Little Johnny Jokes

Slightly risqué but ...

Sex with the Teacher:

One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"

Don't pick on Little Johnny, he did nothing to you ! NOTHING !

little jonny jokes rule man!!!..keep um comin!:D

Little Johnny's father decided it was time for 14 yr. old Little Johnny
to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill
repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.
He introduces Little Johnny to the madam, and explains that it's time
for his indoctrination to sex.
The madam says, "You've been such a good customer over the years, I'm
going to see to this personally."
So she takes Little Johnny by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she
completes his deflowering.
Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is
your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before
you leave. I'm going to give you a manicure."
Two weeks later Little Johnny and his father run into the madam on the
main street. Little Johnny is acting a little shy, so the madam smiles
and says, "Well, Little Johnny, don't you remember me?"
"Yes, Ma'am, " Little Johnny stammers, "you're the lady that gave me the
crabs and then cut off my fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em."


Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
rot your teeth and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own ****ing business!"

The kindergarten class were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted
them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten, so
she asked them to use grown-up words instead of baby words. She then
asked them what they had done during the summer.
The first little one said, "I went to see my Nana."
The teacher said, "No, you went to see your grandmother. That's the
grown-up word."
The next little one said, "I went on a trip on a choo-choo."
The teacher again said, "No, you went on a trip on a train. That's the
grown-up word."
Then, the teacher asked Little Johnny what he did during the summer.
Little Johnny proudly said that he read a book.
"What book did you read?" asked the teacher.
Little Johnny puffed out his chest, and in a very adult way replied,
"Winnie the ****."


Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'..


A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the
Declaration of Independence?"
He was older than some of the others. He said, "Damned if I know."
She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and
to bring his father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to
observe, as the teacher requested. She started back in on her quiz and
finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who
signed the Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said. "I told you I didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and
said, "Johnny, if you signed that thing, you damn well better own up to
it!"

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his
family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."
The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny paused for a minute and said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a
lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that
involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now,
class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor first putting a
worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a
worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It
writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a
doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the
professor asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink
whiskey and you won't get worms!"

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for
their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook
it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She
held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of
candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The
teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with
her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she
asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

The elementary students were paying close attention to their teacher, as
kids do at that age, when their teacher asked the class to use the word
"fascinate" in a sentence. They all pondered that one a moment, since
the word was new to most of them. Hesitantly, little Susie raised her
hand and said, "I was fascinated by the sunset last night."

The teacher said that was good but she had used "fascinated." Then
little Mikey said, "I went to a fascinating wedding." Again, the teacher
mentioned that he had used the word "fascinating" instead of
"fascinate," but that he was on the right track.

In the back of the class little Johnny was waving his hand and the
teacher was trying not to call on him because he was known for his rude
and crude remarks! But, alas, since no one seemed to be solving her
question, she gave in ... Little Johnny said, "My big sister has a
blouse with 10 buttons but she has such big tits that she can only
fascinate."

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her
class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student
to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly
jumped up and said, " Winston Churchill." "Congratulations said the
teacher-you may go home."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."
Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John
F. Kennedy". "Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie
said, "I wish those girls would just shut up." Upon overhearing this
comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnnie
instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you
Monday."