dellas1979 wrote: » Hi guys, Single lady in her mid-30s here. I find this too (from guys). So, looks like the shoes fit on both feet here. So, anyways, what do ye work as? (hehehee PS: Yes a lot of women out there unfortunately see a certain job and money and things as like a social status (and probably more so in your 30s). But, from my experience, if a man has money, and isnt a nice person, no amount of money is going to make him a nice person.
LordNorbury wrote: » I would have thought that traits like being a hard worker, being personable and warm, having a personality and a bit of character about yourself, etc, would have carried a hell of a lot more weight than specifically "what do you do"?!? But it seems I am wrong in that regard. I thought women would often have rated "what do you do" as not up there with other more in your face aspects of your life, such as whether she considers you to be attractive or not and if you have a decent personality in her eyes. I can't understand how anyone could put up with someone who annoys them, or is not attractive to them, but they will overlook these kind of things because of a well paid job, that sounds like pure madness to me...
Onthe3rdDay wrote: » It does seem to be the case with many in their Thirties that they decide that they have to get the 2 kids, a house and the car. It's a certain mindset. I have seen couples get together who were barely on speaking terms, not because they were fighting, just because they had very little in common, other than an interest in sex. They felt the pressure by society that these things had to happen, coming mostly in my opinion for the quest for grand children. Once they got married and had a child or two the sex would stop and they would just live together like a not very close brother and sister. It's common enough, we probably all know people like that. In these cases it does matter how much money you earn and what status you have in a community. Some women won't look at rich people doing dirty (in their opinion) jobs, while a good middle management role with possible progress in the future will be more attractive. (Let's not talk about the fact that there are 10 others going for the same job.) Over the last few years I've noticed this more and more. I'm now a catch because I do something creative and could earn a lot of money in the future. Girls that would have had no time for me in their 20's now are showing real interest in their 30's. Some of my friends are exactly the same. However, we've all been burned and are very wary. That's the thing, now that relationships are easy enough to come by, we're not that interested any more. I'm willing to wait for the right person to come along, and if they don't I'm happy as well. I do have an advantage over some that I don't want kids. But I have to be honest, most of my single male friends in their 30's and 40's have no interest in kids either. It might bother them if they never found a partner, but that's not the case when it comes to children. We've all seen our married friends and the lives they live.
Deleted User wrote: » very well made points! However it paints a fairly depressing picture too, especially if you are a woman hoping to meet someone to settle down with and have a family. There's no ignoring that biological clock and its a bummer. I'm so glad I got married young and had 3 kids by the age of 30. Now divorced with kids reared I feel so much freer and with much less of an agenda than a lot of younger woman. I wouldnt like to be back at that stage. Its all changed - more pressure now :-(
Emme wrote: » I am all for women educating themselves to a position where they are independent and self-supporting. However, women should decide as early as possible whether they want children or not and tailor their priorities according to this. If we don't want children then it's fine to focus solely on our careers in our twenties with the idea that someone might come along in time. There's a good chance he won't. When I was in my early 20s I used to shrug off comments from older relatives telling me I'd better hurry up and meet Mr Right or I would get left on the shelf. I was never worried about being left on the shelf but I did want children. Fast forward a good few years and I have no partner and no children. I would now give girls in their early 20s similar advice to what I got in my early 20s:If you want children think about seriously looking for a partner as young as possible. However you have a responsibility to ensure you are in a position to support your family alone if needs be in case you are widowed or your relationship breaks up so do not neglect your education. You may spend some years searching for the right partner and you are most attractive to men in your 20s. The men you have the most fun with aren't necessarily the best material for fatherhood. Consider quieter men, older men and make sure he is kind and caring as opposed to edgy and exciting. A mean man may not make a good father so weed tightwads out early. If you want children you will have to make sacrifices - you cannot have it all. Do not put finding a partner on hold for the sake of your career if you are doing reasonably well already. Save money instead of spending it on sexy clothes which attract the wrong guys anyway. Learn to screen out bad guys early on. Other women don't always have your best interests at heart so their advice may not always be helpful to you. Older women may see you as competition in the workplace and on the dating scene and might try to sabotage you on both counts. Sometimes the best person to advise you on dating and a strategy to find a suitable partner and father for your children is a man. This could be a male relative or a good male friend. A woman has a short window of fertility and an even shorter window of time to find a partner to have children with. Do not waste this time. Men can father children into their 50s and beyond and aren't under the same time pressure as you if you want a family. They can start looking for the mother of their children in their 30s or 40s. This is why women have to prioritise their lives differently to men if they want children. Most important, don't have children with somebody for the sake of it or because time is running out. This is why it is best to start looking early. This advice may seem biased and archaic but I have considered the opinions from men on this thread and come to the conclusion that men in their early 30s look more favourably on women in their early 20s as opposed to women nearer their own age. They may always be wondering if the girl they met in her 30s is with them because her biological clock is ticking. If they meet a girl in her 20s she is not under the same time pressure so she is with them for the right reasons. Alternatively consider how difficult it is for everyone in the workplace today. A woman may not get to a position where she is financially independent and able to contribute equally to a relationship financially until she is in her early 30s. At this stage she has a very short time to find a suitable partner to have children with. From what I hear men don't approach women as much these days as they did in the past. This is why some women in their early 30s might seem pushy. Single life as a guy is a lot easier and less complicated than single life as a woman who wants children.
Potatoeman wrote: » Well guys have to be very careful getting involved with a woman on a timetable or even anyone that wants kids. Divorce for a man usually means losing the family home, paying support and living in a tiny apartment. Nevermind missing out on seeing his kids. He has more to lose and its one reason guys run a mile from woman like this.
ancapailldorcha wrote: » I'm not sure if I want to embark on the "wife and kids" route but if I do, I'd want to be living with herself for at least a few years prior to having kids.
Emme wrote: » This proves the point I made in my earlier post - women need to start looking for a partner early if they want children. This will give them a few years to see if they get on.
ancapailldorcha wrote: » I agree with you. The thing is people may develop different opinions in their twenties so someone who gets her degree at 22 may decide she doesn't want children only to change her mind at 29 or vice vearsa. Ideally, if she could be certain at 22 then she can have kids and then prioritise both family and career.
Wibbs wrote: » As for men, yes they don't have a clock ticking to nearly the same degree. However in reality they can have a small enough window too. Few enough men of 45 have the options they may think, after 50 those options thin out massively. If women tend to "peak" at 25, I would say men "peak" damn near exactly ten years later at 35.
Wibbs wrote: » I dunno E, I can see what you're getting at and it's a simple fact of reproductive biology, however I'd not be nearly so pessimistic regarding the reproductive window for women. Unless a woman has a medical condition that affects her fertility she's pretty much good to go from 16 to 40(one of my grandmothers had her last at 45). Sure it may take longer in the late 30's to get pregnant, but many many women do. And yes risk of birth defects go up with maternal age, but if we were looking for the optimum time there we'd be looking at women from 18 - 22, after 25 the risk graph starts to go up. Increasingly reproductive technology will play a part and even up the differences, or at least give an extra 5 to 10 years of leeway, so a woman could freeze her eggs at 20 and have those kids at 40 or above(if she has the cash of course). I would agree that if a woman wants a few kids the earlier the start the better. As for men, yes they don't have a clock ticking to nearly the same degree. However in reality they can have a small enough window too. Few enough men of 45 have the options they may think, after 50 those options thin out massively. If women tend to "peak" at 25, I would say men "peak" damn near exactly ten years later at 35.
Emme wrote: » From what I hear men don't approach women as much these days as they did in the past. This is why some women in their early 30s might seem pushy.
Emme wrote: » This advice may seem biased and archaic but I have considered the opinions from men on this thread and come to the conclusion that men in their early 30s look more favourably on women in their early 20s as opposed to women nearer their own age.
ancapailldorcha wrote: » There does seem to be a "clock" for men as well, but like you say it's not ticking as ominously. Furthermore, a man at 60 who's not extraordinarily wealthy will face severe difficulties in attracting a woman below 35 and she's probably going to be wary of the possibility of having a child with a partner who's nearly twice her age.
Piliger wrote: » The OP was raising the issue of life as a single man, as opposed to wanting children. If you want children then don't stay single until you're 60 As a guy of 58 who divorced a while ago .. Firstly what on earth would I want a woman of 35 ? !! FFS ... what a bore ! Men need to grow up as we grow up. You need someone who you can actually talk to about life, not just pop music. About four years ago I dated a 28 yo and sure the sex was good ... but I got bored sh1tless after a few months. I would never date anyone under 45 now. My only comment to contribute to the thread is this. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS. I cannot stress this enough. It is so easy to allow them to drift away and lose them. Maybe they get married and are busy for years with children. No matter. Stay in touch a couple of times a year. They will come back in time and making new friends is never as satisfying or easy as when we are young.
Piliger wrote: » The OP was raising the issue of life as a single man, as opposed to wanting children. If you want children then don't stay single until you're 60
As a guy of 58 who divorced a while ago .. Firstly what on earth would I want a woman of 35 ? !! FFS ... what a bore !
My only comment to contribute to the thread is this. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS. I cannot stress this enough. It is so easy to allow them to drift away and lose them. Maybe they get married and are busy for years with children. No matter. Stay in touch a couple of times a year. They will come back in time and making new friends is never as satisfying or easy as when we are young.
Deleted User wrote: » agree ! I'm 50, divorced and children reared. I regret nothing. Having them young was great. I have sisters who are now in their 40's with kids in primary school and they're exhausted with all the running around and holding down a job too. Mine are through school, college and both abroad working. I would strongly advise to men as much as women not to put it on the long finger. Think about what you want in the long term. A decade flies by and suddenly you're in your late 30's or mid 40's. The human condition is to find a mate and procreate! You will never find someone who is perfect in every way and thats the trouble now. We all think we will and we keep looking because we have more options than our parents had. OD adds to this - you see people on sites for years!! Maybe they are just unlucky - or maybe they have their long checklist and every box needs to be ticked - be wary of that! ..... and yes..... keep the friends you had from way back. Through all those years, divorce, house moves I kept in touch with about 3 good friends - sometimes once once a year (!) but now we are back in touch all the time. You need people your own age - to share memories and experiences with. Ditto for relationships
Piliger wrote: » My only comment to contribute to the thread is this. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS. I cannot stress this enough. It is so easy to allow them to drift away and lose them. Maybe they get married and are busy for years with children. No matter. Stay in touch a couple of times a year. They will come back in time and making new friends is never as satisfying or easy as when we are young.
Deleted User wrote: » You will never find someone who is perfect in every way and thats the trouble now. We all think we will and we keep looking because we have more options than our parents had. OD adds to this - you see people on sites for years!! Maybe they are just unlucky - or maybe they have their long checklist and every box needs to be ticked - be wary of that!
woodchuck wrote: » Ok I'm not a guy, but hope it's ok for me to post here I've seen a lot of comments about not putting things on the long finger in terms of having kids etc. But I think people need to take into account that things don't always go according to plan. I'm a 29 year old woman, and if you'd asked me this time last year to predict my future, I would've thought I'd be engaged right now, married next year, and then still have plenty of time to think about kids in my early/mid thirties. However, that all got shot to sh1te and now I'm single again: "Do not pass go, do not collect $200". I'm not even sure what point it is that I'm trying to make... don't judge others unless you've walked in their shoes maybe? Not that I think people here are being particularly judgemental, but I have experienced it in other walks of life. "Hurry up old girl, you won't be young forever" type of jibes. As if I'm not aware :rolleyes: Even the most well laid plans can go off course, so whatever else just make sure that you're happy in your own skin.
woodchuck wrote: » Ok I'm not a guy, but hope it's ok for me to post here I've seen a lot of comments about not putting things on the long finger in terms of having kids etc. But I think people need to take into account that things don't always go according to plan. I'm a 29 year old woman, and if you'd asked me this time last year to predict my future, I would've thought I'd be engaged right now, married next year, and then still have plenty of time to think about kids in my early/mid thirties. However, that all got shot to sh1te and now I'm single again: "Do not pass go, do not collect $200".
Wibbs wrote: » In fairness a 35 year old woman is hardly a teenybopper and would usually have a fair amount of life experience behind her and it massively depends on the individual.
LordNorbury wrote: » I have come to understand that many people (and I include myself in this by the way!), who are single and in their 30's, they tend to be a bit broken and are often giving off vibes that they are highly uncomfortable with being single, I suppose I'm trying to say that I don't believe relationships are actually on offer or are obtainable once you are into the post 35 age category. That will sound like a huge sweeping and very general statement to make but in my view and more importantly in my experience, it is true. In my experience, this is something that is exclusively to do with being in your 30's, and considerably worsens when you get to 35 and beyond.
God I can't believe this discussion has lasted 30 something pages!
Piliger wrote: » I worded that poorly. I didn't mean they don't have life experience. What I meant to say but didn't want to turn it into a tome ... was that they grew up in a different era ... they don't know the movies, music, life incidents, life history, culture etc etc etc that match my era or even close. While the physical infatuation lasts it is fine ... who cares. But after that, you sit chatting and you say ' remember that Doors album ? that movie Sean Connery made, Marne ? remember Dublin in the 70's ....? Duh .... nope :-) That sounds ridiculous I know ... but it actually becomes a lot more important.
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