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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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Yeah_Right

^^^^
Oh s**t. Here we go.

kunst nugget

PopePalpatine wrote: »

Thinking that it's not really rape if a woman is drunk but not unconscious yet.

Yikes, does this really need to be in this thread? It's been pretty light-hearted grumbling about ****, usually of the non-serious crime variety, up to now…

BoardsMember

kunst nugget wrote: »

He was on a plane surrounded by a heap of people. How exactly was he going to be pulling off some pedo moves on the kid? Some people need to calm down on the hysterics.

People looking for advice on how to be a paedo on a plane.

bodhrandude

Being a session musician, you will always experience a drunk loud mouth who is rabbiting on about themselves, its all ME, ME, ME, its a bit like listening to 2FM during the day when you are trying to play a tune in a pub. And don't get me started on people who think they can play a bodhran in 5 minutes, I just get dagger looks from the rest of the musicians as its the only way to get the drunk annoyance to shut up. Most of the time though I do love playing the tunes.

Captain Flaps

People who cycle the wrong way in cycle lanes

jmayo

Garzorico wrote: »

People who tell you they are going "travelling" when in fact they are going on holidays. Or indeed people who tell you 'such and such' is going 'travelling' when in fact they are going on holidays.
Just coz it's not Magaluf doesn't mean it's not holidays.

W*nkers.

What about travellers going on holiday.

Hijpo

Did anyone mention people who put big plastic eye lashes over car headlights?

DrPhilG

Hijpo wrote: »

Did anyone mention people who put big plastic eye lashes over car headlights?

My wife has left me instructions that I am never to grow a beard, even if she's dead and gone.

I have left similar instructions regarding putting eye lashes on the car.

valoren

Starbucks last Saturday.

Barista: Can I take your order?

Hipster-Wanker: Espresso Con Panna, to go.

Barista: Can I take your name?

Hipster-Wanker: .....(with a subtle smirk)......Hamlet.

Barista: :rolleyes:...(writes it on cup)

chillin117

Hijpo wrote: »

Did anyone mention people who put big plastic eye lashes over car headlights?

Did anyone mention the Red nose and antlers on the car brigade ?

Aglomerado

chillin117 wrote: »

Did anyone mention the Red nose and antlers on the car brigade ?

...especially when they're still on the car, torn and weatherbeaten in mid July! :rolleyes:

I saw one last week and the red nose was a sad, anaemic pink.

illdoit2morrow

Admittedly I'm a below average, over 40's male who likes to kick a ball about once or twice a week with lads of the same age.

Every so often a new lad joins in and usually they are grand, but every once in a while a fella comes along who expects Messi type touches and runs from the rest of us, and then shows their disapproval when said move doesn't come off, I hate that guy.

OldNotWIse

People who are rude to cashiers/waitresses etc.

[Deleted User]

chillin117 wrote: »

Did anyone mention the Red nose and antlers on the car brigade ?

People with cushions on the back window tray. Who sits there who needs a cushion?

People smoking in shop/bar/restaurant doorways, so that you have to walk through both their smoke and their conversation to get into the premises. Disgusting.

People having loud private conversations on their phones whilst in public or worst of all, on public transport. I sat through a mans chat with his mother while in a waiting room once, I don't need to know that level of detail about a strangers life, much less their parents specific digestive difficulties.

ColeTrain

Someone with over 1,500 Facebook 'friends'.

DaDartle

lightweight males wearing a winter hat in the summer halfway up their head with their perfectly combed fringe over their eyes.

CruelCoin

People dressed like this:http://glasgowliving.today/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/skinny-hipster.jpg

Oh wow, you're so cool and trendy! No, just **** off.

[Deleted User]

CruelCoin wrote: »

People dressed like this:http://glasgowliving.today/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/skinny-hipster.jpg

Oh wow, you're so cool and trendy! No, just **** off.

He looks like an extra from 'Elf'.

readyletsgo

CruelCoin wrote: »

People dressed like this:http://glasgowliving.today/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/skinny-hipster.jpg

Oh wow, you're so cool and trendy! No, just **** off.

Lol that's more like 35 to 50 year old men trying to dress like 15 to 25 year olds.

I seriously don't understand people who can't stand people who dress like this. What's the problem? I have a problem with people who wear full knacker tracksuits all year round. No effort at all.

waraf

valoren wrote: »

Starbucks last Saturday.

Barista: Can I take your order?

Hipster-Wanker: Espresso Con Panna, to go.

Barista: Can I take your name?

Hipster-Wanker: .....(with a subtle smirk)......Hamlet.

Barista: :rolleyes:...(writes it on cup)

Right....you'll have to explain that one to the dim witted (i.e. me)

Puibo

waraf wrote:

Right....you'll have to explain that one to the dim witted (i.e. me)

Hipster=Wanker
Wanker=Hamlet
Get it??

asherbassad

CruelCoin wrote: »

People dressed like this:http://glasgowliving.today/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/skinny-hipster.jpg

Oh wow, you're so cool and trendy! No, just **** off.

Does he work in a grotto?

Noopti

OldNotWIse wrote: »

People who are rude to cashiers/waitresses etc.

Pretty sure we can refine this down to "People who are rude" - no matter the occupation is of the person they are rude to!

XplaygirlX

People who push right past you when their walking on the street, or when they jump the queue for the bus and don't apologise

blue5000

Anyone who drives a volvo, bonus points if it's an estate.

valoren

waraf wrote: »

Right....you'll have to explain that one to the dim witted (i.e. me)

It's obvious that it wasn't his real name.

He could have had enough respect for the barista to give his real name and not something insultingly sarcastic. As we know, taking the piss out of service staff is verboten and is acting like a wanker.

Who knows, perhaps his name was actually Hamlet and I'm being harsh, therefore it's his parents who are the ****.

There's one actually. Parents who name their kids with 'pop cultural/fashion/sport' inspired names.

e.g.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2604103/Manchester-United-mad-mother-named-son-Rooney-Scholes-row-Thorntons-refuse-ice-Easter-egg-COPYRIGHT-ISSUES.html

OldNotWIse

Noopti wrote: »

Pretty sure we can refine this down to "People who are rude" - no matter the occupation is of the person they are rude to!

Yeah, I guess I was thinking about warning signs if you are out with someone. First dates and that

Lots of people appear nice but are rude to staff because they think they can get away with it, and at a later date you realise how nasty they are.

To take your point further, why don't we just refine it down to "people who are w*nkers"?

ps I think "broaden" might be more appropriate than refine, in this instance, given that the category would be expanding

OldNotWIse

eminemlover wrote: »

People who push right past you when their walking on the street, or when they jump the queue for the bus and don't apologise

Most people in this country don't know how to queue for public transport

sasta le

Guys who called themselves Paolo

OldNotWIse

People who eat "clean".