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The Cooking Disaster Thread

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    #212
    joolsveer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,297 ✭✭✭joolsveer


    cover.jpg
    spoon.jpg


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    #213
    Maglight
    Registered Users Posts: 281 ✭✭Maglight


    Decided to make vegetable soup one cold evening. There wasn't much in the fridge, just a net of brussel sprouts. 'Can you make soup with sprouts?' the OH asked doubtfully. 'Don't see why not' says I, 'broccoli soup is lovely, why not sprout soup'

    There is a reason you will never find a recipe for sprout soup. It tastes revolting. But bad taste was the least of the problems, the 12 hours of farting that followed was an experience I never want to repeat.


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    #214
    AlbionCat
    Registered Users Posts: 144 ✭✭AlbionCat


    Celeriac mash - husband hss refused to eat it as he was unable to distinguish between it and the wallpaper paste I have for redecorating. He has a point.... still it tasted ok.


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    #215
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Nanazolie wrote: »
    My mum blind baked a pastry crust using beans. Then she forgot to remove the beans and poured the filling on top.

    Another time she made tartiflette (a French dish with potatoes, onions and bacon topped with a reblochon cheese sliced in half lenghtway). Only she forgot to remove the disk of wood under the cheese.

    The great thing with my mum's cooking is you never know what you might find in the dish

    Many moons ago I was going to blind bake a pie crust. Not having beans handy I thought 'feck it, lentils will do'. Well, I learned the hard way that you have to put baking paper under the lentils as otherwise they will embed themselves in the crust and people will not like your pumpkin pie with extra crunchy bits.


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    #216
    rubadub
    Registered Users Posts: 32,373 ✭✭✭✭rubadub


    Cut up a sweet potato into chips and let it sit in water for a while to steep and get the starch out. I left them in my pressure cooker with the lid on which is always sitting on the hob as a rule so it goes un-noticed.

    That "while" turned into a day, I actually saw a post here about sweet potatoes that reminded me to get them -but I forgot, so the while turned into about a week. Opened it last night and found a lovely thick mat of white fungus/mould on the top of the water.

    The chips looked fine, tasted grand too! ;)


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    #217
    MissFlitworth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    kylith wrote: »
    Many moons ago I was going to blind bake a pie crust. Not having beans handy I thought 'feck it, lentils will do'.

    I did this toooo!! Burnt the everloving hell out of my hands trying to flick or pick all the little lentils out of the pastry.


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    #218
    Mr. CooL ICE
    Registered Users Posts: 17,504 ✭✭✭✭Mr. CooL ICE


    Was making poached egg for myself recently and was out of white wine vinegar, so looked around the kitchen and the only acidic thing I had was balsamic vinegar. Although the egg tasted fine, it looked like had been cooked in a sewer


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    #219
    Dizzyblonde
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,108 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    Does making a cup of coffee count as cooking? Not really but I'll tell you anyway.

    One morning a good few years ago my mother arrived at my house for her weekly visit. I proceeded to make her the usual cup of coffee with a dash of whiskey in it, but at the time I used Maxwell House and the jar was almost identical to the one of Oxo gravy granules.... :o
    She was about a third into it when she said it tasted a bit funny - and actually considered finishing it so as not to waste the whiskey!


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    #220
    rubadub
    Registered Users Posts: 32,373 ✭✭✭✭rubadub


    Dizzyblonde wrote: »
    I used Maxwell House and the jar was almost identical to the one of Oxo gravy granules....
    :)
    that reminds me of the brown sauce scene in intermission, some swearing in this

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xqrzpv_intermission-clip-brown-sauce_shortfilms


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    #221
    nompere
    Registered Users Posts: 1,676 ✭✭✭nompere


    Dizzyblonde wrote: »
    She was about a third into it when she said it tasted a bit funny - and actually considered finishing it so as not to waste the whiskey!

    I recall my father doing something similar.

    He was making a vodka and Dubonnet (which comes in a green glass bottle with a red top) and after pouring the vodka grabbed the Jameson whiskey bottle (green glass, red top) instead.

    It wasn't going to be wasted.


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    #222
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    Dizzyblonde wrote: »
    ...I used Maxwell House and the jar was almost identical to the one of Oxo gravy granules.... :o
    rubadub wrote: »
    :)
    that reminds me of the brown sauce scene in intermission, some swearing in this

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xqrzpv_intermission-clip-brown-sauce_shortfilms

    Ah no, it has Only Fools and Horses written all over it!! :)



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    #223
    Loire
    Registered Users Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭Loire


    As I was working late yesterday I called Mrs. Loire and asked her to make dinner. Cue silence and then panic. It was her first time cooking for us in about 4 years. I had an easy recipe for a pasta bake on the counter as it happens and talked her though it. Basically tip a bag's worth of cooked pasta into a Pyrex dish, add a small carton of cream, a tin of chopped tomatoes, mix together, top with grated cheese and bang into the over for 20 mins.

    What I got was soppy pasta swimming in cream! Of course, she was delighted with herself. I just grinned & bore it. When I was done she asked if I wanted more. I was about to say something along the lines of "Oh that's alright, I actaully ate something at work so not really hungry" but instead just burst out laughing saying how bad it was. We had a great laugh. Normal service will resume tonight!!


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    #224
    Dizzyblonde
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,108 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    Loire wrote: »
    As I was working late yesterday I called Mrs. Loire and asked her to make dinner. Cue silence and then panic. It was her first time cooking for us in about 4 years. I had an easy recipe for a pasta bake on the counter as it happens and talked her though it. Basically tip a bag's worth of cooked pasta into a Pyrex dish, add a small carton of cream, a tin of chopped tomatoes, mix together, top with grated cheese and bang into the over for 20 mins.

    What I got was soppy pasta swimming in cream! Of course, she was delighted with herself. I just grinned & bore it. When I was done she asked if I wanted more. I was about to say something along the lines of "Oh that's alright, I actaully ate something at work so not really hungry" but instead just burst out laughing saying how bad it was. We had a great laugh. Normal service will resume tonight!!

    And I bet it made her appreciate your cooking all the more :)


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    #225
    Loire
    Registered Users Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭Loire


    Dizzyblonde wrote: »
    And I bet it made her appreciate your cooking all the more :)

    ;):D


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    #226
    Loire
    Registered Users Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭Loire


    Made lamb burgers about a month ago and de-frosted them overnight. Took them out of their foil 20mins ago and they were gone...think it's my cheapie freezer and the worst thing is I made a batch of them so they could all be gone. Managed to salvage dinner by ringing herself to go to the chipper on the way home:pac:


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    #227
    the beer revolu
    Registered Users Posts: 16,780 ✭✭✭✭the beer revolu


    I was very cross with myself last week.
    I had a pair of striploins in a skin pack (vac pack) in the back fridge. I didn't freeze them as they have a 21 day shelf life. However, I didn't use them within the 21 days. It was more like 28-30 days. I thought they'd be fine. They smelled a bit funky but I cooked them anyway.
    They also tasted a bit funky so I took the decision to dump them.
    I almost cried.
    Rice, green beans and a very quick tomato sauce did fine for dinner but I was gutted at the waste of (once) good food.


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    #228
    Miaireland
    Registered Users Posts: 4,063 ✭✭✭Miaireland


    I was making Bacon Soda bread the other day and decided to put in a batch of chocolate chip cookies towards the end of baking. I turned off the oven a few minutes before the bread was finished, totally forgot to remove the biscuits so I ended up with a batch of black discs.


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    #229
    The Sweeper
    Registered Users Posts: 10,658 ✭✭✭✭The Sweeper


    Roasting chunks of butternut squash.

    ...20 minutes. Then 30.

    Then 40.

    Then 50.

    ...now it's 70 minutes.

    ...now the dinosaurs have just gone extinct and mammals are starting to run the gaff...


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    #230
    The Hill Billy
    Registered Users Posts: 22,748 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    Asbestos-coated chunks?


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    #231
    Kovu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,241 ✭✭✭✭Kovu


    Last night I thinly sliced a sweet potato, seasoned and put them on two trays and into the oven of the aga overnight to dehydrate them as it was still warmish.

    Lit the fire around 10 this morning and just read The Sweepers' post a few minutes ago which reminded me.......

    Would anyone care for some blackened shards? :(


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    #232
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Loire wrote: »
    As I was working late yesterday I called Mrs. Loire and asked her to make dinner. Cue silence and then panic. It was her first time cooking for us in about 4 years. I had an easy recipe for a pasta bake on the counter as it happens and talked her though it. Basically tip a bag's worth of cooked pasta into a Pyrex dish, add a small carton of cream, a tin of chopped tomatoes, mix together, top with grated cheese and bang into the over for 20 mins.

    What I got was soppy pasta swimming in cream! Of course, she was delighted with herself. I just grinned & bore it. When I was done she asked if I wanted more. I was about to say something along the lines of "Oh that's alright, I actaully ate something at work so not really hungry" but instead just burst out laughing saying how bad it was. We had a great laugh. Normal service will resume tonight!!
    I did the same to my dad once, before I started cooking with ingredients rather than packets. I decided to make him spaghetti with Campells cream of mushroom soup which, when left condensed, makes a pasta sauce. Only I didn't leave it condensed.

    Cream of mushroom and pasta soup is not a nice thing.


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    #233
    MissFlitworth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Ah, I've missed this thread. <3


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    #234
    dee_mc
    Registered Users Posts: 7,175 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    I tried to make enchiladas using readymade sweet pancakes once (realised at the last minute that we had no non-furry tortillas). Revolting :O


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    #235
    gjc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,382 ✭✭✭gjc


    Only just discovered this thread... Reckon I'll have a daily slot going....


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    #236
    Cakeboyee20
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭Cakeboyee20


    Was delivering a cake once and pulled out of a junction to quick, the three tier cake toppled... arrrrhhhggg, but managed to fix it.


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    #237
    cailin8
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭cailin8


    In college my mother gave me some mince cooked in a bisto sauce to stop me from living off a diet of pizza , grand until I decided to "improve" it with a jar of sweet and sour... Horrendous.


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    #238
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    I once followed a recipe for mince cooked in milk and worchestershire sauce. It tasted grand, but was grey and looked like minced zombie. I couldn't bring myself to swallow it.


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    #239
    YellowFeather
    Registered Users Posts: 2,294 ✭✭✭YellowFeather


    For a bbq, I decided to make the most simple dish ever - potato salad. But, pimped up potato salad with crispy bacon and loads of nice unhealthy things.

    Was racing around in the morning to get really nice potatoes and boil them just right and let them cool enough, etc. Also got lovely bacon (I thought) and crispied the hell out of it. Finally got it done and went to taste and holy mother of god it was salty.

    Put in some more (home fecking made) salad dressing, but it didn't help. So, I WASHED the potato salad. Dried it up before it could go soggy, put it into a dish to re-dress... and then dropped the dish.

    I was desperate enough for a second to consider picking out the glass bits from my now boiled, shiny, time consuming, washed, and mangled potato bits before sanity came back.

    Arrived an hour late with M&S pasta starters.


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    #240
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    I might be be stretching 'cooking disaster' a bit, but tonight I poured a generous measure of Bushmills Black Bush into the glass I'd used to crack eggs into earlier.

    I came very close to crying.


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    #241
    Minder
    Registered Users Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭Minder


    Made ramen noodle soup, spare ribs and chicken wings last night. Carefully flavoured the broth with star anise, ginger and garlic. Added shaoshing, soy and a splash of Worcester sauce. Added thinly sliced baby corn cobs, shredded chinese leaf and lots of spring onion. Cooked a couple of boiled eggs. Tasted amazing.

    Then I added a packet of fresh ramen noodles. The broth turned into goo in 3 minutes. Lots of starch from the noodles made my soup into wallpaper paste. It was beyond rescuing despite my best efforts. Dinner was wings, ribs and boiled eggs.


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