No longer attracted to my girlfriend

Venus In Furs wrote: »

And hopefully who's a nice person too. You seem preoccupied with appearance to the point of not even thinking about personality. Now before you misinterpret me, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to fancy your partner or to find excess weight unattractive (I don't need a guy to be ripped to oblivion to fancy him but I wouldn't be physically attracted to an obese guy either) - but in addition to them having an attractive personality.

Naturally - but in order for me to actually fancy someone (and sustain a relationship) I need the full package. I'll put this bluntly and it may come off as harsh - but the dating game often is:

I've been attracted to the personalities of a few women who I wrote off because of their looks - not features, heights, or trivial things like that - it's always been because of weight. I'm no Greek God myself - have been single two years and wouldn't be out of place in the "Fed up being single" thread.

However I honestly find excess weight not just off-putting but physically disgusting. I've liked girls with lovely faces, nice smiles and great eyes. But when they smiled or laughed their sagging neck/chin (in their early 20s!) camouflaged by an inch of foundation was an instant "Nope" for me. It varies from person to person, obviously. Some people carry it better than others - and some look better with a rounder face etc... This would all be within a variance of 14-20% body fat on a female though.

I probably have high standards which is (in part anyways) why I'm still looking. But I'll be fooked if I'm going to roll over in bed one day only to realize I'm married to "the chubby girl" who actually transformed into Jabba.

What most people would call "a little bit chubby" to be kind, I'd call obese because that's what it is. "Chubby" and "fat" in the 70's were entirely different things than today. In order to be thought of as fat my most people you need to be getting stuck in doorways it seems. Few obese people even realise they're obese due to snowflake treatment by media, womens' magazines of the obesity epidemic. It's only when people become morbidly obese that friends and family often step in which is often too late; the damage has been done to their bodies, health, self-esteem and dating life.

I'm just considering the idea of a woman posting on After Hours "Leave him and find someone with a nice torso instead of a beer-gut" - there'd be hell to pay. But AH has no derogatory comments towards women, only "man-bashing" - and women are harder on each other than men ever could be. :pac:

You're right. And I suspect it's because generally forums and internet sites tend to be heavily populated by males. The most vocal of whom on such issues are likely to be those threatened by a woman fancying an attractive man. That should tell you a lot about the caliber of man posting such comments. Save for Nazi moderating there's not much that can be done about it. [/QUOTE]

There was far less food though, and far more physical exertion required. People still got depressed however.

I'd have to agree with Wibbs on this, although it can be unfair to compare generations to one another particularly in the 20th and 21st as technological and societal advances happened so quickly each one was vastly different. Kids these days...eh?! :pac:

In reality I think there's less and less of an excuse to be fat today, although there's more of a means. Someone om even a low salary (or even welfare) can eat out of MacDonalds numerous times a week, order takeout and cook unhealthy frozen foods like pizzas for their whole life and never even dice up a single carrot or peel a potato.

However, we also have a limitless supply of cooking tutorials, videos and recipes for free online. Fresh fruit and veg sections that are overflowing in supermarkets (and they're dirt cheap), ingredients from all over the world that even in the 90s were unheard of and free personal training apps, guides etc...

I got a FitBit a few weeks ago. Cost me around €80 - it tracks sleeps, steps, calories burned and factors in a base metabolic rate for my gender, height and weight. I can log food in an app on my phone. Takes me five minutes each day like brushing my teeth or checking email. Just a little chore to keep myself healthy. Great things.

Creating a 500 calorie deficit each day is the easiest thing in the world for someone to do and will see the average person shed a pound a week. 1000 if you really want results fast. An obese person will shed even more really quickly. The bollocksology of "lose it quick and you'll gain it all back" only applied to the yoyo dieters who create a 1,000 deficit for a few weeks, and then go back to the KitKats and Coca Cola lunches. Thermodynamics overrides any little myths about weight-loss.

Within 6 months a 200lbs woman could be looking and feeling much better by making simple little changes. I've no sympathy for those who don't except for the tiny percentage (1%) who actually have diagnosed medical issues, most of which are manageable anyways.

Venus In Furs wrote: »

I'd be of the belief that depression levels were no different back in the day - it wasn't recognised though so people had to stew in their misery or self medicate with alcohol (my grandfather)/get prescribed sleeping pills/valium (my father) or were sent to the mental hospital.

+1000

Would just like to add though that exercise is recommended by doctors for depression before any pills (save for the most serious of deep depressions). Jogging a few times a week can really pick up your mood and get you thinking proactively about how to get out of the depression.

It does annoy me when people use depression as an excuse when in reality they're just feeling a little blue due to not trying in life and feeling the consequences of same.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

This isn't true. As someone with a lot of experience in this area, doctors do recommend exercise to aid depression, but they have never advised trying it over talk therapy and/or medication. I've seen various doctors over the years about depression and this is true of them all. They say exercise may help but they most certainly don't hold it up as the best way to cure depression.

I should have phrased it differently. I'm not saying they write you a 5k jog, twice weekly perscription

But exercise releases endorphin and your body is something only you can control. I've read a lot of stories on fitness forums about exercise being the key to someone turning their lives around. It also beats lying in bed all day which can be the hardest thing to overcome for some people with depression.

But treating every fat person as though they're depressed is just going to keep fat people fat.

Jingle_Balls wrote: »

Exercise is recommended to break the cycle, yeah.

But again - getting out of bed in the first place is the difficult part when you're depressed. You seem to fail to recognise that.

Christ on a bike - I said it in my initial post!

It's not like once you become depressed you're bed ridden for life and nothing can help you. With support and help people can get past the deep dark phases and exercise is universally recommended to keep you from slipping back and to boost your mood. Keeping someone on meds forever isn't an option and meds are to be cautiously prescribed in the first place.

Anyways, depression is a minority cause and is being used as a shield in this thread. It's by no means the root cause of obesity in Ireland, or even a major one. Beer, pizza and TV is.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Large "one"? You mean large person, right?

I rrrreeeeaally doubt you don't judge people on their weight. When you're getting down to the nitty gritty of giving actual figures for the percentage body fat range that makes an attractive woman (amongst other very precise yardsticks), it's quite hard to believe that you don't.

No... I meant an 18 point buck. :rolleyes:

I said I don't judge people on their weight day in, day out. Obviously if I see a person over 350 lbs, somehow still mobile, it's a sight to behold and it's hard not to look. It's like a car crash and a show of human endurance all in one; they've destroyed their bodies but on the flip side have to deadlift 350lbs every time they want to stand up.

The only times I remember actually casting proper judgement is when I've seen fat parents with little fat kids. I feel so bad for the kids because they're too young to know better and aren't being cared for properly. But obviously I don't say anything.

Only one one occasion have I actually legitimately wanted to fly off the handle with rage. Was in the Trafford center in Manchester during the summer in the food court. Some idiot who I assume was the father was feeding a baby (definitely under two - not great with kids ages but it was in a buggy and was tiny) a happy meal burger and a fizzy drink. The entire family were like a solar system of mini-planets orbiting two larger ones. They're all doomed.

Also, bodyfat is the easiest and fairest way to judge obesity on an individual level. Weight and BMI are fine for mass population measurements or to track progress, but for visual factors, two women with 10% bodyfat will look reasonable the same. As opposed to weight which doesn't factor in height, muscle, bone structure etc..

Tarzana2 wrote: »

It was your own demeaning wording so you might want to retract the ol' rolly eyes there.

Someone's super sensitive.

Of all the offensive words used for a fat person in this thread you zero in on the fact that I called them a "one".

Sugar Thief wrote: »

That's how it should be, two people in a relationship should be attracted to each other.

Preferably not due to gravitational pull.