Starting to panic a bit I won't lie 🙄 can anyone relate?
Have even been debating hitting my ex up......
I don't know if it's a relationship, child or both you want but I went through the societal pressures in my late 20s of 'wanting' a relationship, it's not nice as you know. Sadly theres no guarantees of if and when you meet your next potential partner. And no doubt your ex is an ex for a reason.
If you're worried about having kids just freeze your eggs in the mean time and maybe you could get a little lovely pet if you don't have one already. Not everyone feels the same, but I was at a kids birthday party over the weekend, don't get me wrong, they're lovely but oh my god the noise of them, I'm so thankful to be childless and not have that level of responsibility that you can't go back on, my nephews, niece's and God children keep me more than busy in that department.
Your not that old, I know a fair few women who were in their 30's before they met someone they wanted to start a family with. I think the plus side of your age is that alot of people have kissed their frogs and are clearer in what they want.
Id give yourself a year, really put yourself out there. As said think outside the box. Join clubs, would you consider a single holiday? There are groups like walking groups/yoga holidays that attract lots of single travellers.
Outside of that there is always the option of sperm donation and fertility treatment. Its an expense alright but accessible in ireland to single women.
because very few people give their kids up for adoption, and you have to go abroad.
And getting an overseas adoption takes years (if at all) due to the cost, waiting times and bureaucratic hurdles.
Firstly as said do you have housing and the finances to take 9 months maternity leave etc?
Secondly are you actively dating, joining clubs where you are more likely to meet people, putting yourself out there?
Even if you meet someone this year it's not advisable to get pregnant straight away. Wait until " honeymoon " period is over 6+ months or a year.
If you want it to happen quickly you need to make steps towards it happening. Would you be willing to move to where they live? Would you change jobs to share accomodation. Living with someone for 6+ months tells you a lot.
Try look outside your local area. Try find someone with similar hobbies or interests even if it's just travelling or going to the movies. Try join clubs with lots of male members. Ask people out. Take say one night a week to go on dates and actively build up a vetting and selection process for separating the time wasters from candidates.
Many men dont consider kids until they are in their thirties.
Because virtually no children are given up for adoption anymore.
I'd counter a lot of the comments here which seem to say no big rush - the prevailing view on this discussion and in Ireland in general, is take your time, not big rush - having your first kid in mid-30s is not an issue.
And I guess to be fair by and large it is fine.
However, without question, you have more energy in your late 20s and early 30s than you do in your 40s / 50s.
You have a child at 38, then you have a 10-year old at 48...... that ten year old wants to play football or chasing or run around the playground with you for a few hours, you've less energy to do it.
.....
On a different note - OP, could you please respond to posts, just to show that this isnt one of those 'Boards.ie random new account starts provocative thread and then f**ks off never to be seen again' threads. Its a sensitive subject.
Except you are considered a geriatric over 35 and you have a higher risk of complications. I know 2 people in their early 40s who Just had babies with DS
Why is adoption so hard in ireland?
I didnt meet my wife til she was 34, we didnt have our first child until she was almost 39 and had our second when she had turned 40. There is plenty of time for you. Now thats not me trying to downplay how you are feeling or anything like that, more to try to illustrate that all is not lost just because you are over 30.
Hpefully some constructive advice/anecdote.
I as a man was looking when i was around 34 - 36 and by what we read, I should have been swimming in a pool of lovely 30 to 35 year old women ready to settle down. Not so. There were many who didn't want kids, many who weren't going out to pubs/clubs so i never met them, many who had other issues. (I'm sure the pool of men is similar)
The reality I found is that yes, - as is regularly posted here and in every post about this subject, - many of the 'best' ones are already hooked up at that age, but there were still the occasional people who want exactly whatever it is that you offer and want too.
Patience and think outside the box with regard to meeting them. They're there and some of them want what you want.
Internet dating was only getting going properly then but is now a cesspool/frustrating hookup medium. It worked for us but from what I read now isn't that helpful.
The best bit of advice I could give you is to look at what you want your life to be like - and be realistic as to what it's probably going to be like - look at your friends who are married and happy and at the type of people they picked, where they live, what they do on a daily basis (not the amazing photos from the most amazing holiday they took) If you're looking for an amazing 35 year old Spaniard who travels the world, - he's not looking to settle down with 3 kids in Castleknock or Castleisland.
Analyse who it is you're looking for and figure out what these people do/where they go/where to meet them.
Best of luck, but stop panicking or hide it better.
Yes having kids is critical to me and yes biological clock ticking loudly :(
Panicked that I'm behind in life I meant or that time is running is out......
I know there's lots of extra risks for mother and baby when mother is older than 35 also.
I never imagined myself as an older parent either I guess. My life really just hasn't turned out how I'd expected or planned for it to go.
Nice subtle dig at younger parents there
OP, given its a discussion you're looking for as opposed to advice, I'll move your thread to the Ladies Lounge which is probably a better fit for it.
This is probably the most ignorant comment I've ever read on this site. Adoption is nigh on impossible in Ireland, and to adopt from overseas can cost €50k plus.
It should be like dogs, get one at the pound, or seeing as it's a kid adopt, so many kids need a home,
The OP is concerned about her biological clock, biologically the younger the better.
Why do you think "the younger the better"? The best age is simply when one is ready to have kids - mature, financially capable of raising children, stable relationship with life partner, secure housing, career objectives on track/met, travelling done, happy to have a very minimal social life etc. Very few people have that in their early 30's, let alone their 20's.
Age is just one factor, it’s not the only thing that should be taken into account, and a lot of people would disagree with the younger the better. The more prepared the better, age aside.
It's when you have your first not your last that's important - the younger the better.
Maybe panic in 10 years time - if children are really important to you. Right now? You’re still very young and many people don’t meet their partners in their 20s but in their 30s these days, which you have only started.
You’re allowed a mini freak out at 35 - don’t be that age looking back thinking how young and easy you had it at 31 and why did you panic :)
Far too much pressure placed on people to have kids.
Why have you contemplated your ex?
Kids make a lot of noise and they have no off button. Are you sure?
I can’t relate but I can share some insight. I have 4 kids and a great husband but I tell you one thing kids are hard work. You really don’t know how much till you have one. I take my hat off to any genuinely single parents doing it all on their own, kids are great but it’s bloody hard work, and my advise for what it’s worth is don’t panic. I had my last baby at 41!
The average age at first maternity is 31.6 years.
https://www.cso.ie/en/releasesandpublications/ep/p-vsys/vitalstatisticsyearlysummary2021/
A) is having kids critical to you?
B) why are you panicked? Am 40, and of all my friends of similar age who are now burdened with kids, the vast majority hadn't even met their respective husbands/wives at 31.
C) besides the "sperm-donor" (which is all you seem to think of in a father), how prepared are you for marriage/motherhood? Career? Housing situation? Maturity wrt life-long relationships?
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