lainey_d_123 wrote: » Ah now it's hard when you're the one involved to see it for what it is, sometimes. You make excuses for people and try to be understanding and patient because you don't want to ruin what you have, but the truth is there's nothing to ruin. It can take a while to realise that. I for one would have no patience for someone still being on dating apps once we were properly dating (as in, seeing each other regularly, texting, planning future dates). What's the point? I want someone who gives a relationship a chance, not someone who is constantly looking for something better and comparing me to random faces on apps.
tara73 wrote: » OP I think your last post and decision is Kind of a disgrace or slap in the face to the people who took the time to reply with lenghthy and most of all excellent advice. What Is your decision? Doing the complete opposite what people advised. What‘s with your original question, him updating his Tinder profile?All forgotten and forgiven? Sure do whatever you want to do but you come across now as desperate and I‘m not so sure anymore who‘s the bigger problem, you or him.
blairbear wrote: » I felt great afterwards. GREAT. And I was over him in no time, because I had made the choice not to be treated like an option. I honestly think you should do the same. Immediately.
leggo wrote: » You can’t just keep having the “What are we?” chat until you get the answer you want. You’ve had it, what, twice now and you still aren’t anything. That’s your answer right there. .
NewMan1982 wrote: » Seems far too complicated. Dating shouldn’t be this hard.
B.A._Baracus wrote: » As for lack of sex? If I put myself in his shoes I would be expecting sex to have happened already. But then again I'd want a relationship. I'd be sussing out the other to see if they were were really into me and moving things forward etc.
bitofabind wrote: » Agree with all of the above, and in fact it's opening my eyes to a similar situation i found myself in a month or two ago - that i posted about here at the time. i was convinced i needed to apologise to an American guy that pursued the living daylights out of me for weeks, got me to take time off work and commit to a meetup in another country, bailed at the last minute, went silent and then erupted when I expressed genuine disappointment at the whole situation. i invested time in the guy, developed real feelings for him and suddenly was supposed to be fine about being totally dismissed out of hand and be out of pocket for it - and I was the "bad guy" in that situation? it's emotional manipulation, just like your fella here. "I'll do and say what I want but the second you try to hold me accountable to the interest / commitment I'm implying - you're being unreasonable and fcuk you!" stop thinking this is your fault and that your expecting to see some consistency between words and actions makes you some sort of headcase that needs to "relax". No. If he was into you, he'd be mortified that you'd think otherwise and delete the pesky app in about 30 seconds.
bleeper91 wrote: » I'm truly willing to give it a shot. It may require me to become a bit more relaxed in myself, which is a person I want to become. But now he's gone off to think about things and I fear I've driven him away with my overthinking. Is there anything I should say to limit the damage? I only wanted to be sure he was truly interested, which he is, but now I think he'll end things because of he thinks I think we're incompatible. !
bitofabind wrote: » i don't like the sound of this at all. somehow the fact of him updating his tinder every five minutes despite telling you he's into you and "taking it slow" has become an issue of YOU being at fault?? that's impressive mental gymnastics and dare i say it, emotional manipulation. like "i'll do what i want to do and if you don't like it it's because your feelings are invalid".
you're allowed to think him updating tinder every day is out of sync with him being really into you because it is. thats words not matching actions. i've been on tinder and no-one updates their profile at such an alarming rate! most people check in a few times a day, unless they're building some kind of dating funnel to keep the fun times rolling. and secondly, the fact that he's making you feel guilty for being 'incompatible' because you havent already slept with him despite him giving you NO reassurance WHATSOEVER that there's even a relationship at the end of it for you, is a major red flag.
off with him to "think about things" - sounds like a total bs excuse on his part to swerve his way out of any commitment to you. a nice get-out-of-jail-free card for him where he doesn't have to address his behaviour and gets to make you feel like you should change yours.
bitofabind wrote: » i don't like the sound of this at all. somehow the fact of him updating his tinder every five minutes despite telling you he's into you and "taking it slow" has become an issue of YOU being at fault?? that's impressive mental gymnastics and dare i say it, emotional manipulation. like "i'll do what i want to do and if you don't like it it's because your feelings are invalid". you're allowed to think him updating tinder every day is out of sync with him being really into you because it is. thats words not matching actions. i've been on tinder and no-one updates their profile at such an alarming rate! most people check in a few times a day, unless they're building some kind of dating funnel to keep the fun times rolling. and secondly, the fact that he's making you feel guilty for being 'incompatible' because you havent already slept with him despite him giving you NO reassurance WHATSOEVER that there's even a relationship at the end of it for you, is a major red flag. off with him to "think about things" - sounds like a total bs excuse on his part to swerve his way out of any commitment to you. a nice get-out-of-jail-free card for him where he doesn't have to address his behaviour and gets to make you feel like you should change yours.
