LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

lkionm · 03-07-2013 10:29pm

Drumpot wrote: »

That is one way of putting it . . :P

Tyler Durden was a character in Fight club. If you haven't seen the movie I wont explain it anymore unless you say you will definitely wont watch it as my explanation would ruin the enjoyment of one of the greatest roles of cinema history (in my view) which was in easily one of the greatest movies of modern time (on IMDB - 750k votes and it gets 8.9/10! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0137523/ ) .

Incidentally for anybody who has seen the movie the fact that you have your location down as several different places at once is even more fitting with the character. . God I want to watch that movie right now ! ! !

I know this thread is about talking but there is somethings we just shouldn't talk about. Dont break rule no. 1

delthedriver · 03-07-2013 10:37pm

lkionm wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys.

Went to the GP today, with the list. I would have definitely forgotten. The good thing was, he was the family GP so he knew enough about my family dynamic which was good as he knows my father and mother personally so he knew what I was on about and the background from where it started so he knew more than I needed to tell him.

He gave me lexapro for a week and to come back after a week and a number for a psychotherapist, Probably gonna do that every second week at around 60ish euro. I had planned on giving up drinking til I was happy to enjoy a beer so 60 is what I would spend on a night out anyway so its a much better investment.

I know myself where it comes from so what do they do there?

Well done. The best investment you can ever make is in your own health:)

delthedriver · 03-07-2013 10:38pm

hollster2 wrote: »

Bad day today partners gone into residential care today. Its so heartbreaking hes not here even to say goodnight to the kids. I miss his voice already. All im doing is crying I cant snap out of it everytime I think of him.

One day at a time. Tomorrow is a new day. Take good care of yourself:)

03-07-2013 11:22pm

I saw my GP on Monday and she wrote a letter to my tutor about my problems. I have to meet him Friday. I'm really sad that it's come to this but I guess it's better that they know about it.

Still having major problems with procrastination, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna be able to write a whole dissertation. A lot of the people on my course have already sorted PhDs to begin next year, whereas I'm gonna be struggling to find some entry level job. I'm happy for them but insanely jealous at the same time. I was always considered academic in secondary school and thought one day that I'd like to do a PhD - problem was I then hated my undergrad. I'm only doing this MSc to try and make up for the lousy 2.2 I ended up with in my BSc. If I knew back when I was filling out my CAO what I wanted to do, I honestly think I could have gone on and got a better degree, which could have led me on to a PhD in something I cared about and was capable of doing. I know it's pointless to look back at the past and "shoulda woulda coulda" but depression and anxiety make me ruminate on the past much more than is healthy. I'm really struggling to imagine what kind of future I have ahead of me now....

starling · 04-07-2013 2:28am

lkionm wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys.

Went to the GP today, with the list. I would have definitely forgotten. The good thing was, he was the family GP so he knew enough about my family dynamic which was good as he knows my father and mother personally so he knew what I was on about and the background from where it started so he knew more than I needed to tell him.

He gave me lexapro for a week and to come back after a week and a number for a psychotherapist, Probably gonna do that every second week at around 60ish euro. I had planned on giving up drinking til I was happy to enjoy a beer so 60 is what I would spend on a night out anyway so its a much better investment.

I know myself where it comes from so what do they do there?

Originally there was a notion that finding the root cause of a problem would magically eliminate it, I think that was one of Freuds ideas or possibly it is a misinterpretation by others of Freuds ideas.
Anyway my point is that this idea does not apply. Some people have very definite things they can point to and say " that's why I'm suffering from depression" but many more have no definite reason why this condition has developed. And some people go through all kinds of stuff in life without having depression.
In the end trying to pin down the root cause of someone's depression is not as productive as just getting straight to treating it. For some people talking to a therapist about their life helps because they may feel they have no-one else they can unburden themselves freely to, and having someone trusted you can talk to is very helpful.
But in the case of depression and/or anxiety, so far the most effective route has been shown to be a combination of medication, lifestyle changes and cognitive behavioural therapy.
So when you meet the psychotherapist the first time they will ask you a bit about your life, your family, etc (you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to:)) but mainly they will discuss things like challenging negative thoughts and basically practical things you can do to improve things.
I think I said in an earlier post, it's not so much "why do I feel like this" and more "how can I stop feeling like this":)
That's assuming your psychotherapist is using the cbt approach of course. But most of them do. It's counsellors as opposed to pdychotherapists who tend to do more of the "let me provide a listening ear" kind of stuff (one reason why basically anyone can call themselves a counsellor).
Anyway, what I'm saying is, it's not the old "lie on the couch and let's dig up some painful memories" thing. It's just talking to a person who is trained to help you deal with depression in the most effective way we know about so far. Nothing to be nervous about at all:)

efb · 04-07-2013 2:37am

Bad day Tuesday didn't go into work today (weds) was feeling better this eve but slept most of the day and can't sleep now

starling · 04-07-2013 3:09am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I saw my GP on Monday and she wrote a letter to my tutor about my problems. I have to meet him Friday. I'm really sad that it's come to this but I guess it's better that they know about it. Still having major problems with procrastination, I don't know how the hell I'm gonna be able to write a whole dissertation. A lot of the people on my course have already sorted PhDs to begin next year, whereas I'm gonna be struggling to find some entry level job. I'm happy for them but insanely jealous at the same time. I was always considered academic in secondary school and thought one day that I'd like to do a PhD - problem was I then hated my undergrad. I'm only doing this MSc to try and make up for the lousy 2.2 I ended up with in my BSc. If I knew back when I was filling out my CAO what I wanted to do, I honestly think I could have gone on and got a better degree, which could have led me on to a PhD in something I cared about and was capable of doing. I know it's pointless to look back at the past and "shoulda woulda coulda" but depression and anxiety make me ruminate on the past much more than is healthy. I'm really struggling to imagine what kind of future I have ahead of me now....

I am a master of procrastination and I understand where you're coming from. Many people mistakenly confuse it with laziness and I did too for a long time, which gave me something else to beat myself up about

But if you're determined to compare yourself to others (another very difficult habit to break) then I hope my story will make you feel better. I was Reading at two, went to Montessori for a year, started school at three, the teachers suggested my parents put me in a school for gifted children. They didn't because the educational psychologist they took me to said the academic benefit would be outweighed by the risk of affecting my social development. What I'm saying is (and I don't want to sound like I'm boasting) I was officially a "gifted" child. Yet for various reasons one of which was definitely depression I only got a pass degree.
You may think your academic achievements (and they are achievements) are poor compared to your fellow students, or compared to what you might have been capable of in other circumstances, but you are looking at it through a lens of very high expectations. You are discounting the very significant achievement involved in getting those kind of results with depression. Everyone has their own problems but you are like a man running a race and feeling bad that someone else is running faster than him, forgetting about the fact that he's the only one there who's running in high heels and carrying a backpack full of rocks.
I'm not discounting the importance of academic qualifications, but when you're actually in college they tend to naturally take on an inflated significance. The entire institution exists for academic achievement, so naturally that is given a place of high esteem.
However in "real life" as it were other factors become just as important in your career. How well you can work with others is extremely valuable, and that is not reflected in academic results. How reliable you are and how much your employers can depend on and trust you is similarly important and is also not a part of your Msc. You probably know this already, I don't mean to sound condescending or anything.
Your story indicates that you're capable of working very hard in difficult circumstances which is a definite mark in your favour. If your peers have not had to deal with the kind of difficulties you have, they may not be so prepared to deal with the kind if difficulties life will inevitably thow their way. And this is where your experiences with depression can actually help you. You have experience of dealing with a problem and while others may have taken their mental health for granted you have spent time working on yours and learning how to cope. Rather than being "weak" in comparison to others you are actually stronger. It may not feel that way but you're looking at it from the inside.
Anyway those are just my thoughts on it. If any of it helps I'm glad, if it's not relevant to you feel free to ignore me:)

04-07-2013 4:09am

starling wrote: »

But if you're determined to compare yourself to others (another very difficult habit to break) then I hope my story will make you feel better. I was Reading at two, went to Montessori for a year, started school at three, the teachers suggested my parents put me in a school for gifted children. They didn't because the educational psychologist they took me to said the academic benefit would be outweighed by the risk of affecting my social development. What I'm saying is (and I don't want to sound like I'm boasting) I was officially a "gifted" child. Yet for various reasons one of which was definitely depression I only got a pass degree.

Yeah, I've always compared myself negatively to others.

Going from being the "smartest" kid in school (only in academic terms, probably every other kid in my class was more streetwise and had more common sense than me!) to an "always near the bottom" student at 3rd level has always depressed me. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it fully tbh.

You may think your academic achievements (and they are achievements) are poor compared to your fellow students, or compared to what you might have been capable of in other circumstances, but you are looking at it through a lens of very high expectations. You are discounting the very significant achievement involved in getting those kind of results with depression. Everyone has their own problems but you are like a man running a race and feeling bad that someone else is running faster than him, forgetting about the fact that he's the only one there who's running in high heels and carrying a backpack full of rocks.

See the depression didn't hit me fully until I was already in college when I realised I hated my course. For financial reasons I couldn't drop out and so had to keep going. It's amazing to think that if I had picked a different course, or at least had the courage to drop out in first or second year, that not only would I potentially be on a different career path with a more impressive qualification in a field I genuinely cared about, but I also may not have been hit as hard or at all) by depression. My life could've been so much better....and again "shoulda woulda coulda" but I can't help those 'what if' feelings haunt me.
Though the image of me running in high heels made me laugh, so thanks for that.

However in "real life" as it were other factors become just as important in your career. How well you can work with others is extremely valuable, and that is not reflected in academic results. How reliable you are and how much your employers can depend on and trust you is similarly important and is also not a part of your Msc. You probably know this already, I don't mean to sound condescending or anything.
Your story indicates that you're capable of working very hard in difficult circumstances which is a definite mark in your favour. If your peers have not had to deal with the kind of difficulties you have, they may not be so prepared to deal with the kind if difficulties life will inevitably thow their way. And this is where your experiences with depression can actually help you. You have experience of dealing with a problem and while others may have taken their mental health for granted you have spent time working on yours and learning how to cope. Rather than being "weak" in comparison to others you are actually stronger. It may not feel that way but you're looking at it from the inside.

See my problem is if even all that is true, and dealing with this has made me stronger, it's not something I can put on my CV or bring up in an interview. No-one wants to hire a depressed person, even less than those willing to take on someone with "just" a 2.2.

Anyway those are just my thoughts on it. If any of it helps I'm glad, if it's not relevant to you feel free to ignore me:)

I don't ignore any comments here! I hugely appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my posts and respond to them, so I'm very grateful.

I just wish I could be more help to others on this thread; sadly, as I said before, I just suck at giving advice to others...

RossFixxxed · 04-07-2013 9:16am

It's worth noting I read some of you guys posts around the different forums and often think 'man that guy/girl has their stuff together, they're so smart and focused' and so on. It's rather humbling to see the struggles you are all facing. It's always worth remembering we're in this together and it affects every 'type' of person. You're not broken, weird and you sure as hell aren't alone!

Was in with oncologist for a minor skin cancer situation (I'm fine, surgery next month) and realised I can handle these big scares and situations pretty well.... I'm dreadful at the more day to day stuff. Anyone find themselves like that at all? Put me in a job interview or in front of 200 people to talk about something and I'm Zen. Going to buy milk: gruelling!

Drumpot · 04-07-2013 12:57pm

starling wrote: »

I am a master of procrastination and I understand where you're coming from. Many people mistakenly confuse it with laziness and I did too for a long time, which gave me something else to beat myself up about

Along time ago I started singing (in my head) the pretty woman song, but replacing the title with the word "procrastination".

Procrastination, walking down the street,
Procrastination, the kind I like to meet,
Procrastination, I don't believe you, your not the truth . .

Stupid, I know but I did it to make light of my consistent inability to make a decision which would drive me mad. I would try to analyse all facets of a situation before coming to the conclusion that there is no perfect way of fulfilling the role on front of me therefore no point in even trying! This is the case in many important and unimportant scenarios.

My therapist branded me a perfectionist which I found hilarious (as I always thought myself just lazy/unproductive). But if you think about it, seldom will a person looking for perfection in anything be satisfied. As such, no matter how much a perfectionist achieves, they will always see themselves as a failure.

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah, I've always compared myself negatively to others. Going from being the "smartest" kid in school (only in academic terms, probably every other kid in my class was more streetwise and had more common sense than me!) to an "always near the bottom" student at 3rd level has always depressed me. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it fully tbh.

I was a fairly bright child in school, particularly up until my teens (when my emotional trouble started). I was told how much I wasn't fulfilling my potential and ultimately (like above perfectionist comments) gave up studying in school or college cause I felt a failure before even doing the exams.

You are correct in that society builds up importance of things that truly aren't important. I also think that its very misguided in teaching children tools that do nothing to help them grow emotionally. The focus on education is entirely towards college and jobs which is ridiculous because very little you learn in these institutions is applicable once finished.

RossFixxxed wrote: »

It's worth noting I read some of you guys posts around the different forums and often think 'man that guy/girl has their stuff together, they're so smart and focused' and so on. It's rather humbling to see the struggles you are all facing. It's always worth remembering we're in this together and it affects every 'type' of person. You're not broken, weird and you sure as hell aren't alone!

Was in with oncologist for a minor skin cancer situation (I'm fine, surgery next month) and realised I can handle these big scares and situations pretty well.... I'm dreadful at the more day to day stuff. Anyone find themselves like that at all? Put me in a job interview or in front of 200 people to talk about something and I'm Zen. Going to buy milk: gruelling!

2 things. I am getting my testicle scanned tomorrow for a long term (years) pain I have ignored, but finally have persevered to get checked. Ive had some scares to do with different organs in the last 3 years (one stage I thought I had cancer!), but it does put into context the ridiculous fallacy of the "normal pressures" that is considered by society - job interviews - a job - material objects etc.

Secondly . . I didn't sleep last night. Was worried with plenty of stuff and feel a bit sick today. My wife was at the doctors and there are plenty of financial/work related issues to take up a page here. I was conscious that I have been generally only coming here when I feel well and people may get the impression that I have found the well of life to make my life perfect. Right now I feel a bit teary as I am jaded and a little worried about how things will pan out in the next few months.

BUT . . I feel like I can deal with it. . This time last year I would be in meltdown . . Full of self loathing and clueless as to what to do. .

Right now, I have a list of things to do, if I get even ONE done I will consider it a productive day (in my current state). What I also know is that this moment/feeling will pass. I also know I have a support group meeting that I can go to later on tonight which is a nice thing to be able to fall back on. I know its there if I want it.

Cliona99 · 04-07-2013 8:28pm

starling wrote: »

You may think your academic achievements (and they are achievements) are poor compared to your fellow students, or compared to what you might have been capable of in other circumstances, but you are looking at it through a lens of very high expectations. You are discounting the very significant achievement involved in getting those kind of results with depression. Everyone has their own problems but you are like a man running a race and feeling bad that someone else is running faster than him, forgetting about the fact that he's the only one there who's running in high heels and carrying a backpack full of rocks.

This makes me feel better, (and laugh), so thanks for that.

And Drumpot, I love the idea of Enjoyment/Achievement/Closeness. I just really enjoyed an amazing avocado. It was like a flavour explosion in my mouth. Haven't managed the other two today, but it's not over yet!

Call Me Jimmy · 06-07-2013 2:17pm

How do I even start?

The pain is non-stop; emotional and physical all tied up in a big knot. I'm just incredibly sad, I can't even express it. I don't whether I want to burst into tears or smash **** up... probably both. I'm having to even reduce what 'I' am in my own head to make myself cope. 'I'm just another human, like just another bird or ant.' Despite the fact that I may seem self-absorbed I am finding how much people identify with themselves as important to be ridiculous. I'm not having a go it just seems like a different world to me, the world of normal watching sports, just deciding to spend some time outside.

I suppose what makes me the saddest is the death of my looks (surprise surprise). It means there will never be a spark to life. I can't even appreciate women anymore, it's too painful even to think about. My head is down and my balance is all over the place, it feels like there is a fire in my brain.

It's just when it comes to it, I am already dead. I don't say that lightly at all but it's like everything in my mind has shut down except the addiction of looking in the mirror (nearly all day every day now) and my outward functions to show that I am okay.

In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal; one human/animal out of billions doesn't like the cards its dealt. In a way boo hoo. I just don't have the energy any more. It's all gone and I'm bone dry. I can understand how people become religious or get down on there knees and ask a God why. I would scream up to him if I thought he was there.

So so broken, but I can barely feel the pain because it's all one big confusion of sensations. And I'm completely alone in that I've drifted to a place where I couldn't even talk to someone and feel anything, or for it to really register.

Days are going to continue to come, that is the hardest thing to take.

delthedriver · 06-07-2013 4:50pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

How do I even start?

The pain is non-stop; emotional and physical all tied up in a big knot. I'm just incredibly sad, I can't even express it. I don't whether I want to burst into tears or smash **** up... probably both. I'm having to even reduce what 'I' am in my own head to make myself cope. 'I'm just another human, like just another bird or ant.' Despite the fact that I may seem self-absorbed I am finding how much people identify with themselves as important to be ridiculous. I'm not having a go it just seems like a different world to me, the world of normal watching sports, just deciding to spend some time outside.

I suppose what makes me the saddest is the death of my looks (surprise surprise). It means there will never be a spark to life. I can't even appreciate women anymore, it's too painful even to think about. My head is down and my balance is all over the place, it feels like there is a fire in my brain.

It's just when it comes to it, I am already dead. I don't say that lightly at all but it's like everything in my mind has shut down except the addiction of looking in the mirror (nearly all day every day now) and my outward functions to show that I am okay.

In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal; one human/animal out of billions doesn't like the cards its dealt. In a way boo hoo. I just don't have the energy any more. It's all gone and I'm bone dry. I can understand how people become religious or get down on there knees and ask a God why. I would scream up to him if I thought he was there.

So so broken, but I can barely feel the pain because it's all one big confusion of sensations. And I'm completely alone in that I've drifted to a place where I couldn't even talk to someone and feel anything, or for it to really register.

Days are going to continue to come, that is the hardest thing to take.

Hi Jimmy,

Well done for posting your thoughts, which are often very hard to extract from one's head.

Over the last few months you have inspired me greatly, and I am certain helped other readers and contributors. For me you are one of my heroes!

Yes you are in a bad phase at the moment , but as we both know these bad days eventually pass.

You need to take very good care of yourself in your dark days, things as we both know get brighter.

Are you liaising with your medical advisors. May I suggest you contact your GP, who may be able to stabilise your current situation.

We must live in the now, and live each day as it comes. Worrying too much about the future can cause great pain for all of us, and as I have found when I reach the anticipated day or week, things always appear much brighter than expected

Jimmy, please try and get some rest, take a chair out to the garden and relax. It is a fabulous day today, very special indeed.

You are special to everyone on this thread, so be kind to yourself.

Best wishes,

Del:)

Call Me Jimmy · 06-07-2013 4:58pm

delthedriver wrote: »

Hi Jimmy,

Well done for posting your thoughts, which are often very hard to extract from one's head.

Over the last few months you have inspired me greatly, and I am certain helped other readers and contributors. For me you are one of my heroes!

Yes you are in a bad phase at the moment , but as we both know these bad days eventually pass.

You need to take very good care of yourself in your dark days, things as we both know get brighter.

Are you liaising with your medical advisors. May I suggest you contact your GP, who may be able to stabilise your current situation.

We must live in the now, and live each day as it comes. Worrying too much about the future can cause great pain for all of us, and as I have found when I reach the anticipated day or week, things always appear much brighter than expected

Jimmy, please try and get some rest, take a chair out to the garden and relax. It is a fabulous day today, very special indeed.

You are special to everyone on this thread, so be kind to yourself.

Best wishes,

Del:)

Firstly, thanks del. Not to get too loved up but you have been an inspiration in the past to me as well.

I have read a lot of literature about the present moment, but when the present already has become much worse than I would have ever allowed for. If the past 'me' saw things as they are now I don't what he would have done.

delthedriver · 06-07-2013 5:46pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Firstly, thanks del. Not to get too loved up but you have been an inspiration in the past to me as well.

I have read a lot of literature about the present moment, but when the present already has become much worse than I would have ever allowed for. If the past 'me' saw things as they are now I don't what he would have done.

Jimmy,

If the past me........etc.
Yes I can understand where you are coming from.
Sure there are times when I wish I could turn back the clock, however accepting my lot and dealing with things on a daily basis or as they arise, has helped me in dealing with this horrible illness .

There was a Whitney Houston song called One moment in time. I don't know all the lyrics of the song , but often sing "one moment in time", it helps me feel better but scare the cats & dogs in the neighbourhood!:rolleyes:

Del:)

JupiterKid · 06-07-2013 11:36pm

I feel like crap.

I went on a drink-fuelled bender on Thursday ended up and falling out with some people close to me.

I also felt suicidal yesterday - at a really low ebb.

Spending tonight over at my ex's place (we're still great friends) and trying to collect my thoughts and self. But I feel so lost, guilty and ashamed. I feel that I have nothing to look forward to.

07-07-2013 1:51am

Went out last night. Was my first night going out in ages. Overall I guess it was an ok night out but, as usual, spent too much money on too much drink. I seem to have a major problem with going online after drinking, it makes me liable to write the most cringeworthy melodramatic stuff. My Twitter account reads like the ramblings of someone who genuinely is insane....and half of the tweets that I woke up to afterwards I don't even remember typing.

I guess it's only a trivial issue in the grand scheme of things but I always feel like a complete idiot. I know I've been relying on alcohol too much recently (mostly in my room by myself) but it sucks how going out and getting hammered seems to be the only way of socialising over here.

downonthefarm · 07-07-2013 2:16am

i am such a loser,5 years free of any depression anxiety,then all of a sudden bang,its back.seen the warning signs,erratic/risky behaviour,withdrawing from social circles.since xmas.had an accident in my car beacuse my mind was racing and not concentrating ,now ihave to go back to councelling went to doctor and just burst out crying,had to take day $off work .dropped in to tell boss what was going on burst out crying again like an idiot,hopefully counceling helps and i get back to normal soon enough.are we ever going to be cured from this or dowe just have to manage as best we can

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 2:00pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

I feel like crap.

I went on a drink-fuelled bender on Thursday ended up and falling out with some people close to me. I also felt suicidal yesterday - at a really low ebb.

Spending tonight over at my ex's place (we're still great friends) and trying to collect my thoughts and self. But I feel so lost, guilty and ashamed. I feel that I have nothing to look forward to.

Thursday is gone. Forget about it . Let it go

Live in the Now and enjoy today.

Tomorrow is ahead of you, another new beginning.

Take good care of yourself:)

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 2:05pm

downonthefarm wrote: »

i am such a loser,5 years free of any depression anxiety,then all of a sudden bang,its back.seen the warning signs,erratic/risky behaviour,withdrawing from social circles.since xmas.had an accident in my car beacuse my mind was racing and not concentrating ,now ihave to go back to councelling went to doctor and just burst out crying,had to take day $off work .dropped in to tell boss what was going on burst out crying again like an idiot,hopefully counceling helps and i get back to normal soon enough.are we ever going to be cured from this or dowe just have to manage as best we can

Sadly, I don't believe there is a cure per se. The way we mind ourselves both physically and psychologically are the key factors in managing depression.

Of course assistance from GPs , Counsellors, medication are necessary components in helping keep the wretched illness at bay.

Be kind to yourself. Life is for living. Live in the Now !

Best wishes,

Del:)

Tchaikovsky · 07-07-2013 2:07pm

I got dumped by someone I was really into yesterday. I'm heartbroken and missing her already and afraid I'm going to slip back into severe depression

I thought I was doing so well recently too.

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 2:08pm

downonthefarm wrote: »

i am such a loser,5 years free of any depression anxiety,then all of a sudden bang,its back.seen the warning signs,erratic/risky behaviour,withdrawing from social circles.since xmas.had an accident in my car beacuse my mind was racing and not concentrating ,now ihave to go back to councelling went to doctor and just burst out crying,had to take day $off work .dropped in to tell boss what was going on burst out crying again like an idiot,hopefully counceling helps and i get back to normal soon enough.are we ever going to be cured from this or dowe just have to manage as best we can

Yes, I have been that soldier too.
Perhaps it is necessary for a little time out. Get plenty of rest.
Follow the advices of your doctor who has your best interest at heart.
Be kind to yourself.
Best wishes:)

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 2:12pm

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

I got dumped by someone I was really into yesterday. I'm heartbroken and missing her already and afraid I'm going to slip back into severe depression
I thought I was doing so well recently too.

Take it easy man!
You may think you met the right person........plenty more fish in the sea.
The right person will appear.
Take good care of your health right now. Get back out there and enjoy life!
Best Regards:)

Tchaikovsky · 07-07-2013 2:16pm

delthedriver wrote: »

Take it easy man!
You may think you met the right person........plenty more fish in the sea.
The right person will appear.
Take good care of your health right now. Get back out there and enjoy life!
Best Regards:)

Cheers man. I know there's plenty more out there and everything but I only want her. She's the one who made me so happy.
I'm so lost and alone once more and the pain of having your heart served to you is huge.

JupiterKid · 07-07-2013 6:41pm

Thanks Dell for your words of support. I feel so empty and flat today but watching the tennis earlier lifted my mood a tad. I also did my back in as I fell down a flight of stairs when I'd been drinking.

I'm a bloody mess!!

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 7:55pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

Thanks Dell for your words of support. I feel so empty and flat today but watching the tennis earlier lifted my mood a tad. I also did my back in as I fell down a flight of stairs when I'd been drinking.

I'm a bloody mess!!

Jupiter,

Chill ! You need to take better care of yourself. Try a little R&R in the sunshine this week. Dump the alcohol . Drink lots of water to rehydrate during this warm weather. Dehydration will make you feel il, which will not help the mood.

From personal experience I believe this warm sunny weather is having a positive effect on my mood. Played golf twice last week....... Something I have not done in years. Easing back on all my other walking activities during this warm spell.Consuming lots of Ballygowan to stay hydrated. Perhaps I am finally practising what I advise others !

Be kind to yourself:)

midlandsmissus · 07-07-2013 7:56pm

Feel so sad today. Cant cope with my constant up down swings. Im annoying myself and i know im annoying people around me. Im debating whether to tell flatmates or not. Feel like saying 'im really down sometimes because of mtydepression' has anyone told their flatmates?

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 8:04pm

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Feel so sad today. Cant cope with my constant up down swings. Im annoying myself and i know im annoying people around me. Im debating whether to tell flatmates or not. Feel like saying 'im really down sometimes because of mtydepression' has anyone told their flatmates?

If they are good flat mates, why not?
There is nothing to be ashamed of . Depression is a tough challenge, faced by one in four people in Ireland. Talking to your flatmates about how you feel is a positive move. Better they understand how you feel, if they are good mates they have the chance to become better mates by supporting you. Talk Talk, it costs nothing to have a chat over a cuppa. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction
Keep us updated please:)

midlandsmissus · 07-07-2013 10:02pm

delthedriver wrote: »

If they are good flat mates, why not?
There is nothing to be ashamed of . Depression is a tough challenge, faced by one in four people in Ireland. Talking to your flatmates about how you feel is a positive move. Better they understand how you feel, if they are good mates they have the chance to become better mates by supporting you. Talk Talk, it costs nothing to have a chat over a cuppa. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction
Keep us updated please:)

They are not good mates. I have only moved in with them two months ago but sone days I am so down and untalkative I kbow they are like what the hell is wrong with her.
I do think ur ulyimately right -that you should explain it to people. Its just scary cuz u dont know how theyre going to react.

delthedriver · 07-07-2013 11:21pm

midlandsmissus wrote: »

They are not good mates. I have only moved in with them two months ago but sone days I am so down and untalkative I kbow they are like what the hell is wrong with her.
I do think ur ulyimately right -that you should explain it to people. Its just scary cuz u dont know how theyre going to react.

As depression is now an everyday topic, perhaps you couldi approach it following an Ad, for Aware or something similar. Start by telling them that 1 in 4 people in Ireland suffer from Depression.......... There is on that basis the likelihood that one of your flat mates may suffer fromDepression or knows someone who does.
Food for thought.

Cliona99 · 08-07-2013 10:10am

downonthefarm wrote: »

are we ever going to be cured from this or do we just have to manage as best we can

I wonder this a lot too. I used to think of depression as being like cancer. As in, if it comes back, it'll kill me. But it's come back a few times now and I'm still here.

Nowadays I think of it as being more like diabetes. A kind of chronic, life-long, manageable disease. It'll flare up if I'm under stress or not taking care of myself, but if I eat right, exercise and take my medication, I can keep it under control (mostly). The main problem is keeping the eating/sleeping/exercising on track when I'm stressed. At the moment I'm hardly eating at all, and I know it's not good for me, but the appetite just isn't there.

I think taking responsibility for yourself and managing your condition is important. Doctors, counselors and psychiatrists can tell you what to do, but they can't do it for you.

I hope everyone here finds the right mix of treatments and habits and feels better soon. Persevere, your happiness is worth it

This is a much more rambley post than I meant it to be, but hopefullly it makes sense!

RossFixxxed · 08-07-2013 11:04am

It's my birthday today, and true to my star sign I've been diagnosed with cancer. HOWEVER, it's very mild and VERY treatable. Phew. I think it's weird that I'm ready to fight it at all costs, I steeled myself up for worse news, and I'm damn well not going to let it stop anything I do... BUUUT I'm still finding the smaller stuff far more stressful, getting to work, getting out and about to enjoy the sun.

It's weird. There's clearly a HUGE reserve of inner strength in there, it just gets misappropriated or something weird like that! Ah well **** cancer, and **** not getting out and about, I'm going to sit in the sun for ten minutes, work be damned!

delthedriver · 08-07-2013 11:10am

Cliona99 wrote: »

I wonder this a lot too. I used to think of depression as being like cancer. As in, if it comes back, it'll kill me. But it's come back a few times now and I'm still here.

Nowadays I think of it as being more like diabetes. A kind of chronic, life-long, manageable disease. It'll flare up if I'm under stress or not taking care of myself, but if I eat right, exercise and take my medication, I can keep it under control (mostly). The main problem is keeping the eating/sleeping/exercising on track when I'm stressed. At the moment I'm hardly eating at all, and I know it's not good for me, but the appetite just isn't there.

I think taking responsibility for yourself and managing your condition is important. Doctors, counselors and psychiatrists can tell you what to do, but they can't do it for you.

I hope everyone here finds the right mix of treatments and habits and feels better soon. Persevere, your happiness is worth it

This is a much more rambley post than I meant it to be, but hopefullly it makes sense!

Cliona,

Well done! Excellent post.

Regards,
Del:)

JupiterKid · 08-07-2013 3:00pm

I'm here lying in bed in a friend's house and I feel little motivation to get up and do anything. I feel empty, guilty and depressed.

Because of my constant, long-term battle with anxiety the thought of me going out to get a birthday card and present for my friend (whose birthday is tomorrow) is almost daunting. My drinking bender on Thurs and Fri last badly damaged some family relationships that I'm not sure can be recovered at this point.

I feel safe here in bed, despite my back pain. It is my refuge, my cocoon. Seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I feel lost.

delthedriver · 08-07-2013 7:11pm

RossFixxxed wrote: »

It's my birthday today, and true to my star sign I've been diagnosed with cancer. HOWEVER, it's very mild and VERY treatable. Phew. I think it's weird that I'm ready to fight it at all costs, I steeled myself up for worse news, and I'm damn well not going to let it stop anything I do... BUUUT I'm still finding the smaller stuff far more stressful, getting to work, getting out and about to enjoy the sun.

It's weird. There's clearly a HUGE reserve of inner strength in there, it just gets misappropriated or something weird like that! Ah well **** cancer, and **** not getting out and about, I'm going to sit in the sun for ten minutes, work be damned!

Happy Birthday Ross!

Well done , I like your fighting spirit.

Wishing you a speedy return to good health

Best Regards,

Del

delthedriver · 08-07-2013 7:19pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

I'm here lying in bed in a friend's house and I feel little motivation to get up and do anything. I feel empty, guilty and depressed.

Because of my constant, long-term battle with anxiety the thought of me going out to get a birthday card and present for my friend (whose birthday is tomorrow) is almost daunting. My drinking bender on Thurs and Fri last badly damaged some family relationships that I'm not sure can be recovered at this point.

I feel safe here in bed, despite my back pain. It is my refuge, my cocoon. Seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I feel lost.

Jupiter,
Rest is what you need at the moment, so take it easy. It would be nice to rest in the garden where you could still feel safe in your cocoon. I have been that soldier lying in bed, the current weather is forcing me outdoors. Don't dwell on what happened last week. Concentrate on today and how you will get better.
Your Psychiatrist will help get you motoring again on Wednesday.
Meanwhile , chill ax !:)
Del

RossFixxxed · 09-07-2013 9:10am

delthedriver wrote: »

Happy Birthday Ross!

Well done , I like your fighting spirit.

Wishing you a speedy return to good health

Best Regards,

Del

Thanks very much

I appreciate it.

I've been itching for a fight to be honest, so this'll be one for sure! I'm not a great fighter but I always, always get back up again.

I'll bleedin take yis all on!

I hope everyone is feeling a little better today and gets an oppotunity to get some of the sun on your face! I'm personally melting into a blob of shirt and sweat tbh, but the light is lovely and people seem happier (and more naked, thanks ladies!). It's nice to walk around in.

delthedriver · 09-07-2013 10:38am

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Thanks very much I appreciate it.

I've been itching for a fight to be honest, so this'll be one for sure! I'm not a great fighter but I always, always get back up again.

I'll bleedin take yis all on!

I hope everyone is feeling a little better today and gets an oppotunity to get some of the sun on your face! I'm personally melting into a blob of shirt and sweat tbh, but the light is lovely and people seem happier (and more naked, thanks ladies!). It's nice to walk around in.

Out and about enjoying the sunshine too!
The Irish ladies have pulled out all the stops , looking as good or better than the European girls!:)

09-07-2013 10:08pm

Spent the entire day inside, hiding from the sun and from other people. I'm supposed to be a month into my MSc dissertation but have got absolutely nothing done. Every night before I go to bed I say "tomorrow will be different"...then I inevitably sleep in for the day and get nothing done.

I was supposed to have a meeting with my supervisor today but couldn't bear facing him with yet again no work to show. They know I'm having problems and have said I can apply for an extension but there's no guarantee I'd get it. If I don't, then I'm screwed....

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I hope everyone is feeling a little better today and gets an oppotunity to get some of the sun on your face! I'm personally melting into a blob of shirt and sweat tbh, but the light is lovely and people seem happier (and more naked, thanks ladies!). It's nice to walk around in.

That's also why I avoid going outside tbh. Seeing other people much better looking than me and with much better bodies than me makes me feel so self-conscious and ugly. Also the heat and the Efexor are making me sweat buckets constantly, I feel so uncomfortable. Starting to wonder if this damn medication is worth it; I'm on the maximum dose now and all it does is make me sweat constantly and make me drowsy at inopportune times. :mad::(

delthedriver · 09-07-2013 10:47pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Spent the entire day inside, hiding from the sun and from other people. I'm supposed to be a month into my MSc dissertation but have got absolutely nothing done. Every night before I go to bed I say "tomorrow will be different"...then I inevitably sleep in for the day and get nothing done. I was supposed to have a meeting with my supervisor today but couldn't bear facing him with yet again no work to show. They know I'm having problems and have said I can apply for an extension but there's no guarantee I'd get it. If I don't, then I'm screwed....

That's also why I avoid going outside tbh. Seeing other people much better looking than me and with much better bodies than me makes me feel so self-conscious and ugly. Also the heat and the Efexor are making me sweat buckets constantly, I feel so uncomfortable. Starting to wonder if this damn medication is worth it; I'm on the maximum dose now and all it does is make me sweat constantly and make me drowsy at inopportune times. :mad::(

Effexor and this warm weather can make life uncomfortable. It may be worth discussing with your Prescribing Doctor , to see if there is an alternative. In the meantime , please ensure that you are drinking lots of water and juices to avoid dehydration. Please take good care of yourself. Try and get out into the garden and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. The weather will inevitably change again,so meanwhile make the best of it:)

Wattle · 09-07-2013 10:50pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Spent the entire day inside, hiding from the sun and from other people. I'm supposed to be a month into my MSc dissertation but have got absolutely nothing done. Every night before I go to bed I say "tomorrow will be different"...then I inevitably sleep in for the day and get nothing done. I was supposed to have a meeting with my supervisor today but couldn't bear facing him with yet again no work to show. They know I'm having problems and have said I can apply for an extension but there's no guarantee I'd get it. If I don't, then I'm screwed....

That's also why I avoid going outside tbh. Seeing other people much better looking than me and with much better bodies than me makes me feel so self-conscious and ugly. Also the heat and the Efexor are making me sweat buckets constantly, I feel so uncomfortable. Starting to wonder if this damn medication is worth it; I'm on the maximum dose now and all it does is make me sweat constantly and make me drowsy at inopportune times. :mad::(

I was on Effexor as well for a while and I remember the sweating thing it was very embarrassing. I can't remember whether it was just a short term side effect or not but maybe you should report it to your G.P. and see what he says.

As for the other stuff? Well you remind me so much of me

. I used to try and sleep away the days and avoid people too. Seems tempting and feels like a soft option but the thing is that your workload is not going to go away and you will be living with a mounting sense of dread. It's going to get more and more forbidding. Seems to me from reading your post that you are deeply depressed and discouraged. My best advice to you would be to start slow and do one or two things that will give you a little boost. Us depressives are very black and white thinkers. We either go madly at something and exhaust ourselves or we do nothing at all. There is no point right now in you going madly at it because you are unwell but doing one or two small things will give you a small sense of achievement that you can then work on and build up.

So start small and do one or two little things to break your housebound isolation like scheduling a visit to your GP, or re-scheduling your meeting with your supervisor, or even something simple like walking to the shops. Try and ignore your persistent negative thoughts and just get out there come what may. Good luck

10-07-2013 3:55am

I appreciate all the kind words and advice but I feel like I'm rapidly running out of time. Getting any help from here won't work unless I put 100% of my effort into getting better, but I've put 100% of myself into stuff in the past and it has NEVER WORKED, so maybe I'm just someone who's doomed to failure. Maybe I'm just someone who' never gonna be good enough for anyone or anything.

People I used be friends with, but have lost touch with, are off living fantastic lives. People who have hurt me in the past have landed amazing opportunities. I could take you through my list of Facebook "friends" and come up with 100 reasons why every single person on that list is better than me. Why do I even fúcking try anymore? Everyone who's been my friend loses touch with me, even if I try and keep in touch with them. Everyone I've ever been in a relationship with has told me they loved me, and then gone onto change their mind and dump me. Everything I've touched on academically since finishing secondary school has turned to complete shít. My family shrug off everything I say by telling me I'm too hard on myself.....well why the fúck shouldn't I be hard on myself? I fúcking hate who I am and hate how other people interact with me; what are medication and CBT (if I ever actually get it) gonna do for me other than brainwash me into accepting that I'm a failure? I'm too cowardly to even self harm so no matter how bad things go, and how desperately I just want all this to end, I'm always gonna be too cowardly to attempt suicide, 'cause I'd just fúcking fail at that as well.

I'm not even drunk right now, though I desperately wish I was. Right now I've got zero hope, zero optimism, zero reason to believe things will ever get better no matter how hard I struggle. This, right here, is as close to rock bottom as I've ever been. And "the only way is up" isn't true, 'cause when you hit rock bottom there's nothing to say you won't get stuck there forever.

I just....I really really don't know what to do right now.

starling · 10-07-2013 11:16am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I appreciate all the kind words and advice but I feel like I'm rapidly running out of time. Getting any help from here won't work unless I put 100% of my effort into getting better, but I've put 100% of myself into stuff in the past and it has NEVER WORKED, so maybe I'm just someone who's doomed to failure. Maybe I'm just someone who' never gonna be good enough for anyone or anything.

Now, we both know you are smart enough to realise that this is illogical. So what if you've failed (by your own harsh measures) in the past? It doesn't mean you'll never succeed.
When you study probability they always say "Flip a coin and the probability of getting tails is 50%. If you flip a coin 20 times, what is the probability of getting tails on any given flip?" Answer: 50%. Because the previous flips have no effect on any flip. I have to stop saying "flip" now it's starting to lose all meaning:)

[Deleted User] wrote: »

People I used be friends with, but have lost touch with, are off living fantastic lives.

It doesn't matter. You will never be happy if you compare yourself to other people like this.
Be happy for them, but don't assume they don't have their own problems.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

People who have hurt me in the past have landed amazing opportunities.

Let it go. Holding grudges is only hurting you.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I could take you through my list of Facebook "friends" and come up with 100 reasons why every single person on that list is better than me. Why do I even fúcking try anymore?

You know that's not true. Even if you knew all about everyone, which you don't, "better than" is totally subjective. Your depression is making you think that. It's a false perception. You are just as good as anyone else. You happen to be suffering from an illness right now, that's all.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Everyone who's been my friend loses touch with me, even if I try and keep in touch with them. Everyone I've ever been in a relationship with has told me they loved me, and then gone onto change their mind and dump me.

If it weren't for your depression influencing your perception, you'd realise that this is just normal life. Yeah, it sucks sometimes. We go from spending all day with people for years and being very close, to having very little contact with them because everyone has gone their seperate ways. You and your friends are at that stage of life when you're all busy starting and building careers, relationships, basically making your own lives, and it's natural for people to lose touch at this time. We think it won't happen because modern technology makes it easier to communicate, but that's not the problem, it's simply that everyone is genuinely busy.

Often people get to reconnect at a later stage in life though. The pace of life tends to be faster in your twenties. Later on things calm down a bit.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Everything I've touched on academically since finishing secondary school has turned to complete shít. My family shrug off everything I say by telling me I'm too hard on myself.....well why the fúck shouldn't I be hard on myself? I fúcking hate who I am and hate how other people interact with me; what are medication and CBT (if I ever actually get it) gonna do for me other than brainwash me into accepting that I'm a failure? I'm too cowardly to even self harm so no matter how bad things go, and how desperately I just want all this to end, I'm always gonna be too cowardly to attempt suicide, 'cause I'd just fúcking fail at that as well.

A 2.2 is not complete ****. Failing every exam and dropping out of college after 6 months, you could probably call that ****, but getting a 2:2 is a significant achievement.
You can't see properly right now. Your depression is colouring how you perceive everything. CBT would help you to challenge this negative bias.

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm not even drunk right now, though I desperately wish I was. Right now I've got zero hope, zero optimism, zero reason to believe things will ever get better no matter how hard I struggle. This, right here, is as close to rock bottom as I've ever been. And "the only way is up" isn't true, 'cause when you hit rock bottom there's nothing to say you won't get stuck there forever.

I just....I really really don't know what to do right now.

You can't stay at "rock bottom." because life is not static, change is constant and inevitable. Things will either get worse or they'll get better. This is something that you can influence greatly. The problem is not external things beyond your control but your own perception of and reaction to life's events. This is something that you and a therapist can change with CBT.

In the meantime concentrate on the things you can do, not the ones you can't. Don't waste time and bring yourself down by comparing yourself to others. The fact that you are not meeting your own high standards doesn't mean youre a failure. It means your standards are unrealistic. That's all.

delthedriver · 10-07-2013 11:50am

starling wrote: »

Now, we both know you are smart enough to realise that this is illogical. So what if you've failed (by your own harsh measures) in the past? It doesn't mean you'll never succeed.
When you study probability they always say "Flip a coin and the probability of getting tails is 50%. If you flip a coin 20 times, what is the probability of getting tails on any given flip?" Answer: 50%. Because the previous flips have no effect on any flip. I have to stop saying "flip" now it's starting to lose all meaning:)

It doesn't matter. You will never be happy if you compare yourself to other people like this.
Be happy for them, but don't assume they don't have their own problems.

Let it go. Holding grudges is only hurting you.

You know that's not true. Even if you knew all about everyone, which you don't, "better than" is totally subjective. Your depression is making you think that. It's a false perception. You are just as good as anyone else. You happen to be suffering from an illness right now, that's all.

If it weren't for your depression influencing your perception, you'd realise that this is just normal life. Yeah, it sucks sometimes. We go from spending all day with people for years and being very close, to having very little contact with them because everyone has gone their seperate ways. You and your friends are at that stage of life when you're all busy starting and building careers, relationships, basically making your own lives, and it's natural for people to lose touch at this time. We think it won't happen because modern technology makes it easier to communicate, but that's not the problem, it's simply that everyone is genuinely busy.

Often people get to reconnect at a later stage in life though. The pace of life tends to be faster in your twenties. Later on things calm down a bit.

A 2.2 is not complete ****. Failing every exam and dropping out of college after 6 months, you could probably call that ****, but getting a 2:2 is a significant achievement.
You can't see properly right now. Your depression is colouring how you perceive everything. CBT would help you to challenge this negative bias.

You can't stay at "rock bottom." because life is not static, change is constant and inevitable. Things will either get worse or they'll get better. This is something that you can influence greatly. The problem is not external things beyond your control but your own perception of and reaction to life's events. This is something that you and a therapist can change with CBT.

In the meantime concentrate on the things you can do, not the ones you can't. Don't waste time and bring yourself down by comparing yourself to others. The fact that you are not meeting your own high standards doesn't mean youre a failure. It means your standards are unrealistic. That's all.

Homer,

Come on man!

Starling summed it up very well.

Time to start taking small steps forward again.

We are all here wishing the very best for you.

Please keep us posted on your progress.

Very Best Wishes

Del

Drumpot · 10-07-2013 11:59am

Deleted User wrote: »

I appreciate all the kind words and advice but I feel like I'm rapidly running out of time. Getting any help from here won't work unless I put 100% of my effort into getting better, but I've put 100% of myself into stuff in the past and it has NEVER WORKED, so maybe I'm just someone who's doomed to failure. Maybe I'm just someone who' never gonna be good enough for anyone or anything.

People I used be friends with, but have lost touch with, are off living fantastic lives. People who have hurt me in the past have landed amazing opportunities. I could take you through my list of Facebook "friends" and come up with 100 reasons why every single person on that list is better than me. Why do I even fúcking try anymore? Everyone who's been my friend loses touch with me, even if I try and keep in touch with them. Everyone I've ever been in a relationship with has told me they loved me, and then gone onto change their mind and dump me. Everything I've touched on academically since finishing secondary school has turned to complete shít. My family shrug off everything I say by telling me I'm too hard on myself.....well why the fúck shouldn't I be hard on myself? I fúcking hate who I am and hate how other people interact with me; what are medication and CBT (if I ever actually get it) gonna do for me other than brainwash me into accepting that I'm a failure? I'm too cowardly to even self harm so no matter how bad things go, and how desperately I just want all this to end, I'm always gonna be too cowardly to attempt suicide, 'cause I'd just fúcking fail at that as well.

I'm not even drunk right now, though I desperately wish I was. Right now I've got zero hope, zero optimism, zero reason to believe things will ever get better no matter how hard I struggle. This, right here, is as close to rock bottom as I've ever been. And "the only way is up" isn't true, 'cause when you hit rock bottom there's nothing to say you won't get stuck there forever.

I just....I really really don't know what to do right now.

I can relate to a lot of what you write. I can only write what has worked for me and wouldn't begin to assume that I know what might work for you, so I hope this helps. What I write may or may not be relevant to your situation, so please don't take any of this as an insult or attack on you, its how I began to piece my life back together.

I have written many posts on here that show how my mood was at any given time over the last year or so. This year has been the one where I found a breakthrough in my life that has made my life not perfect but so much more then "just bearable".

I used to spend my time agonising over the thoughts of the life I wish I had and the life I felt I would never be able to enjoy. I presumed everybody else was happy or had it so much better then me. I spent so much time thinking about things, what else could I do to try and feel better?

I tried many things:

Councelling
Medication
Excercise
Other things I just prob cant remember right now

But in the end I found that by accepting a few simple things (well simple in theory) I was able to open up my life to a completely different outlook.

these are in no particular order and they didn't just "come" to me overnight. Its only in hindsight that I can look back on these things that I feel were imperative in me changing my perception of life, thus learning to live with my depression:

I accepted that I could not find an answer to my problems and decided that I needed to put my faith in somebody elses hands. I was so desperate and mentally wrecked by the time I went into therapy I would of been happy to go with the therapist if he had said I was a chicken. But in an odd way, this was kind of great because I didn't have to be the "master of the universe", I didn't have all the answers and was happy to get out of the driving seat of my life. It took a lot of pressure off me thinking that if I didn't have answers to my mental state nobody else did.
I accepted that my rehabilitation (whatever that was going to be) had to be the most important thing in my life. This is a key one. I wouldn't have excuses (haven't enough money, Im tired tonight to do work on myself, sure this will probably not work anyways so whats the point etc) getting in the way of my rehabilitation.
I accepted that I would have to work on myself and that this didn't mainly mean that I would spend days thinking about what I wanted or where I wanted to be. I wouldn't spend my time thinking about something I have never been able to understand or fix.

I talk with some people close to me who talk about their depression and in many ways I see them get stuck on the same level I was on for literally decades. It was only when I realised that I didn't have the answers and I couldn't help myself that I started to make progress.

I have had to accept serious things (that have changed my life) that aren't easy to accept, but I was so desperate to get well I was willing to do what it took to give myself a chance. This thing had been brought up decades ago, when I was younger but I wasn't ready to accept the truth back then, but desperate to enjoy life more, I was able to accept and so far overcome a huge roadblock that I never really knew was there.

I had to accept that it didn't matter if I thought or had decided something would definitely not work for me. This meant I wasn't opening my mind to different possibilities. I was copping out on self pity "sure it will work for everybody else but me" and never even trying anything to help myself.

I felt that I had tried everything, when it truth I had only really thought of trying things and come to the conclusion that they prob wouldn't work for me. As such, even if I tried them I did so in a manner that wasn't committing to the potential solution, I was simply looking for the quickest way of an exit (excuses etc).

Incidentally you have said things that make you come across as a bit of a perfectionist. I was shocked when my therapist said this of me. But if you think about it, a perfectionist is never happy with what they have, with where they are in life or where they think they are going. A perfectionist always thinks that things could be better and is never satisfied with any achievement (no matter how big/small). I did f**k all study in college in my depressed state and got a 2.2, now instead of thinking I was a lazy git who once again failed to give myself the opportunity to be the person "I know I can be", I think its a miracle I managed to pass the exam! Perception - exactly the same situation, different outlook.

I hope this helps. .

Wattle · 10-07-2013 12:16pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I appreciate all the kind words and advice but I feel like I'm rapidly running out of time. Getting any help from here won't work unless I put 100% of my effort into getting better, but I've put 100% of myself into stuff in the past and it has NEVER WORKED, so maybe I'm just someone who's doomed to failure. Maybe I'm just someone who' never gonna be good enough for anyone or anything.

People I used be friends with, but have lost touch with, are off living fantastic lives. People who have hurt me in the past have landed amazing opportunities. I could take you through my list of Facebook "friends" and come up with 100 reasons why every single person on that list is better than me. Why do I even fúcking try anymore? Everyone who's been my friend loses touch with me, even if I try and keep in touch with them. Everyone I've ever been in a relationship with has told me they loved me, and then gone onto change their mind and dump me. Everything I've touched on academically since finishing secondary school has turned to complete shít. My family shrug off everything I say by telling me I'm too hard on myself.....well why the fúck shouldn't I be hard on myself? I fúcking hate who I am and hate how other people interact with me; what are medication and CBT (if I ever actually get it) gonna do for me other than brainwash me into accepting that I'm a failure? I'm too cowardly to even self harm so no matter how bad things go, and how desperately I just want all this to end, I'm always gonna be too cowardly to attempt suicide, 'cause I'd just fúcking fail at that as well.

I'm not even drunk right now, though I desperately wish I was. Right now I've got zero hope, zero optimism, zero reason to believe things will ever get better no matter how hard I struggle. This, right here, is as close to rock bottom as I've ever been. And "the only way is up" isn't true, 'cause when you hit rock bottom there's nothing to say you won't get stuck there forever.

I just....I really really don't know what to do right now.

Homer man like Del says try and make some small steps. Forget about fixing your life entirely in one go because that's unrealistic. Ruminating on all this or getting drunk is not going to help anything. You have a choice in all this.

RossFixxxed · 11-07-2013 10:49am

I didn't even get a 2.2 in my degree. I'm definitely not some super handsome stud, or some silver tongued devil or anything, but I can appreciate beauty around me nonetheless. There's always someone smarter, more handsome, quicker, better and so on, comparing myself to a few people I deem as 'superior' is a quick road to madness IMHO.

What I'm saying is what the others said, it's your perspective that is marred by being depressed. It's what Albert Ellis (grandfather of CBT etc) called 'Musterbation'. Things should be fair, things must be right, I shold be happy.... It's not true. That's, unfortunately, not how life works. Good people die, crappy people do well, bad things happen at random. The more you try to make the world fit to your expectations the more you set yourslef up for a fall. Somethings are great, some are terrible and the only thing we can control is how we react and handle them.

I got that diagnosis recently, but I'm still super excited my office has free cakes today! Just because my world kind of stopped doesn't mean anyone else's does. It's knowing and accepting that that makes it easy.

You can't see things clearly at the moment, but keep up the conuncelling, cbt and whatever a professional recommends. There is always hope mate.

delthedriver · 11-07-2013 11:21am

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I didn't even get a 2.2 in my degree. I'm definitely not some super handsome stud, or some silver tongued devil or anything, but I can appreciate beauty around me nonetheless. There's always someone smarter, more handsome, quicker, better and so on, comparing myself to a few people I deem as 'superior' is a quick road to madness IMHO.

What I'm saying is what the others said, it's your perspective that is marred by being depressed. It's what Albert Ellis (grandfather of CBT etc) called 'Musterbation'. Things should be fair, things must be right, I shold be happy.... It's not true. That's, unfortunately, not how life works. Good people die, crappy people do well, bad things happen at random. The more you try to make the world fit to your expectations the more you set yourslef up for a fall. Somethings are great, some are terrible and the only thing we can control is how we react and handle them.

I got that diagnosis recently, but I'm still super excited my office has free cakes today! Just because my world kind of stopped doesn't mean anyone else's does. It's knowing and accepting that that makes it easy.

You can't see things clearly at the moment, but keep up the conuncelling, cbt and whatever a professional recommends. There is always hope mate.

Well said!

Where there is hope, there is life.

We must never lose hope:)

efb · 11-07-2013 11:21am

Awful day today

delthedriver · 11-07-2013 11:34am

efb wrote: »

Awful day today

Chill ax! Try and get outdoors , enjoy the sunshine.

Even if you don't enjoy the heat and sun find a nice shaded place to sit , look around you and observe nature at work. Watch the bees as they busily go about their business.

With for the light fluffy clouds and park your sad thoughts in the middle of them and let it all float away.

It is great to be alive.

Just take very good care of yourself.

Spoil yourself, some ice tea, fruit, and or ice cream. Why not all?

It is the simple pleasures which can make one happier.

Today may be tough for you, let it pass , tomorrow will be better.

These low moments always pass.:)

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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