TheBoyConor wrote: » Because she is the primary caregiver to the children and the house is the family home. No court in the land would put a full time primary caregiver mother her out of the family home. Even if she agrees, moves out voluntarily, she could just challenge it, go to court and the judge will order that she is may move back into the family home. Him having got the site, paying the mortgage or building the house with his bare hands simply doesn't factor into it when the court is looking at it from the point of view of what is in the best interests of the children.
Dave46 wrote: » Thanks everyone for advice, im going to have a chat with her this evening and see if we can get an agreement on finances i think % of earnings is fair if she agrees then id be happy with that for the time being
Dave46 wrote: » Well im not going anywhere for now, firstly cant afford it and want to be with my kids. Im just worried about the dreaded chat about money and bills, she is still spending crazy money out of the joint account
raclle wrote: » I think the OP would notice if she's venturing out in the middle of lockdowns with two kids at home. It does seem the most plausible explanation which he probably didn't want to mention if true.
Oops! wrote: » If she wants him out she will get him out... Then it will get messy. It's the kids i feel sorry for here.
TheBoyConor wrote: » She obviously doesn't suspect a thing at this point.
Mimon wrote: » Not correct, she will only have to contribute to one household and as she is on the dole this will be minimal. He will be doing all the heavy lifting when it comes to paying for the two households so you can't compare the outcomes for both of them. He will come out of this far worse.
Senature wrote: » I agree reform is needed in many areas, but in my own experience, every party feels financially hard done by after a divorce / seperation whether man or woman. I think it is often because so few people realise how the additional cost of paying for two homes for the family rather than one will impact on their lifestyle. And it's a permanent cost, unlike college fees for example which are pricey but only for a few years. Anyway OP, the split in finances you are suggesting might seem fine now, but it won't when one of you moves out. You need to prepare your partner for this. You sound like you are being very reasonable but you need to look a bit further down the road to protect yourself.
Mimon wrote: » She won't care as he will be paying for the bulk of the two houses expenses. 200 odd quid on the dole doesn't go far. He will be on the breadline while she lives in basically a free house with her bills paid for the most part. Huge legislative reform needed to have some semblance of quality in these cases.
Senature wrote: » I echo the suggestions for both legal advice and you setting up your own bank account straight away and having your salary paid into it. It's important to bear in mind when splitting the finances you now need to include two homes in the budget. Two lots of rent / mortgage. Two lots of utility bills, house repairs, appliances, furniture etc. The second home will need at least two or three bedrooms so the kids can stay over. If, as stated, one of you will be leaving the home, even if it's in a year or two, this will need to be covered by your combined finances in addition to your current living expenses. Work out how much this would all cost per month / week. Add your own costs for transport, clothing and other essentials. Deduct this amount from your salary and pay the remainder at most to your joint account. Pay for your own expenses from your own account. Ensure the timing of payments into the joint account means the mortgage payment will go through and not bounce. You will probably both be surprised by how expensive it is to live separately. But there's no point kidding yourselves about what you can or can't afford. Even if you prefer mum being at home for the kids, you are unlikely to be able to afford this if you separate. The above exercise would be a harsh dose of reality but sounds like it might be needed. Good luck, it can be a tough road.
Dave46 wrote: » I will contact department to start a mediation process but in the meantime is it a fair split of the bills and mortgage me 65% and her 35%, ive worked out figures and that seems to be a fair solution. We can split grocery and anything for the kids 50-50
YellowLead wrote: » she will be considered dependent on you and therefore entitled to maintenance for herself
Mimon wrote: » All because she reckons the "spark" is gone. Sounds more like a spoiled teenager than a grown adult. No reason she should not be working either.
Mimon wrote: » He can still stay in the house even if they are not in a relationship, he doesn't need to go crawling anywhere. Just out of interest how would she get the OP out if he decided that he was staying? If there is no conflict surely she would have no grounds to get a court order for him to leave his own house?
TheBoyConor wrote: » i wouldnt be in favour of advocating that someone crawl after someone who decides that the want to get rid of you in order to get their acceptance back. That could destroy someone's self worth. No. If I were he, and she said she wanted out and rid of me, then I'd say "fine, you made the decision, best of luck". As an old friend once said to me when I was very sad after broken up with a girl "you wouldn't step in the same **** twice, would you?"
Dave46 wrote: » Were actually getting on fine no tension or arguements she just wanted it to end the spark was gone!
