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Competition: Variations on a theme 5 (Bad Romance)

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  • 12-07-2010 2:40pm
    #1
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    The latest installment of our themed short story competition is now underway. For details of our last contest, see here.

    The theme this time is Bad Romance and the word limit is 1500.

    There are a couple of differences this time out.
    All entries should be sent to Aoibheann who has kindly volunteered to collect and post the stories.
    Secondly, the idea this time is to write the most cringeworthy piece of romantic fiction you can managed, as proposed by Oryx on this thread and inspired by http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/.

    The closing date for competition entries is the 31st of July and Aoibheann be accepting submissions via PM as of today, July 12th. Voting will run from the 1st to the 8th of August.

    As is the rule, all votes must be accompanied by a post on the thread giving feedback to at least one of the stories, although obviously the more time you take to give your impressions the more the writers will benefit.

    Please post in here with any queries on the competition itself.
    Please do not post pieces directly in the thread.
    Tagged:


«13

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    #2
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    This should be fun! I've already thought of some truly awful sentences.

    Plus it's win-win! You win, you've won a VOAT competition. You lose, it shows you're not a bad writer. :P


    Also, you can use my signature (below) from the other thread to promote the competition if you want!


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    #3
    Aoibheann
    Registered Users Posts: 6,383 ✭✭✭Aoibheann


    Just going to throw a post into this thread so there's a handy link to PM me!

    Looking forward to seeing all the entries guys, this should be a laugh. :D

    Now I look forward to plaguing pickarooney with ridiculous questions.. >.>


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    #4
    Mr E
    Registered Users Posts: 55,474 ✭✭✭✭Mr E


    After months of critique, I'm looking forward to seeing what pickarooney can do. :)


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    #5
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Well, if there's a prize for being **** at photoshop, I'm a shoo-in!
    Can anyone help with a decent sig?


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    #6
    Also Starring LeVar Burton
    Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭Also Starring LeVar Burton


    I should just write about my own experiences for this one - my life is a bad romance...


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    #7
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    I keep coming up with bits of things in my head but can't get an actual plot together.


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    #8
    Mr E
    Registered Users Posts: 55,474 ✭✭✭✭Mr E


    Same here. I can do the cheesy opening line, but fleshing it out into a story is bloody hard.


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    #9
    angelll
    Registered Users Posts: 537 ✭✭✭angelll


    I'm looking forward to this one,will my terrible punctuation actually be a plus? :D I'm going to make a start on it soon,the first few comps i entered i left it all til the day before but the last one i did it with time to spare and it worked out better. Pickarooney, i'm also looking forward to yours!


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    #10
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    Hey all.

    Apparently my Gaga signature is outside the signature size guidelines. Just replace the url with this (http://i29.tinypic.com/16lwewo.jpg) and you'll have the new one!


    TS.


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    #11
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    You might as well copy the whole sig to include the link to this thread.
    I must give mine one more shot to try and make it readable.


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    #12
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Mr E wrote: »
    Same here. I can do the cheesy opening line, but fleshing it out into a story is bloody hard.
    Its hard to balance terrible writing with an actual plot once you get past the first paragraph. The voting part will be hard going, I expect bleeding eyes after the first few. :)

    And Im looking forward to seeing if Pickarooney can write bad Mills and Boon as well.


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    #13
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    Yeah, I was all excited after I thought up a suitably terrible opening line - then I realised I had a whole story to write. I have a vague plot and some terrible metaphors, but it's actually hard to be awful and write a readable story at the same time. The curse of being average at writing! Not bad enough, not good enough.

    Mine is turning into more of a funny story than a bad one, in an oh-you-did-NOT-just-say-that kind of way. Maybe it'll be so bad it'll be good? Then I'll lose! :P


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    #14
    Also Starring LeVar Burton
    Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭Also Starring LeVar Burton


    I'm a bit confused as to what exactly we're supposed to be doing this time...
    Can someone explain it again for those of us at the back of the class?


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    #15
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    CaptainNegative wrote: »
    I'm a bit confused as to what exactly we're supposed to be doing this time...
    Can someone explain it again for those of us at the back of the class?
    Write a story, based on the theme of Bad Romance, using as much flowery language, purple prose, bad metaphors and dodgy plot lines as you can. And still have something you can read at the end. Think of Mills & Boon mass market romance novels, written so badly they are good. The site mentioned in the op (bulwer-lytton) gives a good idea of what we are after, but circa 1500 words.


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    #16
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    I've already submitted mine! I can't believe I'm finished so soon.

    I guarantee that you will get at least four or five cringe moments in my story. Be prepared for some temple-rubbing and facepalming!


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    #17
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    ToasterSparks wrote: »
    I've already submitted mine! I can't believe I'm finished so soon.

    I guarantee that you will get at least four or five cringe moments in my story. Be prepared for some temple-rubbing and facepalming!

    Can't wait! I must try find some time next week to get a plot together.


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    #18
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    Trust me, you'll regret the 5 minutes you wasted reading it immediately. :D


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    #19
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    ToasterSparks wrote: »
    Trust me, you'll regret the 5 minutes you wasted reading it immediately. :D
    Isnt that the whole idea?? :)


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    #20
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    Oryx wrote: »
    Isnt that the whole idea?? :)

    Exactly. Yay for this month's VOAT topic!


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    #21
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Mine is in. So I can stop thinking up horrible metaphors now. :D


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    #22
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    That was quick! I just put down my first 50 words and am a bit stuck. There must be a story in there somewhere...


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    #23
    Blush_01
    Registered Users Posts: 5,016 ✭✭✭Blush_01


    I don't think I'll be joining in this time, haven't even thought about it yet and am as lazy as sin at the moment.

    Best of luck y'all!


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    #24
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    pickarooney wrote:
    That was quick! I just put down my first 50 words and am a bit stuck. There must be a story in there somewhere...

    It's extremely hard to maintain a constant level of cringe throughout the whole story.

    The best strategy is to stop caring what you're writing and just go with the first tripe you come up with, and stick in the couple of witty metaphors you think are funny (but really aren't!).


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    #25
    Aoibheann
    Registered Users Posts: 6,383 ✭✭✭Aoibheann


    Received some early entries, looking forward to the rest.

    Keep 'em coming, guys! :)


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    #26
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    The leads are so repugnant I can't get them together at all :D


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    #27
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    pickarooney wrote: »
    The leads are so repugnant I can't get them together at all :D

    Haha. I'm thinking...


    "I hate you!" she spat, her wonky front tooth protuding awkwardly from her mouth. "You disgust me!"

    John picked an ornate, blue, handcrafted vase from the table (flowers intact) and flung it at her face. She ducked out of its way just in time, the murky water splashing everywhere.

    "You f**ker!" she screamed, "These are my best pair of glow-in-the-dark pink pyjamas!"

    John looked at her, her hair dripping wet, petals strewn across her face and cheap clothes. "Come here baby," he said, his eyebrow raised suggestively, and they fell into each others' arms.

    Damnit! This is better than my story!


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    #28
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    pickarooney wrote: »
    The leads are so repugnant I can't get them together at all :D
    Helicopters and explosions help at all?


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    #29
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Oryx wrote: »
    Helicopters and explosions help at all?

    You know what...

    /scribbles furiously

    Ready!


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    #30
    ToasterSparks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 368 ✭✭ToasterSparks


    Oh God, my imagination has been tainted by horrible metaphors and prose. All I can think of are comedic spoof short stories!


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    #31
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,252 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    ToasterSparks wrote: »
    Oh God, my imagination has been tainted by horrible metaphors and prose. All I can think of are comedic spoof short stories!

    Write a book of them!


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