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How often do you see your parents?

The Young Wan

Those of you with parents who are still with us, how often do you see them?

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[Deleted User]

Two or three times a month....speak on phone daily. My Dad lives alone & we are great friends.
If I lived closer I'd see him much more often TBH by choice...he is a great guy...love spending time with him.

[Deleted User]

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

..... I was never close to my mother/parents and she raised us to be independent and support ourselves ............ and so I've moved around several counties as opportunities have come up, been in relationships without any consideration as to whether she would like or approve, and my free time was/is my own to be spent with that person in whatever way we wanted or however I like.

.....

Did all that work out well for you though?

Witchie

About twice a year when I come home from Asia. This year will be 3 times. Friday week I come home for my sister's wedding, then we are organising a suprise family gathering in Portugal in October for their 50th wedding anniversary and will be home again for Christmas.

OldMrBrennan83

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

But that's me and just my opinion. I was never close to my mother/parents and she raised us to be independent and support ourselves (also because her illness and subsequent effects meant she wouldn't be there as a "safety net" anyway), and so I've moved around several counties as opportunities have come up, been in relationships without any consideration as to whether she would like or approve, and my free time was/is my own to be spent with that person in whatever way we wanted or however I like.

That sounds awful to me, but each to their own. Couldn't imagine not being close to parents.

Fiery mutant

Probably once a month. I live 100 km away and work every second weekend, so getting the time isn’t always easy.

They’re both retired and fairly active, but i’m Starting to get conscious of time.

[Deleted User]

Folks drawing lines between how often you see your parents and how independent you are is both unnecessary and totally loony.

There isn't a correlation IMO for the most part.

Some people like their patents so see them often if they can....shocker :pac:

eviltwin

OldMrBrennan83 wrote: »

That sounds awful to me, but each to their own. Couldn't imagine not being close to parents.

Depends on the parents really doesn't it?

eviltwin

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

im really sorry

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

OldMrBrennan83

eviltwin wrote: »

Depends on the parents really doesn't it?

That's exactly what I'm saying. Parents you wouldn't want to be close to sounds awful.

RiderOnTheStorm

Dad is dead 1 year now. Mom is 82. She lives 150 miles away. See her once or twice a year. I went up to see them more often when my kids were younger and brought them to see grandparents. No regrets on frequency of visits then or now. Decisions were right at the time. We talk weekly and have catchup, but conversation is awkward. We are very different people now, and have very little in common.

RocketRaccoon

My own mother, possibly once a month which is enough. My mother in law, every day, she's a wonderful woman.

The fathers...... Less said the better.

Alf Veedersane

Every 2/3 weeks.

My Mam died a few years back and my Dad comes up to see the kids every couple of weeks. Well, the kids and us. Dad comes to us to minimise hassle for us and it's lovely watching him with the kids.

Her parents are up the same...they tend to stay a night or two as they come further but they also mind the kids (4, 6 months) so they're more than welcome and I get on well with them.

Poor Uncle Tom

[Deleted User] wrote: »

In all seriousness, how does it feel to have both parents long dead due to the passage of time? Do you think of them everyday or does the memory fade? I am raising two little boys right now and I sometimes think that one day they'll be two men on their own and I and my wife will be dead. It fills me with sorrow that I will miss so much of their lives.

Also, do you ever think of your grandparents? Do you ever try to tell your grandkids about your parents or grandparents?

Both a long time dead, dad died over 40 years ago, still think of them very regularly, dad wouldn't be very impressed with how waste and greed has developed since he died, he would be delighted with the leaps in technologies. He worked with his hands usually with steel, metal, wood and leather. The range of other materials that developing technologies would have put in his grasp would have been fantastic to see. He's still my all time hero.

Mam would have embraced Skype, I often think that was made for her, just a little to late. I miss the fact she would do anything for you, and I miss her cooking.

I visit them about twice a year.

Galwayguy35

Deleted User wrote: »

In all seriousness, how does it feel to have both parents long dead due to the passage of time? Do you think of them everyday or does the memory fade? I am raising two little boys right now and I sometimes think that one day they'll be two men on their own and I and my wife will be dead. It fills me with sorrow that I will miss so much of their lives.

Also, do you ever think of your grandparents? Do you ever try to tell your grandkids about your parents or grandparents?

No the memory doesn't fade.

Foweva Awone

I'm in Dublin and my parents live in Sligo, I don't have a car at the moment so it's a 3 hour train journey each way. Usually myself and my five-year-old son visit them every second weekend. It's mostly for his sake really, they won't live forever so I'm making sure he'll have loads of memories of them. My grandparents all died when I was very young and I don't remember them at all. I can't imagine I'd be visiting them so often if it weren't for him, but I'd definitely be in touch with them either by phone or text a couple of times a week.

Bannasidhe

My parent's are both in their 80s, and my Da has dementia but still able to live in his own home thankfully as long as he sticks to his routine - he does have a home help for an hour a day on weekdays. I take care of his finances so his bills get paid, pension collected etc etc.
They have been separated for over 30 years so live apart. I see my Mam every Monday and my Da every Friday. More if they have hospital/doctor/whatever appointments.

Neither of them were 'easy' people. Da was waaay too fond of the gargle and a nasty man when drunk, Mam is demanding and bitter. He no longer drinks and apart from forgetting all the shyte he put us through is an all right old codger now. Mam is just the same as she ever was.

Still go and see them every Mon/Fri because they are running out of time and I will miss them when they are gone.

[Deleted User]

see the aul fella once or twice a year, he moved abroad many years ago and worked long stints abroad always anyway. visits for a few weeks at a time and talk most weeks, its like the reverse of the standard emigrant situation really.

mother is dead goin on 15 years. it isnt a 'visit the grave' scenario im afraid

BarryD2

Half a dozen times a year, maybe a bit more sometimes. I wonder is there a gender difference in answering this question?

greenttc

I totally get what Kaiser is saying about not becoming independent enough, I fear that for myself but in a strange way.

I see my mum and dad a few times a week, they live down the road and I talk to them every day. they are a huge part of my life and my children and husband love them, I actually have terrible moments when i remember that they are not going to be around forever and that I wont be able to talk to them, I hope more than anything that they are around for a very very long time yet.

it honestly fills me with fear that they will be gone, its an inevitable, we are all heading the same direction. I dont know how I will cope not being able to pick up the phone and talk nonsense with them or visit them and sit and watch the news or look at birds in the garden or the countless mundane things that i do with them. so, I get the independence thing, if i was more independent and didnt feel the need to see them as much I wouldn't (mightn't) have that fear. and then on the other hand I want to spend as much time as possible with them and to savour every moment I have with them, why would I distance myself from them in the name of independence?

there is the fear triggered now again, I love my mum and dad!

[Deleted User]

You live with your children & husband.
You like your folks so see them frequently.
You're independent.
You don't have to not have parents or hate them to be independent

Mr_Muffin

A few times a week. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My parents are wonderful and me and my siblings had a very happy upbringing. When I have kids, I'll do everything in my power to make sure they get the same treatment.

[Deleted User]

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly (it's early on a Sunday after all ). I'm not saying that people should cut their parents out of their adult lives altogether, but if its so much that you might as well be still living there, then it's too much IMO.

I understand what your saying but I suppose it’s very opposite to my own outlook where I very much think it’s very good and important thing to stay close to your parents if possible.

I suppose in ways I sort of am the type of person you say, even though I spent a good few years living and working a few hours from home I was home minimum every second weekend and normally every weekend along with all holidays etc and still see home as my home house never even changed my address for most things. I would see myself as being plenty independent and value being able to discuss things and get help from parents far more than not.

At the same time it’s in no way impacted on me, I’m happily married and my career is going well even considering I wouldn’t consider work outside Ireland and my most recent job move I only considered work within commuting distance of home but luckily there is very suitable work so it didn’t really limit me. So now I basically live at home again most of the week and we are currently at the planning stages for a house build right next door to my parents so seeing them pretty much everyday will be the norm for me and being honest I wouldn’t have it any other way. While I can see what you are saying I don’t really understand why you would want to limit how much you see your parents or how close you are to them.

Among my friends my story would be much more common than the opposite, in fact I’ve a number of friends who never moved out of home until building their own house next door to home and are happily married with good careers etc.

Alf Veedersane

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

It's great that many are close to their parents, but I find in this country it can often mean that they never really leave home and make a life for themselves either.

That's kinda down to the person though in that they will always lean on whatever they can. I know people who lived at home til late 20s and who still call around for dinner or rely on parents to look after their child. They always have and probably always will take the path of least resistance.

The sibling is as close to the parents and sees them often and lived at home til early 20s but has always been independent in general so the close proximity to parents hasn't manifested itself in an over reliance.

greenttc

Augeo wrote: »

You live with your children & husband.
You like your folks so see them frequently.
You're independent.
You don't have to not have parents or hate them to be independent

but you see, i dont feel independent of them, I run so many decisions by them, I almost feel like I wont feel as confident in my decisions when they are gone and I havent bounced ideas off them. I cannot explain it properly, its almost like I wish I didnt like and trust them as much as I do because then losing them might not be as painful.

its all stupid I know, we should all just enjoy the good times now and not think too much about the inevitable bad times. I am thinking about this too deeply and twisting scenarios around in my head to understand it! agh!

IAMAMORON

I live close by so every day if possible.

Rubberlegs

Dad died in 2010, my mother is in assisted living after becoming ill again a few years ago. I see her 3/4 times a week, she is only 15 minutes drive away. I will bring her to my house or go into her for a while. It can be hard as she has become frail and isn't able to go around like she used to, she can't walk from A to B without tiring. Sometimes it drove me nuts as she was always looking to go somewhere or into town and now I'd love to still be doing those things with her. I'm not one for visiting graves so only pop into Dad maybe 3 times a year to make sure it's tidy.

FluffyTowel

I’d see my parents about three times a year as I haven’t lived in Ireland in a long time, but would talk to my mum almost every day. She’s the best ever, and is a friend now - a friend who sometimes tells me not to forget my keys, and who tells the dirtiest jokes for a very refined lady!

I’d talk to my dad every two weeks or so. He’s also awesome, but we would drive each other mad if we talked more frequently.

We didn’t get on when I was a teenager, but now have great relationships, and I’m endlessly thankful for everything that I now realise they did for me. I’m very lucky to have them.

retro:electro

I see my mam every single day and absolutely dread the day when that will no longer be the case.

Mrcaramelchoc

2 or 3 times a week but i still get a phone call saying you never came to see us. Which i have to say drives me insane,but like a good boy i bite my tounge.

NSAman

Alas, only one of my great parents is alive. I live 13 hours away, 5 hour drive and 8 hour flight. Make sure to see mam at least three times a year, but call her 3-4 times a week.

It’s not easy as they get older especially when you have that guilt (as someone else said) of not being there to help out, especially when they hurt themselves or have a medical issue.