Favourite Simpsons Quote

cptn_underpants · 03-08-2005 12:02am

I heard Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age quote this the other day on tv, dunno has this been posted before:

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

JBoyle4eva · 06-08-2005 11:07pm

Homer: (to librarian) Can I have a phonebook for Hokido, Japan please?
Librarian: There you go, a phonebook for Hokido, Japan.
H: Thank you. May I please your telephone?
L: Is it a local call?
H: Eh.......Yes.

CyberGhost · 06-08-2005 11:58pm

Grandpa: eeh you never know what you are capable of, I never thought I could shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself wrong

Kinetic^ · 26-08-2005 9:51pm

Chief wiggum arrives home "Sarah, Ralphie, it's me Chief Wiggum" - Classic

Ralph Wiggum - My doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if i just kept my finger out of it

Creature · 27-08-2005 2:34pm

Burns on the back of Stampy - Bart's Elephant:

"Smithers! This reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work"

Burns talking to the Baseball team before the game:

"Team, there's a small crippled boy who really wants you to win tonight, I should know because I crippled him myself to inspire you"

DJ Dangerous · 29-08-2005 11:16am

Marge: "Your meatloaf will be ready in 8 seconds Homer"
Homer: "Isn't there anything faster than the microwave?"

(Not 100% sure of the exact wording)
Bigger Brother: "You know, Bart, the whale is not really a fish, it's a mammal"
Peppy: "Is that true, pappa Homer?"
Homer: "Pssst. No"

(Homer starting to get chest pains prior to his triple bypass)
Homer: "A little beer ought to put out that fire"

Frank Rizzo · 29-08-2005 4:18pm

Not sure if posted yet but....

Homer being confronted by kang and kodus
"Please dont eat me, i have a wife and kids..........eat them"

Homer to bart and lisa
"kids, you've tried ur best, and u failed misserable..the lesson here is...never try"

jrey1981 · 30-08-2005 2:18am

Mr Burns saying "Oh me so sholly, me no speakee chinee."

TheIrishGrover · 01-09-2005 8:03am

Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer Simpson, smiling politely

Da Bounca · 01-09-2005 1:43pm

"As satisfying as taking out a graveyard full of zombies with a clusterbomb."

homer.

Think i typed it corrcetly, something similar anyways.

djmarkus · 09-09-2005 1:25am

(Homer on the fone talking to Mr.Burns about his kidnapped son)

Homer: Hello Mr Burns, This is the kidnapper, Do you miss your son?

Mr. Burns: Yes I'm missing One son, Return it immediatly!

KnifeWRENCH · 09-09-2005 11:44pm

im probably gonna keep editing and adding on......but anyway:

Young Marge"You know what I wanna be when I grow up?"
Selma or Patty (dont know which) "The girl on the oatmeal box?" (both laugh)

Homer(to marges tummy when pregnant with Bart)"When you come out of there,the 1st thing youre gonna see is a man with a good job"
Selma"Yeah.The doctor" (both twins laugh)

Homer"What are gonna do?release the dogs.or the bees.Or dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they release bees?Come on,Do Your Worst."
Mr.Burns "My worst,eh? Smithers,release the ROBOTIC RICHARD SIMMONS"

Apu "Mr Simpson.Please do not offer my God a peanut."

Apu "Oh.I just had the most wonderful dream where iI died."
Manjula "Oh no you don't.Not until their in college"
Apu "Hey.I'll die when I want to"

Mr.Sparkle "I banish dirt to the land of ghosts and wind"

Krusty (old clip) "Err...the script says I'm supposed to hit you with this"
Sideshow Raheem "I WOULD'NT"
Krusty (nervous laugh) "Right on"
Present day Krusty "Angry.Angry young man"

Abe "Hey.They're playing the elepahnt song"
Jasper "I love that song.Reminds me of elephants"

Homer in the bomb shelter "Oooh.A Gary Larson calneder......I dont get it....I dont get it....I dont get it...I dont get it...I DONT get it"

Kent Brockman,reading news report "A tidal wave has killed 120 people in Kual....A Lum....pur....Kul.... (changes report) FRANCE"

Kent Brockman "Yes,but how are the children,Arnie?"
Arnie Pie "I CAN'T SEE THROUGH METAL,KENT"

Rev.Lovejoy,spreading petrol on church floor "I never thought I'd have to do THIS again"

Homer "If we had $10,000 we'd be millionaires"

Homer(when Kent Brockman won the lottery)"You know,he may have all the money in the world,but theres one thing he can't buy"
Marge"Whats that?"
Homer (after long pause) "A dinosaur"

and now...my all time favourite:

Moe"Now this model car represents my car,and this olive is you"
Homer eats olive "Mmmm...me"
Moe "Oh great.Now the car is gonna have to be you.And this toy man,will represent the car...nah forget it"

GENIUS!!!!!!!

bania · 16-09-2005 12:49am

[Homer talking in his sleep while guarding a mound of sugar]:
"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power,
then you get the women...[snores]"

McBain : "Have you ever noticed how men always leave the toilet seat up?
[pause] That's the joke."

Houston Griffin · 16-09-2005 4:40am

>>McBain : "Have you ever noticed how men always leave the toilet seat up?
>>[pause] That's the joke."

From the same bit:

McBain: "Ya. Thank you. That's nice. Say hello to my music guy, Skoey. (wild applause, Skoey bows) Hey Skoey, that outfit makes you look like a homosexual. (crowd boos, McBain points at them, enraged) Maybe you are all homosexuals...."

danyosan · 16-09-2005 7:25am

In the episode when Homer decides he's going to be a better father. He's pushing Lisa higher and higher on a tree swing and she's trying to get him to stop.

Lisa "You're half-assed under parenting was a lot better than this half-assed over parenting"
Homer "But I was using my whole ass"

Classic!!

Kinetic^ · 20-09-2005 12:50am

Not sure which episode its in but Nelson breaks into a song:

Joy to the world the teacher's dead,
We barbecued her head,
What heppened to her Body?
We flushed it down the potty,
and round and round it goes
and round and round it goes.....

Absolutely Classic

Siogfinsceal · 29-09-2005 11:55am

My absoloute fave has to be when homer is in the cult

"na na na na na na na na leader-
leader , leader
- Homer - BATMAN!!!!!!"

*********************

oh and where homer gets in to college
"I am so smart
S-M-R-T oooh I mean sm-A-rt!!"

*******************************

Lisa - "But dad I could win a new protractor"
Homer - "pity we dont live on a farm then"
...classic!!!!

Mr Jinx · 05-10-2005 8:00pm

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Stompbox · 05-10-2005 9:04pm

Homer is in Heaven but is denied access because he has never performed a single good deed. So his spirit ventures down to Marge and says:

Homer: Hey Marge, St.Peter won't let me into Heaven because I have never performed a single good deed.

Marge:Well, there is a lot of washing to be done, cleaning, changing Mag...

Homer:Woah,Woah. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.

Mr Jinx · 05-12-2005 4:50pm

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/

The Bollox · 05-12-2005 10:56pm

Ralph: dad, how do I get a girl to like me?

Cheif Wiggum: *cracking nuts with the but of his pistol* well son, a woman is like a nut, all it takes is patience and a nice sharp hit to crack them *having trouble with one of the nuts on the table so he shoots it* and may that be a lesson to all you other nuts!

Ralph: is that how you got mom?

Cheif Wiggum: well son, never underestimate the power of a uniform *sits back on chair and his massive stomach bursts out of his shirt and onto the table*

classic!

Ralph: erm, Ms. Hoover, there's a dog in the air vent

Ms. Hoover: Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepus was outside?

Ralph: (I can't remember what he says to this, dammit)

Cheif Wiggum: *doing a talk for all the people caught DUI* now if any of you punks even think about drink-driving again, this next video will scare the pants off ya

*Eddy rolls the film which shows Wiggum lying in a rubber ring wearing only a pair of speedo's* *woman screems*

Cheif Wiggum: woah woah fellas this is the wrong clip! oh wait I do something really funny here *you see Wiggum spraying Mrs. Wiggum with the hose*

Basq · 05-12-2005 11:05pm

Marts wrote:

Ralph: erm, Ms. Hoover, there's a dog in the air vent

Ms. Hoover: Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepus was outside?

Ralph: (I can't remember what he says to this, dammit)

Wasn't it "he was going to the bathroom!"...?

For some reason.. i read that quote and it came into my mind!

spunkymunky · 07-12-2005 11:59am

Some of my favs

Kent brockman: "How do you know were live??...Penis"

Beer baron episode
Homer: Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life and i amin to keep it!!

When sideshow bob tries to kill bart on the boat "The thompsons"
Wiggum" Bake them away toys"

When Homer and Marge are bad parents
Cletus " I cut my finger on the green door again"
Homer " Why you cotton picken..."
Homer looks up at the class
Homer" Son lets stop the fussin' and the feudin'
Cletus " I love you pa"
Homer " I love you cletus"

im...LOST · 08-12-2005 5:55pm

Oww...
You kissed a girl!That's so gay...

Courtesy of Jimbo

canker · 09-12-2005 10:18pm

lisa: (to bart) you're gay for moleman
bart: no - you're gay for moleman
moleman: aoww, nobody's gay for moleman

Cool Mo D · 12-12-2005 6:08pm

And let's not forget:

When Bart is caught stealing

HOMER: Stealing! How could you? Haven't you been listening to that guy in church - captain whatsisname? And when I took you to all those police academy movies, did you hear anyone laughing? Well, except at that guy who did all those sound effects BEBEBEBE BRRRRRR (chuckles). Where was I? Oh yeah, stay outta my beer!

and

CHIEF: You busted up that crackhouse pretty bad McGarnigle. Did you really have to break all that furniture?

McGARNIGLE: I don't know chief, you musta had a pretty good view from behing your DESK!

Steve_o · 13-12-2005 5:14pm

"Judge these shoes won't be ready til Tuesday" - Lionel Hutz

oblian · 13-12-2005 5:18pm

" i didnt think that last one was gonna fall down!" - homer while watching "when buildings collapse"

GLaDOS · 13-12-2005 6:03pm

"Mr. Hutz, are you aware that your not wearing any pants?"

In the ep. with Bobo
(mr. Burns and Smithers are crawling along the roof)
(Homer comes in)MMMM...64 slices of american cheese...64,62......2,1.
(marge)Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese again?
(Homer)I think I'm blind.

Time for a little car chase music(Wiggum puts in tape) #SUNSHINE LOLLYPOPS AND RAINBOWS.....#

bennyc · 14-12-2005 12:13pm

MY Fav has to be

Ralph: Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers

qweqwe · 14-12-2005 1:55pm

it was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?!? You stupid monkey....

plastic membrane · 23-12-2005 1:34pm

At the end of "Death Drives A Stick"

Wiggum looks at Snake unconscious. Picks up stolen lottery tickets

Wiggum: Well, looks like you just bought yourself a ticket. To Jail.
Lou: He's unconscious Chief.
Wiggum: Well they can stilll hear things!

Ravage1616 · 25-12-2005 5:01am

It's in my sig!

tbh · 04-01-2006 5:54pm

My favourite quote from the Simpsons:

Krusty (in the biblical episode): "Now I'm not saying Rachel is easy, but before she moved to Sodom, it was known for it's POTTERY!"

Max_Damage · 04-01-2006 11:00pm

Mine would be:

Eastern European Car Salesman: "It will get 400 hectares on a single tank of kerosene!"

Can't remember the rest of that episode though, only that bit.

Hilarious!

Demetrius · 17-01-2006 8:40pm

woosaysdan wrote:

that duck is drinking all the water!!! (the episode wherre herb creates the baby translator)

This thread is great! My favourite moment/line is when Itchy and Scratchy is replaced (I think it may be the Gonzo episode) by an Eastern European cartoon. After seeing it, Krustys eyes pan towards us and he says "what the hell was that? I mean...Hey-hey...". Classic.

Kojak · 18-01-2006 10:33am

From the episode where Homer runs for sanitation comissioner:

'Don't you deserve better than the best?'

Its only one of many great Simpsons quotes.

d-arke · 19-01-2006 11:09am

Had a quick look through and didn't catch any of Groundskeeper Willie, So I salute the fellow Jock:

Skinner: "Willie. Go into the vent and get him."
Willie: "What!? Have ye gone waxy in your beester? I canna fit in the wee vent, Ye Croquet-Playin' Mint-Muncher!"
Skinner: "Grease yourself up and go in you.. guff speaking work slacker."
Willie: "Ooh. Good comeback."

"Now look boy. If your da goes ga-ga, you just use that 'shin' of yours to call me and I'll come a-runnin'. But don't be readin' my mind between four and five. That's Willie's time."

Skinner: "Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?"
Willie: "No. But the PTA would tear you a new arse."
Skinner: "Wise councel, William. But the potty talk adds nothing. "
Willie: "Aye sir, you bath-taking, underpants-wearing, lily-hugger."

"Get your haggis, right here! Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds. Good for what ails ya!"

"There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman"

hamsterboy · 19-01-2006 11:55am

Kent Brockman - Now it's time for our weather report with Arnie Pie and "Arnie in the Sky" Genius!!!!!

Fitzo · 25-01-2006 12:32am

What about when homer changes his name tol max power, and meets a guy called trent for the first time...

Trent:Hey max power, great name!
Homer:Yeah, i got it from a hairdryer.
...
Trent: You've gotta great sense if humour, lets go get lunch, you like thai?
Homer: Thai good. You like shirt?
......................................................................................................
Homer:Marge when i join an underground cult i expect a little support from my family!
.......................................................................................................
"This is the most exciting thing i've seen since halley's comet collided with the moon":D
.......................................................................................................
"Game Shows aren't about cruelty.They're about greed and wonderful prizes like poorly built catamarans".....................I really could go on forever

Bodhidharma · 25-01-2006 6:48pm

I know this is really two quotes but its so damn funny.

College Professor: Welcome to Nuclear Physics 101. I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying, out with the old and in with the nucleus. (everyone but Homer laughs) So, we will get started with... (drops notecards) whoops!

Homer: (laughs loudly) Did you see that jerk?! Dropped his notes!! (laughs even louder)

Fuzzy_Dunlop · 25-01-2006 8:47pm

one of mine anyway-

"Cult member: Can I interest you in our free weekend session?
Homer: When is this weekend?
Cult member: It's this weekend
Homer: Oh, I see... and how much is this free weekend?
Cult member: Er... it's free
Homer: Uh huh, and when is this weekend?
Cult member: It's this weekend
Homer: And how much are you charging for this free weekend [gets dragged away by
Bart], it's free right?",

also, Ralph-" prinscipper skippel, uh, prindibal skipster, i found something",

djmarkus · 25-01-2006 8:55pm

Mr. Burns' TV Show:

Burns: Smithers I'm home... (Audience Laugh Histerically)
Smithers: What already? (laughs)
Burns: Yes. (louder laughs)
Lisa: Is it my imagination or is TV getting worse?
Homer: Eh, it's about the same...
Burns: uh oh, look out Smithers (crash).

http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season5/bobo19.mp3

"Top notch stuff"

Fitzo · 25-01-2006 9:58pm

Just remembered my favourite by far...

Chief Wiggum:I'll tell ya, they only come out at night...or in this case, the day.

deisedolly · 26-01-2006 11:49pm

I don't know this exact quote but when Bart gives Laddy the dog back and goes looking for Santa's Little Helper in Willy's shed and Willy says something like:
'I ate him, and I ate the mess he made on me carpet'
hehe

Crucifix · 27-01-2006 1:14am

Chief Wiggum: "Now hold on Ralphie, Daddy has to go talk to this crazy homeless person"
<to homeless person> "Woah slow down, who's stealing your thoughts?"
Wonderful.

The_g-man · 08-02-2006 12:41am

Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
Homer: Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough....

That or the poor kid in tears watching Homer as Krusty beating the Krusty Burglar :
Stop! Stop, he's already dead!

plastic membrane · 14-02-2006 1:08pm

In honour of Valentines Day:

Skinner (after a traumatic 'Nam flashback where he sees his good buddy Jonny shot by Charlie on the De Nang river as he writes a valentines letter to his sweetheart back home): Jonny? Jonny? JONNY!!!!

Bart: Cool. I broke his brain.

RoadRunner · 21-02-2006 12:36am

Homer (AKA Max Power) - "From now on there's three ways of doing things. The right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way."
Bart - "Isn't that the wrong way?"
Homer - "Yes! But faster!"

Homer - "But Marge Weaseling out of things is important for the boy to learn. It's what seperates us from the animals. Except the weasel."

Homer - "Badger? Baaadger my ass, its probably Milhouse" - Excellent scene.

Homer - "M y g o d y o u r g r e a s y" - While in the grease business. Homer walks in KrustyBurger to see the spotty kid and eyeballs his greasy, spotted face with envy. (Favourite episode.)

Homer - "Stupid horoscope. Stupid horoscope. Plupid gloropope."

tbh · 21-02-2006 5:53pm

I love when any of the kids fantasise about things, because they remind me of me doing it when I was a kid. Two examples:

Bart believing that people in the future will be amazed by his ability to write in solid concrete, and can bring him back to life "using technology".

Millhouse believing that the camoflage kit he has will make him completly invisible in the lemon tree episode.

ok, three because I just thought of a third: Bart believing that his little dinosaur sponge will be thirty feet tall and will scare the crap out of lisa - when he added water to it and it just floated down the drain I nearly busted a gut laughing!!

Favourite Simpsons Quote

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