One-Liner Jokes

Second Toughest in_the Freshers wrote: »

A man was killed with a starter pistol today, Police think it might have been race related.

but so far have drew a blank?

What did Mae West say to man with one ball ?

but what happened his PA(w)?

That is so lame, the joke, .. not the dog..!!

Second Toughest in_the Freshers wrote: »

A dog limps into a tavern in the old west with his paw bandaged up, says "I'm looking for the man who shot my da"

...

The cannibal was late to dinner. He was given the cold shoulder.

A guy passes a buff guy on the street and asks, 'Are you a pole vaulter?'

He says, 'No, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?'

A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Zsa Zsa Gabor died on Sunday aged 99, here are 20 of her best one liners.

20. "I don't remember anyone's name. How do you think the 'dahling' thing got started?"
19. "Any woman who diets all the time can't help but be grouchy. Nobody can be amusing or entertaining on a diet."
18. "A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it."
17. "There is nothing wrong with a woman encouraging a man's advances, as long as they are in cash."
16. "Being jealous of a beautiful woman is not going to make you beautiful."
15. "It's never as easy to keep your own spouse happy as it is to make someone else's spouse happy."
14. "You never really know a man until you have divorced him."
13. "Sexual attraction only lasts two years, and who wants to stay with a man if you're not sexually attracted?"
12. "The only place men want depth in a woman is in her décolletage."
11. "A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
10. "I know nothing about sex, because I was always married."
9. "Husbands are like fires: They go out when unattended."
8. "A woman has the right to quarrel with her husband in the afternoon because it is so much fun to make up in the evening."
7. "Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. "
6. "You can say I'm full of s--t—but don't say I'm old."
5. "I am not a name-dropper. I can't help it if everybody I know is famous."
4. "I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."
3. "I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"
2. "I am a marvelous housekeeper: Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
1. "I deserve attention not because of any talent, but just because of who I am."a Zsa Gabor Dies at 99: Her 20 Best One-Liners

The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear..... Is Sphere Itself.

A wife is like a grenade... Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

The four most beautiful words in our common language: 
I told you so.