

If the parent was deliberately making the child scream be it happy or sad screams, either in a confined space or in a restaurant, I would consider that parent to be a dick

lawred2

LexieOnRale wrote: »

The exact same way as I told off a parent for allowing her son persistently kick my legs on public transport for over an hour.
Or how I'll ask a child please don't kick your football at my table please.
When a parent refuses to acknowledge their child's bad behaviour and that behaviour is affecting me, I'll have no problem saying it.

Thing I don't see the baby in the op as being bad, just the father, with the smug self entitled attitude

Good for you.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Yes it was actually.

Keane2baMused

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If the parent was deliberately making the child scream be it happy or sad screams, either in a confined space or in a restaurant, I would consider that parent to be a dick

If it's a choice between having to listen to someone's little darling scream (happy) or screaming crying is the former not more preferable though?

I have a sensory processing disorder which leaves me extremely sensitive to sound but I wouldn't consider another parent a self-entitled d1ck for trying to keep them happy. It may be a nightmare to listen to but I don't think it's fair to assume it makes them an a-hole.

Sure some of them may well be a-holes and think the world should stop look and listen to their little Beyoncé, but I can't see that as the general consensus.

copeyhagen

when you have no kids its easy to say "look at that kid screaming"

then you have kids, try to go for a meal and YOUR that couple in the restaurant with the screaming kid getting all the looks from the childless people.. its a nightmare, the amount of times we have had to leave even starbucks cuz the kid decides nows a great time to throw a tantrum...

kids.... pain in the ass but ya gotta love em!!:D

oh, and try being on a Ryanair plane with a small baby whos ears have popped and wont unpop, even with bottle or soother and decides to scream the plane down for 2 hours!!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Keane2baMused wrote: »

If it's a choice between having to listen to someone's little darling scream (happy) or screaming crying is the former not more preferable though?

I have a sensory processing disorder which leaves me extremely sensitive to sound but I wouldn't consider another parent a self-entitled d1ck for trying to keep them happy. It may be a nightmare to listen to but I don't think it's fair to assume it makes them an a-hole.

Sure some of them may well be a-holes and think the world should stop look and listen to their little Beyoncé, but I can't see that as the general consensus.

Id consider keeping them amused quietly and if they were going to start crying or getting upset, no big deal. Scoop them up, bring them outside, let them look at the flowers, or point out a dog across the road, or give them cuddles and kisses until they're feeling better, and when all calm is restored, bring them back inside. A crying child is not the end of the world, once it's dealt with.

Being honest if the noise levels are the same it's equally annoying

A Shaved Duck?

LexieOnRale wrote: »

The exact same way as I told off a parent for allowing her son persistently kick my legs on public transport for over an hour.
Or how I'll ask a child please don't kick your football at my table please.
When a parent refuses to acknowledge their child's bad behaviour and that behaviour is affecting me, I'll have no problem saying it.

Thing I don't see the baby in the op as being bad, just the father, with the smug self entitled attitude

Hang on you allowed a child to kick your legs for an hour on public transport...but the sound of a child laughing loudly would have you out of your seat and reprimanding the parent straight away?.

I honestly think some people need to get some perspective and stop exagerrating how offended they are by children and the associated noises that come with them in public settings.

Neyite

Beatrice Inexpensive Staple wrote: »

It was a middling priced restaurant, attached to heritage/tourist type place. The menu was a brunch/lunch type one with, for example, salad dishes priced at 9-10 euro.

If I wanted a nice weekend day out, somewhere like this is exactly where I'd go - a place of interest to further show my child a bit of culture or heritage and a nice lunch to eat afterwards. The menu in places like that would appeal to all of us - I prefer salads, the OH loves a gourmet sandwich and our child would eat pasta or a proper dinner-type meal. He hates chips and fizzy drinks, and pretty much 99% of stuff on a fast food menu. So I don't see why we as a family should be consigned to eat in a fast-food place, where none of us really likes the food just because we have a young child, like some on the thread have suggested.

I persevered in bringing my child to coffee shops and restaurants when he was little and he loves it. He sits quietly and usually I have a couple of small toys to keep him occupied. Occasionally I plug him into my phone or a tablet to watch something if the food is taking a lot longer than usual or he's getting fidgety, neglectful mother that I am. :rolleyes: But in the early days we did have the odd meltdown where I removed him, and he knows if he kicks off, we leave. So he behaves with the bribe of a new small toy at the end of our outing.

Having said that, I do think that the father was overdoing it in this case. For starters, getting a baby worked up laughing or squealing after a meal is usually going to end in the kid puking. Which is a pain in the hole when you've put nice clothes on the kid for the outing, and means changing and trying to clean up with baby wipes. No thanks. Not fair on the baby or the parent who has to clean it up (usually not the one that caused the puking in the first place!) its not fair on the staff having to sanitise a table, and certainly not fair on nearby diners. The squealing wouldn't bother me personally but I think when you become a parent, you become a bit immune to those kind of noises - I know I have and barely register it other than briefly think Kid Screaming. Not mine. Phew. Carry on as you were.

But then consideration for others goes a long way. Squeals and crying from a baby I let slide, because at least they cant help it, and know no better. But the Loud Obnoxious Phone User or the Shrill Women Wot Lunch With Wine are pains in the hole too, and they have no excuse, unlike babies. Lets not get started on the Table Rearrangers, moving tables into the aisle and leaving bags and chairs in everyone's way. Seat Hoggers are annoying too. 3 of us are squished onto a tiny table for two trying to have a meal while one woman and all her shopping take up a table for four with a single latte. Give me a happy baby over that lot any day.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Sometimes you just can't win.

I was on a flight when my son was 6 months. He was crying because his ears were hurting. Only thing that helped was bouncing him on my knee. Kept him quiet and happy and I presumed it would be to the appreciation of others.

A few mins later an older 'gentleman' turned in his seat and gave out sh1te to me saying the sound of him bouncing on my knee was irritating as hell. The guy was puce in the face he was so angry.

Flight attendant came along to see what the ruckus was and she in turn gave out crap to him stating it was a family friendly airline, we did nothing wrong and he could sit in a different seat if he had an issue. When we got off the flight a number of people came up to me apologising for his behaviour and told me they had no idea why he acted like such an arseh@le and they could all see I did the best thing for the baby and others on the flight.

That's a totally different situation. Of course that guy was being unreasonable, but how does that compare to a father deliberately winding his baby up to screech and scream in a public place?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

A Shaved Duck? wrote: »

Hang on you allowed a child to kick your legs for an hour on public transport...but the sound of a child laughing loudly would have you out of your seat and reprimanding the parent straight away?.

I honestly think some people need to get some perspective and stop exagerrating how offended they are by children and the associated noises that come with them in public settings.

The child sat in front of me swinging his legs and kicking me. He was about 8. I said it politely to him first, and it continued. I said it to his mother and she said it to him. It continued. I answered a phone call from my friend and was passive aggressive "I'm just here on the train, having the legs kicked off me by some young lad", which the mother ignored.
Eventually I asked her to swap seats with her son because at this stage I was going to be black and blue. No doubt she thought I was a raging bitch but as long as her child was happy she didn't care.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Neyite wrote: »

If I wanted a nice weekend day out, somewhere like this is exactly where I'd go - a place of interest to further show my child a bit of culture or heritage and a nice lunch to eat afterwards. The menu in places like that would appeal to all of us - I prefer salads, the OH loves a gourmet sandwich and our child would eat pasta or a proper dinner-type meal. He hates chips and fizzy drinks, and pretty much 99% of stuff on a fast food menu. So I don't see why we as a family should be consigned to eat in a fast-food place, where none of us really likes the food just because we have a young child, like some on the thread have suggested.

I persevered in bringing my child to coffee shops and restaurants when he was little and he loves it. He sits quietly and usually I have a couple of small toys to keep him occupied. Occasionally I plug him into my phone or a tablet to watch something if the food is taking a lot longer than usual or he's getting fidgety, neglectful mother that I am. :rolleyes: But in the early days we did have the odd meltdown where I removed him, and he knows if he kicks off, we leave. So he behaves with the bribe of a new small toy at the end of our outing.

Having said that, I do think that the father was overdoing it in this case. For starters, getting a baby worked up laughing or squealing after a meal is usually going to end in the kid puking. Which is a pain in the hole when you've put nice clothes on the kid for the outing, and means changing and trying to clean up with baby wipes. No thanks. Not fair on the baby or the parent who has to clean it up (usually not the one that caused the puking in the first place!) its not fair on the staff having to sanitise a table, and certainly not fair on nearby diners. The squealing wouldn't bother me personally but I think when you become a parent, you become a bit immune to those kind of noises - I know I have and barely register it other than briefly think Kid Screaming. Not mine. Phew. Carry on as you were.

But then consideration for others goes a long way. Squeals and crying from a baby I let slide, because at least they cant help it, and know no better. But the Loud Obnoxious Phone User or the Shrill Women Wot Lunch With Wine are pains in the hole too, and they have no excuse, unlike babies. Lets not get started on the Table Rearrangers, moving tables into the aisle and leaving bags and chairs in everyone's way. Seat Hoggers are annoying too. 3 of us are squished onto a tiny table for two trying to have a meal while one woman and all her shopping take up a table for four with a single latte. Give me a happy baby over that lot any day.

Not really sure how that relates to the subject of this thread. No one has said that children shouldn't be in restaurants, or shouldn't be allowed chat, laugh or emit the odd shout. Just that parents (as you seem to do) should be aware that they're in a public place and realise when the noise levels are getting a big too loud for other people's comfort.

And yes, there's lots of irritating things adults do in restaurants as well eg shouting into phones, constantly erupting into really loud laughter, pushing their chairs back so far the person behind them has barely any room.

Everyone in a restaurant should show a bit of cop on and consideration for others, while realising that they're not in a church and there's going to be the normal sounds of groups of people chatting away at their tables.

catbear

Speedwell wrote: »

Your approach just antagonizes people.

If their antagonisation is acceptable then why isn't mine? double standards there.

Speedwell

catbear wrote: »

If their antagonisation is acceptable then why isn't mine? double standards there.

Seriously?

Estrellita

I used to play peek-a-boo with my children when they were babies as a means of entertainment with them. It can be like trying to eat out with a ticking time bomb at the best of times. If they aren't sleeping they generally need some sort of stimulation or you won't get much peace. This is how my hairbrush and other snippets in my bag got replaced by things that make crinkley or rattle noises and bits of half chewed Farrellys rusks

I can understand diners wanting a peaceful meal just as much as I understand the frustration of just wanting to feel like a normal person and be able to leave the house for a while when you become a parent.

What I don't remember is being able to keep up a game of pee-a-boo for ten minutes straight, or my children continuing to be amused by it for that long. When they tire of laughing the mood can quickly change. However. It sounds to me like the father was trying to keep the baby in good form. After all, most people would rather listen to an intermittent shriek-giggle than a continuous bawl.

High chairs do mean families are welcome, and meal-times are rarely a quiet affair.The Father probably wasn't conscious of how loud the baby was, and I'd imagine quite ashamed of his public scolding. I do not think that was fair.

A Shaved Duck?

catbear wrote: »

The art of diplomacy is letting other people have your way.

I'd go the table with loud child and tell them where supermacs and mcdonalds is. When they ask why I'd helpfully tell them that those places have put more thought into looking after parents with young toddlers. Say it all with a big smile, tell them what a cute little thing they've got and ask if they know anywhere you can get earplugs.

No you wouldnt..

Emmadilema123

As far as I'm concerned if you cant control your emotions and you allow the noise of a child to raise your anger that much your the bigger child. At least a child has an excuse for having no control of their emotions.

Ultimately your the one that loses because your at home still feeling the side effects of your stress and that child's at home having the craic with his daddy again!

esforum

Beatrice Inexpensive Staple wrote: »

That's a totally different situation. Of course that guy was being unreasonable, but how does that compare to a father deliberately winding his baby up to screech and scream in a public place?

those sounds the OP was hearing? It was a child having fun. Having fun.

Would you complain about a large table celebrating or a wedding when in a hotel?

Its not always about you. The child and father, when all was said and done, have just as much a right in the establishment (that sounds decidently family orientated by the way) as you

HensVassal

lawred2 wrote: »

so a father was having a nice time entertaining his child and the child was enjoying it..

and someone came over to complain?

good grief

go somewhere else if happy children bother you

Move goalposts much?
Nobody complained about the father entertaining his kid nor the kid enjoying it. They complained about the din the screeching kid was causing.

catbear

A Shaved Duck? wrote: »

No you wouldnt..

I actually have although I said it from where I was sitting as the howler was parked in its buggy directly facing my direction, their was zero attempt to pacify that little bundle of joy.
I grew up in a big family and there was no way we'd be allowed to dominate a common eating space. We knew the difference between our own home and being elsewhere.

esforum

esforum wrote: »

lets turn this.

Say I go out for dinner with my wife and child, the child falls asleep but we are sitting beside a large party celebrating, can I tell them to shut the **** up?

What if we are withour our child but want a quiet meal together. Can I similarily decide to make the restaurant speak at a level I dictate?

Lets remember this thread is about a child being held by a parent, not running around the place and hiding under strangers tables.

I shall ask again as its being universlly ignored

lawred2

HensVassal wrote: »

Move goalposts much?
Nobody complained about the father entertaining his kid nor the kid enjoying it. They complained about the din the screeching kid was causing.

That's some contortion right there... Nice work.

esforum

Speedwell wrote: »

Volume controls?

Just to be clear, you think people shouldnt be allowed make loud noises when enjoying themselves? You must be great craic at a celebration

esforum

Deleted User wrote: »

There are conventions...social constructs.

If someone wants their child to scream for 10 minutes, at ear piercing levels, then they should "stay at home" where they get to do so without disturbing others.

I have never heard a childs laughter be so loud as to pierce ears, be a little realistic will ya.

Theres a noticable difference n a childs laughter, scream of being tickled and scream of being in pain. You are a parent, you know this.

Speedwell

esforum wrote: »

those sounds the OP was hearing? It was a child having fun. Having fun.

I would equally be freaked out by anyone else making noise in a restaurant, whether it was a travelling troupe of trained parrots, a mariachi band, or a couple playing adult games under the tablecloth. Manners are manners.

Speedwell

esforum wrote: »

Just to be clear, you think people shouldnt be allowed make loud noises when enjoying themselves? You must be great craic at a celebration

Just to be clear, I think parents should not tease their children into making them scream, with laughter or otherwise, in a public place where people are trying to eat.

I am great craic at a celebration. I am usually behind the piano, where I am hired to be by the people throwing the party. If children screeching with laughter were so pleasant a sound in a public gathering, the organizers would be paying them, not me.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

esforum wrote: »

I shall ask again as its being universlly ignored

I think most people have an understanding of what noise levels are generally acceptable in a restaurant.

Adults shouting loudly, laughing so hard that they drown out any attempts at conversation at adjacent tables, or roaring into phones are inconsiderate and rude.

Parents who let their babies scream and cry for prolonged periods are also inconsiderate and rude.

The odd burst of laughter from a table or loud shout from a baby is something you have to expect in a restaurant.

[Deleted User]

esforum wrote: »

I shall ask again as its being universlly ignored

No because a a restaurant is neither a place for a child to expect silence to sleep any more than its a place for the child to make too much noise or run around the place being a nuisance.