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Depression

  • 28-12-2010 1:41pm
    #1
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭


    ----
    Editing this post to add in some phone numbers/websites that people may find useful:
    Samaritans
    Phone - 1850 60 90 90 Text (great service) - 087 2 60 90 90

    Mental Health Ireland

    Aware
    ----

    Depression and suicide are a major risk in this country, especially with young males. It is seen as a taboo to have, which is something that needs to be broken. So - have you ever suffered from depression before? The above poll's results are private, so don't worry about anyone seeing them.

    This being AH, I am aware that some smart ass c*nt will make smart assed c*ntish replies, but I hope the rest of the posters just ignore them and we can have an open debate on this issue.

    For those suffering from depression, I hope they are aware that the personal issues forum (under soc) allows for anonymous posting, that is moderated. The mods over there do a superb job and ensure that only good advice is given.

    I have suffered from depression in the past and still do sometimes, but I am doing a lot better now. I realised a lot of mine was circumstance-orientated so I made a change - I quit my job that was affecting me greatly and went back to do my final year in college, I went out to make some new friends and have become much more active.

    For those suffering from depression, there is still hope. Talk to someone about it. If you're in third level education, go out and speak to an oncampus counselor.


    --

    Just a note for anyone who feels depressed, it might seem dark now but there is help.
    Please read the sticky here if you haven't already or speak to a medical professional.

    Depression 1004 votes

    I am currently suffering from depression and receiving no help
    0% 0 votes
    I am currently suffering from depression and receiving help
    31% 317 votes
    I suffered from depression in the past but I am doing better now
    19% 193 votes
    I have never suffered from depression
    49% 494 votes


«134567…24

Comments

  • #2
    Jimmy Bottlehead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,121 ✭✭✭✭Jimmy Bottlehead


    Very relevant topic given current events and the time of year.

    Personally, I didn't have clinical depression, but I had a compulsive way of thinking from the age of 17 up until the age of 22 that made relationships and friendships difficult. Five truly miserable years in which I considered suicide, and self harm. I even went to two counsellors who did nothing to help. Finally, on the third attempt, I found a counsellor who was truly excellent and he helped sort it out. Always indebted to him.

    To anyone who is down, depressed or suffering, seek help. And if it doesn't work first time, keep searching because waking up each morning without a horrible weight on your mind is so worth it.


  • #3
    wellboy76
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 691 ✭✭✭wellboy76


    How do you know you have depression?

    Do overweight or unfit people use it as an excuse?

    How does it click into gear is what I'm saying because I bet there are a lot of people who self diagnose themselves incorrectly


  • #4
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    wellboy76 wrote: »
    How do you know you have depression?

    Do overweight or unfit people use it as an excuse?

    How does it click into gear is what I'm saying because I bet there are a lot of people who self diagnose themselves incorrectly

    Believe me mate, when you have depression, you bloody know about it.

    Crying for no reason, a horrible sadness that follows you around 24/7, life seeming hopeless, feeling like you're worthless, contemplating suicide, no motivation to do anything, not getting happy or excited even when good things happen.

    Trust me, you know.

    And really, it's not really anything to do with being overweight or unfit... eh.. what? Yes exercise can help boost the mood. But just cos you're overweight/unfit, doesn't mean you'll be depressed. It's not something you choose either - why the hell would you? It's horrible.


  • #5
    pablomakaveli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,752 ✭✭✭pablomakaveli


    I thought i was depressed a few years ago and finally i decided to go to a doctor. I was referred to a psychiatrist who told me i wasn't. Having learned more about depression since i realize that i wasn't although i was in a pretty dark place.

    The psychiatrist i mentioned above wasn't very helpful though. Got the impression he wasn't taking me seriously and didn't seem that interested. However it did help that i had told my family that i was struggling and it felt great to have that burden i had been carrying alone lightened a bit.


  • #6
    liah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,750 ✭✭✭liah


    I was diagnosed with a form of clinical depression, but I've never taken meds for it. I don't like the idea of it.

    It used to lead me to being suicidal and completely self-loathing and hateful when I was younger, but over the last, say, 2-4 years it's not been nearly as bad. About once a year I do kind of sink back into that "what's the point" frame of mind, but I can force myself to move out of it fairly quickly, because I know full well it's irrational.

    The one thing I hate most about it is that it's basically impossible for me to feel giddiness/that kind of excited, bubbly happiness, and very easy to feel the extremes of anger and sadness when I do experience them (which is rare enough these days).

    Overall, I'm a happy, confident, loving person now.. the best part of it being hearing how delighted my mother sounds over the phone when she hears how happy I am now after all those bad years. She's the only one I still am in contact with who really knows how bad it was for me, and who understands because she's been there, too. It makes me happy to make her happy again after all the misery I put her through.


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  • #7
    Plug
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,248 ✭✭✭Plug


    Im a bit depressed at the moment, its on and off. Most of the time im grand but then I can get a belt of it straight away.


  • #8
    PeterIanStaker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭PeterIanStaker


    You'll f*cking know if you have it. I've been on and off for years. Its a bitch. Never gotten help but may do at some stage just to get closure on a lot of sh*t.

    Men, especially younger lads we'll say under 30, listen up alright - talk to someone about it - close friends and people you can trust. Communication beats silence any day.

    You're not alone, although you may feel very isolated, I know I feel isolated time to time and I have a large and very supportive family as well as a partner - many people don't have them.


  • #9
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    PeterIanStaker wrote: »
    Communication beats silence any day.
    Here here. Quote of the jaysisin century!!


  • #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I agree completely, but we have to be careful to not let this centre on young men, because men and women of any age can suffer too. Talk to somebody, like Peter said - whether it be someone professional, a friend, or even anonymous posting on Personal Issues.


  • #11
    starviewadams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    Was suffering from depression for the past 12-18 months,but only decided to get help this past October because I was sure I was going to do something very stupid if I didnt.I think the stigma that surrunds mental iilness was what delayed me in getting help tbh.

    Am on meds now and although they're not the magic happy pill cure that I was hoping for they have seemed to at least drag me out of the very dark place I was in before I got help,plus I started seeing a psychologist just before Xmas and she seems quite understanding and positive that I can get better eventually.If anybody out there at all is feeling depressed I'd urge them to visit their GP and talk about it,there really is no point in bottling your feelings up because it just makes problems get worse.


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  • #12
    Johnny Bitte
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,099 ✭✭✭Johnny Bitte


    Trí wrote: »
    Believe me mate, when you have depression, you bloody know about it.

    It is possible to have it and not know. :(
    It happens so slowly that over time u just think its the way life is.

    so many people are afraid to talk to their friends and family about it cause of the stigma around psychological illnesses.

    Have to say there has been a massive campaign recently to bring awareness to this on tv and radio.

    But u have to help yourself first.


  • #13
    af_thefragile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    I was really really bad after a traumatic break up a few years ago. It caused me to fail a college year as well. Probably the worst time of my life ever. Got help but it didn't really help. Went on for more than a year.

    But now I'm great and I don't think I can ever be that bad again. I see things differently now. Have to say religion and spirituality has a big part to play with calming me down and making me a happier and more peaceful person!!


  • #14
    PeterIanStaker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭PeterIanStaker


    Deleted User wrote: »
    careful to not let this centre on young men, because men and women of any age can suffer too.

    I know that everyone can suffer - the reason I mentioned men under 30 is because I am one and also can't directly speak for the experiences of other age groups or indeed other people - who are equally important, just in case it came across that I didn't think they were.

    hope that clears it up:o


  • #15
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    The_Goose135 wrote: »
    It is possible to have it and not know. :(
    It happens so slowly that over time u just think its the way life is.

    so many people are afraid to talk to their friends and family about it cause of the stigma around psychological illnesses.

    Have to say there has been a massive campaign recently to bring awareness to this on tv and radio.

    But u have to help yourself first.
    Oh I totally agree. Take me for instance. I went travelling to Australia when I was 20. I left because being here just felt wrong... I can't explain it. So it was an escape to go. Imagine my 'delight' when I realised the problem was me and we all know you cant escape your own mind... But I didn't know what was happening - I just thought I was damaged and a worthless d1ck head. When I got home a year later in the April, I was very sick but didn't realise. My family were the opposite of supportive. It took a failed suicide attempt that November/December before I went to the doctor.

    Through meds, CBT and counselling, I have come out the other side. It has taken years but it's not about getting 'fixed', its about growing. All the time growing and nudging ever closer towards being genuinely and truly happy.

    The point is - you may not know you're 'depressed' but you know something is up. You know you feel bad all the time.

    Like you say, a lot of people are afraid to speak up. Afraid the doc will laugh at them for feeling a wee bit sad... But there comes a point where you know you have reached rock bottom. And that's where people either seek help or attempt suicide. Thankfully my attempt failed and I got the help I needed.

    I have felt suicidal on occasion since. But that was during periods of extreme stress and emotional pain.

    Again, you are never 'fixed'. You just keep bettering yourself all the time and you gradually get happier.


  • #16
    Son Of A Vidic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,370 ✭✭✭✭Son Of A Vidic


    The thing about depression is some people don't realise they are actually depressed. A good friend of mine went through a rough patch a couple of years back. He didn't even realise he was depressed and only when he worked through it and looked back, could he then see how bad it was. As they say sometimes..."You can't see the wood for the trees."


  • #17
    flutered
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,693 ✭✭✭flutered


    The_Goose135 wrote: »

    But u have to help yourself first.
    one cannot help themselves first, the cause has to be determined, then treatment can be perscribed, be it counseling or whatever, too many non qualified people think that they have the answers to a particular persons depression, they have not, believe me i know as i have first hand experience of this, often they just throw petrol on the fire, the mind is a very complex unit, amature and fireside phycytaricts should stay very far away from practiceing it. (sorry for my spelling).


  • #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    For those who have voted that they feel better now, and if they don't mind revealing themselves, what was the turning point?


  • #19
    af_thefragile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    Deleted User wrote: »
    For those who have voted that they feel better now, and if they don't mind revealing themselves, what was the turning point?

    I was almost suicidal at one point.
    But I never gave up. I was constantly trying to find a "cure" per say. I was always trying to get better. Read/listened to a lot of self help material and all which did help upto a certain point.
    One thing I'm glad about is I never went down the alcohol and pills route cuz that is a dead end. It only covers up the pain and worse makes you dependent on it and then eventually your pain will surface through the booze and pills and it'll be even worse!

    What I was focused on was trying to figure out the pain and finding the key to happiness. One changed that happened was after I failed the year in college, my new classmates were much better than my old ones and I made some cool new friends.

    But the bigger change happened when because I was repeating the year, I had more time on my hands (as I had done it all before) and so I got into religion and spirituality and that is what changed my outlook on life. I started seeing things more clearly and everything made more sense to me seeing it under a new spiritual life. Don't wanna sound like a hippie here but that is what bought the permanent change to my life. Found all the answers to the complex questions I had in religious and spiritual teachings and the process hasn't ended. I'm still constantly learning new things and finding new/better ways towards finding that inner peace. So now I'm a much happier person!


    And also leaving all the religion/spirituality stuff aside. Getting outside, experiencing nature and regular exercise is something that definitely helps as well. Infact this is the key. You won't get better sitting in your dark claustrophobic room. You need to get out there and experience nature! Its true when people say nature has a healing power!


  • #20
    Brussels Sprout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,476 ✭✭✭Brussels Sprout


    I voted the third option. For me it had a strong situational element. I read a lot and then I made a lot of changes. Small at first and then larger. Talking helps. Relationships help. Exercise helps. Independence helps.

    One of my favourite quotes about depression is from that great sage Tony Soprano and captures the fact that unfortunately if your parents have suffered from depression then you are more likely to as a result.
    Tony referring to his son: It's in his blood, this miserable ****in' existence. My rotten, ****in' putrid genes have infected my kid's soul. That's my gift to my son.


  • #21
    m5ex9oqjawdg2i
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,221 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    wellboy76 wrote: »
    How do you know you have depression?

    Do overweight or unfit people use it as an excuse?

    How does it click into gear is what I'm saying because I bet there are a lot of people who self diagnose themselves incorrectly

    WTF??? :confused:


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  • #22
    Catari Jaguar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    I have had periods of, I don't know if it was depression, but definite overwhelming feelings of panic and dread and shattered confidence, low self worth. I never got professional help for it. Didn't tell my family. Ashamed to. Thought my Dad would give out to me. Didn't take any time off work/ college. I confided in my boyfriend and wrote my feelings down. Struggled through it.

    I guess most of the country's taboos like abortion, special needs/ disability, homosexuality etc are becoming accceptable but depresion is still one of those uncomfortable or brushed aside topics. Not so much in the "X's in boarding school" when he's in St. John of God's mentality of the 60s, but still not talked about or taught about in schools. Personally, if I see someone's self harm scars or they talk about being on meds I wouldn't have a clue how to react appropriately. At least it's starting to be highlighted which is great and I hope it continues.


  • #23
    mfceiling
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,861 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Never mind the stigma or taboo that goes with depression.........if you think you have it - GET HELP.

    I can not stress that point enough.

    My cousin took his life 3 years ago leaving behind a wife and 2 small kids.
    Mother barely leaves the house nowadays and his father is running a business into the ground as he takes his frustrations out on his customers.

    Reason for suicide - depression.
    Did he confide in anyone or seek help - NO

    The happiest lad you could have met but got to a dark place and didn't come back.

    Was very well off and never wanted for anything but depression took him out


  • #24
    starviewadams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    I have/had terrible anxiety that basically makes me want to retreat from the world,which I did for 12-18 months.Problem with that is that I became really isolated and lost all touch with the little friends that I had which brought on awful depression and I basically started to question why I should even bother living anymore,once I started to have serious thoughts of suicide and started unknowingly almost trance-like making small little plans to do it I knew that I had to get help.

    Family also have a terrible history of depression so it was kind of hard to raise the issue with them because the standard response for any of my aunts/uncles/cousins when they developed depression was to drug them up like zombies and forget about them and I didnt want that so I decided to just try and get help by myself instead.


  • #25
    dsmythy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,520 ✭✭✭✭dsmythy


    Looking at the poll results some people need to distinguish between suffering from depression and having a ****ty month.


  • #26
    flyaway.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 519 ✭✭✭flyaway.


    I suffered from bad depression for about two years, and suffered alone for most of that. Self harm... thoughts of suicide... it was pretty bad. When I finally reached out for help, I could have kicked myself for not doing it sooner. My family were so supportive- for some reason, before I told them, I had convinced myself they would see me as a burden and may even be angry.

    Within a week of asking for professional help, I was in with a therapist, and a week after that, I was seeing a psychiatrist as well.

    It's been 6 months since I left therapy and I couldn't be happier. I have a few bad days here and there, but doesn't everyone? I'm recovered and happy. It was worth the battle. :)


  • #27
    Nodferatu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,378 ✭✭✭Nodferatu


    i had depression a few times in my life, first time was back in 1999 - 2003 (worst years of my life, i have some very VERY dark memories here)i was diagnosed with bipolar depression, the worst kind of depression.
    if had it twice more since, both weren't as bad as the first time, im doing well for the last year or so now. its the worst kind of hell you can go through and i wish NOBODY to go through depression. i stuck my fathers rifle at one stage to my forehead just out of my own sadistic entertainment at one point.

    i wish and hope for anyone who has depression right now they get better and see someone soon.


  • #28
    The Big Red Button
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    dsmythy wrote: »
    Looking at the poll results some people need to distinguish between suffering from depression and having a ****ty month.

    Well, not necessarily! Chances are that a lot of people who haven't ever suffered from depression won't bother reading this thread or voting in the poll, as it mightn't be something that they have a personal interest in. So if the poll is saying that 80% of voters have suffered from depression at some point, it's not going to be an accurate representation of the population in general!

    Personally I'm lucky enough never to have been depressed, although I have a couple of friends who have suffered with it in the past. They both got the help and medication they needed, though, and are doing much better now. Both have since gotten involved in fundraising and other work for mental health awareness organisations, which they feel helps them a lot - being able to give something back, etc.


  • #29
    Mr. Manager
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 11,139 Mod ✭✭✭✭Mr. Manager


    So far on the poll, over 80% have suffered or are suffering from depression - That to me is a frightening statistic!

    What exactly is it that has 80% of the votes so far suffering?


  • #30
    af_thefragile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    ^modernity?....

    ...............


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  • #31
    t0mm13b
    Registered Users Posts: 608 ✭✭✭t0mm13b


    Such a great thread and am for one, glad to see this thread....

    Depression is no joke, have suffered with it for 9 solid years and can pinpoint looking back on it the breaking point that kickstarted it....

    Writing this post makes me sad to realize the great stigma attached, of course I was under thirty at the time this occurred... I had it all, a good job, a girlfriend, my own independence... until....the IT sector took a battering, had no job, relationship broke up, family problems...

    These are the things that is a "normal" thing to happen right.... wrong... you see, being a super-sensitive type of a guy, that finished me... I went down hard and fast, crumbling... the facade of living worn away... and couldn't cope with it at all... it was a feeling of seeing the blackness all around me... no joy, no happiness, just a hollow shell of emptiness, not motivated to do anything about it, "ahh shure let's see where this river runs...." drifting along... to a point it can grip you and paralyze you in such a way that you cannot think, eat, feel, take care of yourself, anxiety attacks everyday to a point that I literally be sh!tting everyday (literally in the jacks... no joke.....) don't want to interact with others, burn bridges with people that you know of, being secretive and hiding behind a mask in not to let others know about it, and inside, a hollow screaming that bores silenced screams - "HELP ME", and just want to crawl away and die... I did go through a period of thinking of suicide and self-harming... had my own head fcuked around by so-called people that I "thought" were friends but not really... it has been fcukin hell, pure hell...the mind just did not want to function at all...

    The real turning point for me personally to make that step to fix up with whatever was broken inside me... family matters complicated even more, some were supportive, others werent - their line of thought was "COP THE FCUK YOURSELF ON AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF", y'know, that does not help one bit... I wasn't looking for sympathy... I was looking for understanding... them buggers should have been a helluva lot more supportive than that... anyway....

    to try fix myself, that took absolute guts, and I mean literally, it was hard, like the blackness was stopping me from having to deal with it, was going to the GP... almost like as if trying to face the GP with a brick wall that was pushing against me from going...that was fcukin nightmare.... was left feeling like having to crawl along to get help...despite the sheer tremendous pressure of this "thing" in front of me that was overpowering ... eventually when I told the GP that I wasn't feeling good... it hit me like a ton of bricks...

    Now, a year on, am still taking Effexor, so far, am under control, things are taking a turn for the better, but the stigma still remains on this subject... "ahhh look at that poor guy/gal... has depression... " while being subtle and screaming "he/she is mentally ill", will steer clear of them... that's the thing about it.... the stigma is unreal...

    AFAIK the mental health act is pretty old and outdated and early 20th century... we're in the 21st century now, ffs....


  • #32
    walshb
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 56,619 ✭✭✭✭walshb


    Trí wrote: »
    Believe me mate, when you have depression, you bloody know about it.

    Crying for no reason, a horrible sadness that follows you around 24/7, life seeming hopeless, feeling like you're worthless, contemplating suicide, no motivation to do anything, not getting happy or excited even when good things happen.

    Trust me, you know.

    And really, it's not really anything to do with being overweight or unfit... eh.. what? Yes exercise can help boost the mood. But just cos you're overweight/unfit, doesn't mean you'll be depressed. It's not something you choose either - why the hell would you? It's horrible.


    I disagree that you automatically know. Every person is different, reacts different and suffers differently. Some folks can be suffering and aren't too sure that they are. Subtle depression exists too. It's all about levels. It's a very gray area is depression.


  • #33
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,408 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    You see, attitudes like this:
    wellboy76 wrote: »
    How do you know you have depression?

    Do overweight or unfit people use it as an excuse?

    How does it click into gear is what I'm saying because I bet there are a lot of people who self diagnose themselves incorrectly
    and this:
    dsmythy wrote: »
    Looking at the poll results some people need to distinguish between suffering from depression and having a ****ty month.

    contribute to the stigma and prevent people from confiding in their friends and seeking professional support.

    dsymthy, longterm sufferers who have got a handle on their condition and are responsible about it are actually very good at distinguishing between having a "****ty month" and suffering form depression. Part of dealing with it is keeping a tab on your emotions and learning to distinguish between a normal "rough" patch and something more serious and learning how to cope with either appropriately.


  • #34
    dsmythy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,520 ✭✭✭✭dsmythy


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    You see, attitudes like this:
    and this:


    contribute to the stigma and prevent people from confiding in their friends and seeking professional support.

    dsymthy, longterm sufferers who have got a handle on their condition and are responsible about it are actually very good at distinguishing between having a "****ty month" and suffering form depression. Part of dealing with it is keeping a tab on your emotions and learning to distinguish between a normal "rough" patch and something more serious and learning how to cope with either appropriately.

    Over 80% of respondants to the poll think they have suffered from depression. I seriously doubt it. If people feel a bit down by all means talk to someone about it. If they get worse then go get help. If every bit of sadness is described as depression then you are doing true sufferers no favours by this diluting of the illness.


  • #35
    t0mm13b
    Registered Users Posts: 608 ✭✭✭t0mm13b


    dsmythy wrote: »
    Over 80% of respondants to the poll think they have suffered from depression. I seriously doubt it. If people feel a bit down by all means talk to someone about it. If they get worse then go get help. If every bit of sadness is described as depression then you are doing true sufferers no favours by this diluting of the illness.

    IT is your attitude that is what pushing people away and you "seriously doubt it" ... that's saying a lot about yourself!!!! :mad:


  • #36
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    The results were beginning to frighten me somewhat, especially when the people who were suffering and not receiving help were almost double that of those receiving help, but it's good to see that people are getting the help they need.

    @dsymthy, why is it so hard to believe? Nobody knows the true statistics for depression sufferers in Ireland, because people are just unwilling to openly admit it. A private poll gives them the opportunity to admit it without their identities being revealed.


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  • #37
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    Ok I want to say something here.
    I won't go into my own history, but suffice it to say I can identify with what people are saying in this thread. But I want to contribute something if I may.

    I've seen a few people saying - 'if you are depressed just talk, talk to anyone.'

    Bitter experience has taught me otherwise. I think its fundamentally important that if you choose to talk to someone it has to be someone who knows how to listen, listening being the most underrated quality of course. Whoever you choose to talk to, be it a friend, a relative, a counsellor, a psychistrist, psychologist or The Samaritans, you need to suss out first and on an ongoing basis - are they REALLY listening to me. By 'listening' I mean accepting what you are telling them without rejection or without reaction even. And very importantly without projecting their own interpretations or issues on to you. I also think that rarely do they need to interfere. If someone is really listening and accepting your story they should not be pointing out where you are logically wrong all the time, or what x or y means, or telling you to get over it or pull yourself together - they should be letting you figure your own way through it.

    To be able to tell who is a good listener is not easy to learn. And frankly sometimes I wonder if being good at this is why some people don't get depressed despite horrible circumstances.


    Anyhow - its difficult to explain all this properly. Personally I think that depression often (but not always) represents poorly understood negative emotions and the 'cycle of depression' is the mind trying to understand it so it can let things go. My experience is that talking to a bad listener often makes things worse and perpetuates cycles of despair. Sometimes talking to a good listener can make the WORLD of difference.


  • #38
    Dilynnio
    Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭Dilynnio


    It does affect everyone differently.

    I suffered from it alot more when I was younger than I do now.

    I think awareness is a major factor.

    You should try educate yourself as best you can about it so then you can recognise it in yourself. Self awareness is so important.

    When I start to feel low I understand now why I am feeling this way and I try to change my way of thinking and I set myself little goals to get me threw it.

    I also took alcohol out of the equation, it in itself is a depressant. I am off it 3 years now and the change in my personality and how I feel about myself is so much better.

    I was also on meds but no more as they had a bad affect on me. I just educated myself and now look after my mental health. I also learned to talk.....to talk to people, not bottle it up, to show emotion, I can't express enough how important communication is.

    Don't be ashamed............from the poll that is here there are plenty of us in the same boat and many more too that are still in denial.

    Take baby steps.......if your stuck to the bed set yourself a small goal of getting up and having a shower/shave put on some smelly and have a brew....small steps....it will make u feel good about yourself...then the next day do the same thing but also add maybe a step outside for some air.

    Contact you GP or even go see a counsellor. If you find it hard to talk about your feelings write them down.

    Hope this helps someone. Believe me you are not alone. :)


  • #39
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    Deleted User wrote: »
    @dsymthy, why is it so hard to believe? Nobody knows the true statistics for depression sufferers in Ireland, because people are just unwilling to openly admit it. A private poll gives them the opportunity to admit it without their identities being revealed.

    Indeed. But also bear in mind that a poll of After Hours users does not represent the population as a whole and it may be that those surfing AH in the middle of a bank holiday are a selfselected group of depression sufferers.

    Er whilst that may sounds smartarsed I don't mean it that way I'm actually serious! I spend too much time on here whilst well adjusted people I know are off out doing things and would't dream of being on here


  • #40
    t0mm13b
    Registered Users Posts: 608 ✭✭✭t0mm13b


    Dilynnio wrote: »
    It does affect everyone differently.
    Yup, it's everyone's own mechanism/dealing with a personal particular crisis that sets the ball rolling, unfortunately for some... it can do greater damage to their everyday living....
    Dilynnio wrote: »
    I suffered from it alot more when I was younger than I do now.

    I think awareness is a major factor.

    You should try educate yourself as best you can about it so then you can recognise it in yourself. Self awareness is so important.

    Absolutely.... it can help and you'd be surprised, once you take lock stock and barrel on this depression, and recognize the signs it can actually make life easier for yourself, a lá self awareness.....
    Dilynnio wrote: »
    When I start to feel low I understand now why I am feeling this way and I try to change my way of thinking and I set myself little goals to get me threw it.

    I also took alcohol out of the equation, it in itself is a depressant. I am off it 3 years now and the change in my personality and how I feel about myself is so much better.

    I was also on meds but no more as they had a bad affect on me. I just educated myself and now look after my mental health. I also learned to talk.....to talk to people, not bottle it up, to show emotion, I can't express enough how important communication is.

    Don't be ashamed............from the poll that is here there are plenty of us in the same boat and many more too that are still in denial.
    The denial is the hardest part to break.... look how long it took me to break it... not easy mate... I'm an introverted person and conceal myself emotionally...
    Dilynnio wrote: »
    Take baby steps.......if your stuck to the bed set yourself a small goal of getting up and having a shower/shave put on some smelly and have a brew....small steps....it will make u feel good about yourself...then the next day do the same thing but also add maybe a step outside for some air.

    Yes, or even write it down and force yourself mentally to stick to a goal... the problem is, sometimes you don't feel like facing the world....
    Dilynnio wrote: »
    Contact you GP or even go see a counsellor. If you find it hard to talk about your feelings write them down.

    Hope this helps someone. Believe me you are not alone. :)

    To me , going to the GP was the best thing ever that happened and I did find my GP very compassionate and a good listener...

    Some people are good listeners and non-judgemental... others are a cnut and pathetic and in fact can suck even more energy out of you if you're trying to explain how you feel...and end up even more negative, the problem here is that some cnuts would spot that and would play on you and mind-fcuk you... in my earlier posting I thought I had "friends" who werent' really friends... they fcuked me around for so long that I was bordering on insanity.... thankfully I have reconnected with friends from my college days and am "using" that as an anchor to ground myself and to be in touch more than often.... :D you know who you are if you are reading this.... I <3 you guys...


  • #41
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    t0mm13b wrote: »
    Some people are good listeners and non-judgemental... others are a cnut and pathetic and in fact can suck even more energy out of you if you're trying to explain how you feel...and end up even more negative, the problem here is that some cnuts would spot that and would play on you and mind-fcuk you... in my earlier posting I thought I had "friends" who werent' really friends... they fcuked me around for so long that I was bordering on insanity.... thankfully I have reconnected with friends from my college days and am "using" that as an anchor to ground myself and to be in touch more than often.... :D you know who you are if you are reading this.... I <3 you guys...

    Ah yeah t0mm13b gets it. To be honest with you I reached a point where I've basically cut out the negative "friends" and retain only the true friends. I wonder if this is something non-depressed people just do by habit from a young age, whereas depressed people haven't learned it very well (not that this is the whole problem but one part of a complex puzzle)


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  • #42
    Dilynnio
    Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭Dilynnio


    t0mm13b wrote: »

    Yes, or even write it down and force yourself mentally to stick to a goal... the problem is, sometimes you don't feel like facing the world....

    The point I was trying to make is to try and get yourself out of the bed and to try and break the cycle just by doing something small like having a shower...and yes I do agree it can be hard to face the world but little things make a massive difference otherwise nothing will change for you......only you can take yourself out of the depression and by setting little goals for yourself will make you feel better....so I am just saying try it......it is not going to hurt....and if it does.....well don't do it again.

    If you want to get out of it you have to make a little effort to try and change things, to help yourself no one else can...........it did work for me but it may not for anyone else.


  • #43
    knuckledragger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭knuckledragger


    I've struggled with it at varying levels for as far back as i can remember, and to some extent have managed to mask it with one of those 'smartarse' things that fellas do, for whatever reason.

    Still, no matter how 'smart' 'likable' 'capable' or whatever other (supposedly) encouraging adjectives people throw at me, there's always something telling me that i'm none of those things.

    I've often thought about suicide, and at one point about 8/9 months ago, i came very close to doing something final... but for the most part i've been aware that it would likely cause my family a great deal of distress.

    ...Counselling, drugs, CBT, don't work.... I've become world weary, pretty much incapable of believing in anything, or anyone... it's like living in a sort of a limbo.


    If i could just click my fingers and make it as though i'd never existed, i would.


  • #44
    t0mm13b
    Registered Users Posts: 608 ✭✭✭t0mm13b


    opinion guy wrote: »
    Ah yeah t0mm13b gets it. To be honest with you I reached a point where I've basically cut out the negative "friends" and retain only the true friends. I wonder if this is something non-depressed people just do by habit from a young age, whereas depressed people haven't learned it very well (not that this is the whole problem but one part of a complex puzzle)

    Yeah.... being deaf makes things all a bit more trickier for my life, some cnuts can actually play up on to that .... when you're in a position of vulnerability, those cnuts can actually abuse you without realizing it... am not exactly "street smart" as have had a sheltered upbringing with being deaf and all...and hence an introverted person... that's something I intend to deal with and change in 2011.... :)


  • #45
    SeaFields
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,551 ✭✭✭SeaFields


    I have known serious depression in my family which included suicide attempts and three years in a psychiatric hospital. It affected me in later life, when i grew up I suppose, and reflected on all that went on. Luckily I have some close friends and one 'distant' family member that i am very close to who helped me through it (who happens to be a senior clinical psychologist which was a bit of luck :))

    I am close to needing a second hand to count the lads that have died when i look at my communion photo from school - albeit 20+ years ago now. Ten minutes ago my girlfriends parents left the house to attend a wake of a lad of 17 who took his own life on Stevens night after he got home from a night out.

    If you are feeling it lads go and talk to someone. I would recommend your GP as being first port of call (others may differ on this). No one will judge. No one needs know if thats your preference. Help is there, believe me. Don't bottle it up.

    Well done OP on a very appropriate thread.


  • #46
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    It annoys me to see these adverts about your mental health etc and saying talk to someone bla bla bla, because it's like a pathetic attempt at the HSE trying to say they're dealing with depression and mental illnesses , when really they do nothing.

    I've been diagnosed as having depression. I'm unsure if I do or not, but I know there's something wrong with the way I deal with everything. I think it's just the way I am though. I think it's because of the way I was brought up and the family that I have. I'm on meds since May of last year and am unsure as to whether or not there's been any difference in me since then. I'm in the middle of coming off them, so I guess in a while I'll see if they did anything.

    When I get down, when everything gets on top of me and I cannot see solutions to things I think of suicide. and that's wrong. I think about it way too often. Sometimes I come closer to it then other times. and my attitude towards it scares me sometimes. It's not that I want to die, it's that I've never been happy, I don't know how to make things better for myself. and I have no one to help. Only recently because I had to, I told my father I'm on anti depressants, and my sister also knows, but no one has spoken to me about it. I'm in a fairly bad situation at the moment, but not for a second would I consider talking to my family about it because they don't care. Ya if I actually tried to kill myself they'd be shocked and might send me for help then, but unless it got to that point, no one gives a shit. It's laughable to think of going to one of them and saying 'i'm feeling a bit low' or 'i need to talk'.

    My best friend is probably the only reason I'm still alive. He's the one person I can talk to. but even when it comes to talking to him about just how bad I'm feeling I've to watch what I say because he can't deal with it well. As somebody else said, not many people know how to listen. I don't talk about this to get attention, I just need somebody to listen and to care, without me having to worry about freaking them out, or what they're going to think of me, if they think I'm just seeking attention.

    I will never phone the samaritans as I think they're a useless bunch. I don't like speaking on the phone, so I emailed them a couple of times before but it's not someone listening, being understanding or anything like that. well in my experience it wasn't. it was cold, and machine like even. but then I suppose what can you expect from a stranger. Everyone says if you're feeling this way, talk to someone, but talk to who exactly? That's my problem, there is nobody. I've seen two different counsellors and while the second one helped me see why I feel a certain way about things, she never helped me deal with things better. I'm currently on my fourth anti depressant. And I can't afford to go to another counsellor. So what do I do? It's easy to say talk to someone but what if the person you're saying it to doesn't have anyone? GPs aren't sympathetic, they're clinical, and they'll put you on meds and give you a phone number for a counsellor. That's not help.


  • #47
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,408 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    t0mm13b wrote: »
    Yeah.... being deaf makes things all a bit more trickier for my life, some cnuts can actually play up on to that .... when you're in a position of vulnerability, those cnuts can actually abuse you without realizing it... am not exactly "street smart" as have had a sheltered upbringing with being deaf and all...and hence an introverted person... that's something I intend to deal with and change in 2011.... :)
    Some people seem to require someone with as broken wing that they can fix. This, in my experience, is often about a power play and them needing to feel better about themselves by comparing themselves to you. You must understand that your role in a realtionship like this is to be grateful to them and to follow any piece of their ill-informed advice to the letter and not about giving you real support. When your juggement is clouded by depression it can be hard to see this dynamic for what it is. When the cloud lifts it can come as shock but it's also an a bit of life education. You get better at spotting and avoiding these types and better at taking care of yourself and your moods.

    I agree with a lot of Opinion Guy's estimation about what depression is. Finding someone who could listen was the key for me. I hope this experience has made me a better listener. A non-judgemental and accepting ear is worth a thousand times more than any well-intentioned pep-talk and is the key to deeper self-awareness.


  • #48
    af_thefragile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    stupidusername wrote: »
    It annoys me to see these adverts about your mental health etc and saying talk to someone bla bla bla, because it's like a pathetic attempt at the HSE trying to say they're dealing with depression and mental illnesses , when really they do nothing.

    I've been diagnosed as having depression. I'm unsure if I do or not, but I know there's something wrong with the way I deal with everything. I think it's just the way I am though. I think it's because of the way I was brought up and the family that I have. I'm on meds since May of last year and am unsure as to whether or not there's been any difference in me since then. I'm in the middle of coming off them, so I guess in a while I'll see if they did anything.

    When I get down, when everything gets on top of me and I cannot see solutions to things I think of suicide. and that's wrong. I think about it way too often. Sometimes I come closer to it then other times. and my attitude towards it scares me sometimes. It's not that I want to die, it's that I've never been happy, I don't know how to make things better for myself. and I have no one to help. Only recently because I had to, I told my father I'm on anti depressants, and my sister also knows, but no one has spoken to me about it. I'm in a fairly bad situation at the moment, but not for a second would I consider talking to my family about it because they don't care. Ya if I actually tried to kill myself they'd be shocked and might send me for help then, but unless it got to that point, no one gives a shit. It's laughable to think of going to one of them and saying 'i'm feeling a bit low' or 'i need to talk'.

    My best friend is probably the only reason I'm still alive. He's the one person I can talk to. but even when it comes to talking to him about just how bad I'm feeling I've to watch what I say because he can't deal with it well. As somebody else said, not many people know how to listen. I don't talk about this to get attention, I just need somebody to listen and to care, without me having to worry about freaking them out, or what they're going to think of me, if they think I'm just seeking attention.

    I will never phone the samaritans as I think they're a useless bunch. I don't like speaking on the phone, so I emailed them a couple of times before but it's not someone listening, being understanding or anything like that. well in my experience it wasn't. it was cold, and machine like even. but then I suppose what can you expect from a stranger. Everyone says if you're feeling this way, talk to someone, but talk to who exactly? That's my problem, there is nobody. I've seen two different counsellors and while the second one helped me see why I feel a certain way about things, she never helped me deal with things better. I'm currently on my fourth anti depressant. And I can't afford to go to another counsellor. So what do I do? It's easy to say talk to someone but what if the person you're saying it to doesn't have anyone? GPs aren't sympathetic, they're clinical, and they'll put you on meds and give you a phone number for a counsellor. That's not help.

    When I was going through a bad state, I posted on the Personal Issues forum a lot. Sometimes with my account, sometimes as anonymous.

    I was the same. I only had a best friend to talk to but then he wasn't a good listener either so I really couldn't really talk much to him. I ended up venting it out in PI then and I have to say it is a brilliant forum if you need someone to talk to. I'll agree the samaritans are useless. I mailed them a couple of time as well and the responses didn't help a bit. But you'll get much better responses here on boards.


  • #49
    Dilynnio
    Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭Dilynnio


    stupidusername wrote: »
    It annoys me to see these adverts about your mental health etc and saying talk to someone bla bla bla, because it's like a pathetic attempt at the HSE trying to say they're dealing with depression and mental illnesses , when really they do nothing.

    I've been diagnosed as having depression. I'm unsure if I do or not, but I know there's something wrong with the way I deal with everything. I think it's just the way I am though. I think it's because of the way I was brought up and the family that I have. I'm on meds since May of last year and am unsure as to whether or not there's been any difference in me since then. I'm in the middle of coming off them, so I guess in a while I'll see if they did anything.

    When I get down, when everything gets on top of me and I cannot see solutions to things I think of suicide. and that's wrong. I think about it way too often. Sometimes I come closer to it then other times. and my attitude towards it scares me sometimes. It's not that I want to die, it's that I've never been happy, I don't know how to make things better for myself. and I have no one to help. Only recently because I had to, I told my father I'm on anti depressants, and my sister also knows, but no one has spoken to me about it. I'm in a fairly bad situation at the moment, but not for a second would I consider talking to my family about it because they don't care. Ya if I actually tried to kill myself they'd be shocked and might send me for help then, but unless it got to that point, no one gives a shit. It's laughable to think of going to one of them and saying 'i'm feeling a bit low' or 'i need to talk'.

    My best friend is probably the only reason I'm still alive. He's the one person I can talk to. but even when it comes to talking to him about just how bad I'm feeling I've to watch what I say because he can't deal with it well. As somebody else said, not many people know how to listen. I don't talk about this to get attention, I just need somebody to listen and to care, without me having to worry about freaking them out, or what they're going to think of me, if they think I'm just seeking attention.

    I will never phone the samaritans as I think they're a useless bunch. I don't like speaking on the phone, so I emailed them a couple of times before but it's not someone listening, being understanding or anything like that. well in my experience it wasn't. it was cold, and machine like even. but then I suppose what can you expect from a stranger. Everyone says if you're feeling this way, talk to someone, but talk to who exactly? That's my problem, there is nobody. I've seen two different counsellors and while the second one helped me see why I feel a certain way about things, she never helped me deal with things better. I'm currently on my fourth anti depressant. And I can't afford to go to another counsellor. So what do I do? It's easy to say talk to someone but what if the person you're saying it to doesn't have anyone? GPs aren't sympathetic, they're clinical, and they'll put you on meds and give you a phone number for a counsellor. That's not help.

    OP it took me my 8th counsellor until someone finally got through to me......now this may not be the case for everyone but I was bad and this was over several years but I knew there was something wrong with me and that I wanted to change and wanted to be happy so I persevered at it. As a result my life has changed for the better.

    For me I needed to love me and accept me and that took a long time but now I do. Its hard work, its raw, its emotional, you will bare your soul but I would not change all that hard work and tears for the world.

    I believe that if a person really really really wants change and is not afraid of it and is willing to put in the work they will achieve it. Mental health really is something that only the person who is suffering needs to work at no one can do it for them but there is guidance and people who can support and help you.

    Ok I will be quite now......just something I am passionate about.


  • #50
    AntiMatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 447 ✭✭AntiMatter


    knuckledragger wrote: »
    I've struggled with it at varying levels for as far back as i can remember, and to some extent have managed to mask it with one of those 'smartarse' things that fellas do, for whatever reason.

    Still, no matter how 'smart' 'likable' 'capable' or whatever other (supposedly) encouraging adjectives people throw at me, there's always something telling me that i'm none of those things.

    I've often thought about suicide, and at one point about 8/9 months ago, i came very close to doing something final... but for the most part i've been aware that it would likely cause my family a great deal of distress.

    ...Counselling, drugs, CBT, don't work.... I've become world weary, pretty much incapable of believing in anything, or anyone... it's like living in a sort of a limbo.


    If i could just click my fingers and make it as though i'd never existed, i would.

    Sorry to hear your feeling like that.

    Personally, I've found meditation to be a great tool for dealing with depression. That and not isolating yourself from friends and family.

    Good luck with it.


  • #51
    Dilynnio
    Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭Dilynnio


    knuckledragger wrote: »
    I've struggled with it at varying levels for as far back as i can remember, and to some extent have managed to mask it with one of those 'smartarse' things that fellas do, for whatever reason.

    Still, no matter how 'smart' 'likable' 'capable' or whatever other (supposedly) encouraging adjectives people throw at me, there's always something telling me that i'm none of those things.

    I've often thought about suicide, and at one point about 8/9 months ago, i came very close to doing something final... but for the most part i've been aware that it would likely cause my family a great deal of distress.

    ...Counselling, drugs, CBT, don't work.... I've become world weary, pretty much incapable of believing in anything, or anyone... it's like living in a sort of a limbo.


    If i could just click my fingers and make it as though i'd never existed, i would.

    I hope that some of the replies on this thread may help you. I can't really advise you as I am not a trained counsellor. We can all just share our experiences and hope that some of it may help others.


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