Comments required on these lyrics please

richiee

Hi, I`d appreciate any comments on these lyrics which ive put together. Im going to put them to slowish Irish beat, Maybe a foxtrot. Any suggestions/comments appreciated.


Just A Dream To Me:


It`s a long long way from Ireland here to Denver
And I sure miss green fields round Ardboe
They say that absense makes the heart grow fonder
Well I tell now that what they say is true
At night I dream the old home and the mountains
And I still see the soft atlantic hue



Well the years have simply dissappeared
And my hair has turned to grey
Oh how I rue the hour and day I left to roam
Are things back there the same today
I wanna go back home
Oh but its so far across the sea
It`s just a dream to me



I remember grandma knittin by the window
And Mamas cookin` always smelt so good
The old road and the oak tree in the meadow
With daddy in the back yard cuttin` wood
Everything back then just seemed so simple
I guess nothing`s ever meant to stay the same



Well the years have simply dissappeared
And my hair has turned to grey
Oh how I rue the hour and day I left to roam
Are things back there the same today
I wanna to go back home
Oh but its so far across the sea
It`s just a dream to me

Oink

Not exactly my cuppatae, and I could certainly try and pick holes in it, but the more I look at it, the more I think it does its job .

It's not Yeats or Wordsworth, but at the same time if you were to sing that in between two other well-known songs, it wouldn't necessarily be the worse. And I do mean that as a real compliment! Good job...

I think the crucial part is going to be the delivery. For example "From Clare to Here" as good lyrics, but when they added that well-crafted tune to it, it just took off. That's going to make or break the tune...

Good luck with that, and keep us posted. I wouldn't a pm if you ever put it on soundcloud or something.