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Best/worst/weirdest chat up lines

McChubbin

In the spirit of this dubious day of consumerism, let's all offer up the best/worst/ downright weirdest pickup lines you've heard of.

I'll start the ball rolling with one I've never actually used:
"You melt my chocolate!"

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Dublin_Gunner

darragh-k wrote: »

I have some tragic news, my cock died. Can I bury it in your ass?

60% of the time, works everytime

??

Me: Happy birthday!
her: Its not my birthday?
Me: It is now

Actually worked for me before...

Like fruit? Well you can suck on my knob its a peach!

similarly.:

Like jewellery? Well you can suck on my knob its a gem!

Darksaga87

Got any irish in ya?

BigDuffman

Bonito wrote: »

Me:"Sorry what perfume are you wearing, it smells very nice?"
Her: "What? I smell?
Me: "No, what's your perfume it's nice?"
Her: "Oh, it's addict by Dior"
Me: "I think I'm addicted already" While placing hand on small of her back (not too high and not too low) and giving her a kiss on the cheek

EPIC FAIL! Cheeeeeze. You seemed serious....chat up lines only work if their done with a cheeky grin and NOT being serious about what your actually saying.

My personal Fave

"Get in the van and I'll give you a lollipop"

"Hows your belly for a lodger?"

"hi, I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore uranus"

"Lad:do you like to dance

girl:yeah why

Lad: ok well go over there and dance so I can talk to your friend"

3qsmavrod5twfe

I prefer a good 6 to 8 months of stalking first, them BOOM! hit them with the classsic I know everything about you and I am crazy about you even though you have no idea who I am.

If TV has taught me anyhting, this is undoubtedly the only way to go.

That or a "Hi, my name is <insert name here>, what's yours?"

Incidentally, the name "Fukov" is remarkably popular!

bonerm

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Like fruit? Well you can suck on my knob its a peach!

similarly.:

Like jewellery? Well you can suck on my knob its a gem!

similarily :

Like chicken? Well you can suck on my knob its fowl.

MiciG91

Id love to tickle your bellybutton. . . . .From the inside !

az2wp0sye65487

Get in the van, I have a knife

we'llallhavetea_old

lad: "is you're father a thief?"
Me: "no, why?"
lad: "because he must have stolen the stars outta the sky for your eyes"
me: ".........."
lad: " i have more!?"
me: "no, you're alright thanks...."

another lad came up to me and said "how do you feel about lads with land"
i lol'd.

Atavan-Halen

"We should mate!"

"What?!"

"I said we should date"

banshee_bones

If any of ye get the "I wouldnt go out with/kiss/sleep with you if we were the last two people on earth" all you have to say in return is

"If i was the last man on earth..who would stop me?"

caseyann

You arent usually my type i normally go for hot women

OutlawPete

I once pulled a girl I had no business even talking to by saying:

"I know your out my league but sure it's Christmas".

I was very drunk too, but then so was she (obviously)

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

Midnight_EG wrote: »

Your dick isn't a bone :cool:

And that's a natural law!

ScumLord

Write "OFF" on the front and back of a t-shirt (tipex would do it) then wander around town telling every woman you see to "**** off". One's bound to bite sooner or later and if they don't you'll more than likely get raped in jail so it's not a complete loss.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

say to a girl jokingly "im going to get with you tonight!" when she asks how? look her straight in the eyes with a serious look in you face and say "BECAUSE IM STRONGER THAN YOU ARE!"

mailforkev

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got a knife,
so get into the van.

Edit: Oh curses, the one page of the thread I skipped had something almost identical.

OutlawPete

mailforkev wrote: »

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Pull down your knickers & give us a goo

fyp

fullstop

What's the diffference between a Ferrari and an erection?

I haven't got a Ferrari...

podgemonster

Walk up to a girl,
spit on her top/dress etc...
then say 'now how about we get you outta those wet clothes!'

GiftofGab

Say to a group of girls;

You: Do you know that 78% of girls masterbate in the shower, and the other 22% sing? But do you know what they sing?
Girls: What?
You: Oh well, you must be the ones who masterbate so!

Fago!

Roses are red,
Violets are violet,
only an idiot would think the were blue,

It's factually wrong,
that poem above,
so I thought I'd comedically show you my love,

I was gonna play a prank on this valentines day,
by wearing some leather and saying I'm gay,

But then I thought nah, I wanna feel like a king,
so get down on your knees and smile like a ring!

[Deleted User]

Guy: "What's bigger than Canada?"
Girl: "I don't know.. What?"
Guy: "My dick".

OutlawPete

Fago_25 wrote: »

I was gonna play a prank on this valentines day,
by wearing some leather and saying I'm gay,

But then I thought nah, I wanna feel like a king,
so get down on your knees and lick my ring!

Better

Fago!

Deleted User wrote: »

Girl: "What's bigger than Canada?"
Guy: "I don't know.. What?"
Girl: "My dick".

Better

Jordonvito

"Hows your pit for silage?"

Darksaga87

Ya dont sweat much for a fat burd.

McChubbin

I love this thread so much I wanna donkey punch it.

cock robin

Do you like chicken. Well get your lips around this it's foul.

My name is URL

"If all else fails, just get your lad out"

that's one I used, I read it on an internet forum... didn't end well

GiftofGab

My name is URL wrote: »

"If all else fails, just get your lad out"

that's one I used, I read it on an internet forum... didn't end well

Think the saying is; "If in doubt, whip it out"